Am i being fair..?
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Topic: Am i being fair..?
Posted By: RicKer
Subject: Am i being fair..?
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 6:57pm
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Ive had lots of issues with my MIL and for good reason but one of the things she likes to do is invite us over while shes really sick (without mentioning it) or turning up unannounced when shes really sick. She will also say shes better and then when she turns up she is far from it!
Whenever she does this i ask her politely to keep her distance from DD but she never listens and goes up to her blowing rasberrys in her face/kissing her etc etc. This is the reason for 90% of the bugs DD has had since she was born - the first one she gave her when she was only 2weeks old and lasted 6 weeks. Grr I just found out an hour ago shes now become extreamly sick with swine flu. Ive told her that she is not to come anywhere near DD (or i) without presenting a medical certificate saying she is better first. Is this fair? I feel it is with the way she acts every time but ofcourse DP and MIL are telling me im being OTT. If it was a common cold it wouldnt matter so much but swine flu is not something i want to risk! |
Replies:
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 7:00pm
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I don't think your being unreasonable, your baby is only young and she has an infectious disease I'd suggest to her to stay away until she's recovered. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 7:01pm
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are you sure its swine flu?
------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 7:01pm
| Given how you have described her past behaviour I think its wise you are firm with her. Perhaps you could just explain to her that you are tired of your girl catching so many bugs off of her (state some examples) and as swine flu is known to be particularly nasty you don't want it anywhere near you or your girl. Then at least you have given your reasons. |
Posted By: Rachel1982
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 7:02pm
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I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to make sure she is clear of the bug before she comes over again.
Honestly I don't understand what is wrong with some people - my friend was visited at the hospital when she had her baby, by a friend who took along her mump infested child. Who does that!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 7:09pm
But people do that with chicken pox thinking spread it around.. but its very stupid |
Rachel1982 wrote:Posted By: RicKer
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 7:11pm
| Yup its swine flu. She said her doctor did tests and shes ment to stay home and not go anywhere (emphasis on ment because i know she wont if she can get away with it) |
Posted By: BeLoved
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 7:18pm
I think you are being fair and if she is going to be extreme by not thinking about your DD's health then why not be extreme and ask for a med. cert. My MIL is exactly the same and so is my SIL. Keep her away and enjoy it!  ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 7:37pm
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It is 100% fair. I often don't go and see the in-laws if they are sick and if just one of them is sick they know not to go near my son. Also even when well I asked them to wash their hands before holding him when he was newborn - and my MIL and niece still do that to this day, which I appreciate very much. They respect my wishes, and I think anyone should respect the wishes of a parent.
If anyone had the swine flu I wouldn't go near them nor let anyone in my family go near them until they had the all-clear blood test result. |
Posted By: MrsEmma
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 7:58pm
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I think it's fair, I certainly wouldn't want someone visiting if they had swine flu! I had suspected swine flu while I was pregnant and I didn't see anyone apart from DH until I got the all clear, I would have felt awful being anywhere near people, especially children or babies.
You aren't being unreasonable, swine flu is serious and it's 100% justified to not want you or DD to get sick. ETA - My IL's call every single time they are unwell or possibly coming down with something in case we pop over... bless. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: MamaT
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 7:58pm
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I don't think you're being unreasonable Ricker, she certainly doesn't seem to be supportive of you. I'd be annoyed too if she came around when sick, especially with something as bad as swine flu. Stick to your guns -------------  
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 8:01pm
I think that's fair, poor Lily got sick when she was 5 weeks old from BIL (11 years) and MIL, FIL etc knew he was sick but failed to tell us until after she went into hospital. 
I think it's fair, swine flu isn't something you'd want to risk, esp in a baby imo. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Delli
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 8:18pm
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I wouldn't visit or have someone with swine flu visit ME let alone visit Jude. Flu is horrible whether "normal" flu or swine flu. A common cold is a completely different matter.
I went to my great great aunties 103rd birthday the other week which was held at the rest home. Someone had bought their little girl who had chicken pox - now I don't mind if Jude gets chicken pox at this age as his immune system should be developed enough to handle it at this age. However, chicken pox is HORRIBLE to have as an adult- if one of the older persons at the home had not had chicken pox before and was infected, they could get very very sick. I thought it was rather strange that they hadnt thought of that. That's just me though. I'm usually all about exposing Jude (and myself) to bugs and germs in small doses and don't use hand sanitiser or anti-bacterial soap as I believe that a few germs are good for the immune system. However, I would definitely not deliberately expose Jude or myself to someone infected with something like swine flu or measles (as he hasn't been vaccinated for it yet). ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 8:23pm
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I remember when I was a kid Deli getting chicken pox, I wasn't allowed near my granddad as he hadn't had it before. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: bex88
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 8:31pm
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You are so totally in the right Ricker!!!!! I couldn't even imagine why your MIL or anyone else would want to risk giving Swine flu or anything serious to anyone else.
Hope she listens to your requests and stays away!!! And that it doesn't cause anymore issues between you and DP!!! -------------  
http://thesimplethings-bex88.blogspot.com - Blog |
Posted By: LILLIS
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 8:35pm
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I dont think you are OTT Ricker - after everything she has done previously when sick and the hard time you have had with kyra I would be the same ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 8:37pm
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I think you are doing the right thing by being firm with her and your partner should be supporting you in this stand.
How would they feel if your baby got sick and ended up in hospital.. that flu is a killer, so they should totally be understanding to your stand. Stay strong!!! ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: Babykatnz
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 9:14pm
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After all those cases in the news where people have died from swine flu, I think you are well within your rights to request medical proof that she has gotten the 'all clear' before coming near you OR your daughter, swine flu is a nasty bug that could have serious ramifications, esp if your wee girl is quite susceptible with being sick so much from other bugs your MIL keeps passing on! ------------- Brandon - 05/12/2003  
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 10:35pm
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Hell If she turned up at your place I wouldnt' even open the door to talk to her! ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: RicKer
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 7:33am
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Thanks ladies. I wonder how dramatic she will turn it out to be..
Yeah thats what i told DP. Shes not welcome so will be asked to leave but DP cant say no to her and would let her in if he was visiting when she came (she would tell him she was better and he would believe her). |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 7:48am
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I would take this as an opportunity to set the ground rules.
I would send her a card wishing her well...blah blah & say that since she has swine flu & has been sick on several occasions around your baby you & DH have decided to make sure she & other visitors only has contact with baby when well....no sick visitors. Really how hard is that...some people are so stupid. I would ring health-line or your Dr & get information from them so if she says the Dr said blah blah then you can say.....(as she may want to visit before she should). |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 8:56am
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Nope not at all, however asking for a medical cert to say she is clear is a little OTT. Stick together and if you have a chain on your door keep it on and if she arrives unannounced you can say sorry you are meant to be at home you are high sick go away please. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 9:40am
thats a good idea. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: pumpkino
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 9:52am
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I just can't believe anyone would put a child at risk like this! Why would you WANT to visit a child when you're sick???
Having said that my BIL did the same when Toby was only a couple of weeks old, came over for lunch and announced when he got here that he had a terrible cold. He "stayed away" from Toby but I was really annoyed - what if he'd given it to me or my husband? We can't keep our distance (esp me as I was BF) so if we'd got it, Toby would have too. Plus with something like swine flu, if I had got sick there would be no one to look after Toby so my DH would have had to take time off work (all our family was overseas until recently). People just don't THINK!!! |
Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 10:42am
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Bit like people going to work when they are sick and spreading germs...do they not think that maybe other people don't want to get sick...drives me mad...but it is also typical kiwi attitudes huh, tough it out blah blah! People need to remember that not everyone has great immune systems and that they may not know what the home life is like for someone (work mate might have a person at home with poor immunity). GRRR.
If she comes round to your house and DH lets her in you should just go for a walk with baby! Or go for a drive and have a coffee somewhere. ------------- 
 Oct 11
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Posted By: Kellyfer
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 12:08pm
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Totally fair! She is the one being unfair as you eventally have to deal with a sick child and she can just go home.
You can't be too careful with things like swine flu, and if she's been told to stay at home anyways, well, she should be listening to doctors advice. I HATE people who go out and about spreading their sickness! I work in retail and the number of times people have complained to me "I have the worst flu/cold/chicken pox/etc" - it's like "thanks for sharing"! I have a pretty good immune system anyways, but am a bit paranoid lately being pg. Just stay at home people! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 4:42pm
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I think the medical cert is a wee bit OTT.
Personally I'd just say, no, you rest up! We will see you after you're better, rather than putting her on the defence by setting rules etc. TBH if you do that she is more likely to "break them" to pee you off. I know a few people who had the swine flu last year (It went round work) and they were too sick to even leave thier beds, so chances are you won't see her till shes better anyhow. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: RicKer
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 5:15pm
I hope not. Ill just enjoy knowing she wont come over.. usually i never know 
DP just text to say he just went to see her... Grrr |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 9:20pm
Ask him when he gets home if he put his DUMB brain in this morning! ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3)
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 10:21pm
Oh lordy I hate the "silent assassin" visitor. lol. What on earth was your husband thinking???!!! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 11:47pm
Oh it is hard to keep a man away from his mother 
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 30 July 2010 at 7:26am
And you will appreciate that when yours grows up .. ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 30 July 2010 at 9:14am
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I would hope no woman ever tried to keep my boys away from me! I would be gutted if they married someone like that.
In saying that I am also a sensible person and wouldn't be visiting a grandchild if I was sick. -------------  
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 30 July 2010 at 10:26am
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ditto what peanut said.....
i wonder if thats how we get to be the horrible MIL. when our sons grow up and the women they date/marry want them to spend all their time with them and us mummies still want contact too.  ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 30 July 2010 at 10:44am
In no way am in inferring that the op has mil issues .. however Bizzy that is a very good theory. Thats also why I always wanted a daughter .. because when a couple marry its common for the couple to spend more time with the womans family than the mans. ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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