Helping out or not..
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Topic: Helping out or not..
Posted By: fattartsrock
Subject: Helping out or not..
Date Posted: 08 June 2010 at 10:45pm
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To follow on a lively discussion in the confession thread - manily to stop the threadjack, lol....
I've made it fairly clear I don't hold much regard for women who expect their partner/hubby/etc to get out of his workmind and immediately turn into dad/homehelp role when they get home from work, almost to the point of waiting for them to get home to "hand over". maybe its different cos we no longer have "babies"...however, while preschoolers are easier in some aspects, they are also harder in others. And two or more kids is a million million times harder work than just the one so if you are under pressure with one child best not have anymore, then... 
I've also made it fairly clear that my take on this is that his job is to earn the money (and mine to spend, lol) and my job is to mind the kids (or stick them in preschool, lol) and the house and thats how we have chosen it, if I could earn more money maybe he'd stay at home and I'd work Ive also made it very clear I can't believe that women give their men "pocket money" out of money THEY worked for or deny them money full stop...and think its funny!! However, despite sounding like a 50's house wife, I couldn't be farther from that, lol. We are in no way traditional people with traditional roles, rather I see those areas as our "jobs". My husband helps out, but to be honest I rather prefer to do it myself, my way, my timeframe etc. He's great at kicking in and tidying up, helping juggle kids and doing anyhting I might ask him to, however there is never any expectation that he "should" or "shouldn't" help out (although I do expect he cleans up after tea since I usually cook) He does tidy up after himself (luckily his first wife trained him) and he knows I run a tight ship as in if it isn't out It isn't washed and I can't mind read so tell me you want something at the store or sit and spin and if you don't pull it up it remians unmade since you get out last. They cotton on fairly quickly..not like kids,lol So i guess the point of this post is how does it work in your house hold andhow does it affect your relationship (as in nagging.arguing/resentment?) ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Replies:
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 08 June 2010 at 10:58pm
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I personally found working far easier than looking after kids. I also did the exact same job my Dh does so I know what his job entails and how hard it is (or isn't). If he says he has had a bad/busy day then I know what that is like and will lay off but the rest of the time I figure he actually has it far far easier than I do and therefore I do expect him to help out. He helped out when we both worked full time and I now work longer and harder hours than full time so I expect him to still help out. Luckily he does help heaps without prompting and he has the kids for about 15 hours by himself each week whilst I am at college. He does not want to be the SAHP fulltime cos he knows he has it easier at work...lol
Dh works shifts so I have to do the bedtime routine by myself every other week and just tend to do the same when he is here but he will normally clean the kitchen or he will do the bathing whilst I clean up if I ask him to bath (he tends not to think to do that unless asked). When he is on afternoons the boys are either with the carer and he does gardening/decorating/mens work type things or he has them whilst I'm at college then goes to work after looking after them. He rarely cleans up when he has the kids cos he can't multitask, but I don't complain about that cos it's not that big a deal in the big scheme of things. ------------- 
 
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 08 June 2010 at 11:11pm
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I'm one of those who expects DH to put his hand up and start helping when he gets in the door, as he does when I get home from work. In saying that, they're usually changed and being fed tea when he gets home, so it's more of an "amuse them so I can get tea on". If he is home, he has to do bottle duty so that they are both fed at the same time. I also expect him to do the normal household things on days when I am at work and he has the care of the girls - i.e. do a load of washing of the girls' stuff (washing is done every day here), make sure they're fed etc. and also make sure the highchairs are cleaned after their lunch....so pretty standard, but never done!!!
I also believe that, on days when I have work and don't get home until mid-late evening, he should have at least organised some form of (reasonable) dinner for the two of us - I know that he can cook simple stuff, and it's not difficult to pull something out of the freezer. Me not being home till 8.30pm doesn't mean that he shouldn't eat until I get home, because that's just silly. On top of this (wow, I sound harsh), I expect him to get on with the renovations (or, more truthfully, do what he frigging well says he's going to do) and mow the lawns. How does it work though.....I nag. And I get really really peeved because it's hardly ever done. I don't think that what I ask of him is unreasonable - I work between 20-30 hours a week (on my feet the entire time), and am studying 3 Uni papers extramurally, plus look after the girls when I'm not at work. Yes, DH works 40 hours a week (not that taxing....sitting in a digger). I do the laundry (provided it's put out, because if it's not, I don't know it needs washing), general housework, most of the cooking and generally run things I guess. At the moment, DH's 40 hours a week seems to be his only input whereas mine seems to be a 24/7 job with no time off  Oh, he does help with the bathing as well...that's pretty much a necessity thing though, to get them bathed, dressed and fed in the shortest amount of time for bed.
Bit of a ramble there, but it seems to be how it's working at the moment....or rather, not working. |
Posted By: Henna79
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 7:19am
| I think I think along the same lines as you fattarts. I do all the childcare, housework etc with help from DH if I ask for it. He works damn hard to provide for us and is away from home when he does it and has found a job that provides very well for the 3 of us so I do feel t do is keep a he least I can do is keep a tidy house and clean happy kid. |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 8:13am
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I expect DH to help but I also do the majority of the household chores..
I do 90% of the washing, I cook, he puts the dishes in the dishwasher which I think is fair, I hate cooking and I'm not that great at it so he can clean up afterwards. I keep the house in a reasonable state during the week with cleaning and vacuuming which is very time consuming at the moment as it has to be immaculate for open homes etc but on saturday the house gets a once over together. We do the night time routine together. I wouldn't mind doing the lawns sometimes if the mower didn't hate me. I'm no weakling but that mower has only started once for me stupid thing. It works really well for us with the little deals we have (like tea and dishes). |
Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 8:13am
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Well after a big blow out a few weeks ago we've got things pretty down packed now.
i give DH half an hour when he gets home to sit on the couch and wind down first, that's all he asks. He also has a nap from 5.30-6pm on the couch (he works shift work) But once he's up he washes and dries the dishes, vacuums, folds the washing if it is there, and gets Janaya's bag and clothes ready for school. Quite often I am actually doing the night routine on my own as he works till 11pm at night. Everything else is up to me, groceries, baking, cooking, cleaning, washing, lunches. I also run a business from home so I am quite often spending all night working on the laptop.. Ive worked full time and I think being at home is a lot harder... DH says I am lucky to get the "comfort of home"... hardly comfortable here, lol. ------------- Mummy to two beauties... Formerly Kaiz. |
Posted By: BugTeeny
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 8:15am
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I can definitely see both sides of the coin, and I try to incorporate that into our home life.
My main role is to look after Hannah, keep the house clean and tidy, laundry, walk the dog. DH works 8am-4:30pm, his commute it about 3 minutes, on a bad day. So when he gets home he has his chill-out time for anywhere up to an hour, depending on how he feels. The only thing that's "his" around the house is the lawns. We both enjoy cooking, so we plan our meals for the week so we can both cook at least 3 times a week each. Whoever cooks does the dishes while the other does Hannah's bed time stuff. We do the groceries together and each get a sleep in at the weekends. This is all stuff that's just happened naturally, I guess I'm lucky that DH enjoys playing an active role in our house - even if it's entertaining Hannah for an hour when he gets home so I can do a few bits and pieces around the house. As for the money side of things... We have a joint account that he feeds a portion of his wages into (to cover mortgage and bills and so on). The rest stays in his account and is used as a savings. I have an EFTPOS card for the joint account, and a credit card (which is paid off monthly from that joint account), so I have full access to our money. But if there is something I want/need, I forwarn him, so he doesn't get a nasty surprise at the end of the month. I will say though, I've seen comments along the lines of "I wanted kids, so I do all the work". I don't buy that. For the most part kids are a choice. A decision you make together as a couple so the child rearing is up to both of you. In my case, DH goes to work all day and does what he's paid to do. I stay home all day and do what needs to be done around the house (as that's the job I've chosen to do). Once he's home, whatever Hannah needs or wants is up to both of us to share the load. Rambly much? ------------- 
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 8:28am
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I've been on both sides of the fence so to speak ..
When I was a new mummy with a brand new baby and had no idea what I was doing .. I was one of those women who literally threw the baby into DHs arms as soon as he walked in the door. 
Once I got into the swing of things .. DH got chill out time when he got in from work and at about 7pm he took over while I had 30 minutes of me time in front of Shorty. Now I work and DH is at home with the kids .. I still do household things .. but Im not expected to as its his "job", but I do the fun stuff like baking, preparing lunches etc etc (and Im a better cook)
But I tend to agree with Fats ... I cringe when I see how women at home are counting down the minutes (whilst eating chocolate and surfing the net) to when their significant other comes home so they can "get a break" ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: ooEvaoo
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 8:33am
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I do the majority of the housework, which I don't mind as long as I keep on top of it....if the house is a big blow out then I kinda hope that DF would help me out....does happen once in a blue moon. If I was a SAHM full time then yea I'd see house chores etc as part of my role. But I'm a fulltime student who needs to study more than 40hours a week, so any help I would greatly appreciate. DF works extremely hard to provide for us...I just wonder how he will go considering he's thinking of being a SAHD when #2 comes around....he can't even be away from work for a week without wanting to go back lol ------------- 
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Posted By: julz85
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 9:29am
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well i guess things are a bit different in my household . i have a 11month old and for the first 4 0r 5 months i was a solo mum so of course all the housework, baby minding was done 100% by me . i did not get breaks as i had a completly dependent breastfed baby , and one with very bad colic/reflux so no-one wanted to help me ( i prob wouldnt want to either - she was VERY hard work,and cried for aprox 5hours every single night ) anyway... when she was 5months old i met my now partner and we have been together since then . he stays with me alot so when he stays he pitches in with some of the housework , ussualy one of us will cook , and the other do the dishes , i do all the normal everyday housework during the week ( vaccuming, dusting, washing etc) and on the weekend we do a big clean together . Things have now changed slightly tho as i have had to return to work 20 hrs a week ( unfortunatly money doesnt grow on trees and i have a fairly good paying job with great incintives so have chosen to return to work ) so now my partner works 40 hrs and i 20hrs , as i have to work till after 8pm two days a week my partner picks my daughter up from preschool on those nights and makes tea, does dishes, baths Amelia, and gets her to bed , so when i get home i have a sleeping baby , a clean house , and a meal waiting for me which is just the best . i guess in my household we both pitch in together dependig on each others work commitments , it works for us , and it has made the biggest difference in the world having him around , it was not easy doing it 100% on my own , even having the fact of someone coming home at 5pm to look forward to is nice. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: fallen
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 9:48am
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Both DF and I work full time of 40+ hours a week. The housework etc is supposed to be something we both share though in reality it doesn't happen like that for the most part. I do the bulk of it, though to be fair DF does have jobs which are his. The vacuuming for one.
In the evenings I sometimes get resentful that he comes home from work and sits at the computer. Sometimes when asked to help eg feed the baby his dinner he huffs and puffs and grumbles. That annoys me. The other thing that annoys me is he often buggers off to bed while I'm BF the baby, even though there are still dishes that need doing, the baby bath needs emptying and his towel and clothes need clearing away. GRR! ------------- |
Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 10:29am
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Have to say, I'm a mum who expects DH to help out when he gets home (and yes, straight away!). COuple of reasons - firstly, at 6pm, Dan is constantly running to the door looking for Dad (often crying that he's not there) and is just wanting to hang out with his dad. There's no way DH could hide for 30 minutes cos that wouldn't be fair to Dan. I also work, and when I get home, I'm straight into child care and dinner prep so I don't get time off to relax and unwind. DH plays with Dan while I get dinner sorted (and yes, sometimes jump on the net or watch the news). I also figure DH goes from "in the door" to on-duty immediately, but it's only for an hour, then Dan's in bed and that's our time off. We then spend 10 minutes cleaning up the kitchen and lounge, then we can relax. DH does some of the housework but that reflects our situation - I'm a pregnant, working, studying, part time SAHM mother and it's only fair that my non-pregnant, working husband does his share of the load. He does sometimes feel like his share is too much (and sometimes that's fair, not always though) but as I said in the daycare thread, it's what works for us. No, it doesn't work for everyone and i may be judged but hell, I'd be judged no matter what I do, it seems. ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 10:38am
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Oh I totally agree with the shared situation when you are bothin paid employment/studing etc as well as raising a family and taking care of the house..
I just don't get how a SAHM who isn't studying or working in paid employment gets all resentful at doing the job they have chosen to do, which is stay at home and raise your family and mind the house! Especially since most men do do something...even if its just mow the ,lawns or play with the kids. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 10:42am
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Oh and I meant to say, with the money thing I was ranting about above, I just wnated to flip it onto the other side and ask that you might see it this way...
How would you feel and what would your friends think - if the tables wee turned and YOU were earnign the money and YOU were put on an allowance or not given money when you wanted soem for something, and your other half thought it amusing to do so??? I bet you and your firends would consider it bodering on controlling husband/abusive husband.... Just a thought. ANNNNNND also maybe they wouldn't be so bad withmoney if you stopped treating them like 12 year olds and involved them in the house hold finances - as in this is how much we earn and this is what we need to pay this and these are the consequences of not paying this or that. Maybe there would be incentive to grow up of they are treated with a bit more respect and like an adult...after all, you do have children with them! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Delli
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 10:43am
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I didn't realise my original comment would be as controversial as all this - but oh well!
In our house, when we are both home we both do equal share of kid wrangling and housework. Of course, there are times when I do more than him and there are times when he does more than me. I guess it's expected but not really the "I EXPECT you to help out and if you don't there will be CONSEQUENCES" kind of expectation - more the kind of expectation that your left hand will coordinate with your right hand when you want to pick something up. I don't nag. At all. I don't have to. Neither does he. There is no nagging, begging or pleading involved. We just do stuff that needs to be done. I guess it has been a natural progression. No matter what our situation we have always both helped out with housework (and DS when he came along) when we are both home. It's always been "us" - as in it's "our" money, "our" child, "our" work, "our" housework, "our" responsibility. And we are both responsible for being involved in the fun stuff and the not-so-fun stuff that comes with being a parent. This does not mean I throw DP a child and a washing basket as soon as he comes in the door. Both of us are very laid back - which usually means there is no chaos or panic to get things organised or done in the evenings. It also doesn't mean I sit around all day doing nothing and wait for DP to come home so we can do everything together. We are under no pressure with just one baby. Both of us have actually found it pretty cruisy so far - I think in part due to the fact that we both help out whenever, wherever. So, definitely feel we will be able to handle more and handle it well at that. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 10:46am
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Yeah Im not getting at YOU, Delli, just clarifying my postion on things...i've seen it written alot onthese boards over the years from different posters about the whole helping out at home thing and I just can't beleive what some women expect form their poor husbnads! I do think its fair that they help out, totally, its the nagging harridans that make me cringe and think gosh, I wonder how long THATS going to last... ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 10:47am
But sometimes they just don't care. |
fattartsrock wrote:Posted By: RedHeadDuck
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 10:53am
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I think I'm quite lucky with DH.
I'm a stay at home mum to be (I lost my last job due to lady coming back after maternity leave, then no-one would wanna hire me while I was pregnant) When I'm at home, I pretty much do everything. Although I expect DH to make his half of the bed. And to put his dirty washing in the basket so I can wash it. Although lately as I've been getting bigger, sorer and generally slower, DH has been helping out more. As he said, I only have to ask (although I feel bad doing this, and only do it on his "short" weeks, when he does 40hours. He can do up to 80 hours work so I don't ask him then). Although. Asking doesn't mean it gets done straight away. I asked him to empty the dishwasher and it took 3 days LMAO then he had to do it twice in a row. I don't do lawns anymore cos it KILLS my back, so he's had to do them once... Basically I do it all. Unless I ask, or already have my hands full, then he'll pitch in.... As for money. It goes into our joint account. We are both "in charge" of the finances. We both have eftpos cards, so can buy whatever we want, whenever pretty much! Although if I'm going shopping, I'll tell him, but he doesn't argue, as he knows its cos I need to. I generally buy all his clothes when he needs them. He'll tell me if he's running low on socks or whatever lol. We do grocerys together, as sometimes he'll cook (he LOVES satay beef, so he cooks that), then he can grab what he wants for his work lunches and he knows whats there... |
Posted By: RedHeadDuck
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 10:57am
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Oh. DH does all the wood now too. If he doesn't get enough for me for the day, I will only grab a couple of pieces to get me through (remember we live in Southland, is easier to just not let the fire go out!)
I'm 36 weeks pregnant and I refuse to fill the wood basket up... It's flippin awkward to carry now lol |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 11:00am
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Now see, tht all sounds kinda normal to me, moo cow! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 11:04am
I actually prefer to take care of the household finances and did so even when DH was working and I was on maternity leave .. he tends to be a tad forgetful and its more stressful trying to remember to remind him to pay stuff than just to do it myself.  ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 11:12am
To me, it would all depend on how it was done. If it was mutually agreed, then no issue (i.e. DH and I each have $25/week "spending money" but we set our budget together and decided that we'd do it that way). If DH "told" me I was getting an allowance and he gave me $25 a week, then I'd be  and producing an employment agreement demanding fair renumeration for my duties (some of which he might not get to experience as a result ) ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 11:15am
Does anyone physically give their DH an allowance??? I haven't heard that! If you got together and discussed the allowance like Flissty is talking about then fine, we have a weekly allowance of $50 each which we have decided on together. But seriously are there women who actually hand out pocket money to their husbands???  What sort of man would put up with that????
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 11:31am
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I am a SAHM & don't expect DH to do half of the house work. He works hard & puts in the hours & has just had a promotion & pay rise & he does it all for us so I am not going to demand he does things when he walks in the door after a long day. When he does gets home he plays with the kids & talks to them about their day which to me is far more important than running around with a duster.
My house is very clean so everyday it is just quick once over to keep it that way. DH cleans the kitchen when he cooks, he washes the ceilings when needed he gives the bath a good scrub once a week & I wipe it out daily, he puts the rubbish out & spray the weeds, so we don't have the major cleans & when we do we both get stuck in. DH will often ask what he can do when he sees me cleaning up or he will just chip in. My kids make their bed & clean their rooms & tidy up their toys (even if I have to later redo things) & they have done that from an early age they earn pocket money...DH does not
I have 3 kids & have worked part time & studied & still done what needs doing, but I am the kind of person who does not like to rely on others for help, I get things done. So for me I am well organised so housework is not a stressful job. DH spend quality time with the kids & helps out when needed & we never have any arguments over who does or don't do what. We both appreciate what each other does for our family. I also make all the lunches so while doing the lunches for the 2 that go to school I do DH's (sometimes he is so busy he won't buy his or to save money) & also one for DS3 as he want one also & it a good habit to get into. MONEY I have full control over all money, I have set up AP's on everything. We have a savings account (in process of getting more accounts) which an amount goes into on payday & that is for holidays & big items. We do not have HP's or CC & worked hard to clear them & all debt. Anything DH wants he adds to the list & I get it when shopping. DH does not need money but there is always money there for him but he would rather get a new game or some computer stuff so the less he spends on unnecessary stuff the faster he can buy what he wants. |
Posted By: Faffer
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 11:38am
I know of two guys that get allowances like that. One has a credit card with a $200 limit that gets paid monthly, the other gets $30 cash a week. Their friends laugh at them (and not even behind their back). Its really embarrasing for them when they can't even get a round at the pub. In our house I generally manage the money in that I make sure bills are paid on time and that the right amount of money is being tranferred to the right accounts (DH tends to forget). However, we regularly discuss our financial goals so we're on the same page. We both have full access to all our accounts and most reasonable purchases we just make. If its something big we talk about it first. I guess it helps that we're not in a super tight financial position. As we both work full time DH is really good about helping out round the house, sometimes without even being asked I cook about 4 days a week and he does the dishes, otherwise we swap. He'll vacuum while I wash and fold clothes and clean the bathrooms. I'm not sure how things will change once I'm a SAHM, I guess time will tell.-------------  
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 12:00pm
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I'm going to throw another spanner in the works based along the lines of the OP.
What is with women who expect their DH to get up in the middle of the night to change a nappy & or bottle when he has to get up & go out to work the next day. I never saw the point of disturbing his sleep anymore than necessary, but as my DH said "My boobs don't work" But even if my kids were bottle feed I still wouldn't expect him to get up, I get a "sleep in" from 6-7am when DH is getting ready for work & granted he now brings in C & dumps him in bed with me but C wakes on his alarm anyway. Also my DH gets his turn when I say I'm off for the day here are the kids, nothing gets done around the house but I still get a day out. I"m probably tireder from my days out than staying at home 
Only thing I expect my DH to do is to put his clothes away, I'm over doing that, he's old enough to do it himself LOL He has to mow the lawns as the lawnmower doesn't like me  I hung a door the other day as I was sick of waiting for it to be done, but he's gone from 7am to 6pm so I forgive him for that  ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: Mum_mum
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 12:21pm
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I do most of the household things here . I don't really expect or ask for help with anything except the more manly things like organising wood (am happy to go get it from shed though) mowing lawns and putting the rubbish out. I have nagged a few times but thats over him not hanging the doors or screwing the power points back in after our renovations 9 months ago... still waiting lol. I do all cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing, dishes.
I do all the care for miss M. Its just easier and quicker if I change the pooey nappy! I get up in the night with her as DH does have work and his job is really physical. The only time i ask him to watch her is when Im running the bath. I do expect him to have a little play with her at some point once he is home. I think DH gets it pretty easy with me, we even have an arrangement that he gets to go away every 2nd weekend hunting. (had to put my foot down about this weekend though as he was away for 3 days last) I honestly feel lucky that I get to stay home, do what ever i like, when I like, on my timeframe. Sometimes I feel like the lazy one ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
 Angel baby - May 2008
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 12:41pm
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I never expected DH to get up in the night during the week when he was working.
He came up with the idea to give me one night off, which was a Friday or Saturday and it meant that he would get up to the baby if Elias woke during the night so I got one night of uninterrupted sleep .. it was bliss! Otherwise it didnt seem fair as he had to go to work and I could (if the kid allowed) have a nap during the day to catch up on my missed sleep. ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 12:45pm
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Oh and DH has an allowance .. I just transfer money into his account every time I get paid ... and he can do with it as he pleases.
That money covers any luxuries he wants I cover all incidentals, bills etc etc ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 12:58pm
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I feel like the world's luckiest wife then, cause I don't have to ask DH to do anything around the house - he just does it.
We both do the laundry I mean its not hard to fill the machine and turn it on. We do the dishes together one washes and the other dries. I hate ironing and DH won't let me anywhere near his uniform anyways as I won't do it right. Usually when it comes to the vacuuming etc either of us does it when it needs doing, and he's the man for cleaning the shower. No kids to work around yet - and with DH's new work arrangements I can possibly be left on my own for a bit. I'd love DH to bath the baby mostly as its something he can do. I get the job of feeding as I own the breasts. As for the rest no doubt will do stuff together - I don't nag I don't need to Dh is happy to help. As for money we already have a system that works for us - one account for all the bills/mortgage etc and separate accounts for our own spending. If I don't work at all we get a wee bit from WFF which will go towards anything baby related. If I want something for myself and I don't have the $$ then I will have to ask DH, its only for a short time though as I'll be going back to work part time once bubs is 1 and my Dad will provide childcare. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 1:04pm
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So i guess the point of this post is how does it work in your house hold andhow does it affect your relationship (as in nagging.arguing/resentment?)
in our house Ethan runs to him the second he gets home so he really doesnt have any choice .. while he would love to sit down first its not really an potion so he goes straight into helping with the kids and then doing baths etc...he also does bedtime all the time still atm.. though soon we will go back to me doing Ethan's bed/bath at weekends.. re the housework he will do whatever but generally i do it.. and re money he is fine with me spending it and I never restrict his money as i think the same as you do about that.. I think also by 530 I'm knackered with two kids and that he thinks the same as i do that although he'd like a break it's only an hour till that and both kids are in bed so he wants to spend time with them while he can. I get a bit resentful he thinks being home is easy and would love to work out a 2 day working arrangement for me.. he would love to be at home.. but it just doesn't work out that way.. in short he is a better housekeeper and cook than me:) but he did know that when he married me!:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 1:04pm
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I so agree with the getting up in the middle of night thing. I have friends who do this and I don't get it. I have FF from birth and still never expected DH to get up at night. In the holidayswe do 2 nights on and 2 nights off and in the weekend he does friday and I do Sat so I get one nights sleep.
We both get an "allowance" which we decided on together. We wanted it paid into our own accounts so we could do surprises for each other etc. -------------  
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 1:07pm
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i hear you on the clothes though my DH is like that..they are on the floor and then not put away:) but i am very lucky he is very helpful but we are both quite lazy underneath it all:) i wish he would go out and do things but he never really spends much time away from us but i would never stop him spending money as he earnt it:) !!
i never expected DH to get up but he has a habit of sleeping on the couch so gets woken lol.. but i do wish sometimes in the weekend he could:) but he could sleep through a tornado and i guess if its one thing I am old fashioned about it is that the one working should get the sleep.. but in general I think it's whatever works...all sorts of different things work for different people:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 1:09pm
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I wouldn't want Dh to be getting up in the middle of the night if he has work the next day - I'd hate him to end up making mistakes or injuring himself cause he's sleep deprived. Don't need that guilt on my concisence. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 1:11pm
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We both work fulltime in our house, but I am the "bread winner" of the 2 of us. So we have worked out between us how jobs etc get done around the house. and yes he does more than me but due to the hours we both work it works out well for us. What annoys me is our "weekends" My weekend is the traditional Sat and Sun where his is Sun, Mon. Some Saturdays when he gets home from work I do stand there and say "they are all yours to deal with", now I know he has had a hard day at work, but Saturday is also my weekend day so I wil say that some days and he does take over. Usually it is just getting them into bed as they won't go for me (story of my life some days). He gets Monday to himself (inbetween dropping off and picking up Andrew from school), so that is his day to do as he pleases. Kinda annoys me a little as I don't have that time to myself as he works Saturady and we both have Sunday off. Money well I am the breadwinner but I am also a bad spender. I am actually happy to receive my "allowance" every week that pays for my smokes and whatever else I feel like. I need it cos if he didn't do that to me the money would be gone on clothes, shoes etc on me. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 1:16pm
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I'll put my hand up and say I used to hand C straight over to DH when he arrived home in the early early days too. Usually if C was still awake when DH got home that meant I'd been trying to settle him for at least 3 hours so I needed the mental break! These days DH tends to get up to C in the night because I'm pregnant again and also because some days that's the only time he sees his son Yup, he works long hours, thankfully only 5 days a week though.
In terms of house work and things, we have a helper now so TBH I don't have to do much of the boring stuff at all - yay! It was DH pushing to get help as we both really struggled in the early months with C with him being prem and not having family here to take up the slack when we really needed it. So now M does the daily chores and big cleaning stuff and will babysit C once or twice a week so DH and I can go out together in the evening. During the week I don't expect any help from DH with anything to do with the house. If he gets home before C's bed time he will get changed and then get straight into playing with C/having tea together/shower and bed time. He chooses to do those things so he has some time with his son! It's not particularly taxing as it's mostly all taken care of in advance (eg tea is made, DH just sits with C at the table, I'm usually there too). When C is in bed that's our time off 
On the weekends I expect DH to clean up after himself and also to help with the dishes when I've done the cooking. Money - we don't do "allowances" or anything, we just spend what we need/want to and will discuss major things/ongoing expenses when we need to. Money management is the only thing we really argue about but it's more to do with who's responsible for what. In theory I should be paying the bills as they come in (from our joint account) but the reality is EVERYTHING has to be in DH's name so whenever there's a problem I can't deal with it It really winds me up and I have to call DH at work and get him to deal with it when he has time ... then things get forgotten and we get into an argument when a reminder arrives and I haven't sorted it out. Sigh.
Anyways that's what works for us ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 1:29pm
Yep Ive read it quite a bit on here! And it stuns me!!!! Hence my testicles instead of a marriage licence joke... ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 1:30pm
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I'll say I handed kiddy duties over to DH last night as soon as he walked in the door. After Daniel packing a major paddy about dinner which went on for 2hrs while I'm trying to get some food into myself so I didn't feel sick I had had enough.
Funny that half an hour after DH got home I was in the toilet power chucking. Gotta love stress acting on morning sickness. |
Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 1:33pm
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Random double post..... -------------   
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Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 1:36pm
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Cant speak directly for Grant but can say what he told me however.
His job, at this point of time, is to do his job and get a salary. My job, while he is at work, is to parent the kids and take care of things as they come up with the house. Once he is home the things get sort of split. I still do most of the primary caregiving role. Like 60% of the time I bath the kids. (hubby does this a lot too). He mostly do the brushing teeth time and bedtime story. He often change nappies. Dishes. He only does this when I am having a hard time with Andrew or it is exam time for me. He will glady do it if I ask though. Cooking and baking. I do this 99% of the time. He bbq's and on family nights on Friday we all do things together. Sometimes over a weekend he does something with McKayla and make food. Groceries. He never done this on his own though. He hates making lists. He will come now and then but doesnt really like it. He refuses (yes you read right) that I do the lawns. I am not ALLOWED to touch the lawnmower. (must be dating back to his caveman genes or something). He mostly take the rubbish bags out but I do it as well if he forgot or needs to go to work early. Point is everything is a negotiation between us. If I feel overwhelmed and things just get too much I will tell him and say I need more help, but mostly he can see it and just chip in. Whether it is him or me both of us goes and makes the other one a cup of coffee or tea. I am really lucky to have a hubby and friend like him. That said, yip I do some nagging on occasion and he will also "nag" and tell me when I am too busy with kids and he wants some time or attention too. He doesnt get up at night for Andrew but he does for McKayla (since Andrew came along) but mostly I do that part. Yes he does get "Pocket money" but like I said both of us sit down every 3 or so months and set up the budget. We both know what goes in and out. And both of us have access to all the accounts and know each others passwords. No secret accounts etc. And as I said he is getting very upset with the idea that I dont have "pocket" money and that I dont spent on myself and he is trying to get me back into my own hobbies (dont really have the time right now). That way he can spent on his without affecting any of the other budgets. Kids will get "pocket" money too. And although I "pay" the bills we both have control over finances. And I sent him with the actual spending we did compare to the supposed budget so both of us knows where we went over or under. My tip: Talk and negotiate works better than nagging. And isnt that what a relationship is? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 1:52pm
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I have not read all the posts yet.. will do that when j is asleep as he has almost finished his lunch...
Firstly we have "pocket money"... we each get a little money each fortnight out of his salary to do with what we want. We do this because money is uber tight right now and we are not in the position to be frivilous (sp?). We also have a limit on gifts and that gets transfered into our spending money accounts before birthdays, anniversarys etc. I do control this, but that is the role we have taken naturally... I dont stop him from spending money but will advise he doesnt if we cant afford it... and will budget it in so we can afford it. As for child care I am of the mind that my DH gets and hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon of "free" time on the bus.... I dont get any and while this is part of having kids I fail to see how its purely my responsibility... so when he gets home from work he is expected to play with Jake while I have 20 minutes to myself. The reasons are twofold, the first so I can relax a bit so when Jake goes to bed we can enjoy our time together and the second that DH and Jake get some quality time together. DH also puts Jake to bed and its a nice quiet time for them at the end of the day. While I "expect" DH to do it, he wants to do it! He understands that even though i am a SAHM I still deserve a wee break from being a mummy and a wife and apparently I am a much nicer wife in the evenings if he does that (his words not mine). I dont expect him to do everything, I am home all day after all (though these days my pg arse cant be bothered to do a lot I must admit) but I do expect him to be a father when he gets home from work.... after all he gets most of the day off from that job. He does normally tidy up the toys when I am having a shower too, I never ask but he normally does it. Its the thing I appreciate the most.... -------------
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Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 2:01pm
Nicely said! If you both discuss it and follow through then there should be no need for nagging. I'm amazed that some women seem to have to treat their husbands like children and are constantly unhappy with what they do/don't do. Surely you would learn what they are like beforehand and if you don't like it you wouldn't marry them/have a child with them? Seems logical to me. |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 2:14pm
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I don't get the allowance thing, that's not on. I worked with a guy who had no kids and he was still given an allowance by his girlfriend, very odd.
We do each have spending money for coffees/lunches but it was done that way to help us budget and any other things that Dh or I want to buy we just get out of savings, we normally talk to each other about it but not asking permission and is mostly cos it needs to be added to a spreadsheet we have that keeps track of one money is accrueing for bills (we pay insurance yearly and a few other things) and what is for savings/spending money. Big stuff obviously is always talked about. I find it odd though that so many of you think that being a sahm mum should mean doing all the house work as well. What time do you actually spend with your kids if your doing everything else? We are never even in in the mornings cos I take the kids out to playgroup, music etc and I don't like to spend all their awake time doing housework, cos that's hardly quality one on one time with them. Yep some cos they do like to be my helpers but they also get bored of it pretty quickly or their help is actually not helpful at all. When Dh is on earlies I like to spend time with him in the evening as we dont' get anytime alone together when is on lates so I don't want to be doing house work all evening instead. It makes sense for him to pitch in and why wouldn't he, they are afterall his kids too. I've never expected him to get up in the night, he has the odd time if I've asked him but it's only ever been when he doesn't have work the next day. He could have an accident too easily if sleep deprived and I don't see the point of having two sleep deprived parents. -------------
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 2:17pm
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i havent read all this yet - will do it later maybe. i wanted to say though i dont get the SAHM's who say that what they do is harder than their partners job cause it is full time... is it really full time?
When you have a paid job to go to you have to start at a set time, have breaks at a set time and finish at a set time. You have to actually work during your working hours as well. you cant get up and have a coffee or meet friends or play on FB or OB whenever you want or for however long you want. You have to answer to your boss, you have a dress standard and are expected to work to a standard as well. whereas SAHM's dont even have to get dressed let alone do the washing by a certain time or the dishes or anything really. They dont have to spend a majority of their day doing anything they dont really want to do. and if it all gets too much they can walk out the door and go for a walk or have a coffee with a friend or head to the library, the pools, a mall.... Being a SAHM is not a hard job. dealing with small peoples temperaments day in day out can get wearing and figuring it out can be tricky, but we have it easy really! if our kids piss us off we can walk outside and eventually they will do something cute and make us smile again - whereas if your fellow employees piss you off its tough really! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 2:18pm
This is the same as us pretty much
When I was pregnant with Bella I would sometime run away as soon as DH got home lol, just cos I was so tired(was quite unwell at the end of the pregnancy with bery bad low iron). These days I never ask him to do anything when he gets home from work, unless Im sick, but even then Im usually dragging myself round getting things done. Im a stay at home mum, thats my "job" i keep the household running smooth and he brings home the bacon, but we also work together, he does Cadens night routine and helps me with Bella, its only fair, he is their dad. He does dishes and cleans the kitchen, puts away toys and stuff. I love being at home with the kids, but somedays I am itching for DH to get home, and not to throw them at him, but just to have him there to help and for my sanity and cos I love him
ETA - We have a joint account and each have cards for it, so my WFF money and his wages go into the one account, we dont have credits cards, just a Visa debit card which is mine. I dont tell him when I buy general things, but if I want to get something thats going to cost a bit I let him know and vice versa, which is not often as we dont have much money at all at the moment. ------------- |
Posted By: Lexidore
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 2:20pm
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I guess I am one of those bad woman you all talk about!
DF gets up in the night most of the time for Lexie, Not that I expect him to or even ask him to, he has told me he likes to do it as he feels like its some extra bonding time for them, even though it is 5-10 minutes of him just giving her a bottle then going back to bed. I get up too though and sometimes we fight over who will get up to her in the night, and by that I mean we both fight over who gets to do it. We appreciate that time as she is so snuggly and we love the opportunity to spend time with her like that. In the first couple of months I would be handing Lexie over as soon as he got home I was really struggling with a baby that didn't sleep, and only cried all day, I struggled with the fact that I thought I was the problem. Now when DF comes in he will come straight over and give us both a kiss and we will spend some time playing with the baby together for awhile before one of us decides to make dinner. I don't expect him to do anything except the dishes, Thats the only job I expect him to do, and every so often I will surprise him by doing them. Though he does help out with a lot. I very rarely ask him to do stuff we just do things when they need doing. We very rarely fight, the only things I nag about is turning out lights, and closing doors lol and thats just me trying to save power. I work one day a week and the minute I come home I want to see my baby so I will spend time with her straight away. So yea thats us... It works for us we communicate about things and neither of us are unhappy, We will tell each other if something isn't working and work on it. But from the outside I am probably looked at as being one of THOSE women ------------- 
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Posted By: kiwi2
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 2:20pm
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Wow this is the benefit (finally) to having a DH with ADHD. I just have to mention a job or problem with the house and it gets done. lol. No nagging here I think. Will have to ask DH when he gets home. Although I do have a moan everynow and then as it is all relevant to what you experience IYGWIM. But I feel very lucky after reading a few of these forums.
DH earns a good wage and is a bit of a workaholic. Because of this we don't do the allowance thing. Both he and I can spend within reason and big spends we talk about. I can see how that would be very belittling to a man but we haven't had the stress of really tight finances in a long time. He loves being around the kids and takes over when he gets home. Mind you he gets home at 7-7.30 pm so only gets a short time with them before bed. But in the weekend he is onto it with the sports and can't sit still or sleep in so is very busy with them at parks etc. On the other hand sometimes it is not your preferred choice to be the stay at home parent. Sometimes it comes down to whos job pays more and therefore is a financial choice etc. I know when I was working it was a far less stressful time to go to work and switch off a little for 8 hours. Now with our circumstances me working would just be too stressful for the whole family and my DH prefers me to be at home so that his working time doesn't get compromised. Also with our third child it was really difficult. She was hard to manage and screamed alot and I would count down the clock until he got home. I would hand her over and head out to regroup before dinner. He would get up for one of the 7 times a night I would have to get up. This was a medical condition that we didn't get diagnosed until she was 2 and a half so it was a stressful time and he did have to step up to help us out. Another point is that as a SAHM we don't get annual leave, sick leave and a finishing time. Most DH's kick in and help out but if you are asking or nagging all the time maybe your partner could be reminded of this. At the end of the day every family is different and in those first years of baby you really have to communicate with your partners. If you explain what your needs are in a calm and non-confrontational way 9 times out of 10 they will help you out. |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 2:34pm
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I think I will put DH on an allowance or just give him pocket money as I see no difference between the 2.
So I asked DH (chatting on line) if he would like to have a set amount weekly & he said we would probably save more, lol, After the bills are payed & the saving done there is money left in the account that we both can use & we have no limit on who gets what, but we find we don't spend much on ourselves weekly, but we have things we both do & there is money set aside for that. I would hate for DH to have to check in with me if he wanted to go to lunch with the guys at work or out after (not that he does much) so I always make sure there is money for stuff like that. DH gets on call & if he has to go in early etc so he usually puts in the claim monthly so we get $1-2k extra & that is used for clothing, kids & what we need & extra into savings. We also take a set amount out each to buy what we want, DH will get a game etc & I will get makeup, perfume etc. I don't get why one has to ask the other for money but do get why they check how much is available. Not everyone is on a big wage or they maybe over committed so not much left over to share. |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 2:40pm
I think it depends on the work, my Dh doesn't have set breaks and can have coffee when he wants. His day depends on what breakdowns, if any, happen and he goes to work looking like a hobo. When he does long hours, recently he did 12 hour days and weekends for a shutdown then I didn't expect him to do anything except work and eat/sleep cos it would have been totally unfair to expect anything else. I guess what I find harder about being at home is that it's like freaking ground hog day, at least I use to achieve something at work. And yes I do get to take breaks but not when I want, it's when the kids allow, like now cos they are napping. I also don't get to pee in peace, most people who work can go to the toilet without their co workers going in with them. I have to start and finish my day when the kids dictate, I don't have set hours but I also don't have any control over the hours I work, if one of them gets up at 5am then so do I. I also dont' get weekends. Dh still pretty much gets weekends, yes he helps out more cos he is here but I am still the main caregiver whilst he potters round the house doing whatever, my routine carries on like any other weekday. -------------
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Posted By: tishy
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 2:46pm
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We do pocket money, it's s pre determined amount agreed by us both. If either of us had free reign on our joint account there'd be no money left
As for helping out at home, DH gets to choose when he's ready to assist when he gets home. Generally it's pretty immediate. He does bath while I sort the kitchen and he does bedtime / bottles too. This is the days he's home as he's away a lotwith work and diving. Up until this week we've had a nanny 2 days a week while I work. Next week the girls start 3 days daycare instead and when I up my work to 3 days we're going to get a cleaner on once a week so my days with the girls are not taken up with cleaning. I detest housework, it's not a reason why I choose to be a SAHM, as does DH, so this is our compromise
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Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 2:52pm
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I am a terrible wife I count down the minutes until he gets home and dump the kids on him, I make him get up in the night, I nag, and he isn't even lucky enough to get pocket money.
DH finishes work, 5:30/6ish and by that point of the day I have 2 grumpy girls who are over the day, I am trying to dinner cooked, housework finished up, getting ready for bedtime. We both work hard during the day, him out of the house and me at home, and I think when he gets home we both help out. Usually he just plays with the girls or takes over cooking dinner, so I can sort everything else out. Same for weekends, neither of us get the weekend completely off, we still have 2 children to look after and house work to be done (does it ever end ) I think it is only fair we both do our fair share....although DH doesn't like that so much.
There are certain jobs that I just do, washing, sorting junk piles, washing windows etc. And the only jobs I really appreciate his help with are the dishes and mowing the lawns. I admit I do nag But when you ask once and they ignore you asking again it becomes a nag... I haven't yet figured out how to avoid it.... if he always replied the first time I would never have nag at all DH can be really lazy, his whole life he hasn't ever really had to do anything, I look at his sister and Dad and I am scared that if I never say anything we would end up living like them.
The dishes is/are the thing that gets to me most, he is always saying he will so them later and then never has the time, instead he plays computer games all night and I am left to do it all my self. I haven't said anything at all about the lawns, I am waiting to see if he ever will just do it.... Getting up in the night, I never made him do it all the time although it would get to a point I would be totally exhausted I needed his help. Yes he had to work the next day but so do I even if it is only at home. It wasn't a big deal when I had only the one and could nap with them the next day but when you have a toddler to run around after also it feels awful when you have no energy. As for getting pocket money, we just don't have enough to set aside spend on the 'extra' things. The things we buy we talk about together (usually shop together as I had no other way of getting to the shops ) If he really needs something small (lunch etc) then he knows he can (although I trust he is smart with the money). If I gave him money I know he would just spend it on computer games. I understand having weekly pocket money for each other can work really well for some people, but I think if the wife has all the money to spend on what ever she wants and only leaves a small portion for the husband, is a bit rough. ------------- 
 
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 2:58pm
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Dont worry Daizy, I nag too Its usually when he is on the computer or playing playstaion and I get pissed off when Ive asked him to help me with something numerous times and he says "yeah" and then I wait 5 mins, still hasnt moved his ass, so yeap I go hulk on him
He is mostly really good though ------------- |
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 3:04pm
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BLAH I hate housework too. My mum and my Nana used to laugh at me when I was a smart-alec teenager and said I would pay someone else to do it when I left home .... but I do! There are some things I do myself because I'm fussy but otherwise I love not having to worry about it. Our home is far more relaxed too because neither DH or I have to do anything really don't want to.
I went up to KL for the day on Saturday and DH had C for the whole day. He made a comment about having to pee with C around - we had a big laugh about it (because it was funny) but I'm glad he "gets it" too. ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 3:32pm
i agree fully with you , Bizzy. I don't get what is so hard aobut being a SAHM apart from the temperaments of our children and the interuppted pee breaks and showers etc, but really, not that big of a deal. And I have a 3 y/o that is constantly in tantrum/crying/whinging mode. And I also don't see how housework is that big of a deal? I keep the house tidy anyhow, so mainainence isnt hard? I spend maybe half an hour TOPS per day doing something bigish and maybe an hour an hour and a half once a week doing all of it? If you keep on top of the maintenence then its not such a big deal. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 3:41pm
Not a big deal as such. I just don't like it I particularly don't like doing it in 35 degree heat and 98% humidity  ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: palomino
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 3:44pm
| I do all the house hold chores etc apart from vacumming because DP loves it so who am i to stop him. He comes home and blobs till tea time while i do bath and pjs then he does story and puts him to bed. I get up in the night if need be. In our situation i do have it easier in some respects, we used to be in similar jobs pre baby and i know how stressed i used to get so i give him time to unwind, dont expect him to do much once hes home. Of course this has taken what 18 odd months to get into the swing of, i used to hand him the baby as soon as he was in the door. |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 3:58pm
I agree...it is as hard as you make it...if you have a clean house to start with it does not take much effort to keep it that way. And the freedom you get is fantastic & after all doesn't one choose to be SAHM so they can spend time with the child/ren & it goes hand & hand you clean up. I think there is too much PC BS around. |
Posted By: Delli
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 4:03pm
Heh, and I don't get whats so hard about working full time. Again, guess it comes down to personalities. I don't find either being a SAHM OR working hard. As someone said - it's as hard as you make it to be. Some people like to get wrapped up in the stress when really - it doesn't need to be that way. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 4:06pm
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I think maybe it is hard when first have a baby...I know that at first I found it super hard, was over tired, honestly hardly had time to eat let alone do anything else and since then, things got on top of me so now I am like waaaa so much to do, so little time and I would love DH to give me a hand to get back on track. But I have written a list of the things that need to be done in the house so I can see my progress and sometimes easier to visualise on a list than in my head.
So now DS is older and I feel in control as far as he goes (til the next round of teething lol), I am starting to get over the not much help from DH. I was resenting him for a while because I was so bloody tired but not anymore...I know he works long hours too and now I have more spare time during the day to do fun things. I expect that as time goes on I will get more in control and yip, house hold is my job and I have chosen it and truly can't believe how lucky I am that I get to stay home with Liam instead of going to work and putting him in care. Probably when we have another baby there will be those early months where things get out of control BUT I also think next time round I probably won't expect myself to have a perfect house and to be the perfect wife....so if things slide a bit well too bad. Re the money thing, we don't need to do pocket money but every so often I bring it up but more for me coz sometimes I spend a bit on my crafts tee hee and feel naughty. But DH doesn't care and we can afford it so not really too worried haha! Then sometimes I think if I didn't spend as much on crafts we would save faster (not that I spend that much) so wonder if it would be a good plan.....sigh. ------------- 
Oct 11
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Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 4:11pm
We have this conversation a bit too. We feel guilty for not saving more/faster but then we work out where we're spending the most money and it's activities for Callum and eating out mostly and basically just things we enjoy like holidays. So we carry on because that's why we're here - so we can have a nice life but still save some $$ for when we move home one of these days. ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 4:39pm
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I find being a SAHM harder than when I worked and I used to work HARD! I think it's the groundhog day thing that someone mentioned plus you just never know how long you're going to get to do anything before you are interrupted and you are constantly multitasking.
Plus babies going nuts at the same time as toddlers can be more stressful than having your comp system go down and being screamed at by clients. DH comes home and helps with the kids. We both go flat stick through the dinner and night routines (I do the cooking and him the dishes) and then we both relax when the kids are in bed. -------------  
 
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 4:40pm
I often wonder that myself maybe the desire to have a baby over rules all else. |
Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 4:45pm
| That's sad if that is the case Jazzy as it can often lead to a broken home when the going gets tough. The other side of the coin is that some people just love complaining! |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 4:56pm
So true & it does, if you don't have a solid relationship to start with kids only make it harder. Relationships are hard work & you have to work at it...so I try really hard not to bag my hubby...might send him the odd email tho, ha ha
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Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 5:20pm
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I love my husband. I probably do complain about him too much on here, but so what if housework isn't his strong point, there is much more I love about him than weather or not he pulls his own weight. Ok so it definitely helps, and I know there are times he can be great.
He will do things that bugs me, but more because I don't always see things the way he does, we are wired differently, but thats also one of the reasons we work. And yes he will still be a male that doesn't always enjoy housework, instead would rather play games with his mates. And yes that makes me grumpy at times but it doesn't make us love each other any less. -------------
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 6:03pm
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Tell you what..if men talked more they would probably complain about us to their mates...I am sure we are not perfect either hehe. -------------
Oct 11
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Posted By: _SMS_
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 6:15pm
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Hmmmm this is very interesting
I cook 99% of the time, i do all housework. DP only does dishes every night or maybe every 2nd night. I do them every other time. He does all outside jobs, car repairs, etc etc DP will help out with any house work that i ask of him, but he never just does it, he has to be asked. DP baths Taylah every night or 2nd night. I hardly ever bath her its always DPs time to spend with her after work before bed time. He also gives her a bottle before bed everynight to. In the weekends we normally share housework & caring for Taylah. I normally do 60% dp 40% of housework in wknds. So its pretty good. I also NAG him a fair bit. He never listens to things i say. Then he moans that i yell at him, but i only yell after ive asked several times. He is starting to slowly understand this Like others say i get 'yep in 5 min' alot. But 5 min is always ends up being 1 hr.
I get up to Taylah during the night when DP has work, luckily it hasnt been to often lately -------------  
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Posted By: hannibal
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 6:24pm
| We both work full time so its all about mucking in. Hubby is self employed and winter is a down time for him so he can often come home and get things ready, bubs dinner on etc and in summer time I step up that role more as he does longer hours. He works seven days so it mainly me over the weekend and then I disappear on a Saturday afternoon for a massage and a total of one hour me time. We have no family here so its us no time out together. Housework is divided, he feeds bubs at night and I do the shower/bath. We both like things done in different ways I guess but I go but if you want it done a certainly way do it yourself. Money wise whats his is mine and what mine in mine!!! No not really my wages pay the mortgage, bills etc and his is the weekly funds for other items. |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 7:57pm
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re the sAHM thing...i do find it hard..part of it is my personality...and having a child with day sleeping issues lol..and a full on toddler..but i dont feel bad for admitting that..i find it hard..i just do:) i love love love my kids but dont love being a SAHM and maybe that's got something to do with it?:)
I also just think that what some people find awful (ie you dont think its ok to hand children over the second you get home) other people find great and necessary:) take today my DH came home ..Ethan saw him coming..was all over him and 10 mins later he took him to the bath.. I asked him about it and he said though its full on he loves he gets to spend some time with them before they go to bed.. I think my last word on it for me is that some people find it hard, some dont.... like a lot of parenting things.. and that's just the way it is:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 8:17pm
Absolutely, KA and I'm not judging you at all. I've never ever seen you on here bagging your hubby and complaining about anything he does (or dosen't do) and you really don't seem the naggy type! TBH I don't really like being a SAHM either, but I like going to work a whole lot less at the moment! lol Personally I think its the mental part thats the hard part of SAHM, not the "work". At least at work, you now you get paid for the crap you might or might not have to put up with. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 8:19pm
I'm one of those women who frequently moans...DH actually did more around the house etc. before we had kids!!! And getting up at night....DH had to get up at night when we were doing middle of the night feeds. Yes, he had to work in the morning, but I had to deal with the girls all day, and for just me to do a feed (bottles only) would take over 2 hours at a time, which is ridiculous. So we would both get up, feed them, and be back to bed within an hour. Now, if they are unsettled, it's usually me that gets up through the night, even when it's ME that has to work the next day, and not him. So that can work both ways. When it rolls around to 5am I boot him and tell him it's his turn, because I do need sleep as well (usually if one is unsettled, so is the other, so it's two-fold overnight). I don't see what's unfair about that??? We both signed on to be parents, not just me. |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 8:20pm
EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!! maybe thats it in a nutshell! I don't understand why there has to be a competiton over whos had the hardest/most stressfull day? Or who did most? ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 8:21pm
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Haven't read all the replies, but here's my take on it
I do think parenting when both parents are at home should be shared. But that's the kid side of things - I do believe if you are a SAHM your job is to sort out all household and family stuff, and not leave it to your hubby. What else would you do all day otherwise (and don't tell me kids take that much work, because they don't!). I have a cousin who sits on her ass all day and when her DH gets home late she expects him to do all the washing, dishes, cook tea. Apparently that's what parents do because she's worked 'so hard'. I've been a SAHM, and still am when I don't have enough work yet I fully believe if I'm not earning, I contribute through other work. My Dh is hardly ever home, and when he is, he never knows what's going on with the kids. He helps as much as he can, sometimes gets them ready for bed or does the dishes once a week if I'm lucky. He chops wood for us and fixes the cars if they need it, so that's a help. I would hate to be so reliant on my Dh to get through the day. |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 8:21pm
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And, Kate, you get a special dispensation for being a mother of twins!!!! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 8:26pm
| Does she ever! |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 8:37pm
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Aww thanks, but I don't really need it. I have to admit, when I am at home, I find being a SAHM really hard and when it rolls around to the day before work (after 3-4 days at home), I really really can't wait.....but by the same token when I've been working for 3-4 days, it rolls around to the last day and I really really can't wait to stay at home with the girls. Do you find that at all emz??? My girls are my everything, but I'm just not wired to stay home 24/7, and going out to coffee groups/playcentre etc can be a nightmare and a half trying to work it in with their routines, so we probably don't get out as much as we should.....which works with what someone else said - it's as hard as we make it.
I think (from no experience whatsoever) that having toddlers might in SOME ways be easier - you can incorporate them into your day, "helping" with chores etc., whereas babies just can't. |
Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 8:37pm
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I think being a SAHM is definitely harder mentally. It is emotionally draining and you don't ever get to switch off. At least working you get off if you are sick, you get weekends, you get lunch breaks. It the fact that it is continuous, repetitive and you feel like you have been dealing with the same tantrum over and over.
Even if you have been working all day coming home to kids is a complete change of scenery, after being away for a while you have the emotional to deal with it all again. I do love being a SAHM but every now and then I do need a break, a chance to refresh. I know I don't have a lot to compare it with but it is definitely the hardest thing I have ever done. I think it takes more than one person to run a household and I take my hat off to all those that do do it alone. -------------
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Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 9:03pm
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See I don't expect DH to come home and then do housework but I do expect him to spend time with the kids whilst I get dinner ready or tidy up etc. I think him spending time with the kids is important and he does it without me asking cos he wants to spend time with them. I mostly do all the housework but if I haven't managed to do it all cos I've had a busy day or the kids or me are sick then I expect him to do more. He does all the garden (he actually doesn't like me to do stuff out there cos it's his precious garden and I do things wrong apparently, he is ok with me picking up the dog poos though!).
Today when he got in he looked like sh*t and the only thing he has done was look after the youngest whilst I took the oldest with me grocery shopping and doing a couple of errands, then I did dinner, tidy up and bedtime routine as he went out to look at a car (his one got wrote off in an accident). We tend to negiotate things as we go most days. I would not be with a man who thinks it's ok to do nothing when not at work just cos they have earnt money. I like that I am with someone who takes an active role in running our house and nurturing our children. I just told DH about this and he reckons he should come home and get pampered...yeah right. But seriously he thinks that it is wrong for women to do all the parenting, he seemed more happy about us doing all housework though -------------
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Posted By: Skrip
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 9:12pm
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I'm a SAHM. DF earns the money. Generally I look after the money but neither of us has a set allowance.
I get the impression that some people think being a SAHM is a walk in the park. IT IS NOT! Personally I found working (pre-baby) easier because with baby I can never relax, even when she is sleeping. I suffer from PND, I tried to go back to work after having Liliana but just couldn't cope and I still find it hard somedays to gather enough motivation to do anything other than making sure my daughter is fed and changed. For this reason DF will come home from work and straight away take over things. He misses us in the day and really looks forward to his cuddles. I don't feel that I am not doing my job properly by letting this happen at all. I don't expect him to get up at night but if I am struggling he will hold her so I can refocus myself. I actually find it very arrogant of anyone to say they have no respect for someone else just because they don't do things 'their' way. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 9:15pm
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I haven't read all the posts so forgive me if I repeat what others have said .
First of all , let me say that I love my husband, hes my best friend and he works very hard for us, I have great admiration for him , not just for how hard he works , but for the strength of character he has , his kindness and his loyalty , amongst other things . I love being a SAHM , I HATED working, any job where I have to be somewhere , I despise , and I love that I sometimes, If Ty lets me , blob on the couch watching Jeremy Kyle before starting the household chores, I love that I can do the chores when it suits me ,and they don;t need to be done straight away . BUT some days drag and seem harder than others, somedays , even tho Im glad to be a SAHM and grateful that I can be , everything seems to get on top of me , days like this are good, it reminds me that Im only human , im not superwoman , and as much as I would like to pretend to be, I can't control everything . I had a night like that tonight , Ty was whinging , my hands were dirty from cutting raw chicken , C was singing the most ANNOYING song (shake your whammy fanny funky town funky town) and I was not sure where to start ,who to sort out first , I was just wishing , praying that DH would walk through the door . And then, like my knight in shining armor he did, and took Ty for me allowing me to breath for 5 minutes, on nights like this , I NEED him to help , and at the time I probably dont even ask, just hand him the baby , spatula , or whatever, but I appreciate him and he knows I appreciate him , I show my appreciation by having dinner on the table for him , his clothes washed and folded and put away , and you know, in other areas too
He helps with kids, because he wants to help with the kids and even if he didn't , I would still push for him to do some of the night routine with them , for their sakes rather than mine, I think it helps build relationships, I don't want to be seen as the strict parent and him the parent thats there for the fun stuff, I want us to be seen as equals . So in short , I love being a SAHM , but somedays, like any job I hate it , and love the idea of DH coming home and saving my sanity . ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 9:29pm
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DP is in charge of all outside stuff.
He's also straight into daddy-mode when he gets home coz Jake is so excited to see him. I don't agree that he needs 'downtime' when he gets home. Hes a dad. Fullstop. He doesn't get to pick and choose when he plays that role. In saying that we usually all crash out on the couch and have a chat about the day and what we're having for dinner and have a laugh at Jake then DP has a shower and Jake keeps him company (lol poor DP) while I finish cooking, then its dinnertime. DP does Jakes bath/bed routine while I do Ty then they're both into bed and if we're organised we might clean up the kitchen but usually not lol we just crash out. DP most often unloads the dishwasher before he leaves for work. Otherwise he just chips in if he sees something needs doing. I appreciate anything he does round the house. He's also in charge of dinner once a week which means he 'puts his foot down' in his words lol and buys instant food which might be frozen pizza form supermarket or fish and chips or throws together whatever he thinks up from the pantry. He also gets up to give Ty a bottle at 4am but he asked if he could do that coz he copes fine with his sleep being disturbed and I don't do disturbed sleep well AT ALL (its disgusting he's totally bright-eyed and bushy-tailed whereas I feel like the walking dead!!!). Money-wise I sort everything out but he reckons I do it so much better than him so he actually gave me that job we don't have allowances or anything. If either of us want something I just budget it in. I keep him up to date on everything I do and we check in with each other before we buy stuff.
I've worked in office positions and as shearer/shepherd so full-on physical and I gotta say being a SAHM for me is the most difficult job I've ever had. I love it and I don't regret my kids at all but I find it so draining. Its physical, emotional and mental. You have to be a mindreader, you have to be controlled even though you want to dangle that blardy toddler from the roof by his toes, you have to find the balance between comforter and disciplinarian, you have to watch everything you say or do coz little mr copycat is watching everything you say or do (and oh lord he doesn't miss a thing!!), you don't get sick days or weekends and while its totally worthwhile its incredibly full-on, all the time! -------------   
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 9:42pm
I agree. This is VERY hard to deal with, Isabella had terrible reflux, and often she would be going nuts and that would upset Caden, so Id have both of them going at it. Being a SAHM might not be THAT physically tyring, but its very mentally tyring, and sometimes that is worse. ------------- |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 9:55pm
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Yep, I agree that my opinion is arrogant, but thats just me. I don't pussy foot round, all pc bullsh*t and stuff. Just going on what I read I am appalled the way some of you guys think its ok to treat your other halves, yet if the tables were turned thre would be hell to pay!
I certainly don't wait on my husband hand and foot nor does he not help, however I respect that he does work damn hard all day (as do I) and i'm not going to pick a fight with him becasue he dosen't vaccuum or clean the shower. Not worth it! I'm happy to let him do the fun playing stuff at the end of the day (and like others, my kids are super excited for Daddy to come home) however I think its nice for him to come home and the house hasn't descended into chaos and no one is screaming and kids are fed and clean. That happens about 20 mins after he is home...lol ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 9:59pm
I agree quite apart from wanting to look after him in this small way, we both find it makes for a smoother start to the evening routine.-------------
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Posted By: julz85
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 10:05pm
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i think it depends on the child as to weather being a SAHM is easy or not . My daughter is very hard work , all my friends with kids , my partner ( who has a 5yr old and was around full time when she was a baby), even my mum have all said that amelia is one of the most difficult babies they have come across , i love her to bits , i really do but she just is not an easy child , she had colic/reflux for months and months , she would scream for hours on end every single day , i couldnt take her anywhere , even the mall as she would just scream and scream ( even now she has regular meltdowns when we are out, up until 8months old she woke 8-10times every single night , and now at 11months old she still wakes a few times a night ( the sleep sense programme worked for a cple of weeks until she strated teething ) , she would never take a bottle therefore i never got a break , i could not leave her with anyone as she would cry constantly the second i left the room ( and this was from a very early age not just the standard 9mth seperation anxiety stage) , during the day for months i could barely get anything done because she would just constantly cry and be unhappy . things have changed a bit in the last few months and has made it a bit easier but to be honest me working 20 hrs a week couldnt of come at a better time , i feel like going to work is my break ( and my job is by no stretch of the imagination easy) . i do miss her but it is very importnant for me to have a break ( and earn some much needed $$$ at the same time) . Life is soooooo much easier having my dp around (after being a solo mum ), TBH i feel like some people dont apreciate their DP/DH's enough , i think you really understand how hard it is when you have done it alone. I do agree tho that older kids or other babies are quite easy work , iv looked after other babies/children a million times and they are nothing like my little miss , lets just say Amelias temprement matches her hair ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 10:14pm
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Oh I totally agree Annie, I always try and make sure my DH comes home to a clean house and happy kids, most nights I achieve that lol, some nights things go down the sh*tter and he comes home to me pulling my hair out and rocking in a corner
The kids are usually in the process of having dinner when he gets home and dinner is 80% of the time cooking, he entertains them while I finish dinner and all that stuff. ------------- |
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 10:18pm
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oh is this thread about husband appreciation or lack thereof? Man I got the wrong end of the stick then.
I  my husband! He is amazing. He carried more than his share of the load when I was so sick with PND I could hardly get out of bed and bathe myself let alone manage my baby. And then this time around he had to do it again. And he has never once complained about that.
He has been unwavering in his support and love for me. He is always there to listen and help. He sat and cried with me when we went through hell with Morgan with her reflux and inability to feed. He gets up through the night as needed to help with the girls. He cleans up toddler vomit.
I will never be able to thank him enough for all that he's done for me. I that he comes through the door at night and wants to play with the kids. I that he considers being a father his greatest acheivement.
But you know, like all SO's he sometimes drives me nuts with things he does. So when people on here bag their partners I just see it as their way to healthily vent rather than take it out on the actual person. And according to him I make him a better person and support him too and because he is happy to do it, I don't have any qualms about handing the kids over to him when I need to. I take them from him when he needs a break too - it works both ways. If I have to hand them to him when he walks in the door he understands because you can't choose the moments that it all gets too much. -------------
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Posted By: JessDub
Date Posted: 10 June 2010 at 7:31am
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One of my old colleagues (male) has three kids under five. He would get up to them at night, no problem. He reckoned that with your kids, you get out what you put in.
I totally agree. I've told DH this but I didn't really need to, as he is a fantastic dad and I couldn't ask for better really. In fact, I told him recently I was getting up to DS at night coz I wasn't paid enough - though it's easier for DH as his approach is no nonsense and DS sees me coming and plays up.------------- 
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Posted By: Renee & Lauren
Date Posted: 10 June 2010 at 10:41am
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I have to ask why would you even think about starting a topic like this. In MY mind whatever works for your own family is fine but not everyone is the same!
------------- http://lilyslim.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Skrip
Date Posted: 10 June 2010 at 11:17am
As long as we both agree
Yes it is nice for DF to come home to a clean house and dinner cooked for him but I think he appreciates that is won't happen everyday. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 10 June 2010 at 1:37pm
2 reasons...a wee discussion about it was hijacking the confession thread And I was also really interested as to why some people do things one way and others another and what effects it has on your partnership. And it hasn't tunred too feral, so all good in the hood! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 10 June 2010 at 1:59pm
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This thread made me start thinking and and rethinking my thoughts on this. So I actually asked hubby about this last night and we discussed it a bit.
I asked him straight out if I am actually doing a good enough "job" and if there is things I should be doing that I am not. And his answer was nope. Doing a great job and the only thing is that he himself feels like he should actually help out a bit more. But because it sometimes feels to him that I am coping and I am doing it then he feels a bit more "lazy" and then just leave me to it. (his words not mine) But from my side: He often comes in from a hard day work and when he sees I have had a hard day as well he often gets out of his leathers (he rides a motorbike home and it takes an hour) and offers me a cup of tea and tells me to sit down. But he told me that I do the same for him. He sometimes doesnt even have to tell me that he has a hard day and he comes in and I just scoop kids out of the way, try to get them off him and into something else so he can just have a time to just relax. So again for me it still just come down to negotiation and a relationship. It is not about who has it harder or what not. If you are not coping. Speak up. I mean your partner loves you and wants life easier for you. Same what you want for them. That is not to say I dont sometimes throw a tantry over silly little things. (but in all honesty it doesnt really accomplish much as both of us just huff and puff and in the end of the day it only gets resolved if you communicate.) ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 10 June 2010 at 2:02pm
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I'm glad you started this topic - mostly cause I'm yet to enter the uncharted waters of being a first time mum and while I have grand plans of what I would like to do - these will no doubt get tipped on their ear once this baby actually arrives. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 10 June 2010 at 2:24pm
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I think the keys are talk about it (not nag) don't compare jobs and who has it harder, because no one wins...both partners have hard parts and easy parts to the job, and comparing just makes one or both of you feel resentful.
And basic respect and treating each other like adults. And the money thing? Yeah it is soooo blimmin hard going from earning your own money and frittering it away on shoes and perfume *ahem guilty* to being reliant on your partners wage. You both need to talk about money and job share and not expect or assume anything nor take each other for granted. Also pays to remember that men aren't mind readers! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 10 June 2010 at 2:29pm
Most men cant even read instructions, so how they would read minds is beyond me. ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 10 June 2010 at 2:31pm
Oh I am hearing you there!!!! Setting up some hot wheel tracks witout looking at the instructions was a recipie for disaster.... ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 10 June 2010 at 2:34pm
Brilliant! I love it -------------
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Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 10 June 2010 at 3:26pm
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haha Julia classic! -------------
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Posted By: jano1
Date Posted: 10 June 2010 at 7:15pm
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Interesting thread, I haven't read all the replies but am home from work with a glass of wine, dinner in the oven, child in bed and my 2 cents to share
In our house pretty much everything is equal- cleaning, cooking, child wrangling. I work part time and DH gets her ready in the mornings and drops off and picks up on those days as I have to travel about 50mins to work. When at home I am the main child carer. The way I figure- I earn money, he earns money but we both contribute equally (financially) so we both share all other responsibilities. When I was a SAHM during my maternity leave I was confused about the role reversal as all of a sudden I was expected to do all the usual SAHM work. I resented that I guess as DH works from home and it was a little overwhelming at first. Now that I am back at work our responsibilities have shifted back to the centre which suits BOTH of us much better, we don't fight or argue over who is cooking and who puts DD to bed etc. Whatever works is my motto for a peaceful and happy homelife- IMO working is so much easier than being a SAHM, and most guys (not all) couldn't handle it for more than a month. My hat goes off to SAHMs. Everyone's relationships are different and you can't compare apples and oranges. We have never been in a situation where one of us financially supported the other so I don't know any different I guess. ------------- http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers"> |
Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 10 June 2010 at 9:08pm
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I find it much easier to study/work than be a SAHM. Hubby feels the same, he took some time off work when Ollie was born and I wasn't well, so he knows what it is like at home and often will joke about how he's going to work for a break He's a chef so is on his feet all day as well. We both find it really draining to be at home with the kids, although I guess that with a two and one year old it's hard with two in nappies/teething/learning boundaries etc. I feel like I'm constantly needing to be a step ahead of them both to keep the peace around here. There is nothing relaxing about it, most days! Might not help that there is barely any time between Ollie's ear infections in the last year.
I do fulltime study and DH works fulltime, so it's shared duties around here. Whoever is home does whatever needs doing. Usually DH gets home about an hour after me, so does get dumped with kids and chores and things, same as when I get home. We both relax and breathe once the kids are in bed. As for a "day off", we spend time together as a family on Saturday, and any other "time off" is negotiated with each other about who wants/needs what. As for finances we have a joint account. We don't have "spending money" as such, we just run most spends past each other, and generally don't eat out, get coffee etc. on our own as we don't usually have anything left over. I organise payment of all the bills and things though, because DH can't be bothered organising it so passed the job on to me so that means occasionally he will ask if there is enough money to buy such-and-such, and I say no, sorry, not this pay. It's not me being mean, he understands that, it's just that we can't afford it atm.------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |