Thoughts??
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Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37840
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Topic: Thoughts??
Posted By: bopmum
Subject: Thoughts??
Date Posted: 02 February 2011 at 10:36pm
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DP - or I should call him DF now - and I are planning our wedding for May this year. We are having it in Napier, only small about 40 people, but they have to travel. We are putting on drinks and nibbles after the ceremony and then thinking of getting everyone to stay at the same place and have a little "party" after, where we will put on food and some more drink.
What we are thinking of doing is asking people not to buy us gifts and to contribute $50 per couple or $25 per head to go towards us buying the booze for afterwards. Instead of saying BYO and then everyone having their own drink in the corner - if you know what i mean. What would you think if you got a wedding invite asking you to do this? Knowing that you had to get down to Napier and then also pay for somewhere to stay, the place we are looking at staying at is the camp ground so there are lots of different options and price range for people to choose from. We have both been married before hence the reason for a small wedding and no gifts. Any thoughts or ideas would be great! TIA  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: linda
Date Posted: 02 February 2011 at 10:44pm
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I think its a great idea. If people think its to expensive then they wont go so you do need to realise that might happen. We got married in Australia and was pleasantly surprised at the great friends who came over to celebrate it with us.
------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Alex 6 and Harry 8 |
Posted By: kiwi2
Date Posted: 02 February 2011 at 10:45pm
| I wouldn't stipulate an amount but I think it is becoming more common these days to ask for money in lieu of gifts. Most people would spend $50 -$100 or more on a gift. They would also be expected to travel and find accommodation. Since you have been married and have your home all set up then money would be far more practical. |
Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 02 February 2011 at 11:57pm
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I personally woudnt have a problem paying for my own meal/being asked to bring a plate of food but would be taken back if I asked to contribute towards alcohol especially since I dont drink myself.
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http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 03 February 2011 at 6:41am
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I agree with NovemberMum - I'm not drinking while I'm breastfeeding, and even if I wasn't, I'd never drink $25 worth. If I was close to you, I'd probably go, but feel it was a bit off, if I wasn't too close to you I'd probably decline the invitation.
On the other hand, I wouldn't be at all taken aback by a request for money instead of a gift. I even suspect many people might give more than you were thinking of asking for, so you might have a bit left over for a treat for yourselves. You know your guests, though... go with what you feel is right. -------------   
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Posted By: newme
Date Posted: 03 February 2011 at 7:53am
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Personally I would be annoyed by it, especially if I was paying to travel, possibly take time off work, and then paying for accommodation.
I would rather be told to BYO, then you can just bring what you want to drink and control the amount you spend. But if you did a 'wishing well', it comes across differently, and you wouldn't feel that it was just contributing to booze. And to be honest, as a couple we would probably put in more than $50 anyway. |
Posted By: _H_
Date Posted: 03 February 2011 at 7:54am
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We going to have a money tree at our wedding. It will have envelopes on it and everyone can put money in one without other people knowing how much they put in.
I agree with Hopes and NovemberMum I wouldnt want to put money in for alcohol as i dont really drink but i would be happy to give a gift of money  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: QTMum
Date Posted: 03 February 2011 at 7:57am
First of all, congratulations! 
I'm probably just repeating what has been said already. Personaly I would be mildly offended to be charged to attend a friends wedding. However in saying that I would have no problem with being asked for cash rather than gifts. I don't see how that would be any different to a gift register or honeymoon register. It's all how you phrase it really. I definately wouldn't stipulate an amount and I'd be prepared for some people to bring a gift instead of cash anyway because that is what they are more comfortable with ,especialy the older generation who I think struggle with this sort of thing a bit more. There was a wedding forum that I used to use when planning our wedding where this sort of thing was discussed quite a bit. It seems to be something that people are quite divided on. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: gypsynita
Date Posted: 03 February 2011 at 10:10am
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yep i agree with QTmum - I think it's a bit crass TBH to ask for a specific sum, especially if you're already asking people to travel and telling them where they have to stay. A wishing well or something similar is much more subtle and then people can just put in what they can afford.
We had to miss a wedding in Napier earlier this year cause just couldn't afford the petrol + accommodation + present. ------------- Anita Mum to Cian (Aug 08), Josh (Jun 10) http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: bopmum
Date Posted: 03 February 2011 at 11:08am
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Awesome thanks heaps for your honest opinions! I'm kind of in the same boat as not putting an amount of it, but DF thinks we should. There are something for us to think over.
Thanks again! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 03 February 2011 at 11:24am
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Perhaps it could be a suggested amount then?
I would probably say "towards catering costs" so it is not just boozy-sounding. -------------  |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 03 February 2011 at 2:05pm
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If the $ are for booze then I would not be happy to put in $ for that, if it was for a meal & you had to pay for your own instead of giving a present I would be ok with that.
You will have to take into account what you are offering will it be sprits or just beer & wine, will some drink it dry where others only get a couple. I would rather BYO & drink what I wanted than only get 1 or 2 drinks cause I did not drink fast enough & the money on the bar ran out. There maybe some that want to buy presents & not give money so you maybe short of $ if relying on everyone putting $ in. Some may give $10 & others may give more. Best wedding I went to was in a park with bubbles & nibbles & then to a restaurant for dinner & everyone that wanted to go for as meal paid there own way. You need to take into account guests need to pay for travel, accommodation, meals while away, present or money for you. Will they want to pay $25 a head for booze? |
Posted By: rachndean
Date Posted: 03 February 2011 at 2:08pm
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We went to a family wedding a few years ago that was a fair distance from home (4 hours drive). They asked for everyone to pay a $25 per head contribution towards food, and they had a set bar tab on the bar. Everyone was aware that once their bar tab was reached, it was a cash bar. I think it worked great!
Congratulations btw! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
DD Savannah 18.01.04 DS Austin 04.09.08 |
Posted By: JadeC
Date Posted: 03 February 2011 at 10:14pm
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You'll have to make sure you cater for everyone - I HATE beer and wine, and that's all anyone ever serves, so I would be grumpy if I put in $25.
To be honest I don't think it's in the best taste to ask, esp if people are paying for the accomodation where you specify as well. You've got 4 months until the wedding - if you put aside $25 a week until then, you'd have $400 to spend on alcohol. Esp since there are places that let you return un-opened bottles as well. ------------- http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 04 February 2011 at 1:12pm
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It's so tricky and the thing with weddings is that someone is going to bitch about it no matter how you do it, so you won't please everyone.
I personally wouldn't mind, but i am a booze hag and would drink my $25 and all you other non drinking ladies too! I think if people are travelling it may be harder to ask as this does incur costs, but in saying that they can choose whether to attend based on that knowledge. If you ask for $ instead of gifts instead, that is a more common way of doing this and tbh you'll get more than $50 per couple. One person at our wedding gave us $400!! tbh if you are going to another venue could you just say that only the reception part is covered and people have to byo for the party. That would be fairer for the non-drinkers or those with particular tastes. I wouldn't bat an eye at that cos you have already catered for the reception as such and this is the piss up aftermatch. If you have some cash left over closer to the end then you can put some money into a mixed case of wine and a few dozen beers etc. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 04 February 2011 at 1:57pm
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I've been to a garden wedding where we were asked to bring a salad or dessert instead of a gift.
The couple put on a spit/bbq and supplied the alcohol for those that wanted it. It worked out fine. Most of our guests travelled for our wedding I enquired at the closest motel to the venue and got a 10% discount of the room rate for all of our guests. We paid for everything else though, with guests making their own arrangements for travel and accommodation. There's only so much you can expect to pay for. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: Angs1982
Date Posted: 04 February 2011 at 8:33pm
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If you did a wishing well, could you just pay for the booze yourself and then take the cash from the wishing well to cover the booze cost??????? Did that make sense?
I guess you don't want people to think you are asking for a gift tho? |
Posted By: Flossie
Date Posted: 04 February 2011 at 8:41pm
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TBH I would easily spend $25 - $50 on a wedding gift so would have no problem giving to the cost of drinks. My parents have been invited to my cousins wedding and its 3 hours drive away so they will have pay for accomodation and then they want everyone to bring a plate, byo - drinks and then mentioned a money wishing well! I think that is way too much I feel they should have left the wishing well off! But thats just my opinion, each to their own really GL with your wedding and the planning of it - which is so much fun!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Keleho
Date Posted: 04 February 2011 at 9:19pm
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Unless the invite was from a really close friend and I had discussed it with her prior to getting the invite, i think id probably be a bit miffed at the 'contribute $25 per person for booze' bit.
But if it was asking for money in lieu of gifts, i would likely give $50-100 anyway. Its not that the idea isnt good, its just that I wouldnt expect to be paying directly for food or alcohol at someones wedding - especially as I dont really drink. From this discussion alone, it seems that some would be ok with it, others would be offended or a bit put out so translating that to your guests, I think it might be better to go down the 'cash instead of gifts' route, and use that to pay for alcohol rather than potentially offend family or friends. Congratulations - hope your wedding day goes well
ETA - putting 'cash in lieu of gifts to go towards catering/wedding costs' as someone suggested would also be good. We asked for farmers vouchers for gifts and found those who got us them liked to know what the vouchers were spent on so that way, they will know how their 'gift' has been used. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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