I think Motherhood...
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=34109
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Topic: I think Motherhood...
Posted By: High9
Subject: I think Motherhood...
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:04am
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…is easier than I thought it would be…
…is exactly as I thought it would be… …is harder than I thought it would be… If you had to pick one, which would you pick? And for mummies to be, etc… …will be easy/hard/equally easy and hard The reason I ask is, I have been talking to a few mums who go “Omg this motherhood/parenting thing is so much harder than I thought it would be!” To which I think, did you not think about it before having kids? Or whilst pregnant? I have asked a couple of my friends about this and they have said that they honestly never thought about what it would be like… I even asked my mum who admitted it was much harder than she imagined as well, she hadn't really imagined what it would be like! To me, I think motherhood is exactly as I thought it would be, equally easy and hard. So for me it’s not a shock to the system. When I found out I was UTD, I sought to find every little detail I could about everything and anything to do with kids and having them. I really looked into breast feeding as my mum and grandmother couldn’t breast feed and I really wanted to give it a go. I knew that for a few months I would probably be very sleep deprived with them waking a few times a night. I knew that during the day they would sleep on and off… The possibility of reflux, colic, food allergies/intolerances… The list goes on… So how are you finding it compared to what you thought it would be like or what do you think it will be like? (I hope this makes sense as it made for an extra sleep deprived night because I couldn't stop thinking about it!) ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:08am
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I have 2 I think being the stay at home mum (which I have been) was harder than what I thought. It wasn't me and it was bloody hard. I think being the working mum was easier than what I thought it was going to be. For some reason my boys love routines and it is much easier for us. Just my thoughts thou, and I don't have babies anymore so it is easier, but when my boys were babies they were still easy to get into the working routine. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:22am
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I think it is going to be horrendously hard which is why I have put it off for so long.
I'm with you on the friends thing nkap9. I am amazed at the number of my friends who have gone into it blind expecting it to all be fun and easy and then crash and burn. |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:38am
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I think the reason it is hard work is due to the loss of freedom you once had. Going out shopping or a quick pop out now involves a child/ren, bags, pram, etc so it is more of a mission & not quick.
When I had my first baby I thought it was tough then but now I have 3 & I look back at those times & to be honest it was easier than now. If you have a baby/child that sleeps make the most of it cause it wont last, ha ha..... But seriously I love kids or I would not of had them & all the hard work, sleepless nights, tantrums, will all be worth it...one day 
Check this out DH just sent it to me...can not put link up but put addy below |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:39am
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The link doesn't work Jazzy ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: _SMS_
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:42am
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Hmmmm this is hard. Some days are really easy but then you have a really bad day with your child & its really tough.
I think being a mum is easy, for me it has come naturally. In saying that i do have bad days and sometimes think would it be easier if i was at work. I guess im lucky Taylah is a very good baby & we havent really had many bad days. There are a few things that are alot harder than i thought it would be. Housework, somedays it seems like i am forever cleaning. It just doesnt end. Also going out is alot harder than i thought it would be. Just going to the supermarket or doctors appt can put your babys whole routine out, then you have a grumoy & undsettled baby for the rest of the day. Im sure i have thought over 100 times, i should have just stayed home  -------------  
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:42am
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bummer try this http://sh*tmykidsruined.tumblr.com/page/1
not sure how to do it.......but it is so funny & there are probably some you have happen also 
ETA try the sh*t word with out the * as I think that is an OB thing & that is why I can not put up the link sh*t lol |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:43am
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As a mum to be I've no real pre-conceived ideas of what mother hood will be like, I do know it will be different to anything I've ever done before. The part I think I will find most difficult will be not going to work every day and not having my own income - that's a little bit of my lost independence that I'm struggling with. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:55am
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I think it's easier, but also harder. It's a lot easier than I thought, because my girls are so cruisy and relaxed, but when we have a bad day....it's way way harder than I imagined. And you can get frustrated a lot easier, because they don't understand. I get cabin fever, because "outings" need to be precision planned...we are going out this afternoon and I have been planning it for the last 2 days Just to try and fit in everything I need/want to do, between fitting in their needs...man it can be difficult!!
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Posted By: M2K
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 12:05pm
Í knew it was going to be demaning but yet rewarding, I waited for the right person til I had babies, so am bit older now!! and love every moment I have with her (even the bad ones) when she smiles/giggles at me and says mum,or just wants cuddles... I just melt  ------------- 
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Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 12:17pm
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I never gave it much thought TBH but when I did I imagined it would be really demanding and hard work. I never thought of smiling happy babies and bliss etc. So I was pleasantly surprised because DD#1 was a textbook baby and very easy.
Unfortunately it lulled me into a false sense of security and having 2 is much much harder than I expected it to be. Especially as DD#2 is a demanding baby who doesn't seem to need sleep. -------------  
 
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Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 12:22pm
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With both my girls I found it really easy... they've both been relaxed girls and I'm pretty easy going too - so if things don't get done they can wait ... I was a solo mum and full time student with my oldest so that was a little harder than with DD2 where I have a DP and I'm only studying PT... having a partner makes such a massive difference IMO... ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 12:50pm
is harder but so worth it thats only because of the issures james has but outherwise i woulnt change it for all the money in the wirld ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Lulu
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 1:51pm
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In general it is easier than I thought it would be. There are tough moments, but only moments. I have a way more relaxed easy going life now than I ever did when I worked full time. I was always told that the first six weeks were hell, so when I had a new born I thought 'what was everyone talking about?'... I did however have a very easy baby, and now she is almost three I still find her easy most of the time. ------------- Lou http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: MrsEmma
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 2:08pm
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At first I thought it was harder than I thought it would be, now that I'm in the swing of things and the 'motherhood gene' has kicked in I think it's a bit easier than I thought it would be. As someone else said, I still find it hard that 'popping out' is now like a full on mission with prams, bags etc involved but I think I've taken to it a lot better than I thought I would! and the 'easy' moments far out way the 'hard' ones ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 2:15pm
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bit of both I think. I'm pretty easy going, but even I need to sleep sometimes! Other than the sleep deprivation, it's about what I expected.
I have to say though, that it's so unlike anything I've evr experienced before, that it was really quite impossible to imagine what it would be like. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 2:18pm
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For such little people babies don't travel light. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 2:22pm
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I right up with with C&J
TBH, I never thought far past the part, how the hell am I going to get this thing out! I am a very go with the flow person & just do what needs to be done when. Now though, when routines go out the window, I find it much harder. But it's harder if I think about it rather than just do it IYGWIM ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: Delli
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 3:04pm
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I think its the same as how I thought it was going to be.
I found it not as hard as everyone warns it will be. I didn't think it was going to be as hard as people warned me it would be - but I just nodded and smiled and didn't tell them that just in case it was! I didn't get sleep deprived. I think its probably just to do with how I am though. I am naturally a night owl so had no problems with getting up in the night to Jude who fed every 1 and a half hours for the first five weeks of his life. I'm usually worse in the mornings (would rather feed at 2 or 3 at night than 6 or 7 in the morning) but I had no qualms sleeping in with Jude beside me as long as I needed/wanted. I wasn't stressed about getting up and trying to be the perfect mother and housewife. If I didn't want to, I didn't do any housework. (People used to advise me to forget the housework and I would reply that I hadn't bothered with housework BEFORE I had a baby - why would I worry about it now!?). I have a super super supportive DP. I managed to get a baby who didn't have reflux or colic or any of those nasties and was pretty cruisy. He still doesn't sleep through the night most nights but I don't really find it a problem. Like everyone I have some bad days or bad hours where things seem a bit tougher or things keep going wrong but I had those BEFORE I had a baby so nothing is new. It will be lots different with a newborn and a toddler (or a newborn and a few other kids) when we get around to having more. But I'm confident my lazy, go with the flow attitude will get me through once again ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: tishy
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 3:11pm
Oh I completely agree with this. Also it doesn't get easier, it just gets different. Man was I pissed when I came to this realisation 
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minik8e wrote:Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 3:36pm
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Yeah dp and I are lazy, go with the flow type of parents. We're very lucky dd is also quite cruisey and go with the flow (except bath time, that is a MUST at 7-7.30 or there are huge tears!)
I agree, when you have a bad day, it feels like the world is coming to an end or like the day will never end, although we've only had a couple of those days. I was never worried about the birth (I was too scared about birthing the placenta! )
Once she was here, I suppose because I had imagined it and thought about it for so long, the mummy gene kicked in. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 4:00pm
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I think that the first part was hard but whether it was harder than I expected I don't know...dunno if I even had any expectations?
Now I am getting the hang of being a mum and it is fun but I still struggle to get everything done in the day that I wanted to do but I am guessing I will sort that out as time goes on. ------------- 
 Oct 11
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Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 4:10pm
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Loving my baby is easier than I ever imagined and staying at home is easier in most ways than I thought BUT lack of sleep is easily as hard as I thought it would be!! Giving birth was about as hard and painful as I thought it would be so no real suprises there lol -------------   http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Renee & Lauren
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 5:09pm
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with first bubs it was nothing like I ever imagined as I just didn't really think about it - I know I should have but I just didn't want to think about how much of a spoilt rotten sh*te my neice is / was and so I didn't want to think about being a mum.
For DS it's so much better as I am more confident in what I am doing and I am loving spending time at home with him. You know at this stage with my DD I was nearly back at work part time tho ------------- http://lilyslim.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MamaT
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 5:33pm
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TBH it has been a whole lot harder than I thought it would be, particularly in the first 3-4 months. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would still be getting up with my baby 5 (sometimes 8) times a night this late in the piece. I new and expected it for the first couple of months but everyone said the first few weeks were hard but it all got easier. Well, its only got easier in the last month. I never expected a baby with reflux or intolerances or excema. Those things never crossed my mind.
So, initially it was just as expected, from about 2-4months it was a h*ll of a lot harder than I imagined, but now it is much better than I ever imagined. -------------  
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 5:49pm
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I can't have cheese as it gives dd the runs and eczema and I, mamaT never saw that happening either, we have no food intolerance's on either side of the family. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 6:45pm
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I think Motherhood is something you can try to prepare for, but the reality is that it is like nothing you could ever imagine until you hold that wee baby in your arms.
For me, it was harder at the beginning, but that was because I was in a toxic relationship and was unable to fully give myself over to the joy of being a mother. So I tried too hard to be perfect, to be who I thought I was supposed to be as a mother, and pretty much ran myself into the ground in the process. Now, as a single mother, the stresses are different, but I accept my limits a lot more readily and allow myself to enjoy being a mummy rather than strive for perfection. I have my failings. But I also have my strengths, and I think I'm gonna focus on them
Motherhood is what it is. A rewarding, love inducing, scary, beautiful, frustrating, amazing experience. And I love it. |
Posted By: JoJames
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 7:11pm
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I found it way harder, I'm a peadiatric nurse and am good with kids, so thought I would do well, but those first 3 months were soooooo hard, just the realisation that there is a child who relies on you for everything and it didn't help that DS1 cried A LOT and slept little, I find him much easier at this age, and now I struggle with the baby.
I have friends who I thought would struggle, but seem to have coped beautifully, I definately don't think you can prepare fully for having kids, and you also can't explain to people who haven't had kids what its like. ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: Chops1975
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 8:08pm
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Being a mum is mostly what I expected it to be... I am the thinker type too, so would contemplate all kinds of situations... I am also really blessed with a DH who feels the same about 99.9% of parenting issues...that helps...
Even though it is a choice to stay at home and do the office work...I find the loss of my independence the hardest...doesn't help of course that I only moved here 2 years ago and had to start from scratch making new friends...no family here either. But it is slowly getting better on the social life status so I'm ready to have another baby and be bound to the house again ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 8:10pm
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I dont think I had any idea what to expect and found a whole lot harder than anything I could have imagined.
I was only 19 when I had my first so I knew nobody with kids, the last baby I had ever been around was my brother (10 years prior) and I am sure my mum made that look easy. Right from day one, when Keira wouldn't latch I realised this was not something I was prepared for, and constantly had to face battles I had no idea could even exist... she was a difficult baby. Second time around I was prepared for it to be difficult again. But she was the complete opposite to her sister (I actually thought there was something wrong with her because she never cried) Even with two of them it was far easier than I had ever expected. ------------- 
 
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Posted By: anon
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 8:31pm
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It's definitely harder than what I thought it would be. I thought about it and knew it would be difficult, but until you actually experience it - in my opinion, you can't really prepare yourself for it. It's true what they say about it being the best and the hardest job in the world. It is the single most amazing and rewarding experience having your own child but it's blardy tough!
For me I had no idea about those first 6-12wks - NOBODY told me what it would be like so it was a complete shock. And my labour experience was nothing like I had expected. And I had no idea how isolating motherhood would be or how much it would change my life so radically. And I have been a fulltime nanny many times - but motherhood is totally different. ETA: I agree with those that have said that the loss of freedom and independence is the hardest - I was a very independent person and to be a SAHM relying so much on DH's income and him running quick errands for me and not having a car (we share one) so being tied to the house a lot even at night because he works shifts - that's all really hard. I also agree with the endless housework thing. I don't know why it never ends. Before I had a baby it would take a few hours once a week, and maybe dinner and dishes was otherwise it. Now it just goes on forever and is never finished! Why is that?!?!?! And housework/baby caring being all your day plus the same 4 walls can get a girl down! I think it's really important to find ways where you can factor yourself into your day somewhere somehow. DH and I have had fights and discussions about this alot. And all these changes and stresses can put a strain on your relationship. But once you start to figure it out, I think it deepens it and you become more of a team and binds you together as a family. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 8:45pm
yip for sure ------------- http://lilypie.com] 
http://lilypie.com] 
http://lilypie.com] 
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Posted By: Chops1975
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 8:46pm
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newlywed i sent you pm... ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 9:27am
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NW I completely agree!
The housework gets done, yet it never seems 'clean' iygwim. I feel like I am stuck at home because I can't drive so before dd I relied on public transport A LOT! Now I am too scared to take her on the bus in case we get an idiot driver (I have had some stupid drivers in my time - running lights, speeding...) plus it is about a 30-40 min walk to the mall (big BIG hills!) yet it's a 5 min drive...
I really enjoy sunny days when we can just go for a little stroll around the block! I feel so much better, but dp doesn't get that it can get rather lonely/depressing being stuck at home all day. I had thought about how limited I would be once dd arrived, esp not being able to drive and I wish I had got onto that before she came... ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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