Newbie - Getting ready to TTC
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Category: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Name: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Description: Trying to get pregnant? Going through fertility treatment? Just planning your first or second child? There are many people out there in the same boat to help and listen and share with
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36640
Printed Date: 24 August 2025 at 10:36pm
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Topic: Newbie - Getting ready to TTC
Posted By: Rachie123
Subject: Newbie - Getting ready to TTC
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 3:05pm
Hey everyone! My name is Rachael, I have been browsing the forum this afternoon and decided I was ready to post (despite not figuring out what all of the acronyms being used here mean  , lol).
I'm 26, living in a long term de facto relationship with my partner and doing research before taking the plunge into the big world of parenting. I have been thinking about having a baby and feel emotionally ready for this step in our life. We have had the "talk" (which was met with surprise and fear initially but resulted in excitement and planning at the end). I have been doing a little bit of reading but would welcome any suggestions for preparation before trying to conceive. I am aiming to start trying in January 2011 to avoid the stressful busy period of December and to hopefully have a spring baby. Is it normal or common for the guy to be less clucky? My partner has said he would like a family but has a bit of fear (which I suppose it natural right?) Should I avoid the issue until he comes to me and says he is absolutely ready or is that likely to result in a situation where is never happens? I'm 27 in January and don't want to leave it too late to try as I am quite aware that conception becomes more difficult as we age. We are emotionally and financially stable and I feel we are in the right place in our lives to take the next step. Sorry for the long winded post, I just need some advise and perspective from others. - Rach xoxo 
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Replies:
Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 3:49pm
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How long ago did you have the talk? I told DH I was ready when he was, and he stewed on it for a while, we had a few more *talks* and then one day he said, how about I stop taking the pill today?
IMO it was awesome that we waited until we were both ready, because it is a huge thing to embark on, and for me to manage a pregnancy and then a very full-on unwell baby and my career I needed his full commitment. And yes, a bit of apprehension is inevitable. It was especially hard for DH as he'd never been around babies, so he really didn't know what he was agreeing to, if that makes sense? Thats why I'm extra stoked that he's keen for #2, cos now he knows what we're getting into and he STILL wants it 
Aside from that, if you are wanting to TTC in Jan, you need to think about starting taking folic acid in December ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Rachie123
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 4:15pm
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We first had the talk about a month ago and at first he was... "Omg, have you thought it through?" "But they cost so much money." *I have so much still to landscape on the section" "What about sleepless nights, that will be stressful" etc etc. We talked for the remainder of the evening, openly and honestly. I explained that I shared some of the same fears but that in the grand scheme of things, they were not huge obstacles. I have been thinking about it and considering all the joys and hurdles for a good 6+ months (especially considering 2 close friends had their firsts just under a year ago, I just adore their babies and feel overwhelmed with the desire to have one of my own).
By the end of the conversation, he was excited and talking about all the milestones one comes to expect with parenting... first steps, reading stories, going on little adventures filled with first experiences and excitements such as birthdays and playground activities, bike rides and zoo outings. Every now and then he surprises me by saying something in reference to a baby like last night he mentioned something about ways that we could potentially rearrange the spare room as a childs room and in the weekend, we went to a baby store to get a gift for a baby shower (I am honestly surrounded in pregnant friends at the moment, no doubt fuelling my excitement), and I caught him wondering around looking at prams and toys and mentioning the items he liked. But then today, when I started talking to him about baby names and pre-pregnancy steps such as folic acid and iron etc, he kept changing the subject, talking about needing to get paving stones for the garden this weekend and trimming trees on the section. So not really sure... either he is still uncertain and is up and down in his enthusiasm, or maybe I am over the top clucky and it is tiring for him. I just don't want to pressure him and worry that I read the situations wrong. |
Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 4:21pm
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I find with men it is best to plant the seed and then walk away I know with my DH if I keep talking about something he will go off the idea - every time without fail. I have it down to a fine art now
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Posted By: Rachie123
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 4:42pm
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Ahhh, Little_Red... you are very wise! I think I will let it lay for now and let him marinade in the idea for now. Save my baby talks for my girlfriends, potentially quietly prepare my body etc and reassess the situation in Jan 2011.
Thank you guys for your advice and insight. I think I have it on the brain too much and need to relax a little. I look forward to reading through the forum and hopefully getting to know you all better. :) |
Posted By: RachFizz
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 6:47pm
If you want you could join in with the 'waiting to TTC' thread. It's good to chat with other ppl who are waiting also Well I've found it good anyway !  ------------- TTC#1 since Apr11 On hold for study! |
Posted By: CrazyCass
Date Posted: 12 November 2010 at 9:11am
Dont stress about DP, we'd set semi dates but I got impatient and visited the Dr early  which has worked out fine - DF reckoned he needed the push to get the 'ball rolling' as we're almost at the point that we're stuck in our ways and could quite easily not have a baby.
I've also been told they really dont get too involved in the whole thing until they can see the scans, and feel kicks etc etc (and no matter how macho the guy they will melt once a bundle arrives in their hands!) Yup def get onto the FA - online is the cheapest buying the boxes of 100 is the cheapest (bout $70 + $5 postage) ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Princess_Bubs
Date Posted: 12 November 2010 at 9:37am
Little Red - You're a genuis! This is really what I need to do ! I've been nagging (which I hate!!!!) dp for the past 6 months and he's gone up and down between " TTC Soon, TTC at Christmas, TTC later next year" has driven me mad going back and fourth. At the moment he's said January so fingers crossed. Big problem though is that my constant talking about all things baby is driving a wedge between us. I know we're much more likely to start trying soon if I can just stop hassling him about it. Question for you ladies - When I'm about to start talking about babies - how do I stop myself !?!?!?! (I really haven't been talking about much else since my m/c to be honest) ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Two Precious Angel Babies 2010 / 2011 
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Little_Red wrote:Posted By: CrazyCass
Date Posted: 12 November 2010 at 11:58am
Cant help on that one - DF is well and truely sick of it, I jump between 3 topics at the moment.... Baby, Holiday in Feb & The wedding  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: KarenMae
Date Posted: 12 November 2010 at 10:01pm
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Princess Bubs - IMO do you think maybe your DP is a little scared after the m/c? Did you find out how he felt through it - most men try and keep it in and be strong for us ladies, and not really deal with the emotions.
It might surprise you to find out exactly how deep the m/c hurt him. He could be scared to lose another pregnancy, and he might also be scared for you, seeing what you went through. Maybe a talk about the m/c will sort those feelings out, and he'll jump on the baby bandwagon with gusto  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Princess_Bubs
Date Posted: 15 November 2010 at 10:23am
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Thanks Karen!
We did actually have a talk along these lines in the weekend, and he did admit for the first time that he was scared of me having another m/c, and also scared of being a parent in general. This may well sound daft, but after me pointing out that he's got 9 months of getting used to the idea while I'm pregnant. and then we'll learn together about the different stages of parenting as they happen, he did seem to relax a bit. (and also had to point out that we should have had a one month old baby by now, and we would have been just fine!!!) I'm still trying really hard to bite my tongue and stop talking about babies so much, as Little Red said - it's best to plant the seed and walk away! Fingers crossed he's still keen to TTC in January and doesn't chicken out again. I don't think I'll cope too well if he changes his mind again :( xx ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> Two Precious Angel Babies 2010 / 2011
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Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 15 November 2010 at 5:27pm
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My other tip is to only bring up the thing that you really really want when he's in a good mood, like having a beer, or out walking the dogs or just had a really good day at work, or especially on holiday! I have a cocker spaniel as proof that my method works - crafted during our holiday last year on the Sunshine Coast
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Posted By: Kylieaw
Date Posted: 16 November 2010 at 7:44pm
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Hahaha I can so relate!!! I have always been overly clucky and I just love kids. I am always talking about kids, whether they are the ones from my work, ones I see when I am out, or our future babies. i don't know how he puts up with me, but I can't stop doing it! He refuses to really talk about the future yet, but I know he is excited because he often asks when I am going to get pregnant and he will partake in baby names. I often indulge in baby talk with my mum, but it oes suck because none of my friends are at this stage in their lives so I can't talk much about it all. Little_Red you are so right! When he is in a good mood he is actually willing to listen to me without rolling his eyes :P and he will comment on some things. I guess some men are just like that!!! ------------- Kylie http://lilypie.com"> 
"I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child can bring" |