For my personal point of view... you both need to learn to be parents, not necessarily just you needing to learn how to be a mum.

Your DH has a role, that is in looking after you while you look after bubs. You will need his help while you learn to bf, his job will be bringing you water, the phone and food (and that is just the tip of the iceberg, there will be tears and frustration in there  that he will end up listening to, all the emotional stuff).

There is a big picture here about how you are both going to parent your child, and the roles that you each will have, and that first night after birth is just the very very beginning of that negotiation.

Now is the time to start talking and for each of you to listen to each other, it is much easier to talk now than in the middle of a hormonal, exhausted, stressed out time that is a brand new baby.

Treen - I know how you feel with you DH being one to question everything you do, my DP can get that way.

Firstly, just remember he is learning too and he will probably surprise you with the info he takes on board and how much you might appreciate his help.

Just remember this - If he questions how you're doing things you can always say to him "Hey babe, let me learn how to do this" OR "Well go find me a nurse/MW and ask them to come help me to make sure" (at least with the last one he has to leave the room!)

I am sure you'll be tired enough to be able to snap that kind of stuff out.

Also at Birthcare centres you have lovely lovely MW's who will come in and help you at any time. So whenever you go to do something with baby, hit the buzzer and an MW will come to help. That way they are helping, your DH can't question if you're doing it right and you're being taught by the best and gleaning all the little bits of info off them that you can.

Thats my plan anyway.

Of course if you buzz for a midwife a midwife will come. But you don't have your own personal one, you are sharing the midwives with all the others, and everyone will probably be in need, given that everyone will have just given birth.

If you want to pay extra money to get a 'hotel room', then that is fine. If you don't want to pay the extra money then you will get the same level of help from the midwives but you will need to share a room.

Depends what is most important to you.

Oh, your guys Birthcare must be lots different to ours.

I'm going to River Ridge East Birth Centre. It's a free, primary birthcare until

Bums! Glad I'm not in Auckland then.

I loved having DH with me at Birthcare, we had a private room, and I think it was worth every cent of it. Sure the food isnt super flash, but having the privacy and space to be able to learn and deal with all the challenges that those first few days bring made it well worth it in my opinion.

I also liked the fact that I could have as many visitors at a time as I liked - it meant that my mum could stay with me whilst DH went and ran errands, and other people could still visit. I was so overwhelmed I didnt want to be alone. I was also very very nervous about leaving bubs alone even to go the toilet - so was nice having someone there to watch him whilst I showered etc.

I think that during those first days there is so much to take in and so much information that having another pair of ears is very handy too!

IMO the m/ws at Birthcare are a bit hit n miss IYKWIM, some are lovely, but some are quite old school and a bit gruff. I was reduced to tears several times by well meaning by forcefull m/ws manhandling my boobs in an attempt to get Oli feeding. They also made me and DH feel like criminals when we asked for formula - even though it was on the advice from the paediatrician.

2nd time around (if it ever happens) I will still get a private room, and DH will stay or not stay as required at the time, I think its nice for him to be part of the bonding process too.

I had a shared room and found it fine, the meals are ok, better then hospital meals, and the mw support is good. They are really good if you are a first time mum and younger I think, although there was one rather rude abrupt mw that was rude to the woman next to me she was having trouble with feeding. DP was there from 8-8 anyways. the first morning I woke up and was expecting bfast to be wheeled in and nope it was DP lol. I was like WTF? He had been downstairs in the carpark waiting since 7.30 awwwww he HATED leaving his two girls behind he sped home saying that if he had got stuck in traffic he would have turned back around and tried to break in. Remember he may be really torn about leaving the two of you.

If I could go back I would have birthed at birthcare just to get the room and so that DP could stay, he could go and get his own food lol. For me it was the fact that after 8pm everything kinda stopped, you know lights went down, it went quiet and 8pm is really early in my book, I just wanted him there for company and cos I missed him (I was griefing at the time though so that didn't help). It would have helped us to not get DD into the bed with us all the time however we came home and she went into the bed with us because she had slept on me at birthcare he was jealous lol

According to the Health & Disablity Commisions list of patient rights -

Right to Support

Every consumer has the right to have one or more support persons of his or her choice present, except where safety may be compromised or another consumer's rights may be unreasonably infringed

So if someone told my husband to leave - I would be kicking up a hell of a stink, unless they could categorically prove that he was comprimising someone elses safety!!!!!! I bet that women sharing a room would be quite happy to let your husband stay (obviously not overnight - but as long as needed)  if they thought that they were given the same option.

I recognise that in some cases this wouldnt be practical, but I think that m/ws / nurses in situations like this kick up a hell of a fuss because "its the rules" when in fact it is a breach of your patient rights.

I think all of you that are having to pay so much for being in a non-shared room are just living in the wrong part of the country.

My little local hospital has only four a/n rooms and two birthing rooms, and we are 1 1/2 hours away from a tertiary hospital, but we don't have to share at all .

HunnyBunny, birthcare in Auck I can only speak about as thats the only one I have been to and looked into.

If you give birth at birthcare then you are moved into a private room, this may or may not have a single bed and bassinet, hairdryer etc. They can bring in a trundler bed for your DH BUT you still have to pay $50 a night for your DH to stay if I remember correctly.

If you birth at Auck hospital everyone goes to birthcare afterwards, you have to make your own way there. The only times you don't go to birthcare is if there is a problem with the baby or yourself, or you are under mental maternal health. Then you stay at Auck hospital and likely that you get a single room anyway or a shared room and they try not to put you in a room with someone else.

If you go to birthcare and you opt for a shared room, you basically get a bed, and a chair next to you, a bassinet for the baby and a cupboard, if your lucky you have the window and therefore abit more light then next to the wall. (Unfortunately for me I got the wall) At birthcare nappies and wipes are provided, so thats one less thing you have to "pack". Also they supply sanitary pads for you after.

Its best to do your research on the after birth care that is provided through your hospital in your area.

Odettenz wrote: Apparently if you have Southern Cross & have been with them for over a certain length of time (may be 4 yrs but not sure), you can claim $1000 towards the cost of your delivery etc. This can be used for specialist fees, anaesthetist fees, or even birthcare private room fees. I have a GF who claimed her private room cost back from Southern Cross. Worth looking into if you are not needing a specialist or private anaesthetist.

That's interesting. My Southern Cross VIP policy specifically excludes 'treatment for pregnancy and childbirth'.

Well I have been a member for four years. And it is still specifically excluded. Hmmm.

Ohhh now I see it. VIP1 you don't get it. VIP2 you do. So it depends on your plan as well asyour length of membership.