Acceptable Mothers Love
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=39717
Printed Date: 29 August 2025 at 12:32pm
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Topic: Acceptable Mothers Love
Posted By: whirlwinds
Subject: Acceptable Mothers Love
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 8:59pm
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Something is eating at me and am wanting some advice outside the square, so to speak. Was hoping I could get some other people's opinion's.
I'll start at the beginning... I don't have any children. My older sister who is 30 in Feb has a just 4 year old boy. When my nephew wasn't even 1, my sister and her husband separated. Ever since, I believe, hasn't been treating my nephew right. Examples: Nephew was clingy, Sister had just worked 8+ hrs and hadn't seen nephew. He wanted a cuddle. She would not pick him up and in stead said to him "If you don't behave, i will put you in the rubbish bin" Another example: Nephew was pulling on sisters clothing, wanting attention, again after she had got home from work. She pushed him really hard on his forehead with the palm of her hand, and walked off. When my father told her to come back and get her son she said, in front of nephew "NAH! I don't want him!" Also my nephew wakes between 5-6am every morning, always has. Sister hates this, I believe that she should make allowances for this, and go to bed earlier. But she believes that he should wake, when she wakes. These are only 2 examples... But to me it is as if she doesn't want to be a mother at all. She only acts this way in front of our family, never in front of her friend or co workers. Can I ask what anyone else thinks? |
Replies:
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 9:07pm
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She could be crying out for attention - I know sometimes I get a bit more snippy about my kids in front of my parents when my husband is away for long periods, if I need a break. I don't do it knowingly, but obviously my subconscious is screaming out for some help.
OR.. if she's always like this, have a family intervention, ask her to sort her sh*t out if you have tried to help already, and take her son away to give her a break and to give her son some good quality time with people that want to spend time with him. It's damn hard work being a solo parent - I'm sure she wants to be a mum, she's probably just finding it all too much. But if you are concerned, you need to get onto it ASAP and don't let it lead to anything else. First support her and her son, then intervene if needed. Just m2c. |
Posted By: Richie
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 9:26pm
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I'd have to agree with Emz. I think she is probably crying out for help. I absolutely adore my daughter and LOVE being a Mum but it's not always easy. If I'm having a rough time of it, I will never let it show to my friends or co-workers, as I'd feel like a failure, but I know that at times, I have been guilty of being a bit 'dramatic' about situations when Isla is perhaps playing up while I'm around visiting Mum and Dad. Not towards Isla as such, but just me huffing about going 'oh for goodness sake, why do you have to get into everything!' to try and get a bit of attention -------------  
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Posted By: whirlwinds
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 9:26pm
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We have had a family intervention, My mum and I have talked to the right companies about it all. My sister makes commitments/pleases the person we're dealing with and then goes back on her word. She makes arrangements to have someone to look after my nephew almost every weekend so she can go out on 'the town'.
My mum picks my nephew up 4 days a week from pre school and looks after him for approx 1.5 - 2 hrs every night until my sister gets home from work. |
Posted By: whirlwinds
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 9:31pm
| I might like to add, that my sister thinks that I believe that She should give up work. I don't. I think that if she put's in as much effort into her son, as she does her job, there wouldn't be an issue. |
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 11:38pm
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Do you think there could be a part of her that doesn't like him because of the father?
Also I find I have to make extra efforts with my DD cause she grates me at times. I worry we will have a difficult relationship when she grows up, I find my DS so much easier to be with. I wonder if I haven't bonded with her as well because I went back to work when she was little where as I haven't with my boy? So maybe your sister is the same? Also has she taken a parenting course? Maybe she's struggling so is taking it out on him? ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: UpsyDaisy
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 10:03am
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I am sad for your sisters son  Hard situation especially as you have sought some help before and she has gone back on her word.
I'm sorry I don't have any advice other than keep trying to get your sister help don't give up for your nephews sake. Spend as much time as possible with your nephew so he has some positive people around him. I think you are awesome for doing something about it and getting involved rather than letting this slide as some would do. |
Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 2:11pm
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I agree with Emz, being a mum is hard work, I'm not a working mum so don't know what I would be like after I got home from work.
Could it be that she needs some space after work and not just have her son thrown at her (although I know he's not been its him thats wanting attention) DD drives me CRAZY most of the time, which is why I like the weekends because mum is home and she becomes mums little buddy, but thats because its just DD and I most days and all she wants to do is sit on me or annoy me and I can't handle it all the time. Last night I had her and my partner leaning on me drove me mental because I had no space. TBH I have said similar things that your sister has said around DD and muttered things under my breath. I have threatened putting DD on trade me, throwing her out the window trading her in you name it out of frustration and stress I'm not there so don't know how its said, tone etc but is it possible that things like this are said out of frustration? My brother told me to chill out the other day because I got annoyed with DD and told her to go away. Good luck I hope you guys can sort something out ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 8:07pm
If I wasn't 6 months pregnant, I'd run up the 100-odd steps to creche to collect DD at the end of the day, I look forward to seeing her and greeting her with a big hug so much! But not everyone feels that way, and I know some days a bit of a post-work wind-down would be nice. Perhaps she could take a longer drive home or something so that she arrives home ready to see him? Good on you for standing up for him. I know he needs his mum, but at least make sure he knows he's got aunties etc who love him dearly and will give him plenty of cuddles. Do you think she could have unresolved PND? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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HoneybunsMa wrote:Posted By: MrsH
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 8:13pm
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I've got to admit that some days (and today is one of those days) that coming home from work to my wee man is hard. On Friday I just didn't want to come home and tonight I find myself craving some 'alone' time where I wish everyone was out and I was home alone.
I am certain that this is not about the little man and more about the support that she feels she might not be getting (note that I said 'feels' because regardless of what the facts are, if she feels a certain way, to her, that feeling is the fact). ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Shelt
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 9:01pm
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Being a single mum is incredibly hard work sometimes and I must admit that sometimes I am a bit harsher with DD than I mean to be. All the responsibilities can get on top of you and dealing with a clingy badly behaved child at the end of a long working day can be overwhelming.
However....I don't believe she should be behaving towards your nephew like that. She is the adult and needs to be able to handle her own frustrations most of the time and make him feel wanted and loved. I don't know what the solution is but I admire you for trying to sort it out. At least your nephew has you and your Mum who obviously love and care for him. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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