Full Time Mum and Tired!
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=35471
Printed Date: 26 August 2025 at 4:45pm
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Topic: Full Time Mum and Tired!
Posted By: smurfette
Subject: Full Time Mum and Tired!
Date Posted: 27 August 2010 at 12:26pm
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Hi guys,
Just wondering how many of you share my feelings... we are so lucky for me to be able to stay at home to be with our son, and my husband works freelance hours, so all over the show really. However, I rarely get even half a day off, as most weekends I am on my own with our son, and weekdays husband is also working, or doing paperwork and looking for work. The strain on him to provide is huge, but he is aware that I need some time out, but he does also! Neither of us have family close by, and it's hard to ask friends to babysit, although we do to go out sometimes. I love being a Mum, and not going back to work just yet is the right choice for our son, but it has definitely made all my days feel like groundhog day! Also, the weather isn't helping (nothing like a good walk in the fresh air to help with perspective! Roll on summer) I am also aware that there are so many people that would love to be able to stay at home, so I don't want to sound ungrateful. But today for example, I have a grizzly, grumpy, teeting boy who won't sleep properly and all I want to do is hand him to someone for even two hours, so I can have a breather! And try not to feel guilty about it! Anyway, if anyone has a similar story, please share! Happy Friday! |
Replies:
Posted By: kezza2112
Date Posted: 27 August 2010 at 12:52pm
| Why don't you put him into childcare just for a couple of hrs to give yourself a break?? I think you can get 9hrs free or something like that? I maybe wrong but just an idea. |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 27 August 2010 at 1:01pm
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Yes, some days I feel like that too, DP is studying to get a better job so he is gone 8-6 most days and weekends are filled with study so I feel like I do everything and sometimes all I want to do is just have a sleep!
I definitely find getting out of the house and going for a walk a major help! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 27 August 2010 at 1:05pm
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put him in the pushchair and go for a walk... or go to the mall and have a coffee - kids like a change of environment too. or go to the library. in fact have you checked the local library for activities for preschoolers. most have something on. You could join a playgroup or playcentre, or mainly music or somewhere similar. those sorts of programmes are designed for mums to meet other mums as much as for the kids. dont forget too lots of movie threatres have mums and bubs sessions on where you cant go the pics for a lot less than normal... ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: SpecialK
Date Posted: 27 August 2010 at 2:20pm
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Yup, I definitely have days like that!
Although since we have moved into a new area I have been consciously trying to get more involved in things like story time at the library, mainly music etc. Gets me out of the house and allows DS to do something new and burn off some of that energy. Not sure where you are, but daycare for a few hours or even a day a week would give you a break - here in central Auckland it's almost impossible without a 1-2 year waiting list though. And yeah, rug up and go for a walk or drive to the mall and have a coffee! Better than sitting at home all stressed out and tired with a grumpy child  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: nuts_nats
Date Posted: 27 August 2010 at 2:29pm
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I know how you feel Smurfette, DP also works freelance. So yes he is around alot but while he's here he is always still 'working'... doing paperwork, typing emails, sorting out jobs on the phone etc.
So its great that DD gets to see Daddy alot (even if its just a quick cuddle) but because he doesn't have any time like weekends off, I almost never get a break... it is very tiring! I can't remember the last time I went out without DD even for a few hours. I think the weather def plays a part, I know I am starting to feel excited about the weather warming and spring being on the way! I figure even if I don't have the energy for a walk, it will be so great to just get out in the yard and both of enjoy some sunshine and fresh air. So do you know any other Mums who might be in a similar situation with no family being nearby? I know I was thinking of asking my neighbor who has a baby the same age as DD if she wanted to 'exchange' a few hours of looking after the bubs every now and then. Or I'm not sure where you are located but another idea is to go to a nearby mall where they have a creche. I think its about $5 for an hour and you could at least go have a coffee and browse on your own for a bit! Hugs to you, and remember you don't have to feel guilty at all for being relieved when bedtime finally rolls around and you can sit down, relax and have a well deserved glass of wine or whatever takes your fancy  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Samandtia
Date Posted: 27 August 2010 at 3:12pm
| I could have written the exact same thing as you smurfette! My partner is out the door 6 in the morning and won't be home till 6-7 at night. Some nights he has client dinners/functions so it is basically me AAAAALLL day long! He also works on Saturdays. Sometimes I feel sorry for Isabella just seeing me day in/day out. When the weather is good I TRY to get out for walks. I dont have a car and unfortunately playgroups, mainly music etc is just out of walking distance and basically it has been a year and my 'local' walking route is REALLY boring now! OH and in the past 11 or so months I have been out to dinner with my partner ONCE!! My inlaws came over for a visit from Aus and we made the most of it by getting them to watch her. You're not alone in feeling the way you do. I too feel very lucky and privileged to be able to stay at home with my daughter, it may be a bit tight on the $ but I wouldn't have it any other way and yes it was our decision for me to stay at home and I did know it was going to be hard (in a veeery different way to going to work in an office) I just didn't know it was going to be "this" kind of hard if you get what I mean? |
Posted By: Flutterby
Date Posted: 27 August 2010 at 4:35pm
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I felt like that as well. In the end I got a casual job and put DS into in home childcare while I worked. It was great to have that time away and was also good for him to be around other children. I just used my 9hrs free childcare. And then when I got home from work it was normally his nap time, so I got another few hours free time. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: smurfette
Date Posted: 27 August 2010 at 4:38pm
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Hi guys, and thank you all for your great replys. It's not about me getting out with my son, as we do heaps of stuff together and always go out once a day... wiggle and rhyme, library time, coffee group, loads of outings... it's that I want to do some things on my own! Or not even go anywhere, but just have a morning to myself and to not think about anythign at all if I don't want to!!
Thanks also for the day care suggestion, but that's one of the reasons that I have opted to stay at home... there isn't one near us that I am very keen on. I have actually just come home from coffee group and spoke to a couple of the Mums about it, and we are going to child-share for each other once a month, so that's pretty awesome. The only thing is that my coffee group buddies are so cool, I love spending the time with them! But thanks, and Baybee 1 - yeah it IS hard! My son and I do get quite over each other sometimes. And if we are both tired and grumpy it's a recipe for meltdowns, in both camps! I have a wonderful wee boy who sleeps well and eats well and is a dream, so I feel pretty blessed all the time. I guess it's just the change in my life also, and coming to terms with being a full time Mum for a lot longer than I originally planned. I have some projects that I would like to do (when I get the time!!!) that will also help me feel like more than 'just a Mum' right now. Have a great weekend guys! |
Posted By: Mum_mum
Date Posted: 27 August 2010 at 5:33pm
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Yip I get days that you just want to scream and throw tantrums but they you have to remember that your the grown up right
I'd had enough the other day and when I'd finally got bubs down for the night I burst in to tears, told DH that I wanted a part time job not because I don't enjoy being home with DD but because I miss adult conversations that aren't about baby, I feel like I'm not giving my best to DD when I'm frusrated with her for always being stuck with her and really feeling like your no-one else without just being mummy! Some days are good, some bad but I am seriously still thinking about a part time job. Though in saying that the few times I have gone out I've either rushed back or felt guilty about leaving DD without me for a few hours, go figure! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
 Angel baby - May 2008
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 27 August 2010 at 5:45pm
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Being a Mum & being tired go hand in hand unfortunately.
I do agree it sucks with a DH working huge hours as well & then being so tired when he gets home so he's asleep an hour or so later. ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: bext1
Date Posted: 27 August 2010 at 7:33pm
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Being a mummy is a full time job, it is a shame we don't get paid to do it!
DP is the SAHD here, and I know sometimes when I get home from work he is itching to get out the door. Is it possible for your husband to watch your little one for an hour or so and you could head out for coffee by yourself? DP was going to play indoor netball while I watched the boys for a while after work. Gave him a break and me some time with them. I know what you mean about ground hog day though since I have been home I find that, each day feels like that. The twins do the same mess each day and it is hard not to get tired of it.. (well I do, but you just have to live with it lol) ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 27 August 2010 at 11:41pm
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Sounds like your once a month child share is a good start. If one person is taking care of your baby - what's to stop you going out with one or two of the other ladies?
I know you mentioned you didn't like daycare where you are - what about sessional care (for a few hours) - would that be something you'd be interested in? If not the local daycares, what about at your local mall or at the gym or something where they might have childcare? If you are rural, is he old enough for drop-offs at playcentre:? Some places have courses where they have free childcare. But if you are very rural, you could put a notice up in your local supermarket or on the Plunket noticeboard and check people's references? Alternately, what about putting him a few hours with a nanny or a home-based carer? I know what you mean about needing a break. My husband works shift-work and often sleeps in the morning and leaves work in the afternoon, misses the witching hour and is home after he is in bed! Well, I am falling asleep while I write this so I hope it makes sense! |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 28 August 2010 at 12:31pm
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Im exactly the same.
My DH leaves for work at 6.15 and doesnt get home until 6 at night. I have a one year old and a two year old to run after and Im battling anxiety and PND. My son is going to be going into daycare two days a week, and then in the new year my daughter will go in for one of those days as well, so I can have one day kid free, to do whatever the hell I want
It is very hard being a mum, as like someone said, it just comes with being a parent, but you definitely need time to yourself and well. I got out with the kids all the time to get out of the house, but it doesnt give ME time to myself at all. ------------- |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 28 August 2010 at 9:31pm
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It sure is hard at times, especially when the kids feel under the weather. I try to get out to a friend's place, hairdresser, or a cafe with my DH about once a month or so. Even just going to a friend's place with chocolate, and they provide a movie, is neat because you know that you are off duty from attending to any crying. But evenings do work best. -------------  |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 30 August 2010 at 6:52pm
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i feel the same as you do..i used to feel guilty about it but i just realise I'm not cut out to be a fulltime SAHM forever:) Ethan goes to 12 hours school a week and it's a great break for everyone.. will prob put Liam in over one and then part time work .. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 30 August 2010 at 7:17pm
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Whereabouts in NZ are you? Maybe there are some OH Baby girls that could help you out? Even if it's sitting with the kids while you do what you need to do..
It's good that you do get out and about, and that you have a great support system with your coffee group. Maybe you and DH could make some kind of roster or agreement that on a certain day at a certain time, the other takes over for a couple of hours.. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 30 August 2010 at 7:39pm
i hear you beautifully said..!:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Sheza wrote: