Cuddles
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29760
Printed Date: 30 August 2025 at 1:32pm
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Topic: Cuddles
Posted By: Dani01
Subject: Cuddles
Date Posted: 05 November 2009 at 10:29pm
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DD is 11 weeks and I don't want her to think that if she cry's she will get cuddled or picked up, I also don't want her to get used to being cuddled all the time.
I love her to bits and want to cuddle her all the time but I don't want her to be clingy when she gets older and I don't want her to have to be cuddled everytime she cry's, I want her to learn how to settle herself when she is upset. She also is cuddled alot by people when we go round to their places and if they come round to ours. Am I being too much of a meany? Should I just give in and let myself and everyone else cuddle her when they want?? ------------- http://tickers.cafemom.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 05 November 2009 at 10:34pm
She is still so little lots of cuddles are not going to cause bad habits at this age. I think babies need lots of cuddles, and sometimes when they cry they might just need a bit of a cuddle 
Ive always given Caden LOTS of cuddles and he isnt a clingy boy, he does his own thing and he has always settled himself
Visitors will always want to cuddle the baby, cos they dont se bubs everyday, so I wouldnt worry about that  ------------- |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 05 November 2009 at 10:39pm
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She is only 11 weeks old, the world is still new and scary to her , and the person she relies on most for comfort, is you ,as her mum thats your first job (apart from feeding of course )
No child (IMO) can be "loved" or cuddled enough , my daughter (and son ) have been cuddled and held just for the hell of it from birth and neither have clingy natures, well, bit hard to tell with Ty, but C who is 7 definetly doesnt. Shes still so young , cuddling her really wont do her any harm , infact, it will most likely do more good than harm . ------------- 
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Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 05 November 2009 at 10:39pm
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I cuddle Sam every time he cries because at his age he hardly ever actually wants to stop what he is doing to give me a cuddle so I have to get them somehow!
I figure, they are only little for such a short time and being a mum means you can cuddle them anytime you want to, and for me I feel like I am there to provide that cuddling service for when he is upset or needs me. And IMO, I don't feel that cuddling them when they are upset means they will be clingy when they are older. |
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 05 November 2009 at 10:48pm
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Also they say there is a 4th trimester. So during that trimester cuddle them & love them.
But one day your cuddly kids are going to turn around & not want cuddles....so get them all now
The only time I would stop people cuddling her at this stage is when you want to put her to bed. ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 05 November 2009 at 10:50pm
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I think more cuddles more secure and independent child. You need to make a child feel safe and secure and give them somewhere to be comforted when the big bad world gives them a slap in the face otherwise they will never want to go and explore it. IMO anyway.
I have cuddled mine heaps, just cos I want to, but when Spencer gets hurt one of 4 things happens, either he is upset and will come to me for a cuddle, or he is only a little upset and I will ask if he wants a cuddle and sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn't, other times he just shakes it off and sometimes whatever he does is so bad I just run over and scoop him up. I agree with neeandsam, once they are on the move they don't stop for cuddles, or very rarely anyway. Make the most of it while she is little and you can. ------------- 
 
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Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 05 November 2009 at 11:31pm
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I wouldn't call it "giving in" to give your 11wk old a cuddle if she's crying. At that age, when they cry it's because they need something (food, sleep, cuddles). Sure, you don't need to hold her all the time if that's not your thing, but when she needs comfort you need to be there for her IMO.
As far as other people cuddling her goes .. I suppose it depends on when they're around and how long for. If it's just short visits and at times when your DD is usually awake and alert then yup, let them go for it and give you a break If it's her sleep time or she is grumpy and just wants you then you can tell them, sorry not today she is tired/asleep/going to sleep/a bit clingy today.
------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 05 November 2009 at 11:39pm
| Same here cuppatea and as much as I hate seeing Sam hurt himself or be upset, I LOVE being his whole world, and the one he turns to when he needs a cuddle (except for when nana is around and I am invisible!) It makes me feel special and it makes him feel safe and secure knowing that I will always be there for him and he can come to me for comfort and reassurance. |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 8:19am
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We don't cuddle the girls every time they cry - it just depends on what kind of cry it is. If they have wind, we burp them and put them back to bed, rather than doing any cuddling. If they're hungry, we'll cuddle until the bottle is ready. If they're both going at once.....well, practicality dictates that I can't cuddle both of them plus do whatever I need to do to stop them, especially if it's winding or feeding....so sometimes one of them is left to cry, with some pats and calming noises every few minutes. After a feed, they usually get cuddles though, unless the second one is crying after I've finished feeding the first...then it's just not practical. I don't think it's doing either of them any harm at 12 weeks old...and I don't think they are picking up bad habits either.
With other people's cuddles, if they are awake and alert and out of bed, go for your life! If it's bed time, or they are in bed, even if they are awake, then no cuddles. And I'm mean and have no trouble telling people that because my routine is my lifesaver with two of them 
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Posted By: kathamill
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 9:44am
I agree with this, you have to learn her cries. A wee hint:
Babies are not biologically able to rationalize anything, all they can think of is emotions. So if she's hungry, you cannot expect her to think, "it's ok, mum's coming soon. I'll just wait happily." If she hears your voice, and can attach that to her needs being met, it will calm her down however. They say that if you have a clingy baby, they are the least likely to be clingy when they are a bit older, because they KNOW that IF they need you you will be there. So they are more likely to go and try out new things etc. Hope that helps.... 
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minik8e wrote:Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 10:19am
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Oh yeah I wasn't implying cuddle 24/7 but if they need/want a cuddle give it. Kyle has quite often had to just wait cos I'm dealing with Spencer and vice versa, can't be everywhere at once, but I get to each in the end. And sometimes at bedtime they just need a little grizzle cry to wind down and cuddling them then can cause them more frustration IYGWIM. -------------
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Posted By: MrsH
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 11:16am
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I do worry about that too but then I think that my son will learn to be a more trusting loving baby if he knows that his needs will be met. Otherwise, he might not learn to trust anyone and become more clingy IYKWIM.
------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 11:24am
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Golly gee .. there seems to be a "run" on these types of threads at the moment!
I dont think you can cuddle a child too much, you will actually find that a child that is not cuddled and left to their own devices will become far more clingy than one that is cuddled loads. Isabelle is a completely independant little person and always has been .. she will go to anybody and will give cuddles galore - to her the whole world loves her and the sun revolves around her, she has never experienced being let down as we have always responded to her call for comfort (afterall that is part of the job description)
Once they get older and more adventurous you will actually be asking for cuddles .. id make the most of it while you can! ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 11:32am
for goodness sake, what is the world coming to when new mums dont even think they can cuddle their babys....
i wondered if you were serious when i first read this. and even my husband laughed! insecurity would be more of a reason to be clingy, not a happy cuddled child! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 11:38am
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That's been my observation. DD was constantly cuddled and panda'd to and she's such a confident independant little lady. A little boy we know comes from a non-cuddling family and we've noticed he performs like an idiot when he hurts himself until he's cuddled whereas DD barely pauses for a magic kiss before she runs off again. -------------  
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Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 12:01pm
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Just from an adults perspective:
I have come from a family that didn't cuddle much, my father is from London and their family were very reserved and cold. In turn, I am quite an unaffectionate and cold person by nature, as is my father. My father has seen what this has done to his children and over the last few years he has made himself available to us, giving us a hug when he sees us, trying to be a little more open and affectionate with us and although it is nice, we do not have a close relationship. I don't actually like people touching me or cuddling me, I find it incredibly overwhelming and all a bit 'too much'. So I make sure I cuddle Sam whenever he needs me because I want him to be able to come to me for the rest of our lives, knowing that I am there, I understand, I will reassure him, provide guidance and security. Hopefully we will have a close relationship when he is older and that he likes cuddles and affection and doesn't feel overwhelmed by them like I do. Sorry that was a bit rambly, and I'm not trying to say that you are a cold person or that you are unaffectionate as I don't know you, I'm just telling you my story. |
Posted By: Henna79
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 12:03pm
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I agree with the others. Alex has been cuddled way to much from Day 1 and he is now turning into a very independent little boy. He falls a lot as he is new to the whole walking thing and picks himself up and off he goes (he surprises me sometime as I know that they hurt when you hear the bang but up he gets and continues on his way). I know of a little girl who doesn't get the attention she deserves at home and it's awful to watch her perform in front of her parents trying to get them to look after her, as a Mum who wanted nothing more than her own kids it breaks my heart every time I see it.
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Posted By: palomino
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 12:25pm
| Ditto to neeandsam, We do not hug, kiss or show emotion in my family and i find it hard now in adult life. So i cuddle my wee man lots and lots. Even though now he just squirms away and doesnt want cuddles :( |
Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 12:49pm
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Ditto to HUNTD -------------  http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 1:10pm
I think there are now so many books and so many child care "experts" that question and analyse everything that we innately do as parents and while they can be helpful, they can also be a real PITA and create a lot of pressure on parents - the whole "your baby must learn how to sleep by themselves from the first day of hospital", my MIL's favourite "don't create a rod for your own back" brought me to tears when I was first trying to get Daniel to sleep. ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: kellie
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 1:22pm
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Sirius is showered with cuddles all day and always has been. He is definitely not clingy lol. He is extremely confident and outgoing. Maybe because he is totally secure in our love for him!
At that age babies need as much love you give! I really wouldn't worry about limiting her cuddles. ------------- 
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Posted By: Dani01
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 1:39pm
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Thanks for everybody's responses. I don't not give her cuddles, I give her them as much as I can but before she got too much older I wanted to ask the question, now I know that too much cuddles is not unhealthy ------------- http://tickers.cafemom.com">
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 07 November 2009 at 8:28pm
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Dani you just cuddle away!!!!
There is so much pressure (especially from our well meaning older female relatives) to not "create a rod for our own backs". I just tell people what they want to hear and do it my way. Jake actually has started pushing me away sometimes now, he can sit up and is starting to crawl and there are just far more interesting things to do than sit around beind cuddled or day. So say
Reading this makes me want to go scoop him up and give him a big cuddle, but he will wake up and I like the quiet night times just as much as cuddles -------------   
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 07 November 2009 at 11:48pm
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Get ALL the cuddles in you can...while she will still let you. The cuddles are for our benefit arent they?
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