To day care or not....
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Printed Date: 29 August 2025 at 8:48am
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Topic: To day care or not....
Posted By: fionae
Subject: To day care or not....
Date Posted: 28 July 2011 at 10:37pm
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I have a question for all you/us 2nd time stay at home Mums' out there...
Hubby been saying maybe we should put dd into some form of daycare for 1 day a week moving up to 2 days a week once the baby is born. I am due in October. I am a stay at home Mum but have no family support around so thinking maybe it is a good idea but then I have the guilt side too as I am a stay at home MUM! But think it would be good to have that time out to have 1 on 1 with the new baby.... Any thoughts would be appreciated....for or against....I am in two minds about it..... ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 28 July 2011 at 11:14pm
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I put Megan into daycare at 19 months for 10 hours a week (2 5 hour days) I was around 16 weeks pregnant and she is pretty full on.
I used that time to either catch up on housework or have a rest. I dont see anything wrong with wanting to have a bit of time out, and its not like you would be putting her in daycare for 40 hours a week. in saying that I havent seen the need to put my 20 month old son in daycare and will likely wai till he starts kindy ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: catisla
Date Posted: 29 July 2011 at 6:53am
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I do it - DD1 goes to daycare two days a week. she did go full time before DD2 was born. It gave her some much needed stability when DD2 was born - particularly as i was hospitalised before DD2's birth and it was all a bit traumatic for her.
This gives her a couple of days to mix socially with her friends, and experience the activities i would struggle to provide her at home with a new baby, It gives me two days to give DD2 my full attention, and a chance for me to catch up on chores while she sleeps. If you can afford it, I say do it ------------- |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 29 July 2011 at 7:09am
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I had trouble with this also. I worked in the weekends so did not need others caring for DS1, but did not have help from family so there was no break.
When DS1 was 2yrs old I put him into our work daycare. The building was next to DH's office so any problems he could get him. I spent the time shopping, visiting friends & hanging out by the work pool  We had moved 80kms away so I felt pretty isolated from friends. I found it hard to leave DS1 even for 1 day & it took him awhile to settle in. I got a second job at the same company & worked 3 days a week as well as the weekends so he ended up going 3 days a week. DS2 was born a couple of mths before DS1 turned 4yrs.
I also put him in our local daycare in the county for 2 days a week & after DS2 was born I took him out of the work daycare & kept him in the local one. After being a full-time stay at home mum & working a weekend night job 1 day off a week was great & it got him used to others & prepared for kindy. It was also great having 1 on 1 time with DS2 when he was born. DS2 was 17mths when DS3 was born & I did not put him in to any care till he was old enough for kindy. DS3 slept 2x a day & DS2 had 1x a sleep a day, so I still got time with him, things done & made time for DS3...but I was ready for him to start kindy when he did I never got a break though.
I think the only thing that got to me sometimes was the travelling to drop off & pick up, some days that was hard. I think you will always have doubts & guilt over leaving your child with someone but once they settle in & you get used to it you will both love it. I was always told 2 days was better than one for settling, guess it depends on the child as well & I would have plans for you day/s off to start with..even if its sorting out stuff/shopping/appts etc 
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Posted By: jano1
Date Posted: 29 July 2011 at 7:19am
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Hi,
I'm 33 weeks pregnant and DD is in care 3 days while I work. We will continue this while I am at home with the next baby, not only for stability for her but also a much needed break for me and a chance to have some one on one with the new baby. I have no qualms about it as I have saved during the pregnancy for this to continue. |
Posted By: MrsEmma
Date Posted: 29 July 2011 at 9:12am
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I haven't put DS into daycare, it never crossed my mind!
DS was nearly 15 months when DD was born so it started out a little hard to keep him entertained while I got to grips with BF'ing and trying to juggle them both, but after a few weeks it just became normal
I guess My feelings are that I am a SAHM and if I was to put him into daycare it would be further down the track if/when we felt it was the right time, not just because DD came along. I am fortunate however that my MIL doesn't work so DS goes to visit one afternoon a week after his nap and that's when I can catch up on housework. In saying that, DD is a very good sleeper so in the times she is up during the day, we all spend together and then when she's tired she goes down to sleep and then I spend the rest of the time with DS. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 29 July 2011 at 9:19am
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Its entirely up to you of course. Me, i cant get my head around people who put their kids into daycare when they are quite capable of caring for them themselves. But my kids do do kindy when they hit 3 and to some people thats pretty much the same thing. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 29 July 2011 at 9:42am
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I've got DD in care 4 days a week atm, while I work. I'll be going on mat leave at 37 weeks, and my last day at work will be her last day at daycare. She's my kid - no-one can take better care of her than I can, so if I'm able, I will.
Plus daycare is so germ ridden, I'm hoping she'll be healthier at home, and not bring bugs home to me, DH and the new baby. I can see the attraction of having the time out, but there is so much more I could do with the money, and I think it's pretty easy to join a play group or similar to get DD some interaction with other kids without having to pay someone else to provide it. From having one hard-work baby, I do wonder how the heck I'll cope with two, but honestly, if I'd known how hard this one was gonna be, I'd have been worried how I'd cope with her on her own. But I did, cos that's just what you do ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: crakars
Date Posted: 29 July 2011 at 9:43am
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we didnt put our DS into daycare - thought the cost of it was too much and it was fine he just did his own thing while i was busy. the house doesnt get as clean - but that doesnt worry me! -------------  http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: pudgy
Date Posted: 29 July 2011 at 10:06am
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Neither of mine have been in daycare and while I'm a sahm they won't.
With two at homeyou just have to be organised, have a basket of toys,books, food for the older child while you feed. I did meal prep while they were napping. We have no family support either and we do fine. Plus if your older child is home you can get them involved in helping out with baby which can help them adjust to the new addition. Like T Rexsaid there are play groups , Playcentre and a few other activities you can do. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 29 July 2011 at 10:38am
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I have just put my little girl into care, her big sis goes 3 days a week for 6 hours.Little one has been going 3 hours twice a week for a few weeks now and as of this tuesday she will go 6 hours twice a week
We too have no family, so there isnt ever a moment to myself, and while we do attend fun activites together, its just not the same as getting five mins to yourself People who arent in the same position so oh well you didnt have kids to farm them off ra ra ra but Im a much better Mum when I get to be a little bit of me too. and you know what else - they loove it!! My girls are learning really well, they interact well with other children and really enjoy playing with their little friends at 'kindy'... tonight after my big girl gets home we are rugging up in our pjs and going up for a PJ party at the kindy Its also a great way for you to meet other mums. It takes a village to raise a child, but when you are our position you have to pay for it! money very well spent It is a bit nerve wracking but the mummy guilt will go when you see how much they enjoy their time playing at kindy Im pretty excited - this is the first time I have had 6 hours to myself in 4 and a half years!!! ------------- http://lilypie.com] 
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Posted By: LG
Date Posted: 29 July 2011 at 11:13am
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I would have loved to do this with my DD1 before DD2 came (and continuing once she arrived) but we live rurally so there is no where close by. It would have given me a break from DD1, her a break from the baby and i wouldnt have felt so guilty about not being able to do all the fun stuff with her outside we would normally have done. TBH i probably would've felt guilty for sending her but for us, it would have been good -------------  Angel Baby Aug '12, Feb '13 |
Posted By: squoggs
Date Posted: 29 July 2011 at 1:07pm
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I'm glad I found this thread - I am due with #2 in November, there will be a 16-17 month age gap and I am considering putting DD1 into daycare part time too, even though I am a SAHM. My reasons for are that she will get a lot more social contact etc, while I can bond with #2, and also we have no family in the north island, and don't really know anyone in our area, so would be a good way to meet others (her & I!). Plus it will give me a bit of time out as my husband is away most of the time, so I am pretty much a solo mum for up to a month at a time.
We will go down the kindey route when DD1 hits 3. Plus preschool sounds FUN! They get to do all sorts of cool things that I would never think to do at home. So don't feel guilty fionae, enjoy the time you can spend with your NB, and I'm sure your older child will love it :-) Plus it is damn hard with no family support and you do need a break. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: mumtooboys
Date Posted: 29 July 2011 at 2:42pm
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DS1 was already in daycare when DS2 came along because I had been working...it was only after DS2 was born that I gave up work. Had he not been in daycare already I can't imagine deciding to put him in if I wasn't planning on working though. Because he was already in daycare he decided he still wanted to go, though would have kept him home had he not wanted to go, and I have to say the one-to-one attention DS2 got in the day was wonderful...but he was a fairly 'easy' baby anyway. DS1 was much older though as well, he had just turned 4 when DS2 was born, which I think helped.
We've had no family support at all this time around as we emigrated to NZ when DS1 was 2.5 years old so we've just found ways to cope. I currently have them both at home because of school holidays and though some days are challenging, we've had lots of fun too. We are currently debating whether to enrol DS2 at kindy...though IMO it's not 'necessary' so I'm not that bothered whether he goes or not. LOL I enjoy being at home with him, well most days anyway and he gets plenty of 'socialisation'. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bel
Date Posted: 29 July 2011 at 3:47pm
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I didn't think it would bother me before I had kids - but I am now firmly in the camp of staying home with the kids means just that. I have 17 months between my two and we survived, although DD (2nd child) was a fairly difficult baby.
Now DS goes to kindy 3 mornings a week and that is a chance for DD and I to have some time to ourselves. But he is now 3.5 so it has been a long time of the 3 of us at home. I think that you should do whatever suits you - but remember that the new baby is here to stay, so as much as it would be easier to have DD in daycare, you will have to manage both of them anyway. It will surprise you how much 1-on-1 time you get with the new baby anyway, DH and I really enjoyed the evenings for the first few months, where baby didn't go to bed until later, so we got to have time with her then. ------------- Mum to two beautiful kids 
Luke (09.11.2007) Amy (01.04.2009) |
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 29 July 2011 at 5:30pm
Really!! I can't see how kindy is the same thing, it's the start of preparing them for school. To the OP, I'm sure there is something about 9 hours free childcare???? Maybe look into putting her some where for 2 days 4 1/2 hours a day? If you can't get that in a day care, look at going to a homebased carer & put her in on the days that have group activities. ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Bizzy wrote:Posted By: LJsmum
Date Posted: 29 July 2011 at 6:44pm
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My dS1 was a bit older, he was 2yr 9 months when DS2 was born. I really enjoyed being home with both of them. It was ticky in the begining, mainly sleep deprivation but being orgainsed and planning each day help me. I look back now and it was not as hard as i thought it would be. Maybe wait and see how you go and then decided. good luck :) -------------  
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Posted By: BeLoved
Date Posted: 29 July 2011 at 6:51pm
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I am due in 4 weeks time and my DD (2yrs 8 months) has been in daycare (for over 2's) for the last 4 weeks, she does 2 days, at the moment these are the days I work but once baby is here she will keep going because she really enjoys it and for me it means I know she is getting to do lots of activities and interact with other kids which won't be as easy once there is a baby as well. I don't feel guilty about it but then she is older and nearly 3 anyway, so would of been off to kindy before long anyway.
Personally for me if she was younger I would of not put her in daycare, but thats just me and I also have access to family help who would look after her during the day if need be. At the end of the day do what is right for you and your kids. All the best for number 2. ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 29 July 2011 at 7:51pm
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I definitely considered it, but just wasn't prepared to put DS1 (only 21 months) into daycare for full days and couldn't find anywhere local that would do just 1-2 half days. I didn't feel right putting him in for long days of care for me but wanted it to be when he was ready. Everyone else i knew with more than one kid survived so i figured i would too. And i did, but life sure would have been easier - for me anyway.
I tried to keep up DS1's usual activities so he didn't miss out on the socialising and fun side of things. It's up to you what you think is best for your kids. My boy was a quiet boy and very good at playing by himself etc. As long as had an outing a day he was good. If i'd had a full on boy things may have been different. We had no family support at all and man did i resent that family never helped, would have LOVED the odd break, just not full days. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Nikki
Date Posted: 29 July 2011 at 9:26pm
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DS was already in daycare 3-4days a week (I did contract work so the days changed each week) when I was pg, so we dropped him down to 2 days a week when I went on maternity leave at about 34wks. He turned 2 the week DD was born. I did feel a bit guilty leaving him in for 2 days at that age, but as he'd been going already and loved his time with his friends, and would be going back by the time he turned 3, we decided it was better to keep him in at the minimum time (2 days) than have to re-settle him later. It also gave him a bit of stability with a new bub in the house ... and a break from the new bub. I used those days to catch up on housework and rest, and it really helped with my recovery. It gave me one-on-one time with DD too -- which she definitely would not have had much of with an active just turned two year old around.
I did cope on the days with both of them at home and it was easier than I thought it would be, but it was hard going at times and relentless as DD got a bit older (not the best day sleeper) so it was really nice to have two days where I could rest if I needed to, or just take one kid to the supermarket or out to do chores - then spend more quality time with DS on the other days. I'm not sure if I would have done it if he hadn't already been in there. But I'm glad we did, and for us (DS, DD and me) I think it was the right thing to do. If you can afford it and you think it will be good for your family, go for it! Just another thought - a friend of mine who has a smaller gap than me had both at home til her DS went to kindy at 3 ... and then she realised how little attention her DD had received with DS always there, and is loving the one-on-one time with her DD she is getting now (and the break from her active rowdy DS!) ------------- DS (5yrs) and DD (3yrs) |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 29 July 2011 at 11:03pm
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I agree with Bizzy, I don't get it. I've been both a SAHM and working mum. The only times my kids have been in DC are when I'm working. I have a 19m gap between my kids, and 2nd was a reflux baby so it wasn't easy going. 'Me' time and housework time, for me, are after 7 when the kids are in bed. My husband was gone 10 1/2 months of the last year so I taught 50 hours then came home and had the kids all weekend by myself - that's what mums do, we choose not to lounge around all the time.
BUT if you have the money to spend, and you want to make life a bit easier, then go for it. All I'm saying, is that you DO get me time after the kids go to bed, you DO get your housework done, and you DO find time for each child. Also, your child doesn't need daycare to socialise or learn social skills at such a young age, I think that's a thing mothers have made up to justify daycare. Up to you, I just don't think it's a necessity and many people I know waste a lot of money that could be put to better use to put their kids in daycare when it's not necessary. If I was a SAHM, I'd wait until the child was kindy age and take advantage of that (and no, daycare and kindy are not the same). |
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 30 July 2011 at 2:40am
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I am just about to start DS1 at kindy in a couple of weeks time when term starts here. I've only gone back to work on weekends (casual) since DS1 was born so it hasn't been a necessity. We always planned on DS1 starting kindy at 3, which for him would mean waiting till mid Jan because he's a December bub. We've brought it forward more because of timing with the school year here, but the main reason is that now that DS2 is mobile and getting into everything, I feel like he's not getting anywhere near the one-on-one time DS1 got at the same stage. He generally just tags along to whatever we're doing with the big kids which is great but not always easy on him. This way DS1 will be engaged and having a grand old time at kindy and DS2 will get some chill out time with just mum!
Ditch the guilt and do what works for YOUR family. Funnily enough, it's the opposite here - people have been asking me when DS is starting daycare since he was about 18 months old. Personally, I couldn't see the value in paying someone else to supervise him playing when I can do that myself for nothing now that he's kindy age, I'm happy for him to go. But everyone's situation is different. If it gives you a chance ti recharge your batteries a couple of mornings a week in late pregnancy and time to bond with #2 when they arrive then it sounds worthwhile to me ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: MrsEmma
Date Posted: 30 July 2011 at 4:37am
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[QUOTE=emz] All I'm saying, is that you DO get me time after the kids go to bed, you DO get your housework done, and you DO find time for each child. Also, your child doesn't need daycare to socialise or learn social skills at such a young age [QUOTE=emz]
I 100% agree with this, my free time is when the kids are both asleep and when DH is home on the weekends and I can pop out for an hour or so. But that's what I signed up for and expected as a SAHM. I would rather use surplus funds to have someone come and do my housework so I don't have to! Grrr, stupid phone doesn't quote properly ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 30 July 2011 at 8:20am
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Haha, yes, great idea MrsEmma - pay someone else to do the housework and keep the childminding jobs for yourself
Emz, I agree that toddlers don't *need* the socialisation etc people seem to think can only be acheived by sending them to daycare. My girl's been in care 3-4 days a week since 6 months and while she's a chirpy, confident wee girl, I'm sure she'd have been like that regardless of daycare. She's very like me, and I never spent a day in care. But I think the best advice given here is to do what works for your family and never mind anyone else's opinion. I'm sure there are people who don't agree with my parenting choices, but you know what? I don't give a damn. I've made the choices that are right for me and that's what's important ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 30 July 2011 at 8:25am
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I'm tempted to do this - Jacob is in creche two days a week, and he LOVES it. I think it will be a lot for him to handle, having such a change to his routine, not to mention a new little being at home to deal with (I'm hoping since he'll only be 16 months, he'll be a little too little to be too jealous, but still imagine it will be a change). He's a baby, and he's a pretty chilled little fellow, so I don't have any guilt it's likely to do him life damamge or anything, but I still want to make the transitition from one to two as easy as I can for him.
On the other hand, it all comes down to money - and there are plenty of other things I could use it on. I'm leaving the decision for later for now -------------   
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Posted By: catisla
Date Posted: 30 July 2011 at 9:00am
 Well said.
Sure we are all doing what we feel right for our situations ------------- |
Posted By: AuntieSarah
Date Posted: 30 July 2011 at 12:39pm
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Everyone is different and every child is different. Six months ago I would've said no, ds is great at entertaining himself, we'll be fine. Now I have a 2.5 year old who has just dropped his naps and really needs more stimulation than I can provide when my attention is taken up by a 3 month old with reflux who doesn't sleep well at all.
Having ds at his nana's one day a week and just started kindy 2 mornings a week means I can spend time and attention on ds2, get housework etc done while ds1 isn't here and then when he is here I can give him the attention he needs. It depends on your definition of what is a necessity too, my sanity is a necessity I think! I guess no mother of the year award for me for admitting I need some help and some time out from my toddler  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MrsEmma
Date Posted: 30 July 2011 at 1:02pm
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Agreed also T-Rex, everyone is different - what's good for the goose isn't always what's good for the gander ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 30 July 2011 at 2:03pm
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I'm in the camp of not understanding it when you're a stay at home mum, however also agree that it's whatever suits your family. Personally I'd rather look after my son myself and spend the money on something else. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 30 July 2011 at 5:43pm
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Hmm, My DS1 went to daycare full time at 14 months when I went back to work. When #2 arrived I continued to keep #1 at daycare fulltime until the new baby was 6 weeks old. I loved having this time with my new baby and it was great as the routine never changed for him at all. After that 6 weeks, he moved up to the over 2's and I dropped his hours to 2 days a week. When #2 was 6 months old I returned to work for a half day so put #2 in for a full day so I had half a day on my own. It was awesome!.
The boys now go fulltime again as I am back working. My kids love daycare and they will both continue to go in some capacity regardless of what I do work wise. I have no guilt, my kids love it, we can afford it and at the end of the day it works for us. I also pay someone to clean my house ;-) -------------  
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 30 July 2011 at 6:19pm
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My youngest two have 20months between them,Ty is now 2 and full on and Mila is 5 months and I am a SAHM.
I often think it would be good to put Ty in daycare for a day or so each week,but I keep him at home,we do activities go to Playgroup etc,but somedays I think it would be beneficial for both of us. I couldn't give a monkeysbutt if people don't agree with it cos im a SAHM,I would do it if I wasn't worried about Ty's lack of speech and the cost of Daycare. If YOU feel that it would be beneficial to you,your baby and your toddler,then I say go for it,don't worry about what anyone else says,you do what you need to do to make your family happy cos thats who this is about. Some SAHMs prefer to keep their children at home,some like a break for a day,neither is wrong,each way is right for each individual family. ------------- 
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Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 30 July 2011 at 8:48pm
and
There are no rules. Everyone has to do what works for them. As long as your child is loved, fed, cuddled and occasionally washed , do what you need to do. I'm a better mum for having time out. DS1 kept doing to daycare after DS2 was born and it worked for everyone involved. Don't regret it at all. Just cos you're a SAHM doesn't mean you can't negotiate the conditions ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: kiwigal
Date Posted: 30 July 2011 at 11:04pm
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I agree and disagree on this one. We chose to be SAHM and that means taking care of your child and not being looked after by somebody else and put the money towards better use for the family but on the other side I can understand why some SAHM's need a break because of their family situation. I went back to work part time as a nanny I got ask back after I was there for 2 years then left to have my son. When my son was 21 months and a month later we found out he was autistic then a month later my employer had to resigned from her job I could easily drop my son out of daycare as we were paying a lot of money every week then on the other side he needed to continue to learn how to be around other people and stayed until he started school. He is now 8.5 and loves being around other kids/adults. DD is almost 3 and probably start looking at kindys soon. |
Posted By: Delli
Date Posted: 31 July 2011 at 8:32am
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Not sure why some people insist that their job description of a SAHP should be the same for everyone. Not that too many people have done that here though, so not accusing anyone of anything
Am just amused when I see someone say things like - this is what a SAHP is, they choose to stay home so this is what they should do. Oh yeah? According to who? The big boss of SAHP's? Is that job description in your contract when you sign up to be a SAHP? The Great Rule Book of SAHP decrees that it must be done just so otherwise you Will Damage Your Child? And you definitely CANNOT tailor the SAHP job to suit the individual. No, that would be Bad Parenting. 
Anyway, to the topic at hand - sorry for that tangent OP! We didn't put Jude in daycare when Willem was born but that's because of a number of things, the main one relevant to you is probably that we have family around willing to take him off our hands for a bit every now and again. Another reason was that we live rurally and getting Jude to daycare just seems like more effort than it's worth - if it's meant to be a break for me but I end up having to get everyone organized in the morning and then spend around an hour and a half plus out of my day driving to and from daycare, it doesn't end up being much of a break. Meh, I'm no matyr. If I had a self cleaning house and some sort of babysitter (one that appeared and disappeared on command and I didn't have to pay them or feed them or have them living in my house) that could attend to the children when I cant be buggered, that'd be awesome. While we're on that train of thought, throw in a cook as well please. Anyway, not sure what this post was meant to be other than a ranting and raving one. As others have said - do what you like, do what is right for you. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 31 July 2011 at 10:32am
Hehe, so agree. (Someone forgot to give me a copy of that book, btw, I'm just making it up as I go). I do like the fact that people on this thread have stressed the opposite too - different things work for different people, and just do it your way  -------------
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