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Worst ex husband ever

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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33161
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Topic: Worst ex husband ever
Posted By: lemongirl
Subject: Worst ex husband ever
Date Posted: 30 April 2010 at 1:38pm
http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/04/22/california.triplets.visitation.lawsuits/ - wowser

A woman gives birth to triplets. The doctor lacerated her uterus and she starts to bleed. Her heart stops for 20 minutes, leaving her with brain damage and unable to walk or speak.

The response of her husband was to divorce her in 2008 and refuse to let her see their three children. Oh and he's also suing her for child support despite already recieving a cash settlement.

Jerk.



Replies:
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 30 April 2010 at 1:55pm
How awful!! What an a$s.

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Posted By: MyLilSquishy
Date Posted: 30 April 2010 at 3:30pm
there are things i would like to say about that man but there arent enough sumbols on my computer to cover up everything i want to say. how coul he honestly leave her when she needs him the most, takes the kids then wants child support. that is just disgusting.


Posted By: LouD
Date Posted: 30 April 2010 at 5:58pm
A** of a human being aside

Im now way scared about having another csection


Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 30 April 2010 at 7:23pm
WTF?!!

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Posted By: Renee & Lauren
Date Posted: 30 April 2010 at 7:59pm
what a jerk - I would love to say more but not enough symbols here.. hence the reason I didn't want a csection

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Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 30 April 2010 at 8:12pm
You know what I am not going to say this guy is a jerk. Yip I think (based on what I read in the article) that it is more on the wrong side for him to ask for money from the estate for child care ect. But how do we know what cost he has to cover. What sort of job does he have ect? Did he get any compensation for his wife that was left damaged? When they planned or even not planned but when this happened and they got pregnant with triplets they had two people capable of taking care of the kids.

Take it she was working then it is more income. If not then the kids didnt have to go in childcare. 3 kids in childcare is a lot and to lose another income is a lot too.

Now next thing. Him not wanting the kids to see their mother. What do we know what he is thinking. He could be very well protect them at such a young age. I mean take this. How must these kids feel one day realising their birth caused their mother to be like this (I know I know not their fault but how would they feel about that.) Maybe he really truly doesnt know how it will affect them so he puts his head in the sand.

As for the grandparents. Perhaps with them fighting so much this guy fights for the other side even harder and eventually it becomes more of the battle than the actual reason why they were doing this in the beginning.

I really truly feel for this mom. But I feel for the Dad too. I think sometimes it is just way too easy to read one article and think we have all the answers and judge these people. We are not in the situation and sometimes I think just a bit of compassion.

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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 01 May 2010 at 7:18am
Originally posted by SMoody SMoody wrote:


I really truly feel for this mom. But I feel for the Dad too. I think sometimes it is just way too easy to read one article and think we have all the answers and judge these people. We are not in the situation and sometimes I think just a bit of compassion.


Agreed. Sounds to me like hes trying to find his way through a really tough and unexpected situation that he obviously didn't plan for. I don't agree with some of the decisions he's made (based on the article) but he's the one in the middle of it.

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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 01 May 2010 at 9:06am
I'm a little surprised by myself, but I agree with SMoody too.
Initially I thought "What kind of heartless b@stard could do that to his wife?"
But thinking more on it, the poor guy essentially lost his wife (the person she was) and was left with 3 babies.
His inlaws were obviously very strongly involved in the decisions that were made with regard to the care of his wife and he had his hands more than full caring for the triplets on his own.
They are his first children and we know how consuming caring for just one newborn is, especially the first time. Imagine doing it with 3 whilst grieving for your wife and trying to manage the day to day stuff too.
I can see how it would all just be too much and letting his wife go, knowing she was in the capable care of her family might seem like the best choice at the time.
I don't know how I feel about the claims for child support from her estate, but again, I can see how desperate the situation might get as a single parent with 3 children in childcare. Sometimes you've got to do whatever it takes for your kids, even if it means being the bad guy.

I'm not saying I would make the same choices if it were me in his shoes, but I can definitely see another side to it than the cold-hearted, rapacious, jerk the articles paint him as.

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Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:



Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 01 May 2010 at 9:40am
I don't get how some can call him the worst ex. Think you should think of it from his side. He has gone from being a husband & a father to be to a solo dad & grieving for the loss of his wife.

What were the medical people thinking reviving someone after being dead for 20mins.....of course she will not be the same & it turning out she is a vegetable, who really want t live that way.

He will have to answer to his kids when they are grown up about the dissensions he made. He after he is only trying to protect his children & just maybe it is hard for him to see her like that, after all they had a life planned together.

I also think he should get money regularly & I think it should be part of the payout for the health insurance. He has 3 children to bring up...ALL AT ONCE.... why should the kids suffer & him.

I would hate to be in his position & as a mother I feel for her, but I have had my kids from birth so would hate not to have contact with them...but she has not so the decisions should be his, after all he did not create the situation..he did not walk out on her pg or was abusive to her or leave her with 3 kids...he is just a guy that got dealt a rotten hand & is trying to do the best for him & his kids. Don't think people should judge him till they have walked in his shoes.


Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 01 May 2010 at 9:59am
Hrmmm, I don't think he is THAT bad, but I don't think he should be suing her estate for child support. For crying out loud, the woman needs 24/7 care for the rest of her life (which may be another 40-50 years) and that will be a phenomenal amount of money. She is in her current situation BECAUSE of her children (not saying it's her children's fault at all!!) so after everything she went through with pregnancy, the birth, what state she is in now and the one thing she achieved out of it all has been taken away from her. He won't even send videos?!?! That, IMO, is heartless. Fine, he doesn't want to explain to the children, I understand that, but he has no right whatsoever to deprive her of seeing her children, because no matter what he thinks and how hard his life may be now, she is, and always will be, those children's mother.

This particular statement stood out to me -

Dorn's attorney, Vicki J. Greene, responded that he "wants to be the one to parent the children and tell them at an appropriate age the proper details of their life. From our perspective, he gets to make the decisions. He's the father."

Well, you know what, she may be incapable of making any decisions about their welfare, but she's the mother. I agree that it may not be in the children's best interests to see their mother....but it may well be in the mother's best interests to be able to see HER children, even if only in videos taken of the children.

Jazzy....you wrote this....

I would hate to be in his position & as a mother I feel for her, but I have had my kids from birth so would hate not to have contact with them...but she has not so the decisions should be his, after all he did not create the situation..he did not walk out on her pg or was abusive to her or leave her with 3 kids...he is just a guy that got dealt a rotten hand & is trying to do the best for him & his kids.

She did not create the situation either, and got dealt just as rotten a hand as he did, if not worse.

After that novel.....I tend to lean more towards the mother's side, but I don't think the father is as bad as all that...I just think he needs to have more compassion towards the "love of his life" because he's punishing her for something she had no control over.


Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 01 May 2010 at 10:45am
minik8e the medical care created this position & they both suffered.


Posted By: SophieD
Date Posted: 01 May 2010 at 11:04am
What a horrible situation.

My one comment would actually be, why should the Father have to sue for child support? Surely, at the end of the day there were 3 chidren born into this marriage and if the grandparents were awarded 7.8 million for her care, surely part of that would be put towards caring and supporting her children, regardless of who is raising them? the fact that he has to sue for support implies that he was left with 3 children to raise on his own with no support from his wifes family?? TBH I dont really blame him for being a jerk to her parents if that is the case. I wonder also if he feels he can act like this because he believes his ex-wife to be unaware of anything around her, therefore he doesn't believe he is hurting her?

I would have to say refusing to video the children seems a little over the top when it could be so easy.



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Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 01 May 2010 at 11:07am
First thoughts were a bit of what a d*ck BUT it made me think of the fact that when bestie was in hospital with suspected apendicitis (sp) her oldest at 4.5yrs wouldn't go see her. HE was uncomfortable not her, she was fine still able to talk to him play with him, just stuck to a bed with a drip. As a kid you become nervous and scared with things like that.

I don't think its fair for the kids to be put in this position at all!

The father should be taking videos of the children and giving them to the mum so she can see her children grow up. Skyping should be a goer too because then they aren't put right there with her, then they would be able to say hi and show her art projects and stuff and not have to know to the extent of what is happening. He doesn't even need to tell them she is their mum to begin with although if he did then it would just become the norm to them.

As for the child support I'm still undecided about that

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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 01 May 2010 at 11:17am
Originally posted by SophieD SophieD wrote:

What a horrible situation.

My one comment would actually be, why should the Father have to sue for child support? Surely, at the end of the day there were 3 chidren born into this marriage and if the grandparents were awarded 7.8 million for her care, surely part of that would be put towards caring and supporting her children, regardless of who is raising them? the fact that he has to sue for support implies that he was left with 3 children to raise on his own with no support from his wifes family?? TBH I dont really blame him for being a jerk to her parents if that is the case. I wonder also if he feels he can act like this because he believes his ex-wife to be unaware of anything around her, therefore he doesn't believe he is hurting her?

I would have to say refusing to video the children seems a little over the top when it could be so easy.



Totally agree, well said.


Posted By: jaz
Date Posted: 01 May 2010 at 12:46pm
I feel for the Dad, he has been left to raise three children on his own with no financial support. If they divorced through a breakdown in the relationship and he ended up with full custody he would be eligible for child support, and would need it too. I find it disgusting that the grandparents have this massive amount of money and have offered him nothing, even 5% of that would cover their basic costs through their school years.

He is not able to have a relationship with his wife and she has support from her own family making divorce the logical way for him to be released from the responsibility of caring for her as well as his children. I don't think I could cope with newborn triplets on my own let alone a severally brain damaged spouse.

As for her seeing the triplets, I agree that it would be pretty traumatic for them given their age. The article sounded as if their grandparents were utilizing a psychologist to prepare them for visits when they did eventuate. I couldn't help wondering if she knew who they were. If she understood they were her children that is quite different from being completely vegetated in which case I wonder what the grandparents were hoping to achieve. I do believe that video clips and photographs as well as visits with her family are appropriate and should be forthcoming. You wouldn't get away with cutting all ties in NZ but in the USA they seem to be able to.

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Posted By: ButterflyMum
Date Posted: 01 May 2010 at 7:21pm
oh good I am so pleased iwas not the only one that felt sorry for the dad from what i read it seem's that her parents are the problem.

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Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 01 May 2010 at 7:45pm
Originally posted by SophieD SophieD wrote:

What a horrible situation.

My one comment would actually be, why should the Father have to sue for child support? Surely, at the end of the day there were 3 chidren born into this marriage and if the grandparents were awarded 7.8 million for her care, surely part of that would be put towards caring and supporting her children, regardless of who is raising them? the fact that he has to sue for support implies that he was left with 3 children to raise on his own with no support from his wifes family?? TBH I dont really blame him for being a jerk to her parents if that is the case. I wonder also if he feels he can act like this because he believes his ex-wife to be unaware of anything around her, therefore he doesn't believe he is hurting her?

I would have to say refusing to video the children seems a little over the top when it could be so easy.



I agree with this as well, $7.8MIL is a lot of money obviously, and more than enough to fund the mothers medical costs as well as support her own children! Sounds like the grandparents are being greedy with the money tbh..



Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 01 May 2010 at 10:26pm
What a sad awful situation , for everyone involved .
I feel for all of them , the whole things just horrible .

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