Help boundaries 11 month old..
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=35062
Printed Date: 22 August 2025 at 10:38pm
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Topic: Help boundaries 11 month old..
Posted By: DaisyBoo2
Subject: Help boundaries 11 month old..
Date Posted: 03 August 2010 at 7:41pm
Please help! My 11 month old is an angel for my hubby, grandma, nanny etc but an absolute madam with me when it comes to sitting in her high chair, car seat and lying still at nappy time. I am beside myself and feel that she is battling with me  Any suggestions welcome, I am quite exhausted at the end of the day and expecting another bub so want to get this sorted! 
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Replies:
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 03 August 2010 at 8:38pm
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Ahhh you have to wear her down LOL
Nappy time is easiest. Also start with a non pooh one! Tell her you are going to change her nappy, grab her & lie her down. If she starts wriggling/rolling over put her back on her back, hold your hand over her chest with pressure & say I'm not finished yet. Keep doing this until you are finished. Also at the end don't let her get up until you are finished & you help her up. Basically with everything you need to "win" you also need extreme patience. With the high chair is she fighting to be in there or fighting with the food? Basically put her in & just wait until she's finished. Only talk to her when she stops or calms slightly. Say do you want to eat now. Nope that's ok I'll just wait. Also I have done no food unless in the highchair. Good luck. Strong willed girls are so much fun in the end  ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: DaisyBoo2
Date Posted: 03 August 2010 at 8:51pm
Oh thank you for your reply. I talk to her and say "nappy time" every time before changing her nappy. I hold her down and give her toys/anything to hold to try and distract her. I will try harder! My husband said he simply doesnt understand what the problem is as he can do it and i cant!! AAAHH... She loves her food it is just the getting into the highchair that is a mission. Today I gave in and chased her round with the spoon as she hasnt eaten anything today as she had D&V last night and I just wanted to get something into her... I am a pushover... Dont know what is going on with the car seat. We have just returned from holiday and she was facing forwards but the one I was getting her into today faces backwards... I will change it around. Really I am starting to doubt my mothering skills as noone else seems to have a problem with any of these minor tasks. I cant understand what is going through her mind...
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 03 August 2010 at 9:19pm
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Oh christ no, you are so not alone.
I went through all that with my DD & am just past that with my care child. Hey there is nothing wrong with planting the high chair in front of the TV, putting on her favourite show that she zones out to & putting her in her high chair to watch & then to start feed, it will start off a non fighting pattern. Then you can wean her off the tv
Have you got a mirror? She might have liked being able to see you?? ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com">
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: bun_in_the_oven
Date Posted: 03 August 2010 at 9:20pm
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can i suggest a few things....
Firstly...You are doing a FANTASTIC JOB and doubting yourself is totally normal !! you just need to decide the 'ground rules' and be CONSISTANT CONSISTANT CONSISTANT.. avoid chasing her around the house with food.. what is she learning there ?? If i act out mum will just follow me around. try saying... "after this story its lunchtime..time to go into the highchair" make it fun.. take the stress out.. sing a silly song to distract her as she goes in ?!? you are the adult.. you are stronger than her... hang in there mama.. and remember YOU ARE THE BOSS.. not the 11 month old.. and your right.. you got to sort it out before number two arrives.. hang in there and pick your battles.. some days will be harder than others and never be afraid to ask for help !! Good Luck
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Posted By: DaisyBoo2
Date Posted: 03 August 2010 at 9:50pm
Thank you guys, I will definately start tomorrow and get this sorted. I mean really it is just rediculous! You are right bun_in_the_oven and have said some very helpful things thank you. Very supportive stuff. I think maybe I am a bit of a control freak and she is just testing me. Her father is like the village idiot around her and probally makes things much more fun for her so I will (although I am not admitting this to him :)) try his tactic 
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 9:11am
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Don't let her see your "fear/anxiety" either... maybe walk away before you need to do one of the above.. give yourself a moment, then get in there quickly and get it done...
You've had some awesome advice here.. good luck and keep us posted!! ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: Mum_mum
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 1:46pm
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Just about the car seat my 10 month old hates her carseat for some reason (shes rear facing and we have a mirror) but whenever she gets in it she starts screaming and will often cry the whole trip to where we are going, unless I sing nursery ryhmes ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
 Angel baby - May 2008
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Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 2:28pm
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also just to add to what the others have said I would try and give her tons and tons of positive reinforcement when she is doing what you want her to - even if you are praising really short periods of appropriate behaviour to begin with. ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 3:01pm
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ditto what the others have said - you have to be the boss and be totally consistent with her otherwise she will win every time.
I'll add tho that with kids like this pick your battles cos you don't want all day to be a battle. Pick one thing and really stick to it, cos then you are teaching her the most important thing - that you are your word, that what you say goes. If your kid believes this your world will be so much easier. On a positive note i find that that strong willed kids fight then relax, then fight again later so you may have a tough few weeks but if you stick to your guns she'll accept your boundaries and be good for a bit before the next battle. It's all that toddler stuff, trying to figure out where the lines of control are. I bet hubby doesn't take any crap and she knows it! I'm in Aucks and the Parents Inc place up here do strong willed child courses, maybe there's something in Welly? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: DaisyBoo2
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 3:36pm
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Well I seem to be winning with the nappy changing which is a blessed relief as really that was just the worst of the three! We moved the car seat round to facing forward and she still struggled this morning but I held her and spoke softly that "mummy is in charge and that this is to make you safe" - felt like a right wolly however it did work. The high chair thing went well to. I think that she was sensing my fear and dread.. i will keep going, much easier when I am in charge!! I cant believe a nearly 1 year old can make a 34yr old fearful of such seemingly minor things
Thank you all for your advise. I changed her last night and my husband heard the initial struggle and then me singing all sorts of rediculous songs and she relented, he was very impressed (smug b..!!) Ha ha 
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