Why?
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=34420
Printed Date: 22 August 2025 at 12:30pm
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Topic: Why?
Posted By: LouD
Subject: Why?
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 1:55pm
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Im curious to know if im the only one out there that NEVER gets visitors or people offering to pop over. If i want company i have to go find it, which isnt always easy with a baby.......or i have to bribe people with offers of dinner or baking.
It hasnt mattered where ive lived or who ive been friends with, its always been the same. I will make the effort to go to other peoples but mostly i will organise it, but rarely will the same effort be reciprocated. I think I would just like to feel that people would like to come and visit me and not like im a lepar Im so completely over everything being a one way street |
Replies:
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 2:00pm
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I have that with a male friend, he expects that I will always come and see him at his place. I put my foot down with him the other day and said to him you want to see me you have to come to me, I have Josh at home sick and Josh is also scared of animals and you have a dog and you know that. It worked he came and saw me for 30 minutes. I also have another friend who will always say come round when you are free. I work, I have kids (so does she), but I only have that period on 3-5 at home to get everything done before I get Josh, come and see me. She is making more of an effort to do that. But yes I do feel your pain. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 2:02pm
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I live in Feilding and most of my friends are in Palmy, Palmy people think Feilding is the end of the earth and too far to go to pop in. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: heaf3
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 2:04pm
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nope its not just you.....
we almost NEVER have visitors. even our parents only come occasionally, and not for dinner or anything. we used to go to my sisters quite a bit, but they only ever came over once or twice. used to go down to our friends place (just down the road) like every weekend but they only ever came over about twice. every time plans are made with my friends its always at their houses in auckland, never at my place. etc etc totally OVER IT. our house is nice...we are nice.....i always make sure i have food or drinks for people....what the hell is the problem?? and we dont have a baby yet either, so its not like a baby putting everyone off. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: RBsMama
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 2:05pm
It's the same here. Regardless of family or friends, we always seemed to be the ones having to visit. DH works 40 hours, I work 32 and admittedly it's Mon-Fri (as it is with most of our family), we're the ones having to cart bub around each weekend. It's very frustrating and every once and a while we go on strike and don't visit. Unfortunately, no one seems to notice.....
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 2:07pm
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Fleur I am coming over to Feilding next Saturday. I can come see you but I will have 2 monsters with me. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 2:10pm
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Yeah I feel like that at times as well. I make more of an effort now to organise something on each morning week days. I'm sure if I didn't organise things, it would never happen.
Mum & Dad would never come here, never actually stop & sit down which I found weird, I'm usually going to their place. They come over for rugby now but not for any other reason really. People know my cell number, they know I'm usually at home or not very far away cause I usually have two kids at home but still don't bother. I've got one friend who does pop in which I find really cool. Fleur, the other day I was in feilding, well actually I went visiting in Halcolme  but you would have been at work in PN !------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: Renee & Lauren
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 2:15pm
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I am with you in that boat Lou. When I had my first I had my BIL around the corner from us and they hardly ever came to visit us - in fact I think the only time they came over was to visit DH when they went to play tennis. DH's other brother lived in town but again they still never visited us at all. Now again we are living around the corner from BIL and they have to drive past our house to get to and from their house but it still took them 5 weeks before BIL came to see Jayden and that was only to drop off a key so we could collect their mail while they were out of town for a few days. The girlfriend never came around at all and waited until a nieces birthday party til she met Jayden - it really peeved me off. ------------- http://lilyslim.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Kellyfer
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 2:18pm
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Nope, you're not the only one - my mother has visited me once since we moved into our house almost 2 years ago. And its not like she has heaps going on, she doesn't work and when I pop in to visit her, she's home 90% of the time.
People don't generally pop round without me organising it, but I can't complain about that, becuase I don't do it to other people. It's probably a good thing, coz our house is usually a mess (and thats without a baby so far) but it would be nice to have occasional surprise visitors. Maybe I should make more of an effort with other people!! But hugs! You're not a leper. People often only think of themselves and their own wee world. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 2:28pm
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Sometimes you have to take the initiative and invite people, when I first went flatting I'd invite my friends over for a mid week dinner - usually something easy to make and it was a great way to catch up and enjoy a nicely cooked meal. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 3:32pm
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No one ever comes and see us I invite people and they say they'll get back to us (yeah right)!! and I'm so sick of hearing "oh we'll come up and see you one day" I've gotten to the point now where I just smile and nod... because I know that they won't. It's their loss I figure because I know that we are "good people"
My parents never come up here either, we always have to make the drive down to Auckland... pisses me off. *grumble grumble* ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 3:36pm
Don't you live in Orewa? If I had friends that lived near the beach I'd be visiting every week. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: M2K
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 4:01pm
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I reakon, Orewa is gorgeous!
I have certain friends say they will pop over, but when it gets to the time I don't hear from them until the next time "sorry I have been slack, will come see you next weekend" thats when I was in town too (some of them still haven't seen Keira when they said they wanted too), now Im 45 min drive away no one wants to drive out here cos its 'tiring' but yet expect me to drive everywhere 'as you will probably want to get out of the house' Although I did have a friend who when invited would say she had no petrol too but yet drive straight past my house another 20mins past it to go for walks on a particular walking track, so I just gave up but then I heard she was jealous as I was pregnant while she was trying. Its frustrating as just packing the car can be tiring at the moment haha ------------- 
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Posted By: Mucky_Tiger
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 4:11pm
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no one ever comes and visits us cos "we're out the other side of town".
PFFFT we live 5min drive from the centre of town. on the flat. all of out other friends live 15min from the centre of town and over the bloody big hill, or way out the end of town on the way to head towards to Oamaru but nope no visitors. we have to go visit them 
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Posted By: RBsMama
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 4:24pm
LOL, we live on the "wrong" side of town, literally and I think that's why some family don't visit that often. |
Mucky_Tiger wrote:Posted By: Mucky_Tiger
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 4:40pm
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Debs, our side of town is the nice side, we get the sun, and the sea and not all cold and dim and blocked by the giant hill.
but nope. no visitors, even if we invite ppl over to drink and they have me as a sober driver they will still find a way to say no
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 4:47pm
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I very rarely get people coming over, occasionally a friend will text and say they want to catch up and they will come round , but the majority of the time, they expect us to go there, except WE are the ones who have to either cart the kids around or organise baby sitters, and as none of them have kids yet , C gets bored and whingy and it doesnt make for an enjoyable night .
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http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 5:13pm
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That's why I usually get my friend to come out to the beach, we can sit and have a natter while the kids splash around in the shallows, and the older ones don't get bored. Also apart from petrol to get there its free.
When can we come visit you Mel? ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 5:18pm
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Ditto, and it fustrates me most with family, I have the littlest kids golly gosh damn it!
We get one night a week off though, where we go to a combined potluck which is currently with people our age, mostly they are newlyweds or till studying though, so we feel a bit old. Soon we are doing a marriage course just coz, and part of that is dinner and desert all set up restaurant styles which will be cool - but we'll be the youngest by far, and feel super young. Slightly OT, sorry! I do feel your pain though  -------------  http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 5:20pm
I'M 45 MINUTES FROM TOWN! I'll come see you! Stalkerish much? I bet its the other way out of town though. You northward or south? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: MyLilSquishy
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 5:45pm
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i go to coffee group on wednesday days and quiz night or bowling on a wednesday night. if i didnt go to them i wouldnt have adult contact except for my DP lol. i dont get visitors :(
Mucky_Tiger - ill be a stalker and visit if you want? 
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Posted By: Mucky_Tiger
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 5:52pm
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Squishy. - you made me laugh.
my house is a bomb site. but meeting your little man would be coolies. i love babies and i even do poopy nappies
but i can garuntee if you come and visited you would get on my couch and get stuck, or not wanna get off. its SO comfy 
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Posted By: MyLilSquishy
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 6:07pm
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lol well we can stalk each other if you want (totally secret stalking of course!) lol my house is a bomb site too. Mythbusters came by and set off a c-b-f bomb in the middle of a 4-load packed ball of washing ahahaha
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 6:17pm
You would think that - even in the winter it's just beautiful - cold but beautiful. When you move up here, you are more than welcome to come up
eta: Flake we are about 45mins from the city too ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3)
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Posted By: LouD
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 6:26pm
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Oh wow as sad as it is, Im really glad im not the only one and pretty much all of the replies are identical to my life!! I moved to perth once and lived 10mins away from family and didnt get a visit once. where as my brother lived an hour away and visited a few times...
I do invite people around, but theres a couple of particular people that say they are coming and then last second when im like pathetically excited that im getting visitors finally and put the jug on they text and say something come up (more like they spent way too long at the other persons house and they have run out of time) And as for the offers of catching up........i too have to bite my tongue when i get people saying i must come up for a coffee!! cos if i had a dollar for everytime this one person had offered!!! OH LOL on the people not noticing you on strike Debs be i Literally laughed out loud cos i do that too!!! Some people regard me as needy for this reciprocation........but i too am a nice person (im sure some would disagree but you cant please everyone, and i have a nice house and always have baking and the jug on and offer a cuppa etc and its not too much to ask occassionally |
Posted By: _SMS_
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 6:59pm
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Same story here.
I have a few friends who i always see who live close by, they have toddlers too so the kids play. But all my 'old' friends never see me. Sometimes i text & never get replies or i am busy with my child & cant always see people. I hate how its always me who had to make an effort or first move to see them. A few months ago id had enough, i dont ask anyone to catch up now. If they dont want to see me tough sh*t for them. I have enough close friends who i talk to or see everyday that live in my area to keep me busy. They also make the effort. -------------  
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Posted By: Renee & Lauren
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 7:00pm
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Oh Lou we should meet up one day if you come down this way - we could even meet at Coastlands so it's in the middle for both of us. ------------- http://lilyslim.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: LouD
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 7:07pm
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Im often down at coastlands Renee. altho its getting harder with our babies moving around a bit more........well my one wants everything and now he knows he can get to it. Pity the play land here closed down, well it kinda closed down, its moved to Waikanae (el rancho) but hasnt opened for business yet. but if you did come up this way we could suss out a play group down in pram maybe we could both visit so the babies can play on the floor as well
I find its funny the people that live the closest ( and i know someone that lives 2mins drive) they come the least....... |
Posted By: _SMS_
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 7:21pm
You guys could always arrange a meet up at Lindale, there cafe is quite big  sorry just throwing that in there-------------
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Posted By: LouD
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 7:26pm
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Tayzmummy the whole place closed down, there used to be a big indoor playground there too but it got mismanaged out of business
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 8:09pm
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Yeah it closed down, the new owners didn't know how to run it apparently!
Sabrina I am the same, if they don't want to come visit or make an effort then tough $h!t for them. No body ever comes to visit here, but tbh I don't really mind because the place always ends up a mess when people come around unannounced etc. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Shelt
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 8:16pm
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Glad I'm not the only one who never gets visitors. I have to say that I don't really feel comfortable just popping in on other people but I organise and go round and see people instead. I am always the one who instigates though. I find it really hard coz I work and there is only so much dragging a child around on the weekend you can do before it gets unfair on her. It would be nice to stay home and have people visit us for a change. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 8:29pm
I was in that situation not too long ago where I had to travel out of my town to see anybody coz even though its not a major drive most people whinged about it  afetr making a constant effort to get out and visit people after Ty was born (coz even with a nb they wouldn't be arsed to come over AND they knew I was at risk for PND and was trying to avoid that by making sure I saw people but did they bother to make the effort??!!) I wore myself out and just had to stop. All the travel was shattering plus it was getting so expensive!! A coffee group started in town every fortnight and Jake started preschool and suddenly I started getting to know people right here. Its hard to do that where we live, not many opportunities to meet people unless you know someone and/or you're connected to kohanga or the school. Its primo now coz I don;t have to travel more than 5 minutes and they come see me too  the ones that can't be bothered can go eat hide coz thats not friendship!-------------   
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Posted By: Renee & Lauren
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 8:49pm
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oh my gosh I can't believe it has closed down..
Anyhoo - send me a msg on facebook Lou if you want to meet up after the school hols. ------------- http://lilyslim.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: _SMS_
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 8:57pm
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OMG i cant believe its closed down either That sucks -------------
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Posted By: Mucky_Tiger
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 9:28pm
i finally got on top of my pile of washing...literally. i moved it all onto the bed to put it into out draws and tripped. landed on it all   took out my knee too. damm slat beds.
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Posted By: MyLilSquishy
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 11:02pm
lol mine occupies the dining table. Bugger about your knee though! my facebook is Kahlia Chisholm (im the only one lol) |
Posted By: Chops1975
Date Posted: 02 July 2010 at 8:32am
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I just know, if it would be just me...it would be very quiet around here...but my DH has really good friends (known most of them for more than 20 years) and lots of them too...
But still, since we moved here people visit us less They seem to think we are so far away...(only 30mins from CBD AKL...and nobody believes us!!) I just wanted to say; I know what you mean and it just hurts. ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: kiwigal
Date Posted: 02 July 2010 at 11:28am
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I am also in the same boat. I moved from Hawkes Bay to Auckland 10 years ago as I moved in with Dh and have made hardly any friends here. I have got more online friends than real friends which is sad. Would be nice to live back down there again I had one friend that I used to visit quite often doing scrapbooking or shopping she is at home mum with a child in full time daycare. I haven't seen her since her sons birthday in Feb and have said lets catch up and still waiting. |
Posted By: Mucky_Tiger
Date Posted: 02 July 2010 at 11:32am
you certainly are the only one. by the time i had written kahl it suggested you 
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Posted By: MyLilSquishy
Date Posted: 02 July 2010 at 11:53am
thats just how I roll
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Posted By: Mucky_Tiger
Date Posted: 02 July 2010 at 11:55am
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Lol, dont make me laugh like that i choke on air
hey your only a year older than me 
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Posted By: MyLilSquishy
Date Posted: 02 July 2010 at 11:57am
| and i used to work with Ben lol. |
Posted By: Mucky_Tiger
Date Posted: 02 July 2010 at 12:01pm
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hehe go hillside.
we flatted together in my first year. only moved out cos we brought a house |
Posted By: MyLilSquishy
Date Posted: 02 July 2010 at 12:04pm
thats the one  oh cool. where are you now? (you look out to st kilda? or am i way off base? i suck at any kind of geography lol) (i mean what? i totally didnt photo stalk ahaha)
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Posted By: Mucky_Tiger
Date Posted: 02 July 2010 at 12:07pm
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lol your looking at st kilda in the photo. specifically the salt water pool.
were in andy bay, starting to go up the hill. just past tainui school |
Posted By: MyLilSquishy
Date Posted: 02 July 2010 at 12:49pm
| ah cool. we in corstorphine, one street behind corstorphine house. |
Posted By: Mucky_Tiger
Date Posted: 02 July 2010 at 1:10pm
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DPs cousin lives up there.
ah man i got called into work. i start at 3 and ill get home at 9am 
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Posted By: MyLilSquishy
Date Posted: 02 July 2010 at 1:37pm
| where on earth do you work? |
Posted By: Mucky_Tiger
Date Posted: 02 July 2010 at 1:53pm
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IDEA services.
im doing a sleep over at one of the houses but if two of the people dont sleep netiher do i
they called me at 12.30 so atleast i get paid extra cos its short notice |