What would you do differently next time?
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=35300
Printed Date: 26 August 2025 at 7:13pm
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Topic: What would you do differently next time?
Posted By: Mrs_B
Subject: What would you do differently next time?
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 11:41am
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Was having this discussion with a friend of mine who has just had her 2nd child just got me thinking...
I did everything by the book re: sleeping and still ended up with a crap sleeper who at 15mths has just started sleeping through the night finally! I spend so much time and energy on trying to get him to sleep that I don't think I took the time to enjoy him. I never let him fall asleep on me because "that creates bad habits". My whole life revolved around his (non!) sleep times. Next time I think I will relax a little and go with the flow a lot more. ETA - my approach to sleep would be the main thing I would do differently but was wondering about other things as well not just sleep -------------  
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Replies:
Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 12:10pm
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I didn't do things by the book with Jack but I did have a crap sleeper and also feel like I missed some things as life revolved around his non sleep. I think it helped contribute to my PND
I have been a little more relaxed with Ben regarding sleep and other things ------------- Lindsey 
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Posted By: Mrs_B
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 12:24pm
Ditto  Can I ask, did you get PND with Ben?-------------
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Linzy wrote:Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 12:25pm
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i had a great sleeper first time and did all the 'right' things so was fairly confident number 2 would be ok too.
haha. the gods must have been laughing. DS2 is not the worlds best sleeper and i can see how easy it would be to make that your life. I chose not to and just accept that most days 45 mins is as good as it gets so go with that and just carry on. I do sometimes try and extend naps if it suits our routine etc and i think he really needs it and nowadays i have some success with this. My advice would be to accept the child you get and not get too hung up on what you can't change. Some kids need more sleep and some need less and there's precious little you can do to influence them either way - esp in the early days. I often hold DS2 to sleep if he needs a second 45min to make a longer nap - never did with DS1 - but when i do it is a choice i make so i sit down and enjoy watching him sleep and read a book etc. tbh having a short napper has been a godsend as it means we can still go out to DS1's playgroups etc as DS2 sleeps just as well out in pram/capsule/sling/my arms as at home in bed. A friend had a great second sleeper and she is stuck in the house cos he's sleeping 2-3 hours and her toddler is climbing the walls with boredom. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: stefany3
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 12:58pm
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haha, me and my friend were talking about how things will be different with #2, ie. letting them sleep on you a bit more often and having those special moments, even though they create 'bad habits'.
I was also saying to DH 2 days ago that Isaac has been a good sleeper thru the night, and mostly during the day, and I did it by the book with a 'strict' routine. But at the end of the day, we didnt have to do anything drastic to get him to sleep thru, so I think he was naturally good, and the next kid could be a nightmare - but I hope not 
I still intend to be fairly 'by the book' though, just in case! But when baby is little I might be a bit more flexible and go with the flow.  ------------- 
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Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 1:15pm
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I mostly raised my first born (McKayla) (till this point) the way that I wanted too. There is a few things that I let slide that I shouldn't in regards with family etc.
But second time around the biggest change is that I don't feel the need to defend the choices that we are making where with McKayla I had to keep on explaining what and why we are doing it and got very defensive. This time I do'nt even inform. If someone ask I say and if they are not willing to accept it then I just leave it. Their problem not mine. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 1:25pm
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I followed my heart with everything almost and I am completely happy with how things have gone so will do the same next time EXCEPT...
Swaddling, dd was happy to be unswaddled but I was told it was better for her sleeping if I swaddled her so I did and now she refuses to sleep any other way and if she unwraps herself well... Re wrapping and swaddling time. Starting solids, getting a lot of pressure to Not start before 6 months but start by 6 months no later... WTH does that mean?! DD had just started to go from waking 3 times a night to once and we finally started solids, she was happy with out them (she was almost 6 months) and it screwed everything up and she's not waking about 4+ times a night! I like craftys advice and I just go with everything DD does, accept it and enjoy them, they grow so fast, no point getting upset about not sleeping, etc! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: 1st_Time_Preggies
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 1:35pm
Pretty much everything! 
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Posted By: Flutterby
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 1:37pm
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Ds was a 45min sleeper as well. Even though I tried halfheartdly to get him into a routine I just gave up in the end and did what worked for us, even if that meant feeding to sleep, or co-sleeping.
Next time I am going to swaddle from the start and since I will have the queen bed to myself this time I think I will co-sleep for a couple of months, it just makes it so much easier during the night. But above all I am just going to go with the flow and follow my instincts. And I am also going to wear baby for as long as I can, mainly because I think it'll be easier when out and about with my toddler. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: KitKat
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 6:45pm
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Use birth control! lol... nah sorry
But seriously. ------------- 
http://www.littlegreenfruit.blogspot.com - Little Green Fruit |
Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 7:00pm
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LMAO Um- I would relax a bit more about the sleeping thing too, as it's a well known fact Clodagh does not rate sleep that highly I would also rest more (unlikely to be able to do that with 2 though), and trust my instincts a little more. I'd also try to take a bit more time with DF in a romantic way cos it's been very easy to 'just' become Mummy and Daddy rather than friends and lovers. But hey at the end of the day we do our best given what we know and understand at the time....so as Dr Phil would say, when you know better, you do better -------------   http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 7:05pm
I think I had PND from when Jack was born/little but it wasn't officially diagnosed until Ben was about 4wks old. I came from a job where I knew what I was doing, confident in my ability and organised. I then became a SAHM to Jack who never read the books and didn't do what babies were "supposed" to do. I was so worried about what I "should" be doing because he didn't seem to be doing all the things that my CG babies were doing i.e. sleeping! I lost confidence in myself. This time I have tried to be a bit more relaxed and go with the flow, it works sometimes! ------------- Lindsey
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 7:25pm
I met you and your wee girl today and she is just lovely! You've done a brilliant job and I had heard of her sleeping before in another thread! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 7:54pm
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Next time I would:
listen to my gut about my midwife and not be afraid to change discuss the whole birth thing so everyone is clear about what is important to me not push for an induction (what was I thinking!!??) ask for help and support a lot earlier from wherever I could arrange an au pair for the first 3mths if I could arrange time for myself earlier on In terms of my parenting decisions - I am really happy with all the decisions I've made and he's responded really well. No babies are easy or perfect but he's pretty good so fingers crossed next time I'm just as lucky! |
Posted By: Kalimirella
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 8:43pm
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Next time...
I think the only thing i would do is be more relaxed about housework but atm that is hard seeing as we live with MIL/FIL hehe I'm meant to be the live in housekeeper (I'm pretty bad at it too!) I'm happy in that I have been pretty relaxed and let her sleep on me and co-slept for a couple of weeks (which didn't work for us but was god as she had a cold and really snuffly nose from week 1 to week 4) I would push harder to make sure my war wounds and general fatigue (which is still terrible and she is sleeping 7pm to 7am) is treated/ looked into for a reason earlier. And I'm enjoying my lovely little girl to the max!!!!!!!! ------------- Kiara is 3 and Teagan is 2, now we're expecting our long awaited 3rd! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Disco
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 8:53pm
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I will swaddle and use the happiest baby on the block tips. But on the whole I won't per sue the holy grail of sleep.
I will do my best to get a good sleep pattern but if it doesn't work I won't beat myself up about it and I won't let anyone else make me feel bad that my baby doesn't sleep through the night. The competition to have the best sleeper is one I won't be playing :) On the whole I will just relax and try and take it in my stride and not stress. But I will get more help so that I can get more sleep and not get myself in the horrendous sleep deprived state I was in before. Apart from that I think I've done a good job so far :) disco:) |
Posted By: MrsH
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 9:25pm
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I would take the opportunity to go out more when bubs is quite small. I stayed at home alot and got a bit of cabin fever. I also feel that I wasted my Maternity Leave. Plus, they're so easy to take out at that age.
I wasn't too anal with the sleeping but I would try and get DS into a routine and would get pissed off when DH wouldn't 'adhere' to it as well (as i'd "worked so hard"). I'll also do alot more baby-wearing. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: whitewave
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 9:43pm
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Hopefully the next baby will be a brilliant sleeper! But if not, I'll go with the flow and do what works for us, and not worry about why my baby doesn't "follow the rules"!
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 11:18pm
This is a big thing I've felt has changed with me as well. I just do, I don't question. Interesting how everyone has said relax more. One thing I loved being pointed out to me this time, and I'm a pretty cruisy person, was to enjoy the 4th trimester. I guess I did this more than before I knew that Cooper is my last so I wanted to really enjoy those special moments with him. I didn't set out to change anything, maybe it's cause my kids were so far apart. Actually I did. I said that I was taking a year off minimum. Best thing I ever did
eta : cause some weird sh*t was typed...I have no idea where it came from! ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 18 August 2010 at 6:50am
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I made a very conscoius decison to have a wonderful natural birth with #2, and put a lot of effort into achieving this.
I also have found Im more confident with they way we choose to do stuff, and dont Q our decisons as much, or feel the need to defend them as much. It has a lot to do with Aiden being #2, but also him being an easier baby - with #1 everyone offered us all sorts of conflicting advise cos she was so unsettled for so long, and cos nothing worked, I always felt I was doing something wrong, so was never confident in my parenting abilities. This time I have realised that all babies are diff, and just cos someone elses baby is doing something "better" doesnt mean Im doing something wrong - Ive realised that so much of what babies are like comes down to their personality, even at a very young age! If we have #3 I would research more into not pushing during labour, as even tho I had a completely natural birth,my body took at least 6 weeks to start really recovering from the pushing. |
Posted By: JessDub
Date Posted: 18 August 2010 at 7:30am
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Presuming I can breastfeed again, No2 will be getting a late bottle of formula from Daddy.
DS did not sleep for any long length of time until he started taking formula milk at 6.5 months. Then he slept through night all night once he was fully weaned from me and on the bottle at 8 months. I know all kids are different and that DS was a big hungry boy but that formula filled him up and it didnt break him. ------------- 
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Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 18 August 2010 at 7:32am
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Aaaaww thanks Nicky ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 18 August 2010 at 9:03am
haha all good Lily is into grabbing the cats as they go past!  they don't seem to mind her pulling their hair out!------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MrsH
Date Posted: 18 August 2010 at 12:25pm
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Ooh, I'd stop working earlier too in an effort to avoid the early signs of PET which ultimately had me induced. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: SpecialK
Date Posted: 18 August 2010 at 12:40pm
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This is a great topic!
This time round I will: -not take any cr@p from midwives (e..g it's your fault for not being able to BF because you pushed him out wrong and had an epidural) - know that formula isn't evil and won't feel guilty if bub needs the odd top up - be more relaxed about house work, not try to be superwoman, and accept all offers of help rather than trying to do everything myself! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 18 August 2010 at 2:55pm
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what would I do ? nothing different , how i've been with Ty, relaxed, knowing that it goes so fast and in the long run a lot what seems so important at the time , really matters squat .
The only thing im doing differently this time , is having an epidural haha ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Delli
Date Posted: 18 August 2010 at 3:01pm
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I like what we've done with Jude so far, we are very go-with-the-flow-ish. Have no regrets and think we have made mostly right decisions along the way so not sure how much I will do differently. Perhaps wear the new bubs a bit more I guess, I didn't have a Moby wrap until Jude was around 10 weeks old. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Jelly
Date Posted: 18 August 2010 at 3:07pm
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Next time baby will be planned and I won't be worrying that we haven't got everything / won't be ready!
Ooh and baby will have it's own bloody room, which I will have lots of fun decorating, redecorating, rearranging and playing with to satisfy my nesting. I'll also try to only have one pram which does everything, rather than 3 which all have very different uses. I'll try harder to breastfeed right from the word go and avoid the guilt and the what ifs that I have now. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: mcshort
Date Posted: 21 August 2010 at 8:04pm
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Hmm now being 6 months pregnant this is totally in my headspace! What do I plan to do differently?
- tell people to eff off if they think we're ridiculous for using the 5 Ss (happiest baby on the block - Godsent!!) or baby sign - when baby is sleeping, sleep more! - take more deep breaths and go for walks regardless of the weather - listen to my mother more. Particularly when she tells me (after trying and trying and failing with the advice I got from a Karitane nurse who meant well) "YOU do what YOU think is right" - who'd've thought my mother was so wonderful at encouraging me to use my intuition! However what I'd do the same: - bassinette in our room til 6 months (because it worked for us, no disrespect to those who can't stand it of course!) - plenty of cuddles (especially skin-to-skin in the early days) - persevere with breastfeeding and celebrate it! - swaddling for sleep in the early months - sing! - thank people when they give me advice I'm sure I could go on... ------------- Mum to two very active boys, born October 2008 and December 2010. Getting excited about becoming a Childbirth Educator, and LOVIN being a birth support to amazing and courageous women! |