Holding hand to go to sleep...
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30207
Printed Date: 30 August 2025 at 12:45am
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Topic: Holding hand to go to sleep...
Posted By: KitKat
Subject: Holding hand to go to sleep...
Date Posted: 29 November 2009 at 7:09pm
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I did a search- but to no avail, so sorry if this has already been discussed.
This is only an evening thing.... not that he sleeps during the day!! Locks has just started to need to hold my hand/fingers with both hands (his not mine) to get to sleep. He screams if I take my hand away. Or if I leave the room before he goes to sleep. Any tips on avoiding/weaning off this little habit. It breaks my heart to leave him, but we cant continue this forever right? is it just a phase that will dissapear just as fast?? I dont want to encourage it IYKWIM. Any tips helpful. ------------- 
http://www.littlegreenfruit.blogspot.com - Little Green Fruit |
Replies:
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 29 November 2009 at 7:24pm
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Awww, Ty does that as well , once he is nearly asleep I just replace my fingers with a blanky ...I think he just likes having something to hold ------------- 
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Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 29 November 2009 at 7:25pm
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No phase will continue forever. It comes to what are you happy with. If it was me I would have continued to hold his hand.
I use to co-sleep with my daughter and it really wasnt difficult to get her in her own room in her own bed. I am now co-sleeping with our boy. However if you really want to stop it now I would time how long you have to hold his hand the first night and then slowly but gradually see if he will allow you to let go of his hand sooner ect. You can perhaps sing slowly to him or get a special cd you play at night time ect. Good luck. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: RoSee
Date Posted: 29 November 2009 at 9:51pm
This is no help at all but omg that's soooo cute  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
 September '11
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Posted By: HippyMama
Date Posted: 29 November 2009 at 9:59pm
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If it breaks your heart to hear him scream when you physically withdraw from him, why do it?
There is nothing wrong with meeting your sons emotional needs in helping him go off to sleep. Babies need to know that being asleep is 'OK' and him holding your hand is his way of doing this. The safer he continues to feel the better his sleep should be. I personally think there are much worse things you could be doing, babies are only so little for such a short period of time in the great scheme of things - you are doing a great job! ------------- Mama to two earth walkers & two angels. Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being. ~ Kittie Franz Next Slingbabies! Meet - Friday 4th May !! |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 29 November 2009 at 10:57pm
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When you hold his hand , how long does it usually take to for him to get to sleep ?
If it doesnt take very long, then probably easier thing to do is to just hold it till he drifts off, like all phases , he'll outgrow it soon enough . -------------
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Posted By: skp
Date Posted: 29 November 2009 at 11:35pm
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or maybe get him a comfort blankie and slowly swap that for your hand? my DD is only 4 1/2 months but she really likes either holding my hand or her blanket while sleeping, (not fussy at this stage, so at least I can just give her the blanket)
------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: nztui
Date Posted: 30 November 2009 at 9:24am
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We had to to this heaps with DD a few months ago but during the day and still do it sometimes now if it works at 9.5months. Sometimes I started off holding her hand and then once she relaxed a little would take my hand out and rest it on top of her hand or on her forearm and then gradually ease the pressure so my hand was really only hovering above. Then I'd take my hand out and leave the room. If she still needed my hand she would grab it back and I'd give her a little longer.
I'd guess it's probably a phase, for us it was related to seperation anxiety (I think). Such a sweet way to go to sleep though 
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Posted By: KitKat
Date Posted: 30 November 2009 at 11:25am
This is what I do.... Hippymama- I dont pull away and leave him to cry- Im not inhuman!!! Once I realised he needed my hand I left it. I just wondered if there was something I could do/not do to help him- I dont care about me... or sitting there holding his hand- I love it really..... I just want to help him be able to sleep himself I guess. He is such a sensitive wee man.... Please dont think Im leaving him to feel alone... I would never do that. -------------
http://www.littlegreenfruit.blogspot.com - Little Green Fruit |
nztui wrote:Posted By: mumtooboys
Date Posted: 30 November 2009 at 12:35pm
I don't think that was what she was implying. I think she is just putting forward her POV and probably her frustration (and mine) about this notion that BABIES need to 'self settle' and that if you help them you are somehow doing something 'wrong'. But I could be way off base there. LOL He's 6 months old, not 16 and rest assured that even if you do this until he is 3 or 4 years old he won't still be needing you to hold his hand for him to go to sleep when he IS 16. So many parents these days seem to worry about what might happen in the future and thus do things that they might not want to because they fear what hasn't yet happened. I did that with DS1, we did CC with him to get him to 'sleep through the night' at 11 months, and this time I have done what is necessary, whatever that is to make sure that they know I am there for them when they need it. DS2 was in our bed for 5.5 months when HE decided he didn't need that anymore, he was fed/rocked to sleep on and off for about 12 months but won't usually be 'helped' to sleep now. DS1 who is 6, sometimes has nights when he needs someone to sit with him, and it is usually for no longer than 30 minutes and he's asleep and calm while he gets there and it's probably a 2-3 times a month (if that) occurrence and the rest of the time he is fine to be by himself. They are little for such a short time and personally I would rather sit with or help my upset child off to sleep than ever listen to hours of crying ever again because I was worried about 'bad' habits. If you want gentle ways to 'wean' sleep associations you don't want, http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/ - Elizabeth Pantley and her No Cry Sleep Solution is great. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 30 November 2009 at 12:50pm
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Good luck Kitkat, hope you find some useful ideas that are suitable for how you want to parent -------------
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 30 November 2009 at 1:12pm
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Hey Hun,
If it were me, I would gradually wein him off doing it buy placing a cuddly toy of soft blaket in his hands very gently as you move your hands away, and keep doing that for a while, and then one night just give him the toy or blanket when you put him to bed and see if he will hold onto that instead. Its most likely a little phase he is going through, he feels more secure holding your hands while he goes off to sleep. So hopefully if you can get him familiar with a toy or blanket instead he will cuddle that while he goes to sleep. ------------- |
Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 30 November 2009 at 3:43pm
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Go the cuddly, i second that suggestion. Because a cuddly is a way of giving them a comforting little friend for when you can't be there. I love the way my toddler loves his cuddly. It's his best mate.
Otherwise if it's not bothering you or taking too long i'd just ride it out. Sounds like you're doing a fab job and he loves his mama! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: HippyMama
Date Posted: 30 November 2009 at 4:20pm
LOL mumtooboys, you actually have pretty much hit the nail on the head there. I wasn't meaning to say that you leave him to cry, I didn't think that was the case at all. However, if there is something you are doing, anything at all, that is causing you anguish... then there is no harm in resuming whatever it is that gives him comfort. Like I said before, you are doing a great job! ------------- Mama to two earth walkers & two angels. Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being. ~ Kittie Franz Next Slingbabies! Meet - Friday 4th May !! |
Posted By: nztui
Date Posted: 30 November 2009 at 6:25pm
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Ooops, what I forgot to say was that yes, for us this was a pretty short phase (maybe a month or so if I remember right). After awhile DD didn't need the reassurance anymore and I could put her to bed without having to be there till she fell asleep, yay!
If your baby is anything like mine, what works one week will change the next so hopefully it'll just be a quick phase. Good luck!
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Posted By: kmarie
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 4:57pm
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Kitkat - my two cents would be, if that's how he's falling asleep and there's no fuss involved, go with it! We missed out on that with Bethany, bedtime wasn't fun and even hand holding wouldn't help :( But that's a story for another time. (She's great with her bed now tho, phew :). I say: savour the hand holding, it won't last forever ;) ------------- 
twins in heaven Oct07 Is 40:11 "He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart." |
Posted By: gossamer
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 8:20pm
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That is the sweetest thing :) Sorry im no help but that is so gorgeous..._ ------------- T (6) A (2) Our angel baby Sep 2011 http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: whitewave
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 10:27pm
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Awww, Kat that is so cute! I can't help either, as you know, Cam currently won't go to sleep by himself either! But I agree with the cuddly, it just might do the trick. I hope Cam starts going to sleep by himself soon too, but I have to admit that I enjoy holding him and watching him drift off to sleep, he looks so cute and peaceful! Make the most of that time to take mental photos, and etch those into your memory bank. As I get told frequently, they grow up so quickly!
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Posted By: mummymonster
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 8:28pm
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Just to add my two cents . . . .
RoSee - I agree, soooo cute HippyMama - Plunket made me feel bad about being a big softie with my DS, and I liked your post. I mean really, what would you rather have to get to sleep; 30min screaming or 30min hugs? KitKat/mumtooboys - I agree, I can see how you could take HippyMama's comments bad, but I don't think it was meant that way. Like I said above. DH just 'told me off' for rocking DS to sleep, saying I'd give him a bad sleep association or something. I think I got 1/2 hrs of hugs with my wee man lying peacefully in my arms  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: HippyMama
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 9:58pm
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What on earth could be bad about what I am sure is a gorgeous 4mo boy being gently rocked to sleep in the arms of the woman who gave birth to him? *sigh* ------------- Mama to two earth walkers & two angels. Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being. ~ Kittie Franz Next Slingbabies! Meet - Friday 4th May !! |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 11:09pm
For the most part Im all for self settling, but also there is nothing more loving than watching your baby sleeping in your arms  They get big so fast and then they wont want to sleep in your arms.
Boo to your DH IsaacsMum ll, I would tell mine to shut up if he said that to me hehe  ------------- |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 11:19pm
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OT , Love your new wedding sig Sheen
I let Ty self settle usually too, however, Im very lucky with him , he falls asleep as soon as his head hits the mattress. But sometimes, ok, a lot of the time , I sit on my bed having cuddles with him and just being with him , and I look at the time and an hour or so has passed, and what better way could I think of to spend the time ? Vacuuming ? Ironing? Oprah ? Eating? those things will still be there, but my little boy is growing and changing every day , and I know all too well, as I look at my big baby girl , that they really don't stay babies forever, and there will come the time when you would do anything to have these moments back . Enjoy them , don't feel guilty about them , or worry about what it might do to them in the future, the future can wait, the moment, and love , can't. -------------
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Posted By: KitKat
Date Posted: 03 December 2009 at 6:05pm
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Thanks guys... I appreciate your feedback
He has been pretty good with going to sleep within half hour- so I am just enjoying the time with him. Its easy to feel like your doing something wrong all the time...I noticed that in the first few weeks of having himactually- everything was about how you could do better, or what you could change, and not about what you were doing right, or how well things were actually going.... all the messages we get from various associations and blah blah.... Easy to get caught in the 'how do I do it right' when you already are, and there is nothing wrong with it. iykwim. Guilt is my middle name- I feel guilty about everything! ah Oh well- glad Im on the right track, and its ok to let him fall asleep with me.... yay. thanks y'all xx -------------
http://www.littlegreenfruit.blogspot.com - Little Green Fruit |
Posted By: mummymonster
Date Posted: 07 December 2009 at 5:59pm
Yeah, then over the weekend DH went to put him down for a nap. . . 1/2 and hour later I wondered why he wasn't back, went to check to find DS happily asleep in DH's arms ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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