’Neophobic’ toddler, mum in tears!
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: Toddler Times
Forum Description: Is bubs growing up and getting into everything? How do you train them to use the potty? When do you start feeding solids? Share your tips and advice here!
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Topic: ’Neophobic’ toddler, mum in tears!
Posted By: RuthyH
Subject: ’Neophobic’ toddler, mum in tears!
Date Posted: 06 August 2011 at 6:49pm
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Hi all,
I have a gorgeous two year old who is great to live with in so many ways... apart from his eating. He's always been quite picky, and very sensitive to new textures in foods. Lately he has become really difficult. He won't even put anything new in his mouth - even if it's made up of foods he likes, if it's remotely new looking he won't even try. Amongst foods he likes if they have a tiny speck on them that doesn't look right (e.g. a hard bit in a pear, some peel on an apple) he'll reject it outright and may decide never to eat that food again. The few vegetables he did eat now seem to be rejected and it seems to be a downward spiral. I've read several books and articles on the subject and the general recommendation seems to be to offer frequent meals which include atleast some foods the kid likes and then not offer snacks in between if they refuse the food. I have been doing this and sometimes it works ok but if he decides suddenly to reject a food I thought he liked I'm left with an hour or more of tantrums and a child with no energy to play because he's so hungry. I want to stick to my guns but often we both end up in tears with the worst possible outcome - meal times becoming a trauma. One book said to give bread with every meal, which I dont want to do as he loves bread and would happily eat nothing else. I feel really upset about the whole thing and would love some sound advice from anyone who has experienced something similar. Is there any way to give him more confidence with trying food? And am I better off going with his needs than making meal times so hard? Cheers  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: E&L+1
Date Posted: 06 August 2011 at 7:44pm
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Did you watch that documentary about the kids that would only eat a few different foods that was on a couple of months ago? I can't remember what it was called but some of the families stories sound similar to yours. It was based in the UK or States I'll have a search and see what I can find
I would stop the battles for a bit and get him comfy knowing that he'll get food that he likes so that meal times are relaxing. Then think of a strategy of how to introduce new foods one step at a time. Him helping to prepare meals/snacks may help too so that he has some say of what goes on his plate even if he doesn't end up eating it. Could be worth having a chat to your GP if you are really worried. If he'll eat homemade bread you could get extra nutrients in that way. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: E&L+1
Date Posted: 06 August 2011 at 7:49pm
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The doco was called My child won't eat and is from the UK, I think it aired on Ch1. You might have more luck tracking it down on the net than I am! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 06 August 2011 at 8:14pm
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I was one of those kids growing up. Until I left home I lived on a few foods... potato, cheese, bread, apples and junk food. That was my diet. I'd have chips for dinner every night with the ocassional cheese toastie. Breakfast was hash browns or toast..
From what I remember as a kid one thing my parents did that I hated was try and force me to eat foods I didn't want to eat. Had they just left me to it and stopped watching over everything I touched and ate then I probably would have tried more things. So try not to stress. Try and ignore him during dinner time and let him choose. Even though I grew up on so little variety of food I was fine so don't stress too much. Nowadays I eat a lot of variety and vege. I'm still a vego though  so I don't think I've turned out too bad but I only tried new food once I was out of home at 17
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Posted By: kandk
Date Posted: 06 August 2011 at 8:57pm
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I remember my cousin eating potato, tomato sauce and jelly - for Christmas dinner! That was all she would eat for ages. I think she is fairly normal now though. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: kakapo
Date Posted: 06 August 2011 at 9:35pm
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Hugs to you - can sympathise with how you are feeling :(
Have bumped a few 'fussy eating' threads for you ... some of the tips may be worth trying out? DS (now three and a half) has always disliked certain textures and been difficult to feed. Age two was awful - three is much better. Bribery worked for us in the end: letting him see his 'pudding' (most days this was something small such as one lolly) while eating dinner and reminding him he could have it once he'd eaten dinner. Started with tiny portions of dinner, so he could learn we would give him his reward if he did what we asked. I was initially worried that he would refuse to eat anything in future unless a reward was on offer, but once he got into the habit of eating a healthy portion of dinner he stopped expecting it and didn't notice when we stopped offering. I felt like a terrible Mum for resorting to this, but in the end it worked for us - he started eating proper meals and had way more energy. |
Posted By: Danda08
Date Posted: 07 August 2011 at 10:25am
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I don't have any advice to offer sorry but just wanted say that I'm also have issues with my girls eating so I know how stressful it is and have the same dilemma as you re giving in or having hungry babies.
So I've just fed them meatballs every night for a week cos it was the only thing they would eat and I decided I would rather they ate something than nothing. Good luck, I hope things improve. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: RuthyH
Date Posted: 07 August 2011 at 2:33pm
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Thanks all for the kind words and advice, feels good to have some support out there!
Kakapo - what age did bribery start working for you? At the moment it just leads to tantrums cos my son can't grasp the idea of something being on offer and not being able to have it right now but I'm hoping this sort of negotiation could work in future. If it gets him trying things and realising new foods aren't all bad then that would be well worth it. Thanks ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: kakapo
Date Posted: 07 August 2011 at 3:08pm
| I think he was about two and a half? You could try giving him say two spoonfuls of dinner and then one spoonful of pudding, then repeat but with three spoonfuls of dinner - just so he gets the idea? |
Posted By: Shelt
Date Posted: 07 August 2011 at 9:02pm
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I clearly remember one of my sisters driving my mum absolutely crazy with this when she was about 2. All she ate (literally) was bananas and prunes. For about 6 months. She wouldn't look at or try anything new at all. My mum gave up and just let her eat bananas and prunes, and then after about 6 months she ate something off my plate and after that she slowly started eating more foods. She's a perfectly normal adult now. I think from memory mum took her to the doctor who told her that my sister was amazingly strong willed and she was just trying to control the situation in a way that would get the best reaction. It did drive my mum mad but it was just a phase.
On the other hand....I have a child who is quite happy to eat most things and eats all her lunch at daycare but who won't eat what is served up to her at dinner unless its sausages, capsicum or (raw) carrot. That I ignore and she goes to bed with no dinner. Almost every single night. Thats her choice and I make no comment on it. She knows there is nothing more to eat and she just lives a rumbly tummy. I guess you just need to do whatever causes you the least amount of stress, because the more you stress the more he will pick up on your stress. If you think he is getting enough to eat and you are happy to let him go without for a few meals (remembering that kids won't starve themselves to death and eventually they will eat) and put up with the crappy behaviour for a while then go for it. I'm sure he won't suffer any long term effects. But if all the stress is getting to you (and I don't blame you coz its pretty damn stressful when your kid refuses to eat) then just let him have what he wants and hopefully its a phase and he will come out of it. Good luck. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 07 August 2011 at 10:08pm
| If bribery doesnt work don't push that one either. My parents did with me and it failed and just made me pissed off. If it does work then great |
Posted By: millemama
Date Posted: 08 August 2011 at 8:47pm
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Some of this advice has been good for me too. I too have an extremely fussy, nearly three, DD. It has at times driven both me and DH to distraction (have visions of running screaming down the rd naked!!!).
She is a self proclaimed vego, that doesn't eat vege or fruit either!! Hates the textures I think and yes any little speck in her food (ie herbs, vege), and it gets rejected. Over the course of the year she has gotten slightly better and I believe its because of the best bit of advice we have received, from our district nurse. I explained how stressful mealtimes can be and she went thru what she actually was eating and it turned out it wasn't so bad considering she eats none of the above. She is quite healthy, I put some of that down to still being ocasionally breastfed. So anyway the nurse said to give her what she likes up to a point, don't force the issue on any new foods, just keep offering them to her but don't force it. That made me stop feeling so guilty for what was going into her mouth and she became happier at mealtimes and so did we. I still stress sometimes but have become very inventive at ways of getting something good into her. Let me know if you need more info. GL  ------------- http://daisypath.com"> 
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Posted By: Nikki
Date Posted: 08 August 2011 at 10:01pm
We resorted to bribery at bang on 2yrs as well, after following all the "expert" advice not to battle and him still not eating well. DS wasn't as bad as you've described, he was only bad with dinner foods - his overall diet wasn't too bad as he loved fruit and ate plain veges - but it was getting to the point where there was no meat apart from chicken nuggets and the odd bit of plain steak if we were lucky was eaten, then he started eliminating what veges he'd eat too so only corn and carrots I think were being eaten. Nothing could be mixed together, have sauce or be touching. Daycare lunches were an issue too, as they were cooked meals. He loved desserts though, and we did use the odd lolly or chocolate as the treat too for a the first few weeks but after a while just yoghurt or fruit was enough of a bribe. We started with adding one new vege at a time (the ones he used to eat first) and just small amounts he had to eat to get the treat. Once he was back to eating an OK range of plain veges we moved on to the meat. Every second night he got what he liked (nuggets and chips / plain pasta with no sauce with a combination of the veges he liked) and the next night was some other meat (but with the rest of the meal things he would eat). By the time he was 3 he'd eat most plain healthy food, but still not much mixed so usually had a meat n 3 veg dinner! And then we'd do the odd mac n cheese or bolognaise type meal. Hes WAY better now at just over 4! and I think if we hadn't battled he'd still be really fussy and probably would have got anaemic from the lack of iron! I was a fussy kid so I can relate to his sensitive taste buds, so we dont make him eat things he really doesn't like and he still wouldn't eat something like sushi or even pizza probably ... but he eats a heathly diet and will try alot more these days so we're happy. I didn't really like the "go to bed hungry" thing - especially as he'd been a heart bub so we spent so much time trying to get him to gain weight as a baby - so I used to let him have a but of bread or a banana in the bath if he refused to eat dinner and we'd said nothing else at the time. and he still had a cup of milk before bed til 3. Thankfully we didn't have to do that too many nights. If it makes you feel better, my second child will eat ANYTHING, so I know its not us! lol Although shes definitely go more selective since 18months and is less keen on plain veges than him -- but you can hide them and she doesn't notice (he can pull out grated veges in mince because of the different texture, but will happily eat them all plain as finger food!).
Good luck!! I feel ya pain! ------------- DS (5yrs) and DD (3yrs) |
kakapo wrote:Posted By: Nikki
Date Posted: 08 August 2011 at 10:13pm
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Oh, and definitely no snacks after 3.30 .... afternoon tea was at 3ish, then nothing til dinner ... if he napped late he just had to wait til 5pm for dinner. ------------- DS (5yrs) and DD (3yrs) |
Posted By: yermasyada
Date Posted: 09 August 2011 at 9:11pm
Not quite the same situation, but my 16month old has started to refuse anything that looks like a 'proper dinner' for the last couple of weeks. Not sure why... possibly teething. He used to be a super eater, and dinners would be brown rice, baked salmon, peas, that kind of thing. All of a sudden he just stopped eating dinner. He used eat peas so quick it was like he enhaled them, now he won't even pick one up 
Anyhoo... after about of week of stressing, I've now decided to go with the flow, but have made some sneaky changes. I've added LSA to his porridge for extra nutrition. I bake bread rolls for him (like mini focacias) but mix sweet potato and spinach etc into the dough. I've swapped his afternoon fruit 'smoothie' (one of those Only Organic/Natureland sachets) to a carrot, pumpkin and apple, so it's not just fruit. He's a big bread eater too, and I've discovered that even if he refuses something like chicken for his dinner, if I stick it in a sandwich, he'll eat it
I hoping it's just a phase, because he's far to young to understand any bribery or 'this is all your getting' kind of thing. Oh, he still has minimum 3 breastfeeds a day too... so it's not like he's starving or anything LOL |
Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 10 August 2011 at 6:13pm
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Im a big believer in choosing your battles,I would let him eat the foods he wants till he know longer wants too,usually these sorts of things are a phase that toddlers eventually grow out of,it may take a while,but pretty much 99% of the time they usually grow out of them.
Put new food on his plate,along with other food he does like and you know he'll eat,and if he doesn't eat it,don't make a fuss,just try again the next night,eventually he might surprise you and eat it. And if it makes you feel any better my daughter went through a phase at two of only eating mousetraps,yogurt,and scrambled egg...now at 9 she eats pretty much anything shes given. ------------- 
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Posted By: millemama
Date Posted: 11 August 2011 at 9:54pm
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Ooooh, had a major breakthru thought you ladies might appreciate. DD asked to try some corn off our plate. and she kept eating it, half of mine and half of DH's. We couldn't believe our eyes, but kept our excitement very low key incase she stopped. This is the first chewable vegetable she has ever eaten if you don't count baked beans.
Sometimes I don't think people truly understand that some kids just will not try something eventually after it is offered time and again. That is where I find it frustrating to find advice about these things because not every child is that easy, so its good to hear that there are others that are having this battle. ------------- http://daisypath.com">
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Posted By: RuthyH
Date Posted: 11 August 2011 at 11:23pm
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Well I'm learning alot thanks all! I think I will keep going with my current strategy - wide variety at each meal, try not to make a fuss about trying foods ... and see if he eventually starts to eat new things. He very often picks up a new food, takes it towards his mouth and at the last moment says ' nope' and puts it down! Such a tease! Anyway if that doesn't improve in a few months I'll try a bit of light bribery and see if he gets the idea. He's so stubborn though it may never work for him. As for the going to bed hungry it's me that suffers with him not falling to sleep or waking for food, so I don't think I can stick to my guns to that extent. I am finding that asking him what he would like to eat is sometimes good - he won't ask for something new but amazes me how often he asks for something pretty healthy! I think there are some control issues happening so giving him the power to decide occasionally balances things a little.
There are so many different strategies even just in response to my posting, I wish I had a magic wand to know the 'right' way! It's interesting hearing from people who were forced to eat things as kids and how much they hated it, a reminder to me that I need to respect him at the same time as trying to do the best for him. Why don't we get given little rule books when they're born? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Millyz
Date Posted: 12 August 2011 at 2:13pm
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Wow, this is a great thread! Im having very similar issues with my nearly 18 month old DD. Things had been going ok until she decided that she only feeds herself a few weeks ago (we can't spoon feed her at all anymore) and now its hard to get her to eat much of anything.
I've also found that since we started having dinner together at 6.00pm every night she isn't that interested either. Dinner quite often becomes a jam sandwich and a piece of processed cheese because she won't eat anything else! I'm hoping this is just a phase and we'll keep offering her different foods but I think for our DD it is a texture thing - if she doesn't like the look of it or the feel of it when she pops it in her mouth it comes straight back out and we get the big "no". I think if she actually tried half of the food we offered she would like it!! So anyway, no advice here as I'm struggling too but its nice to have somewhere to discuss it and maybe throw some ideas around :-) ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: millemama
Date Posted: 12 August 2011 at 8:55pm
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I think one of the biggest problems we face is 'mummy guilt' that we are not providing them the proper nutrition, that they are missing out on some valuable vitamins and minerals etc etc, but if we are doing the best that we can, and hey lets face it we aren't perfect, no one is, but we do what we can, and unless they are in serious danger of malnutrition they are going to be ok, and theres going to be no serious consequences. But still we worry! So ladies lets give ourselves a break and if they need to eat cheese and jam sandwich for dinner sometimes, so be it. I am sure we make up for these things in other ways that other kids maybe lacking such as love and attention.
Well that was my 'feel good' spiel for tonite. lol ------------- http://daisypath.com">
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Posted By: kakapo
Date Posted: 13 August 2011 at 2:39pm
Ditto Nikki - my second child is a great eater too, and I was so relieved as had been thinking I must have been doing everything wrong with DS . Millyz, have you tried an earlier dinner time? I've found that 5pm works well for our kids, especially if they've had a particularly exhausting day out and about. Took me ages to realise that days they were particularly fussy about food were the same days dinner was served later lol. |
Posted By: Millyz
Date Posted: 13 August 2011 at 7:43pm
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True, only issue is I work some days so 6pm is the earliest we can get home from work/daycare and have dinner ready, twice a week. Also my husband doesn't get home till close to 6pm most days so it would mean going back to eating without him. Not sure what to do as obviously Lizzie's eating is the most important thing but it wouldn't work long term for us. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: RuthyH
Date Posted: 19 August 2011 at 9:34am
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Thanks Millyz, I'm liking the feel good factor! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: millemama
Date Posted: 19 August 2011 at 1:21pm
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Thanks, I think that was meant for me?. I just think we can be so hard on ourselves sometimes, and if we didn't care so much we wouldn't be reading about and writing this stuff right ------------- http://daisypath.com">
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Posted By: bookwyrm
Date Posted: 20 August 2011 at 7:38pm
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My son is exactly like this. He is great with sandwiches, fruit, snacks and anything dairy. But when it comes to dinnertime it is a battle. He loves chicken nuggets, mini pizzas (meatlovers only) and fish fingers. Red meat and any kind of vegetable is hard to get into him at all. It has taken us almost a year but he now can eat carrots which feels like a huge victory for us. I am sick of making two different dinners every night but I really do take those small victories and run with them :) ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: RuthyH
Date Posted: 22 August 2011 at 10:35pm
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You're right millemama that was for you sorry I got lost in the thread!
Well breakthrough today - 2 tiny pieces of chicken and 4 pieces of sausage consumed! i did a very good job of pretending not to notice but was all happy inside! Have also bought and read a book which I have found very comforting - called 'my child won't eat' it's designed for parents whose children don't seem to eat anything (which is not my problem) but very informative about children's eating habits and needs. Has given me confidence to trust my son more to eat what he needs so long as offered a healthy range. A link for anyone interested - http://www.amazon.com/My-Child-Wont-Eat-International/dp/0912500999 ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: bookwyrm
Date Posted: 23 August 2011 at 9:47am
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Phoenix ate 1/3 of his spaghetti bol over the weekend, we were over the moon. The pasta and the tomato sauce (which he dislikes the texture of both) and the cheese (which hes always loved). When it went fairly cold he didn't want it anymore but I was able to convince him to have three more mouthfuls so he could have pudding. We did give him alot of praise and he seemed to love that, but while he was eating we didn't make a huge deal. I did show him what I was cooking while I was making dinner and I wonder if that made a difference at all? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: millemama
Date Posted: 23 August 2011 at 2:29pm
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I know that feeling Ruthy, on the outside calm and slightly disinterested, on the indside, doing the mambo and the chacha around the room. lol
Have read the reviews on that book you recommended. I liked the attitude re doctors and nutritionists, they can easily make you feel like you are doing the wrong thing or not doing enough and that your child will suffer, its puts some balance back into the equation. ------------- http://daisypath.com">
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Posted By: HuMum
Date Posted: 02 September 2011 at 2:31pm
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Hi guys, loving reading this post. DS is the worst dinner eater ever, and will not try new things. Was a fab eater till about 18months and then just stopped. I've tried all the suggestions!
And I had a terrible day today at his transition day a daycare where they provide the food. I didn't give him too much to eat before we went so be might try the lunch they cooked, but all I got was mummy I'm hungry wheres my real lunchbox. And I was thinking hello people he's 2. Where on earth are the sandwhiches (it was soup and muffins). I left thinking he's going to starve 5 days a week. Generally he eats well till lunchtime. Never eats dinner, not even kid staples like nuggets, cheerios or pizza! But happily goes to bed without, so I'd resigned myself to the fact he's eating lots the rest of the day and just doesn't need it. Of course now he's starting daycare and won't eat there food, I'm thinking he's going to starve. (although I've never heard of a child starving at daycare before...and I'm sure it would have made the news!! 
Anyway just wanted to rant as I'm sitting here feeling like a bad mum sending him to a daycare where I can't pack his lunch with something he will eat.....  ------------- 
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Posted By: millemama
Date Posted: 02 September 2011 at 2:52pm
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Just a quick question HuMum, but you are in charge here, not Daycare, if its not going to work - and I know that feeling when other people say, "if he's hungry he'll eat", when you know that he won't, - then pack him his own lunch, surely they can open his lunchbox for him to eat. Can't see why it would be a problem. Oh and we are not bad mums, just slightly desperate, caring souls with large patience, lol. ------------- http://daisypath.com">
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Posted By: HuMum
Date Posted: 02 September 2011 at 3:42pm
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Yeah millemama I had thought of that. Thought I would see what the menu is for the whole day. He usually eats most his food at morning tea anyway. But if it looks like he won't anything then I'm going to send him with food. He doesn't start for a few weeks yet, so I've got time to sort something out.
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Posted By: Nikki
Date Posted: 02 September 2011 at 9:43pm
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My son didn't like daycare lunches either (dinner type food) - he started quite little though so the first one he went to would just give him a jar of baby food instead of homemade if he wouldn't eat. We had to move him after 4.5 months though .... and thats when my battle started as to get him off jars we basically moved to all finger food at home (about 15mths). But at his new daycare it was all homemade things like spag bog, mac cheese, casserole, meatloaf - all mixed up how he didn't like it! He ate their "designer sammies" and sometimes the fish nuggets and chips, but that was about it. After a while I did end up sending food as I got so worried he would not want to go to daycare! (Daycare dont like food sent as its not fair on the other kids if one is having "treats" or nicer food). He did have to have a bowl of their food and wait for the others to finish (in the hope he'd eat it) and if he didnt like it they would let him have some food I packed. They also tried giving him part of the meal like plain pasta or veges which he sometimes ate. After a few weeks of that they agreed to make him toast / sammie and fruit if he wouldnt eat any of the lunch instead of me packing food. He used to always eat HEAPS of morning tea and afternoon tea to make up for it! By the time he moved into the over 2s rm he ate a few things sometimes and they did lots of praise and high fives with the chef if he tried a few mouthfuls etc. His carer was really patient with encouraging him, but if he tried it then didn't like it they let him leave the table. I don't think they gave him extra food in there but he did start eating better .... most days came home pretty starving but it was only twice a week by then as I had a baby at home so I stopped worrying about it. He is 4 now and eats well there, and has done for the last year.
So it may be a tough time for a while. But hopefully with seeing all the other kids eat he will copy them. and the teachers will have dealt with lots of kids like that before, so talk with them about your concerns. You never know, he may eat better for them! (I hope!!) Good luck.  ------------- DS (5yrs) and DD (3yrs) |
Posted By: Nikki
Date Posted: 02 September 2011 at 9:46pm
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Oh I also tried to make macaroni cheese at home (even took some of theirs home one day!) to try to get him to eat it at home as he hated it. I don't think it helped though, but maybe worth a try.
This week he ASKED for it!!!! He also asked for Vege soup this week. Something he also hated a couple of years ago. So there is hope guys!!  ------------- DS (5yrs) and DD (3yrs) |
Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 03 September 2011 at 11:33am
We had a phase like this. For a couple of months, I got daycare to give him dinner before I picked him up. I also remember reading an article that was problem-solving a similar situation. They suggested looking at dinner time differently - maybe make lunch the bigger meal and dinner was snacks in the car (maybe some cold meat or veges or crackers) then something light at home. I often give DS1 a healthy snack when we get home (we sit down and have a "picnic") and that tides him over; it also means that if he packs a sad and doesn't eat tea, I know he's had something vaguely healthy. I'm a big fan of not always following the "Rules" about how things are done and looking at what works for your family. ------------- Mum to two wee boys |