Deciding whether or not to have a 3rd...
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Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
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Topic: Deciding whether or not to have a 3rd...
Posted By: _Deb_
Subject: Deciding whether or not to have a 3rd...
Date Posted: 05 November 2010 at 11:22am
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What helped you make the decision?? DP is keen and would happily have a 3rd but i'm not so sure.
Well i would actually love to have a 3rd but there are a few things that put me off. The main one being my 2 both had reflux and were both terrible sleepers till 9-10 months. I'm really worried the 3rd would be the same. My daughter was worse than my son. She had a dairy intolerance and i think she had colic too. She screamed A LOT when she was younger, for hours everyday. The worst time she screamed for 8 hours!! She was pretty much over the reflux by 6 months and that's when she stopped crying so much. She's an awesome little girl though and i wouldn't be without her. Even if she can still be a little grump. lol. Plus i worry about the usual things like money, and maybe needing a bigger car and 2 of the kids having to share a room or renting a bigger house. If we do have a 3rd it won't be till our son is at school, so a couple of years away. Anyway i'm rambling a bit. Haha. Just wanted to get that off my chest. So feel free to share your stories. Maybe it'll help me decide.  ------------- 
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Replies:
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 05 November 2010 at 12:04pm
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Bahahahahahahhahaha....this was me a few months ago!!
I've now decided nope to #3. Even though a few months ago we decided to do a year of not trying not preventing. Now i'm preventing LOL 2 main reasons - financial - possible hierdiary defect. Also I found that once I got to the stage where they are walking and attempting to talk, I was quite happy to leave the whole baby idea behind, but while C was a baby, man it tore at my heart strings. We like overseas travel, 2 kids is bad enough on a plane, imagine 3!! Plus the added cost there as well. Also my age, I'm very close to 35/DH near 40 & we would like freedom from kids in our old age & be young enough to have fun with grandkids <gulp> There is also the increasing jaundice that happens in our kids in our family, my Aunt has cerebral palsy & although the reason isn't really known why, My Nana said that she was very yellow. C was bad enough with his yellow eyes. So maybe do what we did, think of a gap that you might possibly want between the next one & then once you get to that date do a year of not trying not preventing & see how you feel further on in the year, if the urge doesn't go away then you can be more serious. If it does then it's not a huge issue either. ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 05 November 2010 at 12:06pm
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Also ditto with #2 being way worse with reflux/allergies, but you know, you know what to do with them so they will be an easy handle next time too. ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com">
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 05 November 2010 at 1:59pm
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our no 3 was accidental. i tell everyone to stop at one or two. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: _Deb_
Date Posted: 05 November 2010 at 8:24pm
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lol Bizzy.
Thanks AandCsmum. Sounds like you had pretty good reason's for not having a 3rd. Well if we start not preventing then we'd definitely be having a 3rd. lol. I got pregnant quickly with both kids. Could be different next time though i guess. When Isabella was younger i was like no way i'm never having anymore. lol. But now i keep thinking about having another. I really thought (and kinda hoped) that as she got older i'd be happy to be getting past the baby stage but it hasn't worked that way at all. Wow look at all those views and only a couple of posts.  -------------
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 05 November 2010 at 11:59pm
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My friend who has four advised me to stop at 2 lol
What you need to think about is not now, but when they are at school, activities cost so much. I limit my daughter to one ballet class & one gym class a week. This alone costs me $200 a term. Plus now she's playing touch with school but that is cheap at the moment. I'm lucky my two are further apart but imagine if you had three kids at primary school all wanting to do a couple of activities each...soon adds up. Also think of how your house will stack up with 5 adult sized people in it. Unless you plan on moving at some stage. ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com">
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 06 November 2010 at 10:08am
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I've viewed this quite a few times and held off replying!
Our 3rd was an accident too and I really struggled throughout the pregnancy with worries and stress about how I was going to cope and manage 3 kids, the house, the financials. We did have to get a bigger car as my older two are still in full harnessed seats and we will be moving into a bigger house within the next 12 months or so. We are still in the very early days with regard to managing all 3 kids and the housework/meals/etc so time will tell. It hasn't been a total disaster yet but I've still got my training wheels on. I was 100% sure I was ready to stop at 2 children but I am so, so, so glad that we have our wee accident! He is just the most adorable, lovable, gorgeous little guy and DH and I have both commented on how glad we are that we get to do all the lovely tiny-baby things one last time. For us, that saying "You never regret the children you have, just the ones you don't" has absolutely been true. All the best with your decision! ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: gypsynita
Date Posted: 06 November 2010 at 7:03pm
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I always said that I'd stop at two if we had two boys, cause i REALLY didn't want three boys!! but even by the time our youngest was a few weeks old I knew our family wasn't complete. I'd be happy to do it all again right now (unlikely, since i'm bf-ing but you never know) but DH wants us to wait till the oldest is at school...
I was the eldest of 4 kids so am well aware of the financial struggle several kids can entail, but on the other hand, i LOVED being part of a big (ish) family  ------------- Anita Mum to Cian (Aug 08), Josh (Jun 10) http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: LJsmum
Date Posted: 07 November 2010 at 6:50pm
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We are thinking of this as well.! We have both always wanted a bigger than 2 children family, but like everyone has said it's the cost of raising more than two kids, we would need a bigger house, car e.t.c.
Also both mine were not great sleepers in the first 9 or so months, I'm not great with out sleep!! also another c section , that would be 3 in total. So much to think about! good luck! -------------  
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Posted By: LJsmum
Date Posted: 07 November 2010 at 6:51pm
hey just noticed our babies are born on the same day! -------------
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Posted By: _Deb_
Date Posted: 08 November 2010 at 9:16am
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caraMel congrats on your little boy. What sort of car did you get? Funnily enough i've been thinking about that saying lately and feel like i would regret it if i didn't have a 3rd but then i wouldn't wanna end up regretting it if we DID. Well regret probably isn't the right word. I just mean that i wouldn't wanna end up with another reflux baby/bad sleeper and feel like we should have stuck with 2.
gypsynita i feel like our family isn't complete. I kinda thought i would feel like it was but the more time goes by the more i feel like it isn't. With us it's me that wants to wait till our son is at school. DP wanted a slightly smaller age gap than that but i said no way. lol. LJsmum that's funny they were born on the same day. Hehe. Being sleep deprived isn't much fun is it. Yeah i keep thinking about the cost too. Such a hard decision to make. Good luck to you too. -------------
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 08 November 2010 at 11:39am
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Thanks Deb!
We got a Honda Stream, I really like it. I know what you mean, I had a whole bunch of reasons why I was ready to stop at 2 and I was really sure about them all. When I got pregnant again I was so scared that they would be true and that it was going to ruin my bond with the baby and that I'd unfairly resent him for ruining what I had before. Cheesy as it sounds, the minute I saw him I knew none of it was true though, he is my baby and I love him to bits. I do have moments/days when I'm struggling and I picture my immediate future full of all the hard stuff that comes with tiny babies and just want to run away but overall I'm just so grateful and relieved that it is not like I was scared it would be and I'm just so happy to have him. God, how cheesy do I sound?! I do keep wondering if feeling like this is going to wear off eventually but I'm quite happy for it to stick around for the next year or so! ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:
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Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 08 November 2010 at 3:03pm
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hmm I am (kind off) wanting a 3rd but my husband is saying no as he doenst want our children to share bedrooms whichI think is a stupid reason not to have a 3rd. I mean ok we didnt share a room until we were a lot older so yeah of course we hated it but for those children who share it from a young age I dont see it being a problem.
but at this stage if we do have a 3rd Id want at least a 3 year age gap between #2 and #3 so wouldnt TTC till #2 was over 2 and I would do anythign to avoid having all 3 birthdays so close together. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Caro07
Date Posted: 08 November 2010 at 8:27pm
Yep, we are regularly having this conversation too. To be honest not sure which way we will go at the moment. DH isn't keen on a third, not helped by the fact that neither boys are great sleepers and our youngest has cut 6 teeth in the last month 
I think if the baby was born age 1, sleeping through the night etc, I could probably get my way
Got a while to make a decision though, as I am another one who would want a two year gap between #2 and #3. ------------- Caroline, SAHM to 2 boys, S (4 years old) and J (2 years old) 
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Posted By: _Deb_
Date Posted: 09 November 2010 at 8:26am
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caraMel that's really nice to hear. I don't think you sound cheesy at all. Hehe. I keep thinking about the hard side of having a baby, but then i think about all the good things and what it's like when you get past all the hard stuff.
NovemberMum our kids are very similar ages aren't they? Yeah i was thinking about the whole room sharing thing but then i thought that isn't really a good enough reason. I shared a room with my older sister and it was no big drama. Well mostly. lol. They get used to it. Caro teething SUCKS doesn't it. My girl hasn't had any teeth come through in a while so i'm guessing she'll be due for some more soon. I have to say around the age of one, well a bit younger too, is my favourite age. I'm loving the age my girl is at. She's so much fun.
Well i was talking to DP about things last night and i asked what age gap he'd want and he said as small as possible, but then said well for me to get pregnant in a couple of months. Don't think so buddy. LOL. -------------
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Posted By: gypsynita
Date Posted: 09 November 2010 at 10:01am
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DebandKaelen - i know what you mean about the reflux thing... I was devastated when I realised that our youngest had reflux as well after going through it with DS1 and thought then that I wouldn't want to risk that happening with No.3. But for us the reflux only lasts about 6 months (actually, DS2 is already off his gaviscon ) and that's such a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things. ------------- Anita Mum to Cian (Aug 08), Josh (Jun 10) http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: BessieBear
Date Posted: 09 November 2010 at 1:31pm
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Why are kids not allowed to share bedrooms?? ------------- Sarah Mum to, Boy 07/2008, Girl 03/2010, Boy 05/2012, Angel  07/08/2014
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Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 09 November 2010 at 3:23pm
Deb yeah they are. and if I we did have a 3rd I would just stick Megan and Lucas in a room together (so the new born doesnt wake them). I do know I hated having to share with my 1 year old sister when I was 15 but what 15 year old would if they had a room all to themselves for most of their lives but yeah small children i dont think it matters so much. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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DebandKaelen wrote:Posted By: Kalimirella
Date Posted: 09 November 2010 at 3:42pm
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I would maybe like a 3rd but have to have the second first :P
I used to share a room, when we were little it was all 4 of us together 2 boys 2 girls, then when we were older me and my sister shared and my brothers shared. It was never a problem. Other than the odd, this is MY side and thats YOURS. We were all a year apart, so close in age. ------------- Kiara is 3 and Teagan is 2, now we're expecting our long awaited 3rd! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: _Deb_
Date Posted: 13 November 2010 at 8:26am
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Wow Kalimirella all a year apart! Your poor mum. Hehe.
Well at the moment i'm definitely leaning more towards having another. Still not sure exactly when though. -------------
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Posted By: mrsturtle
Date Posted: 14 November 2010 at 3:24pm
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I always said we would have 2 and that would be it which hubby is happy with, BUT....now that we are going thru all the "last" things ie last labour last mw visit, etc im thinking maybe 1 more wouldnt be so bad.... We already have a big car and the house thing isnt too much of a major as we are just renting until our house in another town sells but then there are also times when i wonder if i would cope sometimes its hard enough trying to get 2 dressed and ready to go out etc......Oh the joy of big decisions huh....
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 14 November 2010 at 11:24pm
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I want another one....now lol, I want to start TTC, but DH says no. He wants to wait until DD is over 2, but I really didnt want to wait that long, he originally agreed to TTC in December when she turns 16 months, that way shed be 2+ when new baby is born and I think thats a great age gap, but he is just hell bent againt it
Im trying to get him to meet me half way and start TTC in March/April instead of August lol ------------- |
Posted By: _Deb_
Date Posted: 15 November 2010 at 7:51am
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Hi Sheena, Kaelen was 16 months when i got pregnant with Isabella. We planned it that way. I have to say it was hard having that gap, but that was because of how unhappy Isabella was for such a long time. Since you had 14 months between yours it would probably feel like a decent sized gap to you. Hehe. I hope your DH will agree to TTC sooner. Our partners need to swap their way of thinking. Haha. Since yours wants to wait and mine doesn't. Good luck.
shannon that's what i keep thinking of too, never going through all the stages again, and while i used to think that sounded great now it doesn't. lol. Yeah it's not an easy decision is it. -------------
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 15 November 2010 at 12:16pm
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a 2 year gap seems very easy to me, compaired to a 14 month gap
Dealing with a 14/15 month old and my Isabellas reflux was tough going. I think we will TTC round May/June most likely ------------- |
Posted By: _Deb_
Date Posted: 15 November 2010 at 12:34pm
Hopefully next time we'll both have happy settled babies with no problems at all. Isabella screamed sooo much for months. It was really only when she got to 6 months that she started to become happier and stopped crying all the time. She's finally started sleeping better recently, YAY! lol. She can still be really clingy and whingey at times. Still love her to bits though, she's an awesome little girl and so much fun.
Surely the next one won't be as bad as her... right?? We're getting married at the end of next year (hopefully!), so i definitely don't wanna get pregnant before then.-------------
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Posted By: Juzzo
Date Posted: 16 November 2010 at 10:43pm
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I LOVED having 3 children! Yes it's busy, yes it's noisy, but it's absolutely wonderful. My husband and I ummed and aaahhed over having a 3rd child for all the same reasons you have and decided to give it 6mths of trying and see what happened. Well, low and behold, second month in and I found out I was pregnant. He was an absolute delight, fantastic sleeper, and just slotted into our family beautifully. His personality now is just that, easy! We then had a wee 'accident' and ended up with 4 boys! Yikes! And whilst I wouldn't have it any other way, 4 is definately alot. Good luck with your decision! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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