MIL
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29761
Printed Date: 30 August 2025 at 6:27am
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Topic: MIL
Posted By: Dani01
Subject: MIL
Date Posted: 05 November 2009 at 10:34pm
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I may sound like a real cow, but here goes.
I am getting sick of MIL saying she misses her gchild and give her a kiss and hug from me, and I can't see her grow up. I find myself trying not to talk about DD to her and getting really angry when she asks about her. MIL is a "all about herself" kind of woman and doesn't take into consideration that there are other gparents who miss their gchild and won't get to see her grow up. Am I just being over sensitive? How do I get over this hump, we used to get on really well but now that DD is here everything is changed and I don't like being around her and talking to her anymore. I know what I'm trying to say, but it's hard to get it out in typed words and to people who don't know her lol. ------------- http://tickers.cafemom.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 8:57am
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I hear ya!
I think to a degree you are being overly sensitive (as am I with mine) but its really hard not to when you are in that head space. My MIL does my head in and use to say all the time to my parents "oh, he won't know me" ect about DS. She also now thinks that she should have him once a week to spend time with him but won't come to out house to visit etc. So I fully understand where you are coming from! My biggest hate is that she calls DS "my wee man"...ummm, nope hes actually mine...I did all the bloody work  -------------  
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Posted By: Henna79
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 9:11am
| mine drives me a little batty as our little man gets ignored when the other grandkids are around (long story). It's so starting to get to me but have no idea how to say anything about it as I know that it will all be 'in my head' but it so isn't!! |
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 9:32am
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Dani01 I have a MIL somewhat similar to your BUT....we don't get any of that, I actually never talk to her DH occasionally does. He says she does ask how they are but that's the extent of it.
They are Gkids # 8 or more, not quite sure what so I guess they just aren't as interested? Yet these kids are the whole world to my parents. So I guess you could take it from a good POV at least she's interested & concerned that they won't know her as well & make sure you give the kids her kisses & hugs. Least they'll know she loves them. Or just ignore her & get DH to talk to her ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: Gardengirl
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 9:48am
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It's probably something to do with HOW she is saying those things. My dad says those sorts of things but in a very accepting way, ie not feeling sorry for himself but glad that he actually has this grandchild and knowing he is growing up in a great place with great opportunities. He asks me to give him a kiss every day from his granddad and I know he would love us to walk through his door right now, but he manages to get all this across without making it all about him and without making me feel guilty for living overseas.
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 10:05am
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Sometimes you can have too much of a good thing though...so perspective from the other side...
My MIL is all gooey OTT baby coochy coo smoochy over the girls (if you know what I mean  ), always asks how "her" girls are, etc etc. At one stage I actually exploded at her because she called them her children  and said that they are not HER girls, they are not HER children, they are OUR girls and OUR children, and they are HER GRANDchildren (hell, I did all of the hard work, why the heck should she get credit!!!). If they are up she will cuddle them to death and smother them with kisses and talk all babylike to them which drives me completely insane and as much as I hate to admit it, it makes me want to keep them away from her because it seriously does my head in!!
Sooo....after that slight vent, it's ok, you're not alone, and I have the opposite problem  I had one of my aunties introduce the girls to her workmates as "her" twins as well...I don't get why other people think they have the right to claim the girls as their own???
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Posted By: BeLoved
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 10:23am
| My MIL is a PITA she is always saying how she does not see DD enough (she sees her once a week when it suits her) she also goes on about her staying at their place overnight all the time, like it is her right to have her stay there and I am in the wrong for it not happening BUT worst of all she is constantly telling me what DD is thinking and feeling, as if she is some kind of baby whisperer!!!! It drives me crazy and I now avoid contact as much as possible. |
Posted By: ohanlon82
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 10:27am
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Interesting thread
Yip can go both ways I dont really have a good relationship with my MIL... neither does DH being his step mum but raised him for so many years She is so selfcentred.. Will be interesing when bubs his hear.. see how it goes.. they live down the line - by their choice not ours.. they moved from Auckland.. so i am sure she will say we never get to see bubs.. we dont like going to visit we know no one down there and have nothing to do... last time we went - i think MIL had about 2 hours out of the whole weekend free ------------- http://lb2f.lilypie.com/TikiPic.php/RPaODBg.jpg |
Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 10:42am
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MIL lives just around the corner, and looks after Hollie at ours one night a week, on potluck night, so we can catch up with friends. We are young to be married and parents, and the only ones in our group with a child, so it's nice. We live out of town so on top of that over the last two fridays we have been able to go to Chch for christmas shopping, and the inlaws have just had Hollie at their place.
My youngest brother is six, so every so often my mother and I book each other in for babysitting duties. Hollie's used to staying there too, Mum acted as 'respite care' one night a week for us when Hollie had colic in those first 3 months. It was a godsend and she was thankful for the time to bond. I guess this is normal to me because my own grandparents were very hands on with us. My stepmother on the other hand is a witch. I stopped shared custody with my parents because of her, and now she acts like she had done nothing wrong. She drinks heavily and stinks of cigarettes. She thinks she is Nana. I don't have the heart to tell Dad so, but IMHO my daughter has her two grandmothers she doesn't need anymore. Everytime I hand her over for cuddles I refer to her by her first name, not by nana. They've asked to babysit Hollie, I've said no. I'm just not comfortable leaving her there. I doubt this has been of any help, just had to get it off my chest after reading other peoples posts  -------------  http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: KazS
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 11:23am
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I personally think you should try and work through it and then seek some revenge
When Bubba is a toddler and going through a tanty stage send DD to MIL's house
She is obviously very proud of her grand daughter so that is the way i try to look at it when i find MIL (or my own Dad for that matter) being a bit OTT 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 11:45am
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get over it...
if (as i understand it ) you arent even in the same country then what does it matter... and why shouldnt she say she misses her and wont see her growing up... at least she does miss her! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 11:48am
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i hear ya Kate. My mil actually told someone she stays home and looks after the house and kids -------------  
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minik8e wrote:Posted By: RunningT
Date Posted: 07 November 2009 at 8:27pm
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My MIL turned up in the delivery suite... uninvited....while I was in labour......
Just like Flake, I doubt this has been of any help, but I also just had to get it off my chest after reading other peoples posts. Okay I think I'm almost over it..... oops.....nope not quite  ------------- 
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 07 November 2009 at 8:37pm
Oh this sounds just like my MIL, I walk in the door and she basically snatches Jake out of arms. She doesnt ask, just takes. She also refers to jake as her boy.. I have not snapped yet, I am waiting for DH to catch her saying it and he can set her straight. Oh and if Jake gets whingey she will say "oh you dont want stink mummy" WTF!!!! I know she does not actually believe I am "stink" but thats just inappropriate! I am actually quite happy that he is going through a phase of not wanting to be cuddled by anyone straight off. It means she actually has to talk to DH and I first until Jake is comfortable to go to her. My mum on the other hand, is Aus and does ask me to give him kisses and cuddles for her and is sad she is missing him but she doesnt say it in a way to invoke guilt. IL's... hard work !!!!!! -------------   
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 07 November 2009 at 9:54pm
Hmmm ROTFLMAO ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com">
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: mountaingirl
Date Posted: 08 November 2009 at 10:31am
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I agree with Bizzy - grandparents are special people and we probably won't understand the excitement of being grandparents until we actually are.
Most females I know have some sort of issues with their MILs - I think it's just a female thing, but that doesn't make them bad grandparents and I can almost guarantee they would never do anything that wasn't in the best interest of the child - it just might be a bit different from what you would do. Also, no-one can ever take away the fact that you are your child's parents, even if some relatives refer to your children as "their child" no-one actually thinks they gave birth to them - it's just an expression. For the small percentage of time that they actually get to spend with the child I say let them be as OTT as they want - the child will soon let them know if it's too much - and they may actually enoy spending time with their grandparents!
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Posted By: RubyG
Date Posted: 09 November 2009 at 12:16pm
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I wish I could be as rational about it as you sammyD, but my MIL is bordering on obsessive.
She calls at least twice a day and goes on about how much she misses her wee man, yesterday she went on about some teenage drink driving accident and said that her and FIL were talking about how they hopen nothing like that ever happened to "our wee man". Sorry but you have two wee men - your own children! They need to understand that they are grandparents and respect thats their place in the world. Last night (third call of the day) I told her that X was nearly crawling and she said she would have to go shopping for stair gates. I questioned this as they dont have any stairs at their house - her reply, "no for your place". I am capeable and actually WANT to buy these things for myself. I have decided next time i see her i'm gunna tell her to pull her head in. That she should be grateful for the time she gets to spend with X, because my Mum passed away 7 years ago and the more she goes on about how she misses him makes it all the worse that my Mum never even got to meet him. She is an insensitive cow. Anyway - so happy I found this topic - I seriously needed to get it off my chest. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 09 November 2009 at 12:57pm
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With 2 boys I am only ever going to be the MIL so am going to start taking notes so that I can be the perfect MIL -------------
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