Frustrated
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=34092
Printed Date: 27 August 2025 at 3:57am
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Topic: Frustrated
Posted By: DzinerGirl
Subject: Frustrated
Date Posted: 16 June 2010 at 2:19pm
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I don't know whether this is the right place to post this as it's a bit of a vent as well as a cry for help.
Everyday I feel so incredibly frustrated. I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. Everyone keeps asking "have we found a routine yet" and I just feel like screaming! I'm trying!!! I just don't know what to do! Noah is fine he's putting on weight so there's not a problem there it's just there isn't even a sense of a pattern to anything that's happening and wherever I look someone or something is telling me we should be doing one version or another of Feed, Play, Sleep but it's more like I feed him, try and burp him (usually unsuccessfully), and he's gone back to sleep so there's no chance of getting him to take the other side "like he should be" so then I'll change him and then sometimes he'll feed again and usually fall asleep while feeding - another supposedly big "no-no". I just don't know what to do. When putting him down I try and put him down semi-awake if possible but as I said above he's usually asleep from feeding or he's fallen asleep on us while trying to burp him. I feel like I should just be trying to go with the flow and what he wants he gets but there seems to be all this pressure for a routine to be establishing itself. It's starting to get me down and everyday I'm in tears from the pure frustration I'm feeling. I don't resent him thank goodness, I wouldn't wish him away at all. I just thought it would be easier to go with the flow but it's the niggling voice in my head saying this isn't how it's "supposed" to happen...that I'm doing something wrong. I found out today that DH told Mum he's worried I'm putting too much pressure on myself to establish a routine and I suppose it isn't fair on him either to come home to a wife that's in tears or has quite clearly been at some point, Is this normal, do other mum's feel like this in the first weeks? AM I putting too much pressure on myself to get him into a routine? Or is there something I am doing wrong and a routine should be starting to happen? HELP?! |
Replies:
Posted By: KazS
Date Posted: 16 June 2010 at 2:30pm
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Yip i felt exactly like you did - until my Mum said to me
"She is your baby do what works best for you" So if she fell asleep while feeding i put her in her basinette and had a lie down! i always fed her to sleep as a little one and she has no problems self settling now etc Do what you feel is right - be damned with everyone else! |
Posted By: bext1
Date Posted: 16 June 2010 at 2:30pm
Hugs Cheryl. I guess you are finding your feet, it takes a while. You are doing a great job. I think you just need to do what feels right for you. Don't let people tell you what you should / shouldn't be doing. What works for one person and baby doesn't necessarily work for the next person. ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 16 June 2010 at 2:31pm
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Firstly you are doing an amazing job!!!!!
Secondly, anyone who asks if you have a routine just tell them " I have a happy, healthy baby and we are getting along just fine" You do NOT need a routine with a 3 week old baby!!!!! My goodness, feed, burp, change nappy, cuddles and sleep.. what more is there? Unless you want one of course 
The single most useful thing I was ever told (by my GP) was " You are the one person who knows your baby best, do what YOU think he needs and ignore everyone else". People are full of advice and suggestions, wanted or otherwise and they put SO much pressure on new mums and quite often leave us feeling inadequate and like we are failing. Huge hugs hun, you are giving Noah every thing HE needs right now.. otherwise he wouldnt be happy and healthy! -------------   
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Posted By: LILLIS
Date Posted: 16 June 2010 at 2:35pm
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First you are not doing anything wrong!
You should just do what works for you. I know it is hard and scary and frustrating and people love to tell you what you should be doing - but every baby is different and at this age all they do is eat and sleep really. We never had a routine until Baylee was about 3 months old, when she started being awake more during the day. I know it is hard and scary but the best thing you can do is try and relax, take each day as it comes, and smile & nod when people tell you what you should be doing! You are doing a great job just remember that. take the time to enjoy him at this age as they change so quickly. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 16 June 2010 at 2:46pm
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My only suggestion would be to ignore those telling you what your supposed to do, and do what works for you and Noah. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 16 June 2010 at 2:56pm
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You don't have to have a routine, just go with the flow, we tried a routine and it didn't work, going with the flow works well for us and is much less stressful although I try keep it change play feed burp play feed burp bed during the day.
Also they don't need both sides, some are quite happy on just one!
You are doing an amazing job, don't doubt yourself!
Just go with your instincts and follow your heart! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: rachaels
Date Posted: 16 June 2010 at 3:37pm
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The ladies above have said it all, but I wanted to add in a hug for you! Keep up the good work!!
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Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 16 June 2010 at 3:40pm
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Hugs Hun
You are doing a great job. It sounds like your wee man is thriving. Don't worry about a routine, he's still little and needs to feed often. When people give advice you don't want just smile and nod and ignore it. And some probably unwanted advice 
Ds had trouble bringing up wind as well and we used gripe water from about 1 week old I think. |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 16 June 2010 at 3:47pm
| Go with the flow!!! Some babies set their own routines as well. At this stage, he is happy, and putting on weight - that's what is important! |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 16 June 2010 at 4:02pm
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oh dear - a routine at that age isnt the be all. in fact he is in a routine, his own! sometimes they just forget to share that fact with us... it sounds like he is a happy settled little boy, so why change it if it aint broke!? ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 16 June 2010 at 4:14pm
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Don't worry about only feeding on one side. I had loads of milk and only ever fed on one side per feed even though he was "meant" to have both
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Posted By: MamaT
Date Posted: 16 June 2010 at 4:42pm
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Yep, like the other ladies have said. Ignore all the "well meaning" advice. My DS is coming up 6 months now and he is only just got himself into a routine now and has only started taking both sides at a feed the last couple of days, so do not stress yourself about it. Like Bizzy said, he has got his own routine and that is clearly working or he wouldn;t be the happy little thriving boy he is. -------------  
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Posted By: Sparkle7
Date Posted: 16 June 2010 at 5:24pm
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Hi DzinerGirl, so many great supportive comments here! I just wanted to add that I liked the idea of a routine and used one from birth with my four-month-old. In retrospect though I can see there was little point in making all that effort early on. I wish I'd just relaxed and let her do her own thing for the first couple of months because by the third month she settled into her own routine anyway.
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Posted By: Smelly_Kelly
Date Posted: 16 June 2010 at 6:00pm
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Heres a big hug i know what your going through, and its hard. I agree with whats been said above :) ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/392aa6"> 
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Posted By: 1st_Time_Preggies
Date Posted: 16 June 2010 at 6:49pm
I so agree with what all the other ladies have said! I also felt a lot of pressure when my bubs was newborn, had NO idea what I was doing, and was miserable most of the time 
We didn't really get into a routine till he was about three months. Before that he SORT of had his own routine if I looked back at the timings, but really, it was all about whatever worked at the time! Don't stress about feeding to sleep etc, you do whatever it takes in those first few months. I rocked, used the pram, the car, a hammock - you name it! I also had no idea what his cries meant, so guessed (I think wrongly looking back) most of the time.
They say the first 3 months is like another trimester for the wee ones so just give him whatever he needs, and try not to worry about what other people think. Unfortunately it doesn't end though, I am still getting questions about whether my baby is sleeping through the night, and I am feeling guilty that he is not! I guess it is just the way it is when you are a first time mum - you question and worry about everything! You are doing a fantastic job I'm sure, keep your chin up
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Posted By: BugTeeny
Date Posted: 16 June 2010 at 7:19pm
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Can't add any more than what's been said...
But for you
3 weeks old is still very wee and you're both just finding your rhythm. The best advice I can offer is, do what works for you both and bugger everyone else and their comments. I found a lot of comments/advice like that was well meant abd just a way of making conversation with a very tired new Mummy. If he's not hungry and is happy to sleep, take advantage and have a rest yourself. Not only will it put you in good stead for the next "round" but it will help stabilise your mood. Happy baby = happy Mummy = happy baby = happy Mummy etc... Keep us posted on how you go ------------- 
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Posted By: BeLoved
Date Posted: 16 June 2010 at 7:50pm
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HUGS what you are feeling is perfectly normal I felt exactly the same, everyone always asked "what is she meant to be doing now?" and I was always like I don't know she is a wee baby and we just go with it. Our only resemblance of a routine was bath time at around the same time of night and I found that by the time DD was 6 - 8 weeks old she had got into her own little routine and I only knew that because I wrote down what happened each day for awhile just so I felt like I knew what was going on.
Being a new mummy is very hard work your body and mind etc. are all going through so much and you have a tiny wee baby to look after, look after yourself and your baby and try not to put any pressure on yourself, take one day at a time and if its a bad day just take it hour by hour. HUGS again! |
Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 16 June 2010 at 8:09pm
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I dont get the "meant to feed of both sides" thing....
They dont need both sides, I know some babies are lazy feeders and switching sides helps to get them to feed better but suppy and demand... if they feed one breast per feed then the supply will be such to fill them from one breast per feed.... I mean what do twin mummies do, feed babies, then stop, switch sides and feed them again??? Sorry, gone a bit off topic but its always bothered me.. I just dont get it???? -------------
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 16 June 2010 at 8:58pm
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Mel Lily often switches fornightly from having 2 sides during the day to then only having 1 and my boobies keep up! She only has 1 side over night, last week it was 2 sides during the day and this week it's just 1 per feed. (I suspect last week was a growth spurt for us though!)
Also the first 3 months are quite tiring and new but the best piece of advice I got was to go with the flow and follow my heart. We are their mum and our instinct tells us what to do. Eventually you will fall into a pattern but the first 3 months is pretty much all growth spurts... ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Kirstine
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 8:30am
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You are not doing anything wrong at all! I have never had a routine up until my girl was 6 months old and even then it goes haywire! I found every day is different!
Also I never put her down awake she was always asleep after her feed when I put her down and sometimes I couldn't get her burps out either, I found if she stirred or got upset not long after I put her down it more often than not meant she had wind, then I picked her up and found the burps came out (sometimes its easier if they have been on their backs for a bit) Sounds like your baby is doing perfectly fine! You probably have a very good milk supply and don't need to feed both sides - I hardly feed both sides. just remember - mother knows best! try to brush off everything all these do gooders say! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: millymollymandy
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 8:52am
| What everyone else said is true. i don't tink I got a real routine going till about 8 months. Sounds like your bub is actually doing great. Some kids are really sleepy, they eventually wake and do everything they are supposed to. |
Posted By: RBsMama
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 9:12am
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I'm with all the other ladies. You're doing well and he's gaining weight so that's fantastic. The first 3 months are technically the 4th trimester as there's so much more growing and developing to go, so sleeping, feeding and cuddles is all that's needed, for both mum and bub. Apparently they don't create "bad" habits until 4 months, so if feeding to sleep is working or just happening, good for you. It's what your baby needs.
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Posted By: SpecialK
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:54am
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Aww hun, don't worry about a routine, especially at 3 weeks! Everyone was asking me that too, did my head in. Seriously, do whatever it takes to get him fed and asleep - which you are already doing - and don't worry about anything else!
The routine changes every few months anyway as they start having less naps/eating less often/starting solids etc so you just have to learn to go with the flow. If people ask about your routine and stress you out about it, I'd tell them that you have have more of a pattern rather than a strict routine. Honestly, you are doing a great job and as others have said if it ain't broke don't fix it. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 3:11pm
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Huh, a routine at 3 weeks...who are these people that are asking you? Couldn't be bothered to read the replies but I am sure that most have been along the lines of don't worry routine will come later (maybe a lot later, we still don't have one hahahahaha).
Seriously, 3 weeks is waaaaaaay to early to think you need a routine. ------------- 
 Oct 11
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Posted By: Blankney94
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 10:43pm
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It was a huge struggle for me when my baby arrived - mostly because of my change of identity, being an older mum and all. We all struggle with something I'm sure, and those who say they find it easy are lying! Don't pressure yourself and baby to put into place routine so soon. Babies 'settle' down a bit at the 6-12 week old stage - at least the ones I know of. Some babies never develop a routine - another reason for you to not put yourself under so much pressure. Some babies find their own routine despite what you may try to do. It's all about going with what you are comfortable with, at any age. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 10:59pm
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Your doing a great job hun. Keep doing what your doing.
I agree with everyone and Mels first post completely. Forget the routine for now and just go with the flow. We followed feed play sleep but it was never to the clock, it was/is always on Jacksons demand. He will put himself into a routine. Hang in there hun, your doing great! ------------- Our Angel July 08 Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived 
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 8:58am
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*hugs* Sweetie!!! You are doing just fine!
Shoot I muddled along doing what worked and what i thought was right for the first few months of being a mummy, and then eventually Caden just settled into his own little routine. Dont worry about what other people are doing with their bubs or what they tell you you should be doing, just do what YOU think is right, and if Noah is happy as he is, then thats good. He is still so little and is learning as well :) ------------- |
Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 9:21am
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Tyler is nearly one and still doesn't have a proper routine ,but he gets fed, he gets sleep and hes happy and healthy .
It works for us and you have to do what works for you . Don't put pressure on yourself to "get it right " there is no "right way " , babies don't come with an instruction manual , and anyone that tells you what you should be doing, should produce the manual they are quoting from . Your doing a great job , try and ignore the "well meaning " advice ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 19 June 2010 at 10:12pm
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Sounds just like us at 3 weeks Cheryl - fed him on one side, he fell asleep while burping and I just popped him straight into bed
My 'routine' was just making sure he fed 2&1/2 - 3 hrly during the day otherwise he'd sleep 6 hours during the day then be awake 2&1/2hrly overnight! I generally got him up at the same time everyday coz Jake gets up same time every morning, then I'd have a general idea bout the days feeding timeframe. Tyler was uhhhmmmm 2 months old?? before he started staying awake for about 30-45 minutes at a stretch. Even now an hour has him looking dozy and hes fully ready for bed by an hour and a half
Catch a hug and a de-stress bug -------------   
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Posted By: Emmi_
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 11:20am
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Cheryl hun, I totally agree with all the others.
We dont have a 'routine' we just do what Lilla wants, and shes happy and content (apart from her cold she has atm  )
You dont need to worry about Noah, so long as he is happy and healthy then you dont need to worry about him not having a 'routine'. Your doing a great job with him, so keep it up, and dont worry at all what others say you (and Noah) should and shouldnt be doing ------------- 
+1 May 09 Angel
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Posted By: HuntersMama
Date Posted: 20 June 2010 at 6:00pm
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No way did we have any sort of a routine at that age! I found the first 6-8 weeks such a struggle and I didnt have a clue.
At around 7 weeks we started a 'routine' and are still getting there. Sometimes DH is awake for 1 hour, sometimes 3. He might sleep for 45 mins or 3 hours and we just go with it. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: DzinerGirl
Date Posted: 21 June 2010 at 1:02pm
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Thanks everyone..it's so reassuring to know it's not the be all and end all not having a routine.
I am feeling so much happier and relaxed now that I'm just going with the flow Thanks again 
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 21 June 2010 at 4:03pm
A routine is what you make it hun. I say we're on a routine - my cousin thinks I'm totally disorganised - my aunty thinks I go with the flow 
My fave little flick-off for all those PITA people is 'we're doing great thanks. I'm so glad you aren't one of those people who spouts advice, everybody else can't shut up! Doesn't it just bug the hell outta ya??' Generally keeps them in line -------------
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