Accidently on purpose pregnancies
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Topic: Accidently on purpose pregnancies
Posted By: BeLoved
Subject: Accidently on purpose pregnancies
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 3:14pm
I really do not get the whole "accidently on purpose pregnancy" I cannot for one fathom that anyone would actually go behind their partners back and fall pregnant on purpose when DH/DP has specifically said they are not ready/keen. To me how can you bring a child into a relationship that is not 100% open and honest about possibly the most important thing you will ever do in your lives???
Also I don't get the whole "Oh I am not actually late for my AF but I think I might be pregnant, we BD'd when I was OV'ing and did not use protection, I hope I am not UTD" then test test test and oh I am UTD, I am so suprised and now I am going to tell everyone on OB and FB and announce it to the world when I am 4 weeks UTD???? I mean seriously how can you blatantly know you are OV'ing and then go and BD unprotected and then say you hope you are not UTD???? and how can anyone go and tell 100's of people and not tell their DH/DP first??? Yes my hundreds of ??????? are me expressing my complete lack of understanding in these circumstances.
And also while I possible ruffle feathers and start a debate I am going to ask how does anyone possibly think that adding another baby into a situation where one is not coping with parenthood and all that goes with it, is going to make things better, maybe I am just way off the mark but to me if I cannot give my 100% all to my existing children how the heck am I going to give anything to them when I am then UTD and then struggling with another child?
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Replies:
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 3:18pm
I so totally agree. We had a one night wonder pregnancy but we were both mentally prepared to bring another child into our family at that time.
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 3:20pm
Agree! I would love another but would never accidentally get pregnant on purpose just to fulfill that dream when DP has blatantly said no, not yet! I wanted a smaller age gap but looks like it'll be a 5-7 year gap! Boohoo for me but how could I live with myself if I got pregnant now when DP isn't ready for another and what say he left as a result? What then? I'd be stuck with 2 kiddies and tbh would probably have to go on the DPB to afford 2!
ETA: DD wasn't fully planned but had been discussed! And if DP hadn't been prepared to have been a father then I would have been able to do it alone but def. not now and not with 2!
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 3:26pm
Men should never trust that a woman will not or can not get pregnant anyway.
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 3:27pm
Oh and I wanted a 3rd (a while ago now) and I was waiting for hubby to say yes then we were going to try. I could of if I wanted to tricked him into the 3rd by keeping an eye on cycles etc but I didn't. That is selfish and not what a marriage is about in my eyes (and my marraige hasn't always been the best, I am the first to admit that).
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Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 3:28pm
Totally agree 100% Beloved! And they are the same people who then say they can't cope with the new baby, don't have any money, hate their DH blah blah blah. Very immature and irresponsible attitude. Pisses me right off!
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Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 3:29pm
That sounds like the kind of people who just want attention.
I always joked around with DH that I wouldn't mind getting pregnant on accident. But then we are still careful around the time of OV... if we were to 'accidentally' get pregnant, it would be a little bit of a surprise but not completely. We survived for 3 years without accidents so we have done pretty good.
The reason I would say I would love to 'accidentally' get pregnant, because thats all I have really known. You just carry on with life as it hits you. I think to actually make a solid decision freaks me out... what if everything just turns to custard and I have only myself to blame for the making the decision in the first place.
DH understands how I feel and I would never ever go behind his back and secretly get pregnant. It is definitely a decision we have to make together, weather we choose to fully plan it, or just wait and see if it 'accidentally' happens ;)
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Posted By: BeLoved
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 3:30pm
EXACTLY LuckyRed, it really rips my nightie! Especially when there are hundreds of couples out there who really struggle to fall pregnant and have a family!
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Posted By: BeLoved
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 3:32pm
Daizy I totally get that, its the going behind DH/DP's back that really miffs me! I would of loved to experience "just" falling pregnant, but alas it was not the case.
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 3:34pm
BeLoved wrote:
EXACTLY LuckyRed, it really rips my nightie! Especially when there are hundreds of couples out there who really struggle to fall pregnant and have a family! |
That's exactly how I felt/feel! I know I am so very, very lucky to have my DD and any future babies I may or may not have. To have a baby is such a special gift.
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Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 3:35pm
100% agree!! I am always amazed when people rant on and on about how hard everything is, how they're not coping and then Oops I might be UTD! craziness...
------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D
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Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 3:40pm
BeLoved wrote:
it really rips my nightie! |
Haha love it!!
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Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 3:40pm
Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 3:42pm
freckle wrote:
100% agree!! I am always amazed when people rant on and on about how hard everything is, how they're not coping and then Oops I might be UTD! craziness... |
Exactly Freck and then they make a song and dance out of it like it's a game
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Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 3:45pm
yeah cos two babies is soooooooooooooo much easier than one *she said sarcastically*
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Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 4:25pm
You know, my main coffee group is younger moms (i am the oldest by 3 years at the grand old age of 24) and AT LEAST half the babies were 'me and my boyfriend were having a fight so i stopped taking the pill to teach him a lesson' babies. Seriously freaks me out, if i were a guy and i knew this happens i'd never have sex with anyone ever again! One is 19 with a 9 month old, her and her partner fight constantly but she has always wanted the smallest age gap possible between her kids so wants to TTC now - of course her DH says no so she is poking holes in his condoms! . She "knows" once she's pregnant he'll be happy with the idea. I reckon he'll want her to get an abortion and they'll split up. Madness.
This is a massive pet peeve of mine, i can't believe people do it and i don't know if its just a Timaru thing but every girl i know doesnt see whats wrong with it - just oh i want a baby a) go off the pill and dont tell anyone or b) slut around in town hoping the 1 night stand will knock them up - that'll be easier because if they're smart the dad won't ever find out and interfere.
Mind boggles, it really does.
Oh, and you know what one of them says? They'll do anything for a benefit. Right, like thats a great reason to have a baby. And what if any of these random dudes you're trying to get sperm from has some genetic disorder to pass on? Or many other millions of reasons why this is a bad idea. But ooooh no, anything for a benefit.
Seriously, mindf**k.
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 4:36pm
whoa Bowie!!! thats disgusting,especially the one poking holes in the condoms,what an underhanded,selfish thing to do.
And meanwhile these poor kids are the ones that will bear the brunt of it.
Sounds like the girls you know,are the sort that give young mums a bad name and need to grow the hell up!
And Beloved,I agree 100% with you,especially on the part about people who struggle with one thinking another will fix things...a baby is not a bandaid,it wont fix things,it will make things harder.
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Posted By: Babykatnz
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 4:45pm
Gets up my nose too, then they expect everyone to ooh and ahh over them when they are pregnant... My younger 2 were planned and tried for, but only after DP agreed, I knew I wanted to TTC earlier but A) needed AF to return first, and B) I would never start trying to have a baby without DP agreeing first! I have had an actual accidental pregnancy, and neither of us were ready for it, our relationship suffered irreparably, as has my own relationship with that child (not just because of how he came to be, but that played a large part).
Although in saying all that, if the prospective father really didnt want to have kids yet, nothing stopping him from making sure! (although the pricking holes in condoms is worrying!)
The other ones that annoy me are the ones who are/arent/are/arent TTC... you either want a baby, or you dont, but stop being a bloody attention seeker while you sort your head out!
oh and 2 kids is pretty easy when you have a good age gap, but a toddler and a baby?... SO glad I got my tubes tied, never again!!
Freckle, i wholeheartedly agree with your comment about not coping, and oops I might be UTD...
------------- Brandon - 05/12/2003

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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 5:04pm
Hey Bowie....my nephew's girlfriend did that, pierced all his condoms , they lost a baby initially & then she did this, they were also not talking at the time & plus he doesn't recall sleeping with her, yep she jumped him one night when he was drunk...guess what...she's still on the DPB & he left the country.
I had a truly accidental baby, I had vague ideas of how bodies cycled and we always used protection, except that one arvo & I seriously said she'll be right, didn't hang around afterwards & yep got pregnant. That was a quickie that went pear shaped! #2 was well & truly discussed & planned for, just took a while, same as #3 as much as I would have loved a baby a year ago we waited until we definitely wanted to have the 3rd. We didn't want to try this month, that was a joint decision, I thought I was past ov, which is why I'm in the what are the chances thread as well.
To have more than one or two children needs to be thought of from the POV when they are at school...when the costs of child rearing escalates! My friend who has 4 says don't do it, too expensive, we weighed that up with the fact that if anything happens to one of our children (god forbid) that the other one is not left alone. This has come about because the very thing happened to a family friend & this struck a cord with us.
Having more children can never mend a relationship, a baby takes you way from your DH so much, when I had my second, I made sure that I gave myself to both my baby & didn't forget about my DH, a cuddle was all that surficed, but I didn't do this after my first & our relationship went on the rocks...imagine If I'd had another child, I guarantee we wouldn't be here trying for a 3rd.
------------- Kel
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A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12
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Posted By: JessDub
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 5:16pm
Agreed. It's a daft way to get the attention they so wildly desire.
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Posted By: Delli
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 5:23pm
Woah Bowie, you hang out with some crazies.
*bites tongue and refrains from making derogatory remarks about Timaru*
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 5:24pm
OMG I a disgusted with those woman who did that to those guys to get pregnant. I know a guy who has 3 children that were all "accidently on purpose" on her part. He loves his kids and has full custody of them as she couldn't handle them, all she wanted was the baby stage over and over again.
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Posted By: Mucky_Tiger
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 5:47pm
I know of 2 babies that are genuine accidents.
1. she was on the pill and somehow the condom broke (that he brought with him and she has no access to prior) but they still ended up with a baby
2. her mirena failed and she got pregnant.
i also know of a few "stabbed condoms" and "selective pill taking" babies..both the fathers had no idea and thought how the fark did that happen.
and all the babies are loved the same, but the relationshsips are definately diffrent, the accidently but on purpose babies have siblings now who are the result of the same thing, and the mums are single now.
and the others are still only children and the parents are very much in love and they are both thinking of planning their 2nd child soon
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Posted By: KiwiL
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 6:02pm
A genuine accident is one thing, but I think BeLoved is talking about people who want another baby but for whatever reason it's not a good idea. So they do the "accident" thing.
There's plenty of these women around.
"I am charting NOT to get pregnant but, oops, I knew I was ovulating but I couldn't POSSIBLY help myself, I had no self control and now *gasp* look at that!!"
It's amazing how many women are charting and know they are ovulating, and then pop up knowing FULL WELL that the chances are good, because that's the way they have planned it.
There's even those that pretend AF hasn't come back, are peeing on ovulation sticks etc, and then have an "accident".
I would say 9/10 the women that this "happens" to have good reasons right now not to get pregnant - either they're not coping, or finances are too tight or their other half don't want a baby... but for whatever selfish reasons they decide that their needs are greater than everyone elses. And then there is the big song and dance over the "am I/aren't I" drama.... attention seeking.
And then you have the blatant ones who do underhanded things like poke holes in condoms or stop taking the pill.
Yes, you could say it annoys me too. How could you ever do that to your significant other?
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 6:08pm
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 6:24pm
I'm just gobsmacked that people can have so little respect for their significant other to do this!!! HOw can you be part of a team when one of you need to sneak around like that?!!! And if its your husband/partner who is FINACIALLY supporting you while you stay at home then shouln't he really have "the last say" if the answer in his camp is no???? And on the other foot (because I had a husband who wanted me to get PG again straight away) as the person who has to nurture, carry and give birth to then nuture and get up this baby shouldn't I have last say if I'm in the no camp?
Seriously ADULTS in ADULT relationships don't play games like this with each other...or shouldn't...and if you haven't discussed children before you partner up/buy a house/get married then I'm afraid what kind of start is that in a relaitonship? especially if you can't agree. And if you havne't discussed and AGREED (because thats what teams/working relationships/parteners DO) after the birth of child number 1 then you haven't got a hope in hell. Lying, manipulation and sneaking are not hte basis of a solid marraige.
TRAPPED comes to mind.
------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 7:16pm
Yes, I think a few people have hit the nail on the head when they say attention seeking has a lot to do with 'oopsies' that people really aren't ready for.
As for flat-out deceit of your partner to get pregnant, it just makes me hurl. What kind of marriage have you got, if you'd do that?!?!
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Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 7:23pm
Jesus bowie - Id be finding a new coffee group!
And to OP - yip thats naff My DH's first wife did that - so he married her and bought them a house and then she ran off with someone else
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 7:44pm
Crikey Bowie - that sounds like a Jeremy Kyle episode.
Snap Raspberry Jam - that's exactly what happened to a friends brother, his gf didn't tell him she'd gone off the pill got pregnant told everyone she was keeping it regardless of what he said, went and had another one and then kicked him out of his house! Nobody was surprised at the result or how she behaved. Some poor buggers get used.
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Posted By: Littlechop
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 7:46pm
I believe my step son was an accident on purpose. A band aid baby for a seriously broken relationship .
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Posted By: naysgirl
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 8:09pm
I know of someone who got"accidently" pregnant. Well thats my thoughts anyway. She said she forgot to take the pill and then forgot to get the morning after pill and never mentioned to her boyfriend that she hadn't taken anything. Lo and behold, she's pregnant.
And their relationship was never fantastic in the first place and having a baby is no way to keep a man. She is quite young and a bit immature. I can never understand why you would knowingly get pregnant when you know your relationship isn't strong and you haven't been together that long (less than a year in this case).
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 8:36pm
Cause some people are naive enough to think that he'll love the baby so he'll stay & therefore love me...Men don't work that way...
------------- Kel
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A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 8:50pm
A baby is a good way to ruin a relationship, babies are hard work, emotionally, physically, mentally and financially.
Ours is a strong relationship the arrival of a newborn certainly tested us.
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Angel June 2012
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Posted By: dneyn
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 8:51pm
I got UTD accidentally twice, admittedly I should have known better the second time. I certainly didn't go around telling the world I might be or might not be pregnant. Didn't know when I ovulated, I was pretty young thou. And yip, my sons dad left me when I was pregnant, we had a rocky relationship and having two kids made it worse. We eventually broke up after 6 years of turbulence.
It appears my BIL s in the same boat, they have a 10months old and she is 17weeks pregnant. He was just about to go into the police force but she accdently got pregnant so he isnt going in the police force now. Will he be resentful?
I agree with you guys though, some people just want attention.
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Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 9:01pm
Ooooh i can't tell you how many times i've had the if you think you're pregnant, POAS - can't afford it? Your doc does them free. You're under 24, its free. Too ashamed? I'll come with you. Still too ashamed? We can go to family planning. Can't drive? I'll drive you. Just POAS already. And for the record if you can't afford a PS then you can't afford a baby. And if you're too ashamed to pee on a stick in a doctors bathroom you better home you're not pregnant because people will be seeing your vajayjay.
This is actually my biggest annoyance ever, i feel so much better for bitching about it
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 9:07pm
You go Bowie,let your inner b*tch out...
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Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 9:16pm
I dont get why people encourage the nutbars on here who represent this type of situation??!?? It's a lot more than just attention seeking, it's completely irresponsible.
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 9:26pm
Well said Laurie and fattarts! Well said!
Actually #2 and #3 for MIL were accidentally on purpose but Shh. FIL didn't want kids at all. And DP was a woopsie.
C&J I agree, babies are a good way to ruin a relationship because it is a big shock for most couples and not what they expected. For me I knew what I was getting myself into but DP who wanted to keep the baby (even though abortion wasn't an option at all for us) he hadn't thought about it in the beginning with a NB. That was a shock for him and all the hormones after birth etc... The number of times we discussed separating as a result... We did make it work though.
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Posted By: KiwiL
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 9:29pm
And well said LuckyRed! If more people called others on their behaviour, maybe we'd see less children born into unfortunate situations.
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 9:32pm
I forgot we could like posts!
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Posted By: IVFGirl1111
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 9:36pm
Doing ovulation tests and charting, then managing to have an oppsie right on ovulation then getting BFP all while the other half doesn't have a clue what's going on - yeah a real oopsie - yeah right!
But you know what peeves me off more than anything is girls on here doing this - their other halves having NO idea, yet we all know here what's going on and what they have done. That to me sux arse and I don't know how those woman can live with themselves.
------------- TTC 6 years IVF it is IVF/ICSI round one 10 eggs, 8 mature, 3 fertilised BFN IVF/ICSI #2 = 22 eggs! 20 mature, 15 fertilised, 1 fresh transfer and 2 frosties BFN 2 Frosties still in freezer thank god
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Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 9:43pm
I find it disgusting that anyone can have such an immature, uncaring attitude as if it's all a big laugh. We're not at high school, we are adults people! I know too many people, myself included who are struggling with fertility issues and miscarriages. Having a baby is a blessing and never something to be taken lightly.
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Posted By: KiwiL
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 9:59pm
Agreed. People should at very least just be upfront about it if they wanna be all underhanded and sneaky. All those "whoopsie, how did that happen" don't fool anyone. And why exactly do you care about fooling a bunch of people you've never met, when in reality you're just fooling yourself?
I guess what they say is true - tell a lie over and over and eventually you believe it yourself.
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Posted By: M2K
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 10:15pm
I don't get it either, but there are so many women who manipulate men, but as Jeremy Kyle says they "should've put something on the end of it" innit, but it seems to happen ALOT. Having sex won't make him love you, having a baby won't make him stay.
I've met a few (definately not friends of mine) who have kids to different men, collecting money from each man... playing stupid childish mindgames
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Posted By: blossombaby
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 10:16pm
Our dd is a 'How did that happen' we were pretty darn careful. We had talked about having babies but they were much futher down the list. DD has impacted our life hugely but i would say our relationship has come out better off .. not that we had a up and down one before this but i'm so thankful it made us before breaking us!!! soo i do think whoopies do happen for a reason and arent a bad thing
BUUUUUUUUUUUT there is noway i would do it on purpose and not inform dp .. come on most of us girls know when we are ov WITH OR WITHOUT af (still havent gone mine back tho just finished bf so shell be round to visit any day ) I do notice my body 'changing' in what would be ov just dont get aunt flow 2 weeks later
I think alot of husbands/ partners etc whould be truely upset if they saw what is said sometime son these boards!!!! alot of people give out WAY to much personal information. Cant believe some people post they are utd of here before tell the daddy!!!!!!!!
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Posted By: Lexidore
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 10:17pm
kiwilaurie wrote:
Agreed. People should at very least just be upfront about it if they wanna be all underhanded and sneaky. All those "whoopsie, how did that happen" don't fool anyone. And why exactly do you care about fooling a bunch of people you've never met, when in reality you're just fooling yourself?
I guess what they say is true - tell a lie over and over and eventually you believe it yourself. |
I think they do it to try and make themselves feel less guilty about the whole thing, if people are happy for them and praising them, they don't feel so bad about the horrible thing they have done.
Apparently my Mum did it to my dad with my youngest sister... thought it would help their marriage, they split 10 years later but should've been sooner 
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Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 10:50pm
I can pretty much guarantee that if I was to poke holes in condoms and I got pregnant that I would end up a single mother.
as much I would like another baby (although not for a couple more years) I have to respect my husband when he says no more.
but yeah I do think it is selfish to get pregnant when the guy has said that he doesnt want children/more children.
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Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 11:05pm
what a bloody eye opener this thread has turned out to be! Im quite gobsmacked!
I wouldnt ever choose to have a child on my own, or risk the relationship I have to have another child, and then end up being on my own.
I know there are situations in which being a solo parent happens, but Im sure most woman would prefer to have a good man to share the job with
I seem to get pregnant pretty easily (touchwood) but Im really P***ed for the woman out there who cant when mongrels like this treat a childs life as a pawn and take on parenting so darn lightly!! grrrr
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Posted By: _SMS_
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 7:28am
Raspberryjam wrote:
I wouldnt ever choose to have a child on my own, or risk the relationship I have to have another child, and then end up being on my own.
I know there are situations in which being a solo parent happens, but Im sure most woman would prefer to have a good man to share the job with
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That is true, im sure half the woman who do this dont care if they do end up single because they know how good our benefit system is and they will be fine
But yes, how can you have an 'accident' if you are charting
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 9:05am
I was a single mum at 20 with my eldest and although I told her father he could be as involved as he wanted or didn't want...its certainly not a life I would have chosen,she was a "just because you are 19 and partying etc a lot you really DO need to take the pill everyday and not just have a "bet I wont get pregnant anyway,she'll be right,attitude" baby.
Was not deliberate and for my laziness I ended up a single mum,don't regret HER one bit,but it definitely wasn't easy...these women are living in la la land if they think that getting pregnant deliberately when the father doesn't want to is the way to go...what does that say about them,not much really .Well some...bad things though
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Posted By: UpsyDaisy
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 9:35am
Hmm Bowie maybe explains all the real young mums I see about.... they need a reality check can't believe how selfish they are and what sort of loser deliberately chases a benefit...thats they way to the sweet life not. So angry for those children.
Definitely eye opening thread, so sad to think that some treat becoming a parent so lightly and that they deliberately ignore their SO wishes.
Having a baby is no way to keep a man and why would you even want to be with someone if you thought that was all that was keeping you together?
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Posted By: IVFGirl1111
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 9:53am
M2K wrote:
I don't get it either, but there are so many women who manipulate men, but as Jeremy Kyle says they "should've put something on the end of it" innit, but it seems to happen ALOT.
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That won't help though when the girls put holes in it LOL.
What annoys me SO much, is seeing people do it, then the guy be like WTF how did this happen, then they become all happy - he would be crushed if he knew! I think it's about time people started telling people what actually happened.
They clearly don't love their other halves, just want a baby. Sad sad sad.
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 10:24am
jules1980 wrote:
Hmm Bowie maybe explains all the real young mums I see about.... they need a reality check can't believe how selfish they are and what sort of loser deliberately chases a benefit...thats they way to the sweet life not. So angry for those children.
Definitely eye opening thread, so sad to think that some treat becoming a parent so lightly and that they deliberately ignore their SO wishes.
Having a baby is no way to keep a man and why would you even want to be with someone if you thought that was all that was keeping you together? |
Not all young mums.
But I think a lot of it has to do with TV shows for some young mums... Ie Teen Mom/16 and Pregnant. I do know of 2 girls from my old school who have apparently followed suit...
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Posted By: UpsyDaisy
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 10:40am
Sorry should not have generalised. Definately not all young mums are accidentally on purpose and am sure older women who should know better do this too.
Just that the town where I live has alot of young mums - have read its higher than the national average - maybe for some if you don't go away to uni to study another option is stay here and have a baby by fair means or not?
Off topic I know but a guilty pleasure of mine is watching 16 and pregnant - how come Farrah and some of the other mums have time to do a full on face of make-up? I guess those shows just normalise it.
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Posted By: ....
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 11:04am
@Bowie Christ, I really hope for the sake of our nation and our world that 'Timaru Girls' aren't all over the place.
Remember at school when half of the girls would fake pregnant and when they realized they had to have a baby at the end of the charade, they'd all have mysterious overnight miscarriages?
@jules1980 Ha, I love Farrah's ugly crying face.
I've also discovered a lot of young girls assume they are infertile because they've had sex unprotected once and not become pregnant.
My wee fella came along because my OB told me I would be unable to conceive after emergency surgery on a cyst left me with only one ovary, but here I am, anxiously awaiting my unplanned, but not unwanted little boy.
In the parenting class I took during my second trimester, I was the oldest (21) of the 5 of us who were pregnant, the youngest 15.
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Posted By: LadyBee
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 11:32am
Im going to spend all our money, go on the dol, have a fight with DH tell him were not trying for a baby, go on the pill, buy condoms, poke holes in them, "forget to take the pill", shag DH on the right time of the month by "accident" of course, ....then I might actually fall pregnant!!
Its the recipe to get UTD isnt it?
------------- TTC for 4 1/2 years IVF #1 - April 2012 short BFP, no frosties IVF #2 - August 2012, BFP!! 3 frosties!
http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Nadia
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 11:54am
I agree very much so with BeLoved and would never bring a baby into a relationship that both me and DH didn't want. As it was this one was a fantastic suprise as I had a miscarige with our first try and we waited 5months and was going to wait another 3 or so but found out that we were to have our little boy whos due on the 30th. We both wanted a baby so thats fine but I would never lie to get a baby its so wrong.
BUT in saying that I have knowen a couple of women that would just about do anything to have a baby and even though I say to DH how wrong it is I can see why they want it so bad. To have a baby is a amazing thing to cradle that newborn in your arms (I cant wait for my turn) and all these women seem to think about is having that baby and they seem to lose all sence of the real world of having a baby and there dream world. Sometimes it makes me seem sorry for then not to be able to have one as there single or there DP don't want one and this is when the "Accidents" come in.
Also to the comments about age and how its all the young girls doing this I disagree. I am 18yrs old and have been married for 2 and a half years. I am mature for my age I know but that dose not mean that all these teen mums and I know theres alot of them! are ones that get knocked up both the women I mentioned before where in there late 20's or early 30's and I have found that they are more likley to be the ones to lie about being preggy than a teen getting preggy and lieing about it. Thats just my say anyway.
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Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 12:01pm
BecBarrer wrote:
@Bowie Christ, I really hope for the sake of our nation and our world that 'Timaru Girls' aren't all over the place.
Remember at school when half of the girls would fake pregnant and when they realized they had to have a baby at the end of the charade, they'd all have mysterious overnight miscarriages? |
TRUE THAT, which is so so so f**ked up i can't even comprehend it. But it happens SO FREAKING OFTEN. What is wrong with Timaru!? (I only moved here aged 17 so i got the tail end of it all). It seems like everyone gets drunk, has a one night stand, then says its rape, then say they're pregnant, then say they miscarried all the while some poor 16 year old boy is crapping his dacks at the concept while they sit around in with their friends having a jolly good laugh and rubbing their non existant stomachs, some going as far as buying little outfits.
Seriously this actually makes me so rageful i cant even speak. I can't even comprehend.
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Posted By: ooEvaoo
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 12:19pm
Sad isn't it.....and it shows that the person obviously has no hope for reconciliation based on solely working on the relationship. Doesn't say much for the partnership at all. Yes there have been times when DF has said no more kids for X number of years, and I've been devastated but alas the time has arrived..and now it's me slowing the brakes on things lol...only cos I want to work on preparing a healthy vessel lol. There are two people in a relationship and to deceive one in regards to such a huge matter is disgusting. It's a problem across the board from younger to older. Age doesn't make a good mum.......or partner.
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 12:24pm
My friend was desperate to have a baby,she told her fiance when they got engaged that she wanted to start trying 6 months after their wedding....6months after,he wasn't ready,they both weren't financially either...so as much as she wanted one,she waited 2 years and now,they have a beautiful daughter who they were both ready for,and shes so glad she waited till her husband was ready.
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 1:01pm
what about women who choose to get pregnant to a stranger just to fulfil their desire to have a baby?
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Posted By: Joscia
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 1:19pm
Well, that's fine - so long as there's no underhanded, manipulative deception involved...
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Posted By: Isabella
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 1:22pm
Wow this thread is certainly interesting!! I am so glad to hear that it is the overwhelming majority of people who find this concept disgusting..
I know that one of my old friends (she would have been about 16/17) tried to get UTD to my now DH to 'keep him'... Thankfully for him and the potential child (and me!) this never eventuated! But we talk about it every now and again how she used to brag to people about trying to trick him into it (stuff like the holes in condoms, saying she was on the pill when she wasnt etc). We sit there thinking - wow the kid would be 12 now..
It used to wind me up SO MUCH walking through town etc seeing poor bubbas/toddlers filthy, old raggy clothes, grumpy absent mums sucking on the end of a cancer stick right next to their faces, our neighbours with their two small (DPB collecting) toddlers having screaming matches every weekend, and parties with loud music most nights.. I would sit there thinking - the only reason I have not TCC yet is because I am studying for a career - to provide the best I can for our baby, I wanted to be married beforehand, own a house beforehand... But these bas*a*ds just keep having oopsies - the poor kids have no choice in the matter! I often wonder who decides - why was our wee pumpkin lucky enough to be born into a family who love her and give all they can, and these other poor kids are dumped on these lost causes...
But I am rather a pessimistic person thou I guess
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Posted By: _H_
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 1:25pm
Firstly we are a couple that have fertility issues so these types of people really annoy me!
My friend slept with a 16 year old (he was 20 at the time) and didnt use a condom as she said she was told by a doctor she couldnt pregnant, they now have a son together! His fault for being so dumb but she isnt even 20 yet and she has two kids with different dads. My friend has moved to be closer to his son and wants to be in his life but she makes it really for him
My cousin is another one, had a accident baby at 16 and before baby was born they broke up. They then went on to have 2 more before they were 19 and they wont even together!!! He honestly though she was on the pill and she just wanted double the DPB (stupid girl!) dont know why they had the 3rd one
There needs to be a breeding licence, I dont know how it would work, but until BOTH parents show that they would be fit parents they cant have kids
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Posted By: Isabella
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 1:47pm
So agree with the breeding licence - interesting the reversible sterilisation the govt is talking about..
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 2:28pm
Joscia wrote:
Well, that's fine - so long as there's no underhanded, manipulative deception involved... |
so sleeping with someone with the intent to get pregnant and not tell them is deceptive or only if the person you are sleeping with is your partner/husband?
------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 2:30pm
Joscia wrote:
Well, that's fine - so long as there's no underhanded, manipulative deception involved... |
I have to respectfully disagree - what about the child who will at some point to be old enough to ask about its father? What about hereditry diseases? What about STI's that could be transmitted during the birth? What about family history of heart disease, strokes, cancer?* What happens to that man in 20 years when the child tracks him down, or he gets chased up by IRD for child support payments to a woman who he doesnt remember? And to be honest i think sleeping with a guy purposely to get pregnant without his knowledge or consent is the definiton of underhanded, manipulalitve deception!
Unless of course you crossposted and your comment wasnt supposed to be right under Bizzys!
*Though i get this point is kind of half half as i guess a lot of adopted children don't have a full medical history for their biological parents.
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 2:32pm
Joscia wrote:
Well, that's fine - so long as there's no underhanded, manipulative deception involved... |
well I think it is just as bad...or maybe worse. The man is going to have a child he does not know about or planned on having or he is going to be stuck with child support for yrs, & for something a women decided on before he met her...
At the end of the day you are either tricking your partner into have a baby or a stranger.
If you are in a relationship where you want kids & he doesn't then get out, find someone who does.
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 2:43pm
Depends what Joscia means.. I have no issue with women getting pregnant to an sperm donor with a fertilty clinic for example. That's got no deception etc in it
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Posted By: Caronz
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 2:52pm
Im just wondering if moving to Timaru will solve our fertility issue??
------------- TTC since 06 with MFI
IVF with ICSI 2007 BFN
DI Sept 08=BFP DS 06/09
TTC #2 since June 2010
DI#2 Aug10=BFP MC@10weeks
2011= 10 rounds of DI 4 with clomid- all neg
May 2012- IVF
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Posted By: Joscia
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 2:59pm
I was thinking more in terms of using a sperm donor to intentionally get pregnant and 'fulfil the desire to have a baby' - as the implication I took from Bizzy's post, rather than a random, unprotected root with a stranger hoping / intending to get knocked up... Which, I think we would all agree was more than a bit selfish / irresponsible / nutty etc... 
------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: AbzandH
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 3:23pm
Man i know of too many of these cases!!!
Another one, "oh i love my bf so much, so glad we have this beautiful girl together, oh look it's not working and we broke up, and now he wants a paternity test, oh s*it now he knows i cheated on him... and I can't remember who with, shame my girl and I will never know who her dad is, certainly not the guy who spent a year trying to be her dad, and his parents who looked after her every weekend, built a wee cotage for us to live in, and paid for everything".... TRUE STORY!!!! And now the kid is with the grandparents (her parents) funny that!!
Meh I have a cousin who stole her man off another girl, (made a pact with her that they would both leave him when they found out about each other) but no, just a cover up! Then we he decides to move with his parents, wow shes pregnant!! Then when he decides they all need to move to be with them, wow pregnant again! Only this time he puts his foot down, they move, she comes back for a holiday, meets another guy, and stays......
Tragic at best!
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Posted By: TheBabe
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 4:51pm
People think society has advanced with all the 'human rights' and 'do what you like' freedoms there are now but IMO we've regressed terribly!
Intentionally becoming a single parent is irresponsible, selfish and shows no thought for the child you conceive and tricking your DH/DP/BF into having a baby is deceitful, irresponsible and selfish.
Women complain that there aren't any good guys around anymore but has anyone stopped to think that we're not setting the bar very high for them? Women have become slutty, cheap, disposable, basically just a commodity. We'll put up with anything just to 'be loved' and we'll do anything that gets us our own way (like getting knocked up against the wishes of our OHs!) Obviously this is a generalisation but its definitely a situation thats more and more common. Its resulting in more and more father-less kids, blended families and unskilled, unhappy mothers. IMO the new breed of female is killing off the good guys who want a family to cherish and protect (coz seriously what guy is going to trust a woman and want the commitment of family after either watching his mother play little miss slutty-pants with any guy she took a fancy too regardless of consequences, or had a run-in with a conniving bitch who used him and threw him away?!) and its biting us in the arse. Its about we raised the standard and started treating ourselves AND our menfolk with the respect and honour required for healthy, strong, loving relationships and families. Possibly slightly off-topic but its what I thought after reading the posts on here...
------------- Formerly 'Babe'
Mama to my beautiful, busy boys
Jake 01-07-2007
Tyler 20-02-2010
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 4:58pm
I got UTD accidentally to someone whom I never told about the baby, I terminated the pregnancy - he'll never know. Don't see why he should. I can bet there are a lot of women who have been in exactly the same situation as me.
ETA - I wasn't wanting to get UTD we didn't use contraceptive either, was incredibly stupid and dumb thing to do.
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Angel June 2012
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 5:46pm
TheBabe wrote:
Intentionally becoming a single parent is irresponsible, selfish and shows no thought for the child you conceive and tricking your DH/DP/BF into having a baby is deceitful, irresponsible and selfish.
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i wholeheartedly agree with that statement.
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 5:58pm
kebakat wrote:
Depends what Joscia means.. I have no issue with women getting pregnant to an sperm donor with a fertilty clinic for example. That's got no deception etc in it |
I have no problems with that either. I think they should support themselves & not be reliant on the government to provide for the child.
I have issues with the ones who just use a guy to have a baby & too hell with the consequences.
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Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 6:02pm
I wholeheartedly agree with that statement if you mean chicks who get knocked up on purpose from one night stands or tricking a partner - i don't think a single mom by choice via sperm donar is irresponsible or selfish but we all have our opinions of course.
I have to admit (for those who don't know it) i AM a single mother and i feel irresponsible and selfish often as i left his father before he was born for many good reasons but sometimes feel i should have sucked it up and done the 'right thing' to have a 'proper' family for DS. End of the day, my decisions have deprived my son and his dad from having the relationship they could have and i feel guilty about that every day.
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Posted By: TheBabe
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 6:17pm
Bowie we all make decisions where either knowingly or in hindsight we're aware it wasn't the wisest choice. I don't think its about 'sucking it up' OR providing a 'proper' family for our kids once the deed has been done (I left my ex-husband not long after DS1 was born so I'm not judging people because I *haven't* made those mistakes IYKWIM) but I DO think we should make more of a stand regarding getting preg in the first place. Why do we immediately have to jump into bed with a guy? How bout figuring out if hes the kinda guy you'd want a family with BEFORE you get in that situation?? And TBH alot of people leave relationships that could be saved simply coz they don't get their own way or they don't have the skills, or they're lazy. I'm just talking generally - if people showed a little more self-control and taste then guys wouldn't get screwed over by grubby-mitt hoes and girls wouldn't be getting knocked up then dumped... We're breeding an entire generation of children who think this kinda sh*t is ok! Children being raised by children (and I don't care how 'mature' a 14/15/16/17yo THINKS they are, having a baby is just plain stupid!) with no schooling, no skills and no hope for the future!! Hahahaha sooooo off-topic now...
ETA Just to clarify - I was thinking about people who set out to get preg 'just because' or people who take the risk while *knowing* the relationship wouldn't work out if you got UTD and I consider myself in that category :shrug: the difficult time I went through plays a large part in why I think this way but its a generalised opinion of society and, as opinions do, it adjusts itself case-by-case, i.e I take responsibility for being unwise staying in my situation as long as I did and allowing myself to get pregnant (though it wasn't planned!) but leaving was a good decision and made me a better parent while I think a friend of mine is an idiot for having a bandaid baby then leaving then going back to him and getting knocked up again. I certainly don't apply the generalised opinion to individuals and I certainly don't intend to upset anyone on here.
------------- Formerly 'Babe'
Mama to my beautiful, busy boys
Jake 01-07-2007
Tyler 20-02-2010
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Posted By: dneyn
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 6:38pm
I was a solo mum and knew that I would be as soon as I found out I was UTD, it wasnt intentional and I didn't expect anything from the father. I thinki could have had a termination ( was only 17), but realized I loved my child and it wasn't his fault that I was stupid and pathetic. My second son is to another father and a man I was with for 6 years, again I got UTD unintentionally and he left me when he found out I was UTD and again I could have had a termination but I didn't. He came back when our son was born but eventually we broke up. In hindsight I think I knew that I could get pregnant at the time but I think I was stupid enough to think it would change my partner.
In the meantime, I was studying and completed my nursing degree while been a solo mum and supporting my children the best way I
could. By all means I would not wish this on anyone else and I have had a very tough ride, but fortunately I grew up, settled meet my amazing husband and now after 5.5years together have our son together as well as our blended family. I am extremely blessed with all my family and would not change my decisions for the world.
I agree though with what a lot of you have said, decieving you OH to the point that you poke holes in condoms is disgusting!
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Master 11
Master 9
Master 1
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 6:45pm
Bowie - IMO its worse to stay in a relationship that's not working for the sake of the kids than to split and move on.
Your son can still have a relationship with his Dad without you having to be with him. That's as much up to his Father as to your decisions.
In the end people do what they want with their own lives, however it comes as no surprise to me that NZ has such a high rate of child abuse when you look at the attitude of some of the parents.
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Angel June 2012
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 8:03pm
Bowie wrote:
I wholeheartedly agree with that statement if you mean chicks who get knocked up on purpose from one night stands or tricking a partner - i don't think a single mom by choice via sperm donar is irresponsible or selfish but we all have our opinions of course.
I have to admit (for those who don't know it) i AM a single mother and i feel irresponsible and selfish often as i left his father before he was born for many good reasons but sometimes feel i should have sucked it up and done the 'right thing' to have a 'proper' family for DS. End of the day, my decisions have deprived my son and his dad from having the relationship they could have and i feel guilty about that every day. |
I got pregnant and then Caitlyn's dad and I broke up when I was 7 weeks...he did try and say we should get married,but I didn't love him anymore and what was I going to do? marry some guy just to have the image of the family and have him and I ...and our baby of course absolutely miserable? no,that does nobody any favours.
I would much rather have parents seperate and happy,than miserable and together.
What im trying to say is don't feel guilty,if hes gonna be a dad,he will find ways to do that whether you are together or apart,and unless you have done what this thread is about,which is basically deliberately and knowingly used a guy for his sperm...you don't have anything to feel selfish about,families come in all shapes and sizes,and the world isn't so black and white that its always best if baby is raised by the 2 people that made them.
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 8:05pm
haha,which ,reading the other posts,is what CaliAndJack basically just said
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Posted By: pikelets
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 8:06pm
BeLoved - are you talking about my sister-in-law?? It sure sounds like her!
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3 Angels - Dec10 / Mar11 / Dec11
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Posted By: Kalimirella
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 8:18pm
Slightly off topic but to do with it, I think men should be able to opt out of being a dad, by opt out I mean sign an affidavit saying they want nothing to do with their child (and this would be perfect for those who have been tricked into having a baby or 1 night stands) and then not have to pay child support. After all why should they have to pay for a child they didn't want in the first place?
I've got to say our first child was an unexpected surprise (in that we had talked about protection but not gotten around to getting it, then we did get protection but of course just a "little" too late) so we knew there was a chance but just (rather stupidly) didn't think it would happen to us. Just adding in, I did tell him straight away when I felt pregnant and also said that I knew it wasn't planned on either of our parts and that he could leave if he wanted but either way I was keeping our child.
Our 2nd is a planned child, in that we talked about it and while DP would've preferred to wait a bit longer after a few long discussions WE agreed to try for another so I could go off the pill and if it happened, it happened (IT happened rather fast!)
I don't get people who use getting pregnant to keep a guy, babies are really really hard work, it requires a LOT of communication and effort to keep a relationship going with the added demands of a newborn (and then toddler) in the mix.
This is all just my opinion of course!
And as for those Timaru mums you know Bowie, just WOW! and OMG! and what the hell are they thinking (or not thinking)!
------------- Kiara is 3 and Teagan is 2, now we're expecting our long awaited 3rd! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 8:31pm
Kalimirella wrote:
Slightly off topic but to do with it, I think men should be able to opt out of being a dad, by opt out I mean sign an affidavit saying they want nothing to do with their child (and this would be perfect for those who have been tricked into having a baby or 1 night stands) and then not have to pay child support. After all why should they have to pay for a child they didn't want in the first place?
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so there is no responsibility on the man?? they can go around making babies everywhere and sign to say they don't want anything to do with them... Even with condoms there is a risk of pregnancy, so if men and woman are going to have casual sex they are taking a risk and need to be prepared to deal with the consequences... IMO of course
------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 8:32pm
Kalimirella wrote:
Slightly off topic but to do with it, I think men should be able to opt out of being a dad, by opt out I mean sign an affidavit saying they want nothing to do with their child (and this would be perfect for those who have been tricked into having a baby or 1 night stands) and then not have to pay child support. After all why should they have to pay for a child they didn't want in the first place? |
I don't agree with this, there are plenty of guys opting out as it is. If a man doesn't want children with the woman he's having sex with then he should put a condom on and take some responsibility for ensuring there is protection.
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Angel June 2012
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Posted By: SquishysMum
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 8:32pm
_SMS_ wrote:
But yes, how can you have an 'accident' if you are charting  |
Funnily enough, it can happen... DD was a whoopsie baby using Natural Family Planning, I thought I knew my cycle inside out, but a freak early ovulation (had never had a cycle less than 32 days, DD was conceived on a 27 day cycle) put paid to our plans.
HOWEVER - we BOTH decided to go for NFP and go off the pill, and we BOTH knew that it (as any contraceptive) wasn't foolproof. So while she was earlier than we had envisaged, she was by no means an accident!
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Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 8:42pm
freckle wrote:
Kalimirella wrote:
Slightly off topic but to do with it, I think men should be able to opt out of being a dad, by opt out I mean sign an affidavit saying they want nothing to do with their child (and this would be perfect for those who have been tricked into having a baby or 1 night stands) and then not have to pay child support. After all why should they have to pay for a child they didn't want in the first place?
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so there is no responsibility on the man?? they can go around making babies everywhere and sign to say they don't want anything to do with them... Even with condoms there is a risk of pregnancy, so if men and woman are going to have casual sex they are taking a risk and need to be prepared to deal with the consequences... IMO of course  |
^^ what she said. There is ALWAYS the risk of PG when you have sex. Don't want the risk - don't have sex.
------------- Mum to two wee boys
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Posted By: mothermercury
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 8:43pm
Kalimirella wrote:
Slightly off topic but to do with it, I think men should be able to opt out of being a dad, by opt out I mean sign an affidavit saying they want nothing to do with their child (and this would be perfect for those who have been tricked into having a baby or 1 night stands) and then not have to pay child support. After all why should they have to pay for a child they didn't want in the first place? |
I can see this getting abused by guys who haven't been "tricked" into having a baby, and simply don't want to pay child support. These people already exist and to actually give them the satisfaction of getting their own way and relinquishing all responsibility... well, that just does not sit right with me at all. Why should the woman be held 100% responsible for raising and paying for the child? Yes, there are some nutty women who trick men into having babies, but I'd say most single mothers have not ended up that way by choice, and have NOT tricked anyone into procreating. There are lots of men who already shirk their parental duties, and they shouldn't get the option to do it legally just because they don't feel like it.
ETA: What I'm trying to say is that it would be exceptionally difficult to make sure only legitimately hard-done-by men signed these affidavits, and that we'd be opening up a very ugly can of worms if any old guy could go and sign away his rights.
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Posted By: Delli
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 8:45pm
I think the idea Kalimirella was trying to get across (although, I could be wrong here - apologies Kalimirella if I am) was that women can opt out of pregnancy/children by having an abortion, so men should be able to have an opt out as well. Currently, the man has no say in whether a woman keeps or aborts his baby whether he wants it or not. E.g. man didn't want a baby, woman accidentally on purpose (stabbing holes in condoms etc) got pregnant, man has to be responsible and pay child support etc even though he didn't want the baby in the first place and would have chosen abortion if he could....
I don't agree with that idea though
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 8:48pm
Don't have sex = no baby but that's not realistic either!
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Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 8:56pm
High9 wrote:
Don't have sex = no baby but that's not realistic either! |
I think that is realistic... if you really don't want the risk of pregnancy with the person you are having sex with, then you shouldn't be doing it...
------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 9:17pm
And I completely agree but things happen to make it not realistic! But was the one thing my mum said to me!
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Posted By: _H_
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 9:27pm
caliandjack wrote:
Bowie -IMO its worse to stay in a relationship that's not working for the sake of the kids than to split and move on.
Your son can still have a relationship with his Dad without you having to be with him. That's as much up to his Father as to your decisions.
In the end people do what they want with their own lives, however it comes as no surprise to me that NZ has such a high rate of child abuse when you look at the attitude of some of the parents. |
I agree parents shouldnt stay together for their kids, but if both parties wanted the baby in the first place they are more likely to be good parents even if they arent in the relationship anymore.
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Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 9:58pm
freckle wrote:
High9 wrote:
Don't have sex = no baby but that's not realistic either! |
I think that is realistic... if you really don't want the risk of pregnancy with the person you are having sex with, then you shouldn't be doing it...
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Plus there's always sexually transmitted diseases which is an even bigger risk. If you're not in a committed relationship use a condom, it's not rocket science!
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 10:11pm
LuckyRed wrote:
freckle wrote:
High9 wrote:
Don't have sex = no baby but that's not realistic either! |
I think that is realistic... if you really don't want the risk of pregnancy with the person you are having sex with, then you shouldn't be doing it...
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Plus there's always sexually transmitted diseases which is an even bigger risk. If you're not in a committed relationship use a condom, it's not rocket science! |
Very true!
Also someone mentioned the whole having unprotected sex and not getting pregnant so infertile... I have to admit this was my DP and I - naively when we were about 16. But then a whoopsie and I got a bit more clued up about everything so we used protection and if we didn't have any I assumed 28 day cycle like clock work and average woman OVs around what day 14/15 - I forget now... So we did that successfully for ages but did have a 'slip up' but were a lot more prepared for it than we were at 16! Now have our beautiful daughter!
------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: snugglebug
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 10:11pm
reading this all i can think is omg why would anyone think baby would save a relationship? Having a baby and the stress it brings has really put our relationship to the test nearly to breaking point in the early days, and he was a very much wanted very planned baby in a very stable loving marriage! I love my son more than anything in the whole world but my god if ever there was something that would break a relationship it would be a baby, i would say if your relationship is shaky dont have one!!! I agree, if you dont want a baby then why even be charting or thinking about when you ovulate at all. Contraception is easy if you are committed to it working. Im not even thinking of another baby as even if i wanted one, we can afford one baby but not two at the moment, and i dont want to have another if i cant give it all ive been able to give my ds. And after pnd reflux etc etc etc itll be a big decision when i do go there again. I believe the only accident babies are when the usually reliable contraception fails. If there was no contraception, it isnt an accident.
------------- Me 28, DH 29 DS born 20 Nov 2010 (4 years old) #2 due October 7 http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 10:11pm
LuckyRed wrote:
freckle wrote:
High9 wrote:
Don't have sex = no baby but that's not realistic either! |
I think that is realistic... if you really don't want the risk of pregnancy with the person you are having sex with, then you shouldn't be doing it...
|
Plus there's always sexually transmitted diseases which is an even bigger risk. If you're not in a committed relationship use a condom, it's not rocket science! |
------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MissAngel
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 10:29pm
Gosh! lol. What a read!
Thomas was a genuine whoopsie. I was on the pill, taking it properly at the same time every day, no anti-b's or anything (DH must have super wigglies) and I got UTD when we'd only been together 6 months!
I have a few friends who have gone out on the town looking for 'donors' because they dont want the man and a couple who have got UTD on purpose to try and save relationships. NEVER works. Lily was a bit of a whoops too, only we'd decided after saying yes to another bub, that we'd wait a bit. I was already preg hehe.
Some people are mental!
------------- Alex, Thomas and Lily http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 10:46pm
wiggly_jiggly wrote:
, if you dont want a baby then why even be charting or thinking about when you ovulate at all. Contraception is easy if you are committed to it working. |
Charting is a form of contraception, it's basically Natural family planning, just written down in a fancy way. I was initially using it to know when to NOT have sex with my DH. Then I got bored with it so suffered the rain jackets.
------------- Kel
http://lilypie.com">
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12
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