Competitive Family Members
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=38141
Printed Date: 28 August 2025 at 2:29pm
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Topic: Competitive Family Members
Posted By: mum+1
Subject: Competitive Family Members
Date Posted: 24 February 2011 at 6:01pm
Hi all, Thanks for having me on the website. Hopefully you can help me with some tips. I have a very competitive family member who has a baby only 7weeks younger than mine. She makes very nasty comments and wants her child to be first at everything. Shes not the sort of person whom you can just ask not to do it anymore. It is very upsetting for me as I am a first time mother and she has had more than one. Any great ideas to deal with this??? I can no longer 'just ignore' her.
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Replies:
Posted By: _SMS_
Date Posted: 24 February 2011 at 6:45pm
She sounds like a dick 
All babies do things in there own time. I really dont know why people compare babies when they are all different. I would just keep ignoring it. I know its hard but if you are happy with your baby and their milestones who cares what she has to say. -------------  
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Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 24 February 2011 at 6:49pm
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Hi, welcome to OB. I do have a competitve brother who's #1 is 7wks older than my #2, fortunately though it is all done in jest and we give eachother a bit of ribbing.
By the sounds of it there isn't much you can do if she isn't going to stop or be nicer if you ask. Other than ignoring her can you limit the time spent with her? Can someone else in the family talk to her about stopping her nasty comments or 'stick up' for you when she does say something. Are the babies the same gender? If not then maybe you could remind her that the different genders develop at different rates and stages. I am sorry that I haven't been much help but I didn't want to read and run. It can be very hard being a first time mum and not knowing what to expect at each changing stage. I remember too that Jack seemed to be behind all his coffee group friends with most development stages except cutting teeth, it was very hard dealing with being slower at developing even though it evens out in the end.  and I hope you manage to find a solution------------- Lindsey 
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Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 24 February 2011 at 6:50pm
I agree! ------------- Lindsey
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_SMS_ wrote:Posted By: mothermercury
Date Posted: 24 February 2011 at 7:37pm
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Sounds like a twit. I'd probably just do my best to avoid her if I were you. I'd really be biting my tongue not to make snide comments back!
Try not to take to heart what she says too much. She sounds poisonous and I'm willing to bet you're not the only person who's noticed! |
Posted By: mum+1
Date Posted: 24 February 2011 at 8:03pm
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Thanks for the advice. I think the only thing I can do is try ignore her and avoid her as much as possible. My daughter is doing everything shes meant to be doing for her age. Nastya boy but wanted a girl so I think jealousy has something to do with it. and _SMS_ your right, it is so hard not to say anything back. I usually walk away. Shes even started commenting on me- Ive been dieting for the last few weeks and have done really well and she makes comments like I look like I've put on weight (she knows Im dieting). Miss Shell poisonous is the word Id most use to describe her! And yes a lot of people have noticed. Shame my daughter cant grow up with her cousin without the negativity of her aunty
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Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 24 February 2011 at 8:05pm
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babies will do things in their own time by the time children are around 2-3 years of age they are pretty much at the same level.
my daughter was the last baby in my antenatal group to walk but now at 3 years of age (unless you ask the parents) you would not have any idea who walked at 10 months and who walked at 15 months. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 24 February 2011 at 8:13pm
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Yes it does sound like she is very jealous! ------------- Lindsey
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Posted By: Danda08
Date Posted: 24 February 2011 at 8:15pm
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I don't have any suggestions for dealing with her I'm afraid other than just to remind yourself that it does sound like she is a jealous and insecure person.
I've got prem twins so they are behind most other babies the same age with lots of stuff (twins are usually slower to reach milestones anyway and add to it being 6 weeks prem). I'm quite happy about it to be honest cos it means I get to enjoy my babies being babies for longer  and can put off having to baby proof everything  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: mum+1
Date Posted: 24 February 2011 at 8:21pm
| Im happy with my girl the way she is. If she doesnt walk until 18months who cares! Its just a shame really. Hope no one else has this problem. It sucks for a first time mum. Everyhting you do seems to be wrong and you doubt yourself as it is, dont need someone else saying the things she is. Nice to be able to talk about it and know there is support out there |
Posted By: kandk
Date Posted: 24 February 2011 at 8:39pm
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One thing you could try is to get in first in a gently ironic sort of way. Comment in a suitably amazed fashion at how well her baby is doing, or growing, or looking, or how thin/gorgeous she herself is looking . If you go over the top enough with fulsome praise she 'might' start to get the hint (unless she is incredibly insensitive or just plain poisonous, as you said.) Anyway, you can have a bit of a secret laugh poking fun at her pretensions, and for her there's not much challenge in needling someone who agrees with what she says or says it first!
Good luck!  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 24 February 2011 at 9:47pm
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Can't help but you've had some really good suggestions.
I had a similar problem except that DD is the older by 6 weeks and I didn't have a problem with how either of the two kids developed, nephews mum and family would make comments of oh in 6weeks he'll be walking.. I know they develop at different rates and DD did everything quickly where as nephew did things slowly I never even commented on it because I didn't care, aside from saying I was jealous that she developed too quickly ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: mrsturtle
Date Posted: 24 February 2011 at 10:57pm
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Urgh i have a sister exactly the same.... Her 2 children have always done everything before any of ours although i dont call being toilet trained just not wearing nappies and peeing everwhere but she carried a potty around in her nappy bag to pull out when ever he started so she could catch some and say he was toilet trained.....screws loose ???? i think so! She was actually angry when E walked at 11 months and said we must have been making her do it ????!!!!!
Anyway basicaly I have very little contact with her (unless she wants something then she constantly rings) and at family things i just stear clear of her. Not sure if that is much help sorry. |
Posted By: mum+1
Date Posted: 25 February 2011 at 11:30am
| Thanks Shannon, same situation! I do the same as you, well try to anyway. Its hard when we are both at home during the day so she just turns up most of the time but when she calls or texts it is when she wants something, baby sitting usually. My daughter is doing things before her son but I really do beleive its just a jealousy issue so will keep ignoring it. Thanks for all the great info. Will let you know how it goes over the weekend- dinner at their house |
Posted By: mum+1
Date Posted: 25 February 2011 at 11:33am
| oh and if she calls that toilet trained Id hate to see what happens at kindy or when they go to school????? |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 25 February 2011 at 1:28pm
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Just tell her at least your kid is better looking ;) ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: MamaT
Date Posted: 25 February 2011 at 3:39pm
Hahaha, love it -------------  
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 25 February 2011 at 4:14pm
hee hee
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Posted By: mum+1
Date Posted: 28 February 2011 at 5:46pm
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Hello Ladies,
Dinner went really really well, until.... DP decided now would be a great time to say that we are trying for #2 already... we got told that its going be too hard for us with 2 under 2 and that I wont cope at home with them. Ill be too stressed to care what im eating and that I wont lose weight. Now Im NOT pregnant yet but I DO NOT want to share my good news with her when it does happen until the very last minute I can. ARGHHHH she also tells me in the most horrible tone that they were talking about having another now aswell!!!! I give up... I nearly walked out. I wanted to tell her exactly what I thought of her. DDP (darling darling partner) decided at that moment I needed to go get ice cream with him, bless his heart, and that cooled me down. But if it happens again I really wont be able to hold back, she will be told in a polite manner that she needs to SHUT UP! thank you for all your advise ladies, I did try
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Posted By: Mucky_Tiger
Date Posted: 28 February 2011 at 7:09pm
| if you are only thinking about #2 and not really serious you should see if they are, or if they just said it to try be competitive with "I got pregnant first" |
Posted By: mrsturtle
Date Posted: 28 February 2011 at 7:10pm
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Oh my god are you sure its not my sister???? When we announced we were pregnant with Charlie a 16 1/2 month age gap if was a very simmilar response. oh you were so sick with emilys pregnancy you will never cope with this pregnancy etc. And then there were the comments about how hard life will be and we will regret it blah blah blah. She has a 3 yr age gap and apparently studies have shown thats the best gap blah blah blah...
on the toilet training and kindy thats a minor issue they told her they would no longer take him full time due to his disruptive behaviour.... |
Posted By: mum+1
Date Posted: 01 March 2011 at 8:08pm
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LOL that is hilarious!!! sure its not the same person but maybe we should get them in the same room and see how they like LOL
We are very serious about #2 we have already started the BD. I doubt that her husband would have another one now, baby was very difficult where as mine, no word a lie, mine was a angel. So I think it was just a stab at me to see if it was true or not |
Posted By: Mucky_Tiger
Date Posted: 02 March 2011 at 11:44am
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hehe once your preg (and theyre not) you can say to them "seems were better than you. we get pregnant quicker"
she may take it very offensively though |
Posted By: millymollymandy
Date Posted: 02 March 2011 at 2:49pm
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Good lord some of these rellies are awlful. Once again I think thank goodness you can choose your friends!
We are are having number two first in my family. We were pleased that we won't be getting expert opinions from my rellies on how to raise two kids. Sounds harsh but true. |