how to teach a young baby to self settle
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Topic: how to teach a young baby to self settle
Posted By: Mum2ET
Subject: how to teach a young baby to self settle
Date Posted: 17 May 2010 at 1:53pm
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when you have another toddler in the house?
Tom is 6 weeks today and I am having major issues getting him to go to sleep and then stay asleep. He will quite happily sleep 2-3 hrs on me in the Moby but in his bassinent will only sleep for 45 mins (he does the random 2 hr sleep but not very often) and most of time he needs me to cuddle him or feed him to sleep. At the moment he has 1 sleep in the moby a day, so I know that at least he is getting 1 decent sleep and to stop me feeling so stressed.
How did you teach your young baby to self settle and for those of you for more than 1 kid how did you do it with another toddler/preschooler in the house? I know one idea is to keep them in their bed and pat/rub their backs....but that can take a while and honestly I can't really leave Ella unattended for that long. ------------- Mum to Ella (5) and Tom (2) |
Replies:
Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 17 May 2010 at 3:05pm
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Personally just do what works best at the time. Initially I would try and teach Ben to self settle and it would take ages, Jack would come in the room and wake him just as I was getting him to sleep etc and it was just too stressful.
If it was me then I would just have Thomas sleep in the Moby all the time if that is the easiest option for everyone, he is till small and there is plenty of time to teach him to self settle IMO. Alternatively I would put a DVD on that Jack liked and tell him I would be back soon when I went to put Ben down, that worked 99% of the time Good luck ------------- Lindsey 
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 17 May 2010 at 4:54pm
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Do you have a mobile or a toy you can hang from above on some string? (With the string one just twist the string heaps so it spins by itself iygwim) I do this with Lily.
Lily learnt to self settle herself around 10 weeks but obviously for you having another kid I can see where you are coming from! Have you tried a dummy? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 17 May 2010 at 4:56pm
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yes been through this myself recently.
I moved the baby's room to the one furthest from living areas and close the hallway door so toddler can't come in. I know what you mean you can't spend ages in there settling though. TBH this baby gets left to cry a lot more than Alex did! I do the whole wind down thing (swaddle, rock till eyes go heavy) out in the lounge with toddler. then go down to bedroom leaving toddler behind and sing to baby, baby into bed if quiet walk out, if crying rock till quiet then walk out. I don't go in uless he is fully crying and even then i let him cry for a few mins, then go in and rock a bit more, and leave again etc, so yeah trying to get him to settle to sleep himself. This has been pretty successful mostly and i found that by about 6-8 weeks it all got easier and he just settled much easier. FX the same is true for you. It is really hard and you always feel like you're short changing one of them - well i did, but it'll get better soon. Have you tried dummy? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: monikah
Date Posted: 17 May 2010 at 7:03pm
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i know it can be quite controversial for some ppl but have you tried the crying option? even for just a couple of minutes at a time so you can run back and forward between listening at the door and tending to ella, obviously if he is upset get him back and try again but maybe in really small doses he would be ok with it? sorry im not much help. we were lucky with DS that he was happy to crash out on his own from day 1, i dont know what im gonna do if DS 2 isnt quite so content :S ------------- 
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Posted By: Jelly
Date Posted: 17 May 2010 at 8:22pm
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I'm not sure if this will work for you but we used controlled crying from about that age. Put him down as calm as possible, leave the room and only if he cries for 5 minutes go in and resettle him. You'll be able to tell if it's "I don't want to go to bed yet" crying or "I need you" crying. The latter gets immediate attention.
If he's crying for a couple of minutes, takes a break and starts again restart the timer because chances are he's about to stop and go to sleep by himself. The same goes for grizzling, if he's just making little grumpy noises he doesn't need to be resettled. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 17 May 2010 at 9:41pm
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I haven't read the replies but
Lewie would only sleep in the Moby too. I tried many a time to put him him down to sleep to no avail. He slept for his day sleeps in his moby till he got too heavy and now has his days sleeps in our patapum. I would just continue to let him sleep in the moby, he's still really little and needs his mummy 
I personally would not leave him to cry, he's too little. eta: spelling |
Posted By: Febgirl
Date Posted: 17 May 2010 at 10:10pm
I used TV/favourite DVD for my toddler an awful lot in the early days.  Do whatever you have to do for the first few months! ------------- Two little girls under 2! 
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Posted By: HuntersMama
Date Posted: 18 May 2010 at 8:38am
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We didnt start self settling until about 7 weeks and it did take a few days for DS to take to it. I dont have another child so cant help there.
We would put him in his bassinet when he showed tired signs (jerky movements, little cries) pretty quickly. Before that I didnt recognise his signs and he was so overtired. I would rock the bassinet when he cried, and left it when he was quiet. In a few days we had a totally different baby - very happy and smily
I see your on the shore - I think pulnket have a family centre in Albany? I went to one closer to me and they were so awesome! Taught me heaps about sleeping/settling. Just give them a call and make a time to go in you can be there for as long as you want and toddlers are welcome too. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: SpecialK
Date Posted: 18 May 2010 at 9:09am
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Not sure we ever did self settling as such - we had the same routine for all sleeps, wrap, dark room, white noise. I used to rock H to sleep in his buggy if nothing was working - could you do that with the toddler around? Then once he is asleep you can just move him to a different room. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Mum2ET
Date Posted: 18 May 2010 at 12:17pm
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thanks for all the suggestions.
Have tried giving him a dummy- a couple of times he has taken it, otherwise he just makes this awful face. am going to keep trying with this through
have also tried leaving him to grumble/cry a bit (not hard out) for 5 mins, go back and given him a little cuddle and leave him for another 5 mins....again a couple of times this has worked, but most of the time he falls asleep for 20 mins and then wakes up again and the cycle starts again. Today it took me 2 hrs of trying to get him to sleep and then obviously he was hungry by the end so I just gave up and got him up......cheeky little boy through was all smiles and cooing away at me, so at least he isn't grumpy. Now he is fall asleep in the moby.
not too keen on wearing him all day, as by the end of day he does get quiet heavy and I feel a bit sore.
Am going to borrow a hammock from one of the lovely March ladies, so will see if he likes sleeping in that better....otherwise I think i might have to book myself in to the Plunket family centre for the day.
This is so frustrating through, as Ella was the perfect day sleeper from day 1 and used to sleep 3 hrs at a time.
any more suggestions would be greatly appreciated
edited to add....we also play white noise in his room ------------- Mum to Ella (5) and Tom (2) |
Posted By: Kicker
Date Posted: 18 May 2010 at 12:54pm
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Jillian - we are still working on it too, if you are at coffee group tomorrow i will have a chat to you about what we do and did for madison. -------------  
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Posted By: Mum2ET
Date Posted: 18 May 2010 at 1:06pm
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sounds good Laura ------------- Mum to Ella (5) and Tom (2) |
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 18 May 2010 at 2:17pm
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hmmph yeah why is the perfect sleeper always the first child??? I left Ty to self-settle from the start and he now gets 15m on the timer at bedtimes - if hes still upset after that I go get him coz I can't leave Jake unattended either.
Hes absolutely fine during the morning and sleeps like an angel but afternoons can be an hourly cycle of up and down in our house which is a right PITA. He totally refuses the dummy too. Sorry this isn't much help - more a sympathetic whinge 
I do recommend watching him super-close for tired signs and taking action straight away - could be unsettled coz hes overtired? Even 15 minutes past Tys coping limit means he can't settle properly. Until this week he was only up for a max of an hour at a time then straight back to bed. Are you offering both sides at a feed? That helped Tys sleeping too. Uhhhmmm swaddling of course thats a must here and thats all I can think of atm - sorry!! -------------   
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Posted By: Mum2ET
Date Posted: 18 May 2010 at 2:27pm
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yeah he's swaddled and gets both sides offered (sometimes only takes 1). He is normally only up for between 45-1hr, but if he doesn't sleep longer for 45 mins for the first sleep (which is true for 99% of the time), then he is still tired and whole overtired cycle starts....which is why I give him 1 sleep in the moby to get him back on track. ------------- Mum to Ella (5) and Tom (2) |
Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 18 May 2010 at 4:38pm
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i hear ya - first baby just slept and slept so it was a shock to have to deal with all this settling and resettling stuff!
i used our frontpack or sling at least once a day too to catch up but yep also find it just gets too much and i get too tired. And at the end of the day i want baby to sleep in his bed so i can spend quality time with the toddler. No matter what they say you can't do everything with a baby stuck onto you all day and stuff needs doing! I still use it when i need to get things done and need baby to sleep pronto. Like today i think! i agree that a few mins crying is not the end of the world and grizzling is not crying but often babe trying to settle himself. Do what you gotta do. the family centre should be able to help, people really rate them. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: maisey
Date Posted: 20 May 2010 at 7:49am
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Great advice. We are going through this atm also so this is very helpful. The short day sleeps are a real pain! My wee girl is a happy alert wee thing but I need her to have more and longer sleeps!!!! I keep thinking I have done something wrong to make her like this
------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 20 May 2010 at 11:23am
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I was reading in an old oh baby mag about this last night ....
issue 6 from last year... this is the experts answer, which from experience I tend to agree with but here it is... my feeling is that you are expecting too muchfrom your baby, while some do sleep through from the first few weeks , it is actually unusual for babies to develop any regular routine until 12 to 16 weeks of age Their brains are still very immature until about 12 weeks of age , when they begin to develop a more mature sleep cycle, and start responding to the day/night circadian or daily rhythm. In general sleep training is not recommended until at least 6 months of age, although starting to get some day night rhythm can be achieved earlier than that. ------------- http://lilypie.com] 
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 20 May 2010 at 12:24pm
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i havent read replies.. but i had same problem.. i coudlnt leave Ethan and even with doors locked by key i still worried leaving him for even 5 mins to rock bub to sleep...but having said that until the last month he really would only sleep being rocked ...as E goes to school and also sleeps 2-3 hours a day most of the day is ok but if i need to do it while he is up i feed him and put dora on and just do it.. cause it has to be done.. Liam until this week only did 45 min sleep all the time.. exhausting eh...(though he sleeps well at night fortunately) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 20 May 2010 at 12:26pm
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un swaddling has actually helped his day sleep but when he was t's age swaddling was a must.. and he refused dummy too:(!! and just read babe's response and same here in terms of 15 mins too late and he is overtired and its so hard to settle him:( ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: BessieBear
Date Posted: 20 May 2010 at 2:58pm
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MEEE TOOO. She won't go to sleep. I'm i the same boat as Mum2ET. Waking up after 1 sleep cycle and just won't go back to sleep. I can't even get her to sleep in the moby or the pram. NOTHING. SHe will however sleep if she is fed to sleep in bed next to me. But with a toddler its just not possible. ------------- Sarah Mum to, Boy 07/2008, Girl 03/2010, Boy 05/2012, Angel  07/08/2014
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 20 May 2010 at 3:22pm
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yeah Liam the same wakes one or two times 530pm-6pm and self settles finally now but the plunket nurse said he is just a cat napper..but T is obviously needing more if he is still grumpy...ugh it sucks and i feel for you cause it's hard:( ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: bifnlins
Date Posted: 20 May 2010 at 9:37pm
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I adopted the 4 hour routine - sleep, change, feed, play, sleep etc with no.2 cos we had and still have trouble with no.1 tho heaps better now than ever.
We used a hammock for the first 6 wks or so with no.2 for most sleeps until the routine was settled, he slept just as well in the bassinet but the hammock was more portable so he could hang in the lounge room or the bedroom. We had quiet time with no.1 when settling no.2 but I didn't particularly stop him from making noise cos I figured he's gonna make noise even if I tell him not to so no.2's just gonna have to get used to it. He's a brilliant sleeper now, settled within 5 mins everytime...he seems to associate lying down with sleeping cos he even fell asleep on his change mat in the lounge room floor the other morning while I was putting his dirty nappy and clothes away!! Also, my backup midwife first time round (not my actual midwife who was crap) gave me the best piece of advice (for me anyway) re feeding if you breastfeed...feed for 20 mins, that's 20 mins of feeding, not 20 mins on the clock, on one side, then switch over and let them take what they want. If they nod off on the first side, keep waking them until they've had their 20 mins...worked great for no. 2 and only really had to do that for the first 6 ws or so until he got the hang of feeding and got what he needed in max 10 mins....anyway, if they feed better and get a full feed they sleep better, both of mine slept 10-12 hrs at night from 10 wks old and I am convinced it's because I followed this. |
Posted By: BessieBear
Date Posted: 21 May 2010 at 12:55pm
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That wouldn't work with us. She feed's for 10 mins one side I burp her offer more but she screams at me as she does not what any. Change her nappy let her play for 10 mins, offer more which she never takes. Wait for tired signs. Then straight to bed. THis mornig has been crap as she woke at 6am I fed her then and put her straight down then she woke up again at 7 but didn't want a fed. SO now our hwole feeding routine is out. and she's done 20 min naps all day, with about 1/2 in between each of trying to settle her. AND I broke the fing mobile. ------------- Sarah Mum to, Boy 07/2008, Girl 03/2010, Boy 05/2012, Angel 07/08/2014
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