not sure what to do.
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40447
Printed Date: 18 August 2025 at 9:30pm
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Topic: not sure what to do.
Posted By: Guest_43676
Subject: not sure what to do.
Date Posted: 09 September 2011 at 9:45pm
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hey everyone.
only new to this and not to sure if i should be posting this on here but im not sure what to do. I had a miscarriage earlier this year at 8 weeks and was really gutted. i am now 7 weeks preg and i have alot of pressure being put on me by a certain relative to have an abortion. i dont understand why as they were really excited last time. i understand that they are worried about how im supposed to afford another baby with already having a miss (nearly 3). i also understand that they are concerned after booking tickets for an overseas trip for us to aus for xmas. im in a stable relationship with my man although he doesnt live with me because of me being on a benefit. i dont see it as his problem to financially support me and my daughter as she is not blood related to him.as much as he treats her as his own. i work 2 jobs on top of the benefit which means my benefit is cut largely. ofcourse with this new situation things may change with living arrangements. i dont want a big age gap between my children so i dont want to wait much longer. so theres a vague idea of my situation. if anyone has a similar story or any advice i would love to hear. tia 
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Replies:
Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 09 September 2011 at 11:19pm
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Welcome to OhBaby :-)
First of all,however well meaning your relative is,its really your business what you do,so try not to let them get to you,if they dont like what you decide then thats their issue. ...How long have you been with your partner? My husband is not my daughter's biological father,but the moment we moved in together he started helping financially with her,he has always considered her his first child,if you move into together you may find he wants to help out financially if he already treats her as his own As for big age gaps,there is 7 years between my first and second,and its worked out perfectly. Sounds like you and your partner need to sit down and have a good discussion about what you want to do and go from there ,goodluck ! ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 10 September 2011 at 8:50am
Agree with Kelly love, might be time to have a good chat with your DP as you may find he wants to be a family in every sense of the word. My DH isn't our DS1's biological father but hes his dad in every other way, including financial and has been from the start. Family is what you make it 
I totally understand wanting a not too big gap, we had family who were *horrified* at us getting pregnant just before DS1s second birthday but we felt it was the right thing for us and its been wonderful!! Hugs over your miscarriage  and congrats on your new pregnancy!! Head on over to the April or May due date thread for some additional support  -------------   
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Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 10 September 2011 at 10:19pm
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agree with what the others have said, its up to you and yor partner to make decisions for your family , regardless of living arrangements, not your well meaning rellies
You can still travel at christmas!! All the best in whichever you choose, but I hope its what makes you happy x ------------- http://lilypie.com] 
http://lilypie.com] 
http://lilypie.com] 
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 11 September 2011 at 9:22am
My two cents is that your certain relative needs to butt out and get a life  You make your decisions based on what you want and what's best for you, and you'll be fine.-------------   
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