ugh..unwanted advice
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
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Topic: ugh..unwanted advice
Posted By: nicandtyler
Subject: ugh..unwanted advice
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 9:05am
anyone else get unwanted advice? particularly from family members (my sister for me). I co-sleep at night with DS and everytime she comes round its the same thing "is he still sleeping in your bed?" "how long is he gonna do that for?" "is he there every night and all night?" "you know its gonna be sooo hard to get him to sleep in his own bed, you need to let him 'learn' to go to sleep by himself" grrrr its everytime she comes over now and ive tried telling her that i dont believe in crying it out personally, and co-sleeping for us at night is great, DS sleeps from 7pm till 7am everynight (still night snacks which is good for me as i dont have to get out of bed  ) it really bothers me and because she had a son (6 years ago) she seems to think she knows everything... oh another thing is friggin tummy time, DS is not crawling yet, which i told her isnt a problem yet, ive had friends whos bubs didnt crawl till 11 months, and she constantly tells me "he needs more time on his tummy" ugh ugh is all i can think, what does everyone do in this situation, just telll her to back off and i dont want her advice? (sorry for long post..woops!  )------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
 April '11
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Replies:
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 9:22am
If it were one of my brothers telling me all that(i dont have a sister) Id probably tell them to shut the hell up  and that IM the mother, so its my 'problem" not theirs.------------- |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 9:25am
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just smile, nod, maybe go hmmm and then do what you want anyway... sometimes saying things like oh, thats interesting or good point .. is enough to shut them up - makes them think you actually give a damn about what they saying! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: first
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 9:31am
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yeah I tend to go along the lines of Bizzy. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/"> 
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 9:52am
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Yeah same lines as Bizzy but then continue what I am doing or I just continue doing what I am doing and say something like why fix what isn't broken, it's working for us.
ETA: Or we'll cross that bridge when we get to it! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: MamaT
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 1:57pm
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I tend to do the same as Bizzy, I like to keep the peace generally. Although occassionally there are those people that just do not let it go and my tongue hurts from biting it so often It is really hard at times though -------------  
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Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 3:09pm
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i'd do the opposite to Bizzy, but probably cos i'm argumentative!
No really she's your sis and you're going to see and hear a lot from her so i'd just set her straight in the nicest possible way. "I love you and appreciate you raised your boy and he turned out great BUT i love sleeping with Tyler, we are happy as a family doing this and it hurts me when you question my parenting all the time. By all means think what you like but please stop going on at me about it" If she brings stuff up again just tell her that this is one of those things you'll have to agree to disagree about. If you do it nicely and slip in some compliments about her boy she can't get her back up but you've made it clear where you stand and she should stop hassling you, otherwise she'll just keep going on and on. If it was someone i hardly saw then i'd do what Bizzy said. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: HuntersMama
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 3:16pm
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hee hee - go crafty! Thats a good long term solution - you arent going to change so to get her off your back its best if she knows how you feel.
------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Gardengirl
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 3:54pm
| Not really commenting on the unwanted advice as such....but we co-slept for a while and at the time it was exactly what we all needed to get some sleep. I was starting to get a bit defensive about it as people can be sooooo negative about it and sooooo opinionated. And one day my 90 year old grandmother who is a mother of 9 herself said to me "good on you girl, you don't see baby animals sleeping on one side of the hedge with the parents on the other" and I loved that so much I started quoting it to any critics to shut them up and it did too. |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 4:19pm
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I often co slept with Lily for the first 10 weeks until she moved to her cot and magically learned to self settle! Guess not having DP snore helped a lot. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 4:36pm
I really like that analogy  I might use it too .
I tend to smile and nod as well and say mmmmmm a lot. A lot of the negative opinions are from uninformed people IMO. |
Gardengirl wrote:Posted By: nicandtyler
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 6:36pm
thanks for all the replies  i try to nod and say yep ok, but really starting to bother me more and more, so might be time to just be straight up with her and tell her to stop commenting on what i do as a parent, she does try to defend herself by saying that shes just trying to help, but ive told her that i know what im doing and me and DP are both happy with the way things are going (and DS! he loves being in bed with mum and dad) and gardengirl my mum is really supportive just like your grandmother, she says that all over the world people co-sleep and she did it with all of us girls and she keeps telling me that as long as we're all happy then we shouldnt change what we're doing, which i completely agree with! i guess its harder with family members cos we're a pretty close family and see eachother so often, but i think enoughs enough! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
April '11
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Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 7:28pm
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One of my favourite lines (when I want to shut them up rather than be polite/nice) is "you know I've met your kids, right?"
In the right tone it'll stop nearly anyone from giving parenting advice, but it is a bit mean ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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