How did you decide to have another?
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30891
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Topic: How did you decide to have another?
Posted By: Snappy
Subject: How did you decide to have another?
Date Posted: 10 January 2010 at 7:05pm
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Hey
DH has announced that he wouldn't mind a number 3 
I have always wanted another, but DH wasn't too keen, and now that he IS keen I am sort of freaking out wondering whether I have thought about this properly. There are so many pros and cons and I just can't work out whether I do or not! Today the kids drove me up the wall, and I was almost in tears 10 mins ago wondering how on earth I would cope if I had a newborn to deal with as well 
I had terrible morning sickness with Janaya but with Jackson it wasn't so bad. I just don't know what I'll do if it's bad and I can't get out of bed to take care of them :( On the other hand, I was cuddling my close friends 1 day old baby 2 days ago and got goosebumps. And I get really excited at the thought of having another child and creating a whole new person is so exciting! I'm already at home with the kids so I just wonder whether I should just do it now. Does the cluckiness ever stop? How did you know it was time to "stop" having kids? I already have one of each so I wonder if I should just be happy with what I have got. TIA |
Replies:
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 10 January 2010 at 7:17pm
stop while you can!!!!!  ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 10 January 2010 at 7:26pm
| Lol! Yeah that thought is in my mind too. |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 10 January 2010 at 7:55pm
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its funny you posting this now. i ws just thinking today that if i didnt have more than one i would only have the one school run to do... but i have a school, kindy and playgroup run at the moment - well not right now cause of holidays, but soon. and i was thinking that if i just had one then he would be at school at day and i would have my time for me! instead i have three more years. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: mummymonster
Date Posted: 10 January 2010 at 7:56pm
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I'm from a family of 4. My sister's got 4. Before we were married, I always told DH I wanted 6, so if he agreed to that I could always negotiate down later.
I've got just the one and can't wait for DH to say we can start trying for #2  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 10 January 2010 at 8:13pm
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We always said we wanted 3 kids. I come from a family of 6 (4 children) and even though I never got along with my siblings growing up (I was the 3rd girl and had younger brother) now it's AWESOME! I LOVE having a big family.
Dh came from a broken home with one sibling. A sister who he pretty much was more like her father than a brother and they aren't close. I think he's seen how my family are now and wants his own prodigy.
So basically, we decided on 3+ children because it'll be great when the kids are older! ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 10 January 2010 at 8:29pm
| We are having discussions like this at the moment too. I'm kind of thinking its now (soon) or never as I feel we are just getting through the hard baby stuff with James and I wouldnt want to get too comfy before going through it again. Its also a bit like putting things on hold while you get through those intensive early years. But I dont think I am quite ready for No 3 right now. I'm also 37 so dont have too long to dither on this one. I really dont know. DH and I always said 3 and now he's happy with 2. |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 10 January 2010 at 9:15pm
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Sometimes, like now whilst the kids are asleep, I think a third would be nice. Then at other times, when they are both playing up, I think no children would have been a smarter idea.
We have decided two is it for lots of reasons, money, the time I can devote to each child and so forth and rationally, sensibly, sanely I am more than happy with two and think more than two is insane but I have a strong yearning for a third. I am hoping that if I ignore it long enough it will go away, if it does get too strong I might buy a kitten
So yeah, I'm no help sorry ------------- 
 
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 10 January 2010 at 9:16pm
| we are going through this too, basically have given ourselves a year to pay bills, and get a new car...and then if we want we can have no. 3. scary stuff i know. I have no idea what we will decide but the only thing we have decided is that I will stay home for two years with the baby. so, i am no help at all. |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 10 January 2010 at 9:20pm
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Kylie - I think you just "know", for example, im done .. finished .. finito and I don't have an ounce of cluck left in me, and its a completely different feeling from when I was post Issy, that was more an "I'm never having another that was far too traumatic birth feeling" lol, this is an, Ive done my dash and I'm content with what I have feeling.
Anyway, what Im trying to say is, I am of the opinion that if your heart tells you that its time for another, thats God whispering in your ear .. and everything will work out in the end.  ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 10 January 2010 at 9:38pm
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I know what you mean LF, that's exactly what I thought. I have never been dead set against another (maybe during the first few hours after birth, and when I'd had an hours sleep over 3 days!) and I'm sure it would work out.
Lizzle I think we might do the same as you, get a bigger car first, then look at no3. I'm only 25 so I've got another 20 odd years of child bearing left in me
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Posted By: BugTeeny
Date Posted: 10 January 2010 at 9:44pm
You and Janaya could have babies together *ducks* 
I think if you're dithering then it's a good sign that deep down you want a third
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kaiz231 wrote:Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 10 January 2010 at 9:50pm
That's beautiful Julia 
I agree with that too. I have 2 now. I've always wanted 4. Even though I know that more than 2 means a bigger car, house and bye bye career I still want 4. When we first had Morgan and she was a week old I already knew our family wasn't yet complete. Whether I'll be able to manage another I'm not sure so maybe my head will win out later and we'll stop at 2 but at the moment I'm already storing up names for the next one. -------------  
 
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 10 January 2010 at 10:16pm
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My friend who has 4 said to me stop at 2, think of the financials when they start school....
I remember getting home from the hospital & thinking wow my little family is complete. We looked into contraception & when my IUD didn't "work out" I said to DH have the snip & he didn't want to discuss it & then eventually wouldn't say no to more babies. So now I feel like you very torn.... My head says no...think of the cost as we are already experiencing it with one child... But my heart....but what is it I want, a pregnancy & a baby or another grown up child??? ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 10 January 2010 at 10:29pm
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I wish I new the answer to this one. Today has been a shocker of a day and I can say I havent been able to get the thought of a Newborn off my mind.
If you had asked me last year I would have said a quite adamant 'No more!' Our house is too small, Our car is too small, There is an even adult to child ratio, we are finally though the hard yearsI dont drive So many logical reasons not to have a third. Oh and I am s#!t scared of having a boy. And I really felt quite happy with my 2 girls, like we were complete. But recently DH said the same thing, that he wouldn't mind another one. I think of my kids all grown up and there only being 2 of them doesn't feel complete. I dont think I could get any cluckier, I head a newborn grunt the other and had to really stop myself bursting into tears. I was talking to someone today who just found out they were unexpectedly pregnant with number 3 and someone else trying to concieve and when they asked if I wanted more I said no but once again really had to hold back the tears. They knew I wasn't telling the truth and said straight up that if I am feeling like this then I should really follow my gut. I dont know.... the feeling is so strong but then what if it is just a clucky ohase I will be over in a week??? Do I really want to plan it?? I would seriously be quite happy to accidently find I am pregnant..... Garggg.... I am already in tears just typing this, what is wrong with me?!?!? I am sorry Kylie I really haven't helped you one bit (I think you should have a third) ------------- 
 
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 10 January 2010 at 10:31pm
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Like the others, I think you 'know'.
We're done too, and I'm only 23 but know for sure. We have, however, given it 5 years before DH gets the snip 'just in case' the urge takes over when our friends all start having babies (like it would, be you never know!) |
Posted By: Nikki
Date Posted: 10 January 2010 at 10:42pm
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I'm reading this with interest cos we have just decided that 2 will be it for us (97% sure). We would both kinda like a third. There are so many reasons why we think this is it though - financial, practical, age etc..... like bigger car, no spare room, I'm already 35, want to get back to my career at some point soon, daycare costs, want to travel more, need to pay off some of the mortgage .... and also the amount of time and money/resources each child will get decreasing as there are more of them.
DH comes from a family of 5 kids(all boys), so likes the idea of one more (a brother for Jake). I'm from a family of 2 kids (girls), so think it would be lovely for Morgan to have a sister. I don't really want to be pregnant again, or have another c section (have had two now, so will have to have another), or go through the sleep disruption again (dont cope well even though both kids have been "good" sleepers ..... I'd probably lose the plot with a bad sleeper!!). And I'd love to be able to start selling or giving away all the baby crap cluttering up the house!! We have one of each so I also think we should just be happy they are both now healthy (Jake had a major heart defect and surgery at 6 weeks - would HATE to go through that again, or worse) and get on with life. Also one thing my mum pointed out recently - if theres 3 kids then one always seems to be left out or not get on as well as the other two. I was actually going to post and see if people from 3 kid familys felt that?!? ------------- DS (5yrs) and DD (3yrs) |
Posted By: Nikki
Date Posted: 10 January 2010 at 10:55pm
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PS - just re-read my post and I'm sure its not much help! We have given it til Morgan is one (just before I turn 36) to make a decision about trying or dh getting the snip. We only had unprotected s*x once per child so we are actually just assuming it will happen straight away if we want one too .... which may not be the case. We'd have to wait til Jake is close to school age too if we did want to try, don't want 3 in daycare or to be home with 3 either .... so by then I'm getting quite old.
But anyway - its in the "too hard / lets get on with life" basket at the mo ... Oh, and I want my body back after 3.5 years of pg and bf and being fatter than normal!!! ------------- DS (5yrs) and DD (3yrs) |
Posted By: ?Lolly?
Date Posted: 10 January 2010 at 11:31pm
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The 80% chance of having another set of twins decides for me that we will stick to three children. That and the VERY strong dislike of people movers haha. When the girls were new borns I kept thinking "Oh thank god I don't have to go through this stage again." And even though I am quite certain we don't want more I can't help but feel a little emotional that this is the last time I will be looking after babies. Yeah I know they are only 4 month old but they are growing up sooooo very fast! ------------- Captain Chaos (5) & the Trouble Monsters (2!) 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 10 January 2010 at 11:37pm
ahhhhh yes, your brother ......mmm mmm I have always "seen" myself with three kids (girl , boy , girl incidentally ) and while sometimes when the kids are being sucky and the thought of stopping at them crosses my mind , I know deep down that I would always feel like our family wasn't complete . ------------- 
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Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 11 January 2010 at 7:29am
My Dh is the youngest of three and he said he felt left out, he has two older sisters though. -------------
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Posted By: BugTeeny
Date Posted: 11 January 2010 at 7:32am
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My aunty has three kids - girl, boy, girl.
They had their usual sibling rivalries growing up, but they always had each other's backs. They're best friends now (22, 21 and 16). I always envied them having someone else to play with if they were pissed off with the other -------------
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 11 January 2010 at 7:38am
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I always wanted..and hopefully will have in a few weeks.. 2 boys. Now I have them even though family are bleating about 'trying for a girl' as i am the only childbearing one on one side and on the other they are all boys except the one that was adopted out, we are done.
I know because I hate being pregnant, pregnancy is hard on our relationship and while I love babies I dont think i will be wishing I had another:) it helps DH feels the same and if he could be pregnant well maybe then;) but anyway I agree with Julia ...i think if you aren't sure...you probably want another:) but that doesnt make the process any easier esp with other little ones! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 11 January 2010 at 8:33am
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re: the 3 child thing and one being left out... there were 4 in our family but I was the 3rd girl and youngest so older 2 always left me out! And my younger brother was just a pain in the a$$ all our younger years. HOWEVER, we all get along great now and are best of friends! ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 11 January 2010 at 8:38am
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This whole "3rd child" thing being uneven etc scares me the way you're talking about it LOL
I KNOW our family isn't complete. We originally planned on 2 children, that was it, but having got two in one go, DH is very happy to try again. And neither of us would have a problem with another set of twins (in fact, I would love it). DH wants to get the snip after the next one/s but I think I'll ask him to wait a bit, just in case. He does want to wait until the girls are 3 or so though, and I don't want to wait that long - mainly for the reasons that you say nzpiper. I would rather get all the pregnancies over and done with (I'm not good at pregnancy) so then we can focus on the children and I can sort out my career etc when the kids are at school, instead of getting a brief glimpse of freedom (with kindy) and then having to start at the beginning all over again. |
Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 11 January 2010 at 8:42am
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I am the oldest of 3 kids and we always got on better when their was just 2 of us together, didn't matter what the combination was. But I don't remember lots of squabbling, just the usual. We are all pretty good friends now though.
I have always wanted 3 kids, it seems like the right number. DH often says 2 are enough but that is usually when I am grumpy and sh*tty after having a bad day. I think this time we will aim for about a 3yr age gap so that Ben will be at Kindy and Jack at school which should hopefully take the pressure off a bit during the day. Plus I would hope that they are both sleeping well by then (I currently get up at least twice to each of them!  )------------- Lindsey 
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 11 January 2010 at 8:51am
| We had a talk last night and it hasnt been ruled out. We are looking at contraception options and have been looking at the Billings Method (looking for signs of Ov etc) and I think it needs a big leap of faith. I believe I know my cycle well enough to do it but I think we need to be totally ok with the option of an oopsy before we start that..( because secretly I have a fear that whenever DH's sperm get near me they create a baby......we've had NO trouble TTCing) |
Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 11 January 2010 at 9:05am
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I did wonder about whether it was me just wanting another "Baby" and not thinking about the fact that they grow up lol! But after wanting to adopt that wee deaf boy last month it got me thinking about my own family and whether it was complete or not.
Pregnancy with Jackson was painful and I was in constant pain.. lots to think about. I am the oldest of three kids. It was mainly my middle brother that I played with, although the three of us had lots of fun playing lego and cars together! My middle brother is also the favourite, but my youngest is the most spoilt. I am my Grandmothers favourite. |
Posted By: lisa85
Date Posted: 11 January 2010 at 9:57am
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We have just decided to try for number 3. I have wanted another since the day the girls came home lol but the timing just has never felt completely right, until now that is :)
I think there are always going to be reasons not to have a baby you just have to go with your gut. For me I knew my family didn't feel complete 3 sounds like the magic number for us and right now I just feel like everything is right, and yes I can still think of a thousand reasons not to do it but sometimes you just have to trust your instincts :) -------------  
TTC #3 since Jan 2010 - PCOS MC April 2010 |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 11 January 2010 at 10:26am
no although in my family , my younger sister is special needs , so my brother and I were closer , but we both adored and looked out for our baby sis -------------
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Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 11 January 2010 at 10:44am
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this is a very interesting thread!!!
When DH and i first started discussing kids we hummed and harred between 3 or 4 kids but after having a few we seemed to fall into the "3 will do" catagory. After Karma was born i thought "yup this is it, iv got 2 boys and now a girl, im done and happy"........ The other night DH was being a smart arse and in his rambling he mentioned me being his "incubator" (smart arse) again some day....i was shocked and said "nop thats it for me, im a dried arrangement now" and he just stared in silence so??....... Iv been thinking lately about having #4 (which would absolutely be the last) but it wouldnt be for another 5yrs at least!! (im 26) and like others have said we would have to get a bigger car and build another room on the house!!!. I have just bought a big car that fits the 3 kids nicely. to answer the main Q lol - i loved going from 2 to 3 and i knew the minute Astin was born that he would not be the last (i even cried when DH joked that 2 was it! )
I love having 3 kids!! i cant pinpoint what it is about it - i just love it!! 
oh and the other 3 kid thing - my DH is 1 of 3 and there wasnt 1 kid inparticular that got left out - he is the middle and the fav, the oldest is a girl and only girl and the youngest is their precious baby boy so each get spoilt in different ways
but heres my Q About the cluckiness - DOES IT EVER END!!??? WHERE DO YOU DRAW THE LINE???? |
Posted By: mumtooboys
Date Posted: 11 January 2010 at 10:51am
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Ok, to throw another element into the mix....what if one of you wants another one (or two) and the other one doesn't? LOL
This is my 'issue' at the moment; I just don't feel like our family is complete yet (not least of which cause I was under the impression we were doing at least 3) and DP says he doesn't want to. Now in saying that , ALL his reasons are practical ones, emotionally and in his heart he'd have another one in a heartbeat. So at the moment I am trying to work through the practical reasons NOT to, and to be fair most of the ones he's got I actually agree with, vs my very strong desire to do so. LOL I wanted 4, he said 4 was too many so we kind of agreed on 3, but after DS2 was born he's pretty much been working to the premise that he's it and we're done and I don't feel like that; I'm trying to work out how, or even IF I can get past his methodical men reasons, when in my head I know he's right but my heart don't want to listen. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Flutterby
Date Posted: 11 January 2010 at 11:11am
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I have been feeling clucky lately as well. And DP even brought up the subject the other night. But I want to wait till DS is at least 4 yrs old and we are in a bigger house. I had a terrible time with MS with DS and am scared how I would handle it if next time was the same. So I figured if I wait till he is 4 by then he will be able to look after himself better and will then be off to school by the time bubs is born (if it all works out that way).
I am getting a kitten next week which will hopefully take care of the cluckiness for a while ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: linda
Date Posted: 11 January 2010 at 11:37am
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When does the cluckiness ever end....I think you'll always have it to a certain extent but when you're 40plus, have four boys you sort of know its time to stop!
We were originally happy with two boys but I really wanted to try for a girl. I realised the chances of having a girl were slim but DH agreed and we ended up with twin boys. I found going from one child to two hard but going from two to four was easy even with twins. Good luck! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Alex 6 and Harry 8 |
Posted By: Mum2ET
Date Posted: 11 January 2010 at 12:25pm
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Both DH & I come from 3 children families and I have also thought I would like to have 3 children (2 girls and 1 boy in an ideal world). I think the idea of having a bigger family when you get older (bigger family gatherings etc). After having Ella I still thought that, but at the beginning on this pregnancy I said to DH that 2 would have to be it for us as I was never getting pregnant again (not really enjoying being pregnant and looking after a toddler, plus I am still on anti nausea drugs for the M/S). But lately have been thinking that I would still like to have 3rd (would really,really like to have another little girl so that Ella could have a sister- something I missed out on having 2 brothers). Haven't told DH yet, as I think we will just wait and see how #2 goes but if we did decide on a 3rd it would be once Ella started school. If only I could have a 3rd child, without having to go through all the pregnancy stuff.... ------------- Mum to Ella (5) and Tom (2) |
Posted By: Nikki
Date Posted: 11 January 2010 at 1:36pm
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We had one of DH's workmates over yesterday with 2 of his 3 boys (aged about 9-14) and just talking about their food bill really makes me think twice about 3 kids! Ours eat enough already - imagine them as teenagers --- you would be basically working to eat!!
Then dh wants to put Jake thru motor racing / karting etc and I would love Morgan to do dancing/gymnastics etc .... plus school fees and all the usual toys/clothes .... = arghhh ------------- DS (5yrs) and DD (3yrs) |