How would you REALLY feel?
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Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37772
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Topic: How would you REALLY feel?
Posted By: RachFizz
Subject: How would you REALLY feel?
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 2:28pm
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Hey all, DH and I have finally set a date to TTC, but I am going to be a bridesmaid for one of my best friends in September. We're planning to wait til May, and it may take a while to conceive so probably wouldn't stand out very much, BUT if DH is happy to try earlier I would definitely want to and that would put me at 6 or 7 months at the wedding. I haven't asked her (the bride) how she would feel about a bump in her BM line-up, but I have a feeling people would say they don't mind but secretly be annoyed..? I really don't wanna take any attention away from her by standing out! I'll be the 2nd BM of 4 (incl MOH)
So my question is: would it bother you to have a preggy bridesmaid?
Probably silly to worry bout this so long before it even happens but ah well may as well ask. TIA for any comments ------------- TTC#1 since Apr11 On hold for study! |
Replies:
Posted By: Kazper
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 2:35pm
Nope wouldn't bother me one bit. You wouldn't be stealing the attention I wouldn't think. The bride in the white is always going to have the most anyway 
I know one woman who was very particular. She even told her best friend she couldn't be a bridesmaid (she had 4 of them) because she was slightly over weight. She wanted them all to be similar build, height and had to be very attractive. I thought that was really horrible. ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/545141" rel="nofollow">  |
Posted By: Anonymous55
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 2:39pm
You're kidding me, right? 
That is one of the most horrible things I have heard of. Karma is gonna get her back when her husband leaves her for a young chick one day! 
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Kazper wrote:Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 2:46pm
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Go for it! If she's a good friend, she will be so happy for you and not care in the slightest. When I was asked to be bridesmaid I had just found out I was preg. Wouldnt be at the time of the wedding but would be breastfeeding. Her other bridesmaid was due a week earlier!!! She wasnt fussed at all
Bumps at weddings are totally normal these days and just a sign of the family thing that a wedding and kids are. Pregnant bridesmaids are nothing...hell, pregnant brides are quite normal too. |
Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 2:46pm
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nope would not bother me at all.
I certainly woudlnt tell one of my BM not to TTC before the wedding day that is decision between her and her partner. infact I wouldnt even expect her to tell me she is TTC. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: JD
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 2:47pm
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Wouldnt bother me. I was pg and a bridesmaid twice (same pregnancy). The first one I was about 6 months and the last one I was 8 months. To be honest, it sucked a bit for me because i didn't look as nice (imo) as the other bridesmaides. when I was 8 months pg we had long red dresses and I felt like a huge red tomato instead of elegant like the others :-)
If she really is a friend, it shouldn't bother her in the least. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 3:03pm
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I wouldn't mind either.
I was about 7mths pg with Jack when I was a bridesmaid at Bro and SILs wedding. SIL was more than happy to still have me and there were only 2 BM's incl me. She decided on a 2 piece dress for us which worked well for me and I still looked good, plus it was easier for the dressmaker to alter just before the wedding day. ------------- Lindsey 
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Posted By: fairy1
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 3:03pm
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If she really is a friend then it shouldn't bother her as she would be happy for you. You would know your friend so if you think she will be a bridezilla then she probably would mind but you shouldn't out your plans on hold as it sounds like you have been thinking about it for a while.
I know my sister wouldn't like it and probably wouldn't have the person as a bridesmaid. She has a friend who she wasn't sure if to ask to be her bridesmaid because of the way she cut her hair. She decided to ask her since her hair would be longer then. I was bit surprised but then my sister is a bit odd. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: QTMum
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 3:07pm
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nope me neither. One of my bridesmaids was pregnant and I can honestly say that i was not bothered at all. I was thrilled for her.
I think it would be a very strange sort of person to care about something like that. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: sbeach
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 3:13pm
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I wouldnt mind... one of my BM was 5 months pg at my wedding... the only hassle was we had bought the dresses early (they were on sale) and then she found out she was UTD (a happy surprise) and we had to exchange her dress for a larger size but I didnt mind. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: RachFizz
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 4:11pm
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Thanks for all the replies ladies ------------- TTC#1 since Apr11 On hold for study! |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 4:14pm
No probs, in fact would probably have been really excited for my preggy friend and hoping for something to rub off  -------------  |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 4:23pm
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Its pretty much near impossible to out do a woman in a big white dress, you'll be fine.
As you aren't utd yet you can't say for certain if you will be preggers or how far along you will be. Dressmakers can easily accommodate you. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: Zaylah
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 4:43pm
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My friend had two bridesmaids, myself and her sister. We were both pregnant and she was fine with it (well at least I think so! she knew her sister was pregnant and knew we were hoping to start trying). Definitely didn't take the spotlight away from her. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Emmi_
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 4:46pm
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Nah I say go for it! I was 18w at my friends wedding (and one of 2 BM) the other BM was BFing. I looked fat (in that too many pies kinda way) but she didnt mind at all! I would have been 8m if I hadnt MCed, but I didnt think to run TTC past her ------------- 
+1 May 09 Angel 
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 6:36pm
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I completely wouldn't mind, I mean it's life so it wouldn't bother me in the slightest! If you want you can run it by her but like someone else mentioned it's her day and everyone will be there for her so I don't think you'd take the attention away from her (no offense!) iygwim? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Kazper
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 6:51pm
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Remembering my wedding one of the bridesmaids was just going to have had a baby so I actually altered her dress for more comfort and made the straps so that it would be super easy for her to bf in during the evening. ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/545141" rel="nofollow"> |
Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 9:20pm
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I was a pregnant bridesmaid, my friend didn't mind at all....if she had minded, I wouldn't have been in her wedding party and we probably wouldn't have been friends in the first place, cos she isn't the type to care.
A bit different, but my wedding I had to have my best friend, (had to as in,couldn't get married without her there ) and she has arthritis so is pretty skinny, so there was a lot of work involved altering her dress, making wraps to cover her arms,finding full length dresses cos she is ashamed of her legs (except when shes drunk....) but I didn't mind a bit,because my wedding would not have been perfect, had she not been in it. I think if your friend is really a friend,she will just be happy for you. ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: kandk
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 9:47pm
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One of my bridesmaids was 8 months pg, and it was fine. Had to make sure she got a sturdy groomsman to escort her across the snow though!
She got the dress finally fitted only a few days beforehand. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 30 January 2011 at 10:25pm
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I say go for it too! I was in a similar situation when my best friend asked me to be her Matron of Honor, we were TTC, but I asked her as soon as she asked me if she was ok with the potential of me being pregnant. She was absolutely fine with it. As it happened, by the time she got married I had already had Jackson so it was all good anyways ------------- Our Angel July 08 Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived 
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Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 31 January 2011 at 8:28am
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I wouldn't have minded at all, you choose your bridemaids because they are your best friends not because you want your wedding photos to look like they're from vogue or something. I'd probably been a little annoyed if I'd already brought the dress and stuff but still would have had her and been thrilled.
We know of someone who didn't have her best friend of 25 years in her wedding party because she is short (like 5 nothing) and overweight, and she didn't think she'd look good in the dress she'd chosen ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 31 January 2011 at 9:12am
I'd be stoked to have a pregnant bridesmaid, actually, it would add lots of character to the photos  As has been said, there's no chance you can take attention from the lady in the white dress!
I was pregnant when I was a bridesmaid for my sisters wedding, but only 15 weeks, so I actually just ended up looking plump 
And these people who care more about the look for the wedding than who's in it need to get a life. Seriously - how sad would it be to live like that???? -------------   
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Posted By: ereynolds
Date Posted: 31 January 2011 at 9:19am
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Totally agree with your last comment, Hopes!
I think far too many people are too concerned with the actual wedding day and not with the marriage ahead. My friend did jokingly tell me not to get preg before the wedding because it would be a pain to alter the dress, but she did say it with a smile and I knew she wasn't serious. As it turns out, I got preg 2 months later ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: newme
Date Posted: 31 January 2011 at 9:35am
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I wouldn't mind, but my cousin told all 3 of her bridesmaids that they were not to get pregnant before the big day, or they would be replaced!! I thought that was terrible. So there are def a few people who do mind.
But if I were you, I would go ahead and get pregnant anyway, if that is what you want to do. Most friends would be really happy and excited for you, and it wouldn't cross their minds to be upset about it. |
Posted By: RachFizz
Date Posted: 31 January 2011 at 3:15pm
Yeah she isn't normally the type to care about those things, but she has been pretty stressed lately. The groom's stepmum is due the day after the wedding, and there's family dramas-ish on both sides. He insists on getting married in his airforce uniform, which she isn't thrilled about, so I didn't wanna be the 'last straw' lol. But I'm sure it will be fine Plus my aunty is amazing at sewing (she made my dress, oh and the bridesmaid's and flowergirl !!) so I'm sure she wouldn't mind altering my dress  ------------- TTC#1 since Apr11 On hold for study! |
Posted By: Mucky_Tiger
Date Posted: 31 January 2011 at 4:16pm
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we went to our friends wedding in jan last year.
one BM was sarahs sister (E) and the other her best friend (J) J had just found out she was preg (pill failure) 2 days before sarah asked. J otld sarah and sarah said i dont care i want you anyway. but to get their dresses to match Sarah brought maternity dresses. E not preg looked stunning and J 22wks preg looked totally amazing. but of course the bride was still the centre of attention and no one noticed the preg J and most thought she was just 'plump' |
Posted By: heaf3
Date Posted: 01 February 2011 at 2:20pm
my SIL was going to be around 35 weeks preggy at my wedding, at first i was like OH NO!! when she told me, but then i was like, meh, will be cool! never eventuated though because she m/c 
i saw a photo of a girl from my school's wedding and one of her BM's was preggy, they all had different styles of dresses for each of the BM's and they just got her one that suited her bump, looked pretty cool actually. eta: and YAY!! for setting a date ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: BessieBear
Date Posted: 01 February 2011 at 2:39pm
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My big sis is getting married maybe next april and I'm planning on being UTD and she wants me to be a BM. ------------- Sarah Mum to, Boy 07/2008, Girl 03/2010, Boy 05/2012, Angel 07/08/2014
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Posted By: RachFizz
Date Posted: 01 February 2011 at 10:26pm
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Thanks Heaf! Yeah I'm real excited Will most likely change though depending on finances, but I'm hoping for the best. And it's definitely great having DH on the same page ------------- TTC#1 since Apr11 On hold for study! |
Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 02 February 2011 at 9:25am
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One thing I learned when TTC was not to put life on hold because you just don't know what's going to happen.
The other is, if your friend didn't like it, would that make you put TTC on hold until afterwards? I'm guessing you'd rather give up the wedding than a baby, in which case - don't worry about it, just go on as you intended ------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: PorterLou
Date Posted: 25 February 2011 at 9:52pm
Thats right - my only concern was that if you are too pregnant you might not be able to travel. I suppose until Boy makes up his mind, I can't give you an ETA on when I will need you...so do as planned, and I'll just work around you, favie... -------------   
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Posted By: HuntersMama
Date Posted: 26 February 2011 at 12:53pm
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Go for it! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 26 February 2011 at 6:23pm
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My bridesmaid - and I had only one - got preg in the lead up to the wedding and TBH I was a bit annoyed. Mainly cos since there was only her and I have no family here I was kinda relying on her to help me quite a bit. I did say to her if she didn't want to still do it, I would be fine with it, but she did and she managed beautifully and looked amazing. The way she looked was never going to be my issue however the fact I was relying on her alot was. Didn't end up being a big deal tho.
The dress we chose meant that she actually didn't even look pregnant (and she was 6 mo along) in fact, I looked fatter tahn she did. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: rorylex
Date Posted: 26 February 2011 at 7:41pm
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i was 26wks when i was a bm for my bil's wedding, we knew when looking for dresses that i may have been pregnant so we found the right dress and put it hol til the next day and i did a test that night and it was pos+. bride was also my bf so i told her everything, i rang her a min later. only shame was the nice dress we had picked.
I was also 26wks at my own wedding. ------------- Mummy to 4 boys Samuel - 18.6.05 Rory - 15.7.06 Mason - 13.06.08 Emmett - 24.01.10 Baby #5 - cooking |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 26 February 2011 at 7:44pm
| I did have a preggy bridesmaid |