Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children
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Category: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Name: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Description: Trying to get pregnant? Going through fertility treatment? Just planning your first or second child? There are many people out there in the same boat to help and listen and share with
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29666
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Topic: Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children
Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Subject: Fertility Clinic Waiting Rm vs Children
Date Posted: 01 November 2009 at 7:27pm
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I am currently working with a Fertility Clinic. I have had 3 mc's - the first was from a natural conception (at 6 weeks), the 2nd from my first IUI with the FClinic (at 6 weeks), and the 3rd from my 3rd IUI with the FClinic (at 13 weeks).
I have just had my 4th IUI and it is negative. I am about to undergo my 5th, and at the moment my visits are more frequent due to all the monitoring I have. It's completely demoralising going through all of this. But what is making it really worse for me, and my partner, is when we sit in the waiting room at the Clinic and there is a happy couple in there with a baby or young child. My guess is that they are there because they want another child, and perhaps the first was conceived with help from the Clinic. So wouldn't you think that these parents would and SHOULD be a bit more sympathetic to those of us who CAN'T conceive or see a pregnancy through? I am just baffled by this! If I had a child, and wanted another and was visiting the FERTILITY CLINIC, I would arrange a babysitter for that time! It's not a DOCTOR'S SURGERY or the DENTIST'S, it's a FERTILITY CLINIC so I think people should be a bit more courteous. Maybe these people conceived and carried through to the end on their first attempt and don't know what it's like for those of us who can't get any joy either way. But SURELY common sense should prevail? It's not always easy to guess other people's situations, but there are two words that should spell it out quite simply... FERTILITY CLINIC I am interested in other people's thoughts |
Replies:
Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 01 November 2009 at 7:53pm
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Just to defend the other side - my very good friend went thru 3 mc's while TTC her second and ended up going to the fertility clinic. She HAD to take her child as neither of them have family here and all her good friends (including myself) worked full time so she didn't have a choice. She was really aware of the fact that she was taking a child to somewhere that others were struggling to get one but as I say had no other options.
They were in no way being intentionally mean! I can understand where you are coming from and so could my friend. -------------  
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Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 01 November 2009 at 8:09pm
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I am sure they weren't intending to be 'intentionally mean' but I still think it's a bit of a 'rub it in our face' kind of situation. I can't even visit one of my SIL's cause her baby is 10 weeks old, and I lost my last one 8 weeks ago. And my other SIL is 24 weeks preg, and if I was still preg I would be 20 weeks. I go to the supermarket, shopping malls, stores and KNOW I will bump into mothers and babies, but that's expected, I go there to SHOP. I don't expect to be in that situation at a Fertility Clinic, that's where I go to sort out MY fertility, so it's a one-focus situation that I can't avoid by going into a different aisle or shop to get away from it if it bothers me.
I do understand what you are saying but honestly, if it were me, I would hire a babysitter just for that short time, or make my appointment while my child was in childcare, or when a friend could babysit (they do do after hours consults). Please don't think I am picking on your friend, I am not, and I know everyone's circumstances are different, but I just think it's very insensitive taking a baby to a Fertility Clinic given that the Clinic is for people who are having problems with FERTILITY. Perhaps these Clinics should have a 'parents room' set aside for parents who just can't find anyone to care for their child for that hour. Perhaps I will suggest it! |
Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 01 November 2009 at 8:49pm
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Fully understand what you are saying and why it would bother you so don't think I am attacking you but at the same time you need to be reasonable and realise that while it appears easy to get "childcare" for you that is not always the case.
It is an extremely sensitive issue and I know how you feel to a degree - I lost a twin early in my last pregnancy and right thru the preg and even now I get a bit funny about twin pregnancy's around me etc so I am in no way being callous. -------------
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Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 01 November 2009 at 8:53pm
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Peanut I don't think you are attacking me personally. But I do think I AM being reasonable when it is a FERTILITY clinic involved. I don't know which way to look, and I am fighting back tears while trying to engross myself in a magazine because there is no escape until I get my appointment called! I feel like a trapped animal would.
Sorry to hear about your loss, I can imagine you feel as I do when I see my SIL who is 4 weeks more pregnant than I 'would' be at the moment and also my other SIL who has a 10 week old baby and I lost mine 8 weeks ago - (((hugs))) to you over this one. 
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Posted By: hannibal
Date Posted: 01 November 2009 at 8:59pm
| Just a thought - can you ask to be scheduled late in the day? If you are last in the day hopefully you could avoid seeing others with kids - I know thats not that helpful but just a thought! |
Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 01 November 2009 at 9:04pm
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The last visit I had was at 4.45pm and they shut at 5.30pm unless by prior arrangement for a later appointment... another was at 11.30am... I am afraid there is no escaping it but I think I will suggest a parent's room, or even if there are children in there perhaps I can request a waiting room away from them somehow. It's just too hard for me at the moment, time will heal but I haven't had the time yet.
I also attend a fertility support group and there are many people there who feel this way so maybe we should ask the organisers of this support group to contact the Clinic and explain our concerns/feelings. |
Posted By: KH25
Date Posted: 01 November 2009 at 9:26pm
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I just wanted to say that I know I am EXTREMELY lucky to have my daughter - but in saying that, we are having fertility problems with conceiving our second and I don't for a minute believe that what I (and my DH) are feeling, is any less painful than what you are going through. I have had 3 mc's this year and I so know how you are feeling when seeing babies/small children/pg people etc because I am feeling the same. Especially around whatever gestation/age you would have been. I haven't taken DD to any of my appointments - mainly because I want to be able to talk and listen to the spec without interruptions but we have an appt in a couple of weeks that I will have to take her to as I just don't have any other option. But I am seeing my specialist privately so he covers alot of "womens problems", not just infertility and the other times I have been, the waiting room normally has women over 50 waiting. ------------- Kelly, mum to DD, 19Jun06 (26wks 1lb15oz) DS1, 24Oct10 (32wks 4lb11oz) and DS2, 31Dec11 (32wks, 4lb11) http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 01 November 2009 at 9:32pm
| Thank you KH25 for understanding - I really do wish you the very best of luck. I have had 2 of my mc's this year, I can't even comprehend how hard 3 mc's would have been. (((Hugs))) to you and your family and I hope your next preg is a full-term healthy one :) |
Posted By: Shezzey
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 9:15am
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MaebeeBaby.... I fully agree with you. After my unsuccessful IVF I had to go to the clinic for an appointment and was still fresh with grief and found it heartbreaking and difficult because there was a Mum with a toddler there and I wanted to burst into tears. It was a reminder of what I desperately trying to have but battling to |
Posted By: newme
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 11:15am
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I am really sorry to say this, but people who have one child and are desperate for another also suffer great pain and suffering. The fact they are in a fertility specialist waiting room reinforces that.
People have babies every day, and although you are struggling to conceive it is something you need to accept. Just as I have accepted it when I am struggling. Also, you don't know what efforts they have gone through to have that first child. It may have been years of trying and treatment, and they are gong through all the pain a second time to give their child a chance to have a brother and sister. I have been trying to get pregnant with my second child for a year now. and if I go to see a specialist (which I think I will do soon), I will take my son with me as my family and friends all work during the day. I will not be doing it to be vindicitve, it is just practical. |
Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 11:30am
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Hi MaebeeBaby. Firstly I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you. You have my biggest hugs. I've only been trying for 6 months now for our first baby so have not been to a fertility clinic and had to deal with anything like what you and many others are going through.
There are days when I walk down the street and all I see it's babies in strollers, toddlers, mums & dads all happy and content. It's heart warming but heartbreaking at the same time. I can feel you emotions through your words I will promise you that should I ever need to go to a fertility clinic, I will not take along any kids. If I know of any friends that are going and taking any kids with them, I will kindly suggest they don't. My thoughts are with you...  ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 12:13pm
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 12:18pm
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when i was pregnant with my 2nd child i went thru the recurrent miscarriage clinic, as i did with my first... my husband and i had no choice but to take our son to some of these visits... i felt bad because the recurrent miscarriage clinic and the fertility clinic waiting room were the same room. but i wasnt going to leave, my so, my husband and i all had a right to be, just like every other person there.
i know that it is hard when you see other people having what you so desperately want and it feels like everything is going against you. But these women arent out to intentionally hurt or embarras or "rub it in". some of those women have possibly had a harder road to travel than even you can imagine. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 12:24pm
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 12:24pm
actually what hila was saying is that ... you need to accept that people have babies every day. i think it was a case of missing punctuation. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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MaebeeBaby wrote:Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 12:27pm
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yes the clinic should be more aware, maybe its not practical though. Have you voiced your concerns to them? ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 12:31pm
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 2:35pm
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I struggle a bit when I see babies full stop, but I have to admit I don't'mind seeing them in the FA waiting rooms any more than I do anywhere else...
Actually, it gives me a bit of a lift in some ways - chances are that the parents struggled to have those kids, and proves that it's possible. That might not make entire sense (after all, they could be struggling with secondary infertility, the first could have been an oopsie for all I know), but I do assume that a bit. When I have a baby, I'd take it along when we're trying for another one. I know its tough to see wee ones when you're struggling - hey, I'm there right now, I know how hard it is!! - but as I see it, that struggle is pretty much just life, and other people shouldn't have to re-arrange their lives round ours to quite that extent... -------------   
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Posted By: Shezzey
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 2:48pm
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Well... struggling to conceive is something that I have accepted... but I refuse to accept that I am infertile... call it denial or whatever. I am glad that this topic has been brought up.... so that there is an awareness as to how some women feel with the presence of children in the clinic, when she has just been through scores of injections and hormones and side effects and emotions with no pregnancy at the end of it all... I don't have any objection for children in most usual places and truly adore them... but I think some sensitivity is needed for those in a place where baby dreams have been shattered.
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 2:49pm
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while i understand what you are saying.. in part it's similar to when i was having my last mc (I've had two one at 12 weeks)and had to go to the acute place ..i had no option but to take my little guy ..and dont think its fair on him if he wont go to other people to force him too.. while i went through the mc process etc.. and i worried a little about what people thought seeing him there but if i was at FA it would be the same.. though different now he is a toddler when he was young he simply wouldn't go to anyone else and he has a right to be with his mother when he needs fed or comforted etc.. so yeah i totally get your point and understand how hard it must be:( but i see it from the other side too..i dont think it's about common sense either.
------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 3:35pm
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I havent read all the replies .. but here is my 2c worth ..
Lots of FA clients go back to the clinic so that the doctors and nurses can see what they created and rightly so. Are you planning on sending a letter with a photo because obviously you wont be taking your future children to a fertility clinic? I for one wouldnt waste my money on a babysitter just to keep you happy .. and I dont see why I should. ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: Shezzey
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 3:50pm
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Umm... consideration for those in a worse off position? *off to delete a blog I have enjoyed following* |
Posted By: ScaredyCat
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 3:53pm
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Oh no!! One of those people was me!!
I have been visiting FA in Hamilton for IVF and a couple of TER's and my partner wasn't able to come with me on one occasion so my friend came along with her 3 month old baby to be my support person. To be truly honest I never even gave it a thought that it might have upset other people there to see such a cute wee gorgeous poppet and I am very sorry if it did upset anyone. I have been in the waiting rooms on other occasions too with my DP and there has been toddlers and the like running around and it doesn't seem to bother me, I kind of see it as that is what we are there for, to get one of those! I guess all of us see things differently though. I will def re-think taking my friend and her baby with me if that was to ever happen again, once again my apologies! Wishing you all the very best for your next round of IUI, fingers tightly crossed for a sticky one this time! ------------- TTC # 1 - 7.5 years 2 x IVF - 4 x Trf 3 x BFP's 3 x M/c  Feb 09June 10Sept 11
2 Blasties on Ice 
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Posted By: Flipsta
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 3:55pm
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This is an interesting topic....
I love seeing babies and kids at the fertility clinic. It gives me hope and I don't for a second think that other parents are being insensitive or that the clinic is being insensitive. But that is just me and we are all different with how we cope and deal with this difficult journey. I think it is important that each person finds their way of how they can deal and cope with these things and if it means speaking to someone at the clinic about how they find it hard seeing kids at the clinic then so be it......it is about managing those situations to work out a solution that works for you because I think it is a little unfair to say other parents are being insensitive by bringing their kids to the clinic. ------------- TTC since Oct 07 Clomid Oct 08-Feb09 - BFN's Lap done and endo excised April 09 3 x IUI's - BFN's IVF - Sept 10 |
Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 3:57pm
Wow that's a bit harsh. I've never been in your situation MB so I can't fully understand, but I can sympathise with you and accept your POV. Good luck for your next round of IUI and I hope the clinic take your view into consideration. |
Posted By: Flipsta
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 4:06pm
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The fertility clinics are never going to be able to make everyone happy as so many people deal with things so differently. You would need loads of different waiting rooms then...
We are all responsible for our own well being...not others ------------- TTC since Oct 07 Clomid Oct 08-Feb09 - BFN's Lap done and endo excised April 09 3 x IUI's - BFN's IVF - Sept 10 |
Posted By: Shezzey
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 4:17pm
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Yup we are responsible for our own wellbeing within our own control.... This thread will go on forever with those who agree and those who disagree... but the great thing about it is that there is an AWARENESS now |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 4:26pm
Definately! Who would have thought that some people going into a fertility clinic dont want to see children, id personally be worried if the fertility clinic I was in never had any children because their strike rate might be really suck! 
Although in fairness, I dont particularly like having children in many places, because they are noisy little creatures, but I wouldnt expect all the parents to go out and get a baby sitter just to placate me 
------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 5:17pm
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 5:30pm
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I understand how hard it is to see babies when you are having trouble conceiving and carrying your own. I have not forgotten that pain and jealousy.
I do not believe that parents, mothers particularily, are not aware of this when the visit a fertility clinic. I do agree that the staff at the clinics like to see the babies they helped to create and the parents want to show them off. Afterall, they waited so long and went through so much to get them and these people helped them get their family! Do you feel that upset about pg women in the waiting room? Not meant to be mean but just curious.... If I have to go through a fertilty clinic with number 2 I would have no other option but to take my child with me. Should I be denied a chance at a second child because of this??? I used to feel bad and try and hide my bump when I would do my pee tests for my mw as she was right next door to a clinic. Hopes I think you have a great outlook on it hun! KA, there were a couple of toddlers at the mc clinic when i was there and I thought how much harder it must of been on those mummies trying to hide their grielf from the littlies. I didnt upset me anymore than I already was. I hope lots of fertiltiy babes are conceived very soon. Sticky baby dust to you all. -------------   
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 5:39pm
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I haven't been in this situation but I'm a practical person. If I had a child and had to go to a fertility clinic I would make an effort to find a babysitter, just because I'd like to be able to focus on the doctor rather than have to watch a child to.. however in saying that, if my friends and family were busy I would not pay for a babysitter, I'd take him along.
Also when bubs are born the people who have helped along the way love seeing them (mw's and docs), so I can totally see why some parents who have had success want to take their bubs along to show the docs and thank them, cause no doubt they will be soooo greatful for all their help. |
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 5:54pm
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I dont think ANYONE is missing your point - trust me. I think that we are all sensitive to your difficulties, but I think that the reality is that many many women do not have the option of leaving their child with someone when they attend appointments - REGARDLESS of where that appointment is. I would not leave my child with a stranger (even a paid/trained one) just because there was a risk that I *might* offend someone. My child happiness is more important than anything else. Sorry if that is harsh and insensitive but its the truth. I am an empathetic person and I am sensitive to others needs, but sometimes there is only so much you can do when you have a young child to consider as well. I wish you all the best on your journey to concieve - its a long road for some of us, but worth it in the end. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 6:05pm
Is that mine? Isnt it a tad strange to follow a complete random strangers blog? ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: Shezzey
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 6:08pm
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Lol... do you think I am strange Lilfatty? I am on the weightloss thread and you advertised it there...
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 7:12pm
LOL! i thought that was the point of a blog! (sorry a bit OT i know...  )------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 7:17pm
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Yes Shezzey, but I expect people who actually post and talk to me to follow it .. Ive gone back about 10 pages and cant find one post from you and apart from today I dont recall you ever "talking to me"
However I digress, it doesnt really matter since you now wont be reading, good luck with your weight loss and child bearing, just remember once you have children, DONT take them into a FERTILITY CLINIC even if they helped you create the child - just post a photo, you may hurt someones feelings. ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: Shezzey
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 7:27pm
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Yup.. you are right there... I havent posted in that thread for a while because I feel guilty for not going to the gym and following my diet... but have been lurking otherwise i would not have added your blog to my favourites. Actually if you have been to a fertility clinic you will see a board with the pics of babies conceived there... which is easy to deal with because you can choose to look at them when you want. Lilfatty ... no need to get sarcastic.... I have actually followed your other blog randomly since your first little one and really did enjoy it, but sorry to say, my opinion of you has changed now and wont enjoy reading it anymore. It might make you angrier after i have said that.. but it is the truth. |
Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 7:38pm
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Goodness, I follow lots of blogs by people I don't know from a bar of soap. I kinda thought that was half the point!!! Ginger's is one of my favourites, and I'll openly admit I've only even seen her post on here like twice. But her journey's an inspiration to people like me, who are facing the IVF process.
On the 'fertility' clinic point, though... isn't the 'fertility' part all about the production of babies, which one may or may not feel the need to take places with them once they're produced?
I guess what it all comes down to is the fact that we don't actually have the right to dictate what people do or don't do (within the bounds of the law and all ) So those of us without kids don't have the right to a kid-free fertility clinic.
However, it's a good reminder that we should think about other people's feelings. I'd think twice about taking kids (if I had them!) to the clinic, because I know it might bother some people. -------------
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Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 7:42pm
*LIKE*
I also like the way a couple of the other ladies look at the situation too.. that seeing couples with children there gives hope. MaebeeBaby, you have stressed the fact that you only have this issue with kids in the fertility clinic, and that you expect to see kids while out shopping etc.. However you did also say that you can't visit your SIL because she has a baby... Obviously it's more than just the issue of seeing babies in the clinic, which is fair enough - and I'm sorry for your circumstances, but ultimately it's not all about you. |
Posted By: Shezzey
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 7:49pm
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Hopes... I must say that I do think have a different perception about it now... realising the child minding side of it.... and will think of that if I am in that position again but not sure what my emotions will be IYKWIM |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 7:49pm
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Could be just me but I only read blogs of people I know (or at least know quite well online)
Shezzey - im not mad at all, not sure why you think I would be lol, although your really shooting yourself in the foot leaving the weightloss thread, just because I hurt your feelings ... as you said yourself, you havent been that great lately, so it might help if you had some support from the other ladies in the thread. ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 7:56pm
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Firstly, if you segregate people with kids, and people without, you're no better than the racists who separated blacks from whites IMO. I will not be segregated just because you can't deal with seeing a child when you're at your worst. Guess what - when you have a child of your own you actually have to take them a lot of places funnily enough, and they often see you at your worst and you can't feel so 'all about me' about the whole situation.
I've been throught the fertility process with both kids, not to your degree by any means, but I paid out my thousands of dollars for tests, surgery and drugs so it is my god damned right to take my child wherever the hell I please! And yes I've taken my son to fertility appts. It's not practical at all, it annoys me because you've got to be constantly watching them so you can't devote your full attention to the reason why you're there (the next child obviously) - but unless you send about $50 to every person you don't want turning up with their kids for childcare, some people just don't have the option. It's a catch 22 - you feel this way because you don't have a child, but if you had a child you would know how impractical and selfish you are being by demanding a separate room. I agree with whoever said you need to take responsibility for your own feelings and wellbeing, not blame the way your feeling on others. The feeling I get from you is that you're upset that other people, including your own family members, have kids and you don't. Why not feel happy for those people? Do you wish that they struggled as much as you? I feel sad for you that you can't at least enjoy the new babies in your family because you can't get through your own feelings on your own fertility. |
Posted By: Shezzey
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 7:57pm
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All good now Lilfatty |
Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 7:59pm
Well, hormones are a likely cause - given that these boards are full of people who are either pregnant of trying to be, I'm amazed we don't rip each other to threads  -------------
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 8:05pm
I agree! I had written a whole reply, but lost it and im too lazy to start again. Went something along the lines of if you were in the opposite persons shoes, and had spent years trying to conceive number 1, finally did, and went through the same thing trying to conceive number 2, had been waiting for your appointment at the FERTILITY clinic, and your sitter canceled at the last minute, would you cancel your appointment and not go, putting your possibility of baby number 2 coming on hold for that little while longer, just because you COULD possibly offend someone by having your baby with you? |
Posted By: AzzaNZ
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 8:07pm
I agree with the part above... We also went through 2 years TTC and recently had a miscarriage. I can completely understand your pain. But its YOUR pain and you need to not project that and make it other people's problem. They are not trying to hurt you. You dont know what those people's circumstances are - chances are they dont have other options. I know that if we require any assistance conceiving our next baby I will have no option but to take our daughter along. We have no family here, few friends and no spare cash to pay for babsitters. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
http://intermittentblogger.wordpress.com |
Posted By: WRXnKids
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 8:14pm
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Agree with Emz as well.
I certainly wouldnt want to be in a clinic with no babies if i was in that position. That is what you are aiming for and dreaming of you should be enjoying the babies around you not ignoring them. Maybeebaby I hope you do get your baby but if you dont do you really want to have missed out on the precious moment of you nieces and nephews? I dont want you to take this the wrong way Maybeebaby but maybe you should get some counciling to help you deal with your losses and fertility issues you seem to be struggling with it more than some others. -------------   
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Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 8:15pm
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I can't begin to know what it feels like to have infertility issues but I have been through a m/c and got to sit in the waiting room listening to a couple be all silly cos the woman had won their bet on which sex they were having whilst I sat there having just been told my pregnancy wasn't viable. It was upsetting but it was also quite comforting in a strange sort of way that at least someone had had some nice news.
And although it was the absolute last thing I would want to do I took my oldest child to that appointment and he was in the main waiting room with my friend and her child because it was do that or take him in the scan room with me which would have been even worse. So for someone else not knowing what I was there for they could have been upset that their were two children in the waiting room. I'm afraid sometimes life just sucks and we are all doing what we can to get through it. I think perhaps you need to look into your own issues around seeing babies, which I can understand is upsetting, but perhaps at the moment you are just a little too emotional over it to see it rationally. I would think seeing children at a FERTILITY clinic would give you hope not cause you more despair and I expect most of the docs and nurses see it that way as well, afterall they are their to help people have families. ------------- 
 
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Posted By: Shezzey
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 8:15pm
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Emz..... it is really not anger or jealousy of others.... it is a personal grief that is compounded (when you see babies) at that particular time when you have suffered a personal failure from something that you have put your mind, body and soul into. I am not sure if there will be a resolution to this issue because it could be considered selfish for those with or those without..... but as I said on my previous post to Hopes, personally I will be more understanding if I am in that particular situation again ..,
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Posted By: linda
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 8:17pm
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I've been thinking about this topic a bit today and came on to post but emz, you've pretty much summed it up. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Alex 6 and Harry 8 |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 8:27pm
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I actually don't think it's a bad idea to have a separate area (and maybe play area) for children at any place. Not completely separated but a quieter place for people who don't want to be around children all the time. I can see why some do get upset at the sight of children at a fertility clinic but also some people just aren't children people and as mothers we tend to forget that not everyone loves our children as much as us. Hell when I manage to get to an appointment without children its like a break for me and the last thing I want is other peoples childrens running around.
Also as a mother I would love a separate play area for kids to try and keep them entertained. So why its not the same reason as some of you for not wanting kids at a fertility place I think possibly saying something to place could help. The worst that can happen is they do nothing. |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 8:43pm
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Why can't we segregate parents and kids from the rest of us. Get some peace and quiet. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 8:45pm
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I am sorry - am I less of a person because I have child. Do I have to go and sit somewhere different from other people? Does anyone remember apartheid?
------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 8:51pm
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Exactly SimSam - why should parents and kids be made to feel bad?
I'm all for playrooms etc, but to actually consciously SEGREGATE people is a different story. Thats plain ridiculous and I can't believe people actually think like that (esp people who want to have kids - you're going to do it hard when they get here). |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 8:52pm
That's what they got playgrounds for so you can go somewhere different. If a grown adult without kids went there they'd probably get arrested.
I wasn't actually being serious - some people have no sense of humour.  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 8:56pm
| Yes... but you're implying that every person with a child should be shipped off to a seperate room upon arrival. A playground is a CHOICE, what we're talking about here is segregation so people don't feel bad. Ridiculous. |
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 8:58pm
Sorry to be pedantic but normally when trying to be *funny* in a post then you would insert the appropriate emoticon....I think that you meant it, but realised that it was dumb too late and are now back tracking.....
------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 9:09pm
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I think they should have a separate room for the parents of the kids, give us some peace and quiet -------------
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 9:09pm
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------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 9:10pm
I think the playground idea is a good one too, but if someone who wasnt a child person was at a fertility clinic trying to get preggaz id be worried lol.. |
Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 9:12pm
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having never been in your situation MB I don't think I can fully imagine how hard it must be... I am finding it much harder to conceive a third child and have been ttc for 9 months now so have a little insight into how hard it is BUT I can always look at my 2 children and think how lucky I am... I do get jealous when it happens easily for other people despite how easily it happened for me in the past, and before reading this I would have considered that children in a fertility clinic would provide hope not pain... but now if I am in the situation of needing assistance from a fertility clinic in the future I will if at all practical find someone to care for my children as I would hate to make an already difficult situation more difficult! ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: Shezzey
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 9:12pm
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Emz... I cannot see how it is ridiculous to avoid making people feel bad.... i would under any circumstance in all cases try and avoid a situation that make someones feel bad because I care about people... |
Posted By: Shezzey
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 9:16pm
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Lol MrsG... you crack me up |
Posted By: Shezzey
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 9:20pm
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Geee I love my new blinkie |
Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 9:21pm
well done shezzey!
 ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Shezzey
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 9:25pm
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thanks to you Bobsta |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 9:28pm
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I think we should get that woman from July 10 in here ... she would DEFINATELY KNOW whether it is right or wrong to take a child to a fertility clinic ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 9:34pm
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LMOA lilfatty!! ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Shezzey
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 9:35pm
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bwa ha ha Lilfatty |
Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 9:37pm
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hahahahaha soooo true lilfatty ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 9:44pm
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Lil Fatty, you are a gem
I'm in the camp where I wish those who desperately wanted a child could have one nice and easily, but of course that is in a perfect world, rather than the fallen one we live in. I don't believe it is right to think that one persons pain is more heartbreaking then anothers, when you don't know their full sitiuations. As people have said, not everyone has easy access to babysitters, esp with the added costs that fertility problems can bring. I sympathise with your situation, but a seperate room seems ott? Yes I may be young with a beautiful daugter, but there is 5yrs between my brother and I, and it is feared I'll face similar problems with ttc my next child. Yet 1/2/3 years down the track, I'm sure I'll be in just as much pain. And if everyones at work, then yep, Hollie will just have to come with to the specialist. Life is cruel sometimes, it's how we deal with it that helps define us as a person -------------  http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 9:58pm
You've got to be frickin kidding me - I said that I wouldn't not take my child just to stop someone feeling bad - as a mother I care more about my child's wellbeing and putting food on the table with the amount it would cost to hire a babysitter for the appt than possibly upsetting someone I don't even know. But hey CLEARLY I don't care about people! Sheesh - if you all think kids are so terrible.. argh why bother, some people! |
Posted By: Shezzey
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 10:07pm
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Yep .. okay Emz |
Posted By: Emmi_
Date Posted: 02 November 2009 at 11:43pm
Classic!! There really have been a few heated debates on here today!! I wonder if July10 knows shes famous?? ------------- 
+1 May 09 Angel
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Posted By: SarahJane
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 7:26am
Oh I don't know, lilfatty, you and I have agreed on a couple of other threads , maybe there would be no debate at all lol
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Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 7:41am
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Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 7:45am
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Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 7:59am
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Maebee Baby - I think that if you re-read all this thread (Perhaps when you are calmer and not so angry), that you would see that YOU were are the one that is unhappy. A lot of us understand your POV - but that doesnt mean we have to agree with it or you on this matter. I think that you came into this thread with a very agressive tone and didnt really like it when people challenged you. If you dont want to hear opinions of others then dont post. Simple as that. This is an open forum, with lots of opinionated mummies - if you were niaive enough to believe that everyone was going to support you in such a controversial statement / topic then you need to toughen up. ETA - just in case you MIS READ this - as you have done with many posts, I DID NOT say "toughen" up with regards to your sadness about infertility / fertility clinics / children etc. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 8:19am
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I think Simsam's on the ball, Maebee. Trying to have children and not being able to is a horribly hard business, and it hurts like hell. It's normal you're angry and hurt, and consequently more sensitive to things like kids in waiting rooms.
At the same time, we're not all going to just agree that kids shouldn't be in fertility centre waiting rooms. I'm in the 'struggling to conceive' boat too, and I'm comfortable with them being there. You shouldn't get mad at us because we have different opinions (even if some of them have been fairly strongly expressed (which isn't my way of going about things as a rule, as it gets people's backs up) you have to admit that your own views have been fairly strongly expressed too!) Hang in there. I know how tough it is  -------------
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Posted By: Hunnybunny
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 8:22am
I like lilfatty. I don't think she comes on here "to make matters worse" This is a public forum. You will have people agreeing with you, or disagreeing with you. If you only wanted people to agree with you, you should find a support group to join. |
Posted By: Flipsta
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 8:49am
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I agree with Hopes and SimSam.....MaebeeBaby the joy of having a baby is something we all want and we are all so TOTALLY different with how we deal with this journey.
For me, I am not going to let this journey consume my life. I grieve and I allow myself to do that but there is so much to enjoy in life...including the pleasure of seeing the people we love having babies and being able to share that with them. Dont' get me wrong...I have had my moments of pure jealousy at friends and family conceiving but to hold their kiddies and see them grow and learn is just awesome. Don't leave it too long to see your SIL because you can't get those years back.. ------------- TTC since Oct 07 Clomid Oct 08-Feb09 - BFN's Lap done and endo excised April 09 3 x IUI's - BFN's IVF - Sept 10 |
Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 8:52am
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Just to going to jump to lilfatty's defence (though she certainly doesnt need me to)... Everyone is entitled to their opinion, even when it doesnt match your own. As a long time OB poster I have never known her to be vicious or purposely hurtful, rather direct and to the point.
Many of us have not agreed with your POV, but have understood where you are coming from, you on the otherhand have not taken a moment to understand where the couples with their children in your fertility clinic are coming from. It is very sad that you have chosen to single out one poster for a personal attack when there were others who had very much the same opinion. I really hope you will be holding your own baby in your arms very soon and I truely hope you find a way to deal with your grief. -------------
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Posted By: Oxy
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 8:54am
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All I want to say is
Lock this thread Its getting out of hand ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/250ed1" rel="nofollow">  TTC#1 Jan 2009 |
Posted By: newme
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 8:55am
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I have to put in my two cents again....
MaebeeBaby, when you wrote the original post you wrote :I am interested in other people's thoughts Perhaps you should have written: I am interested in other people's thoughts, as long as they are in line with my own views. Thanks Bizzy, also for kindly correcting the misquote. the OB TTC forum is normally are really happy uplifting supportive community, I think we should all agree to disagree. Everyone has their own sh*t to deal with, and we should all respect that. Good luck to everyone |
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 8:58am
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I dont think it is - I think it has been polite and spirited, but not out of hand. Personal attacks on people are not cool - but LilFatty is a big girl (not literally
------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 9:16am
This
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 10:01am
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Gosh, I didn't anticipate that this thread would end up like this...
MaebeeBaby - you stress the importance of the words "FERTILITY" clinic. I'm sorry to tell you, but MOTHERS can have FERTILITY issues also. Fertility problems aren't limited to those people who haven't had children. As for seeing children/babies while you are waiting. I went through 3 miscarriages in a row before ultimately ending up with our girls. I was seeing a specialist, and I saw a huge number of pregnant ladies/ladies with babies while I was going through that process. Yes, it made me sad because I was having difficulty, but you know what, I was also happy because obviously those women had trouble somewhere along the way too, and they got a happy ending - so I was happy for THEM. Slightly different, but with the same principle. My girls were in the Neonatal Unit for 4 1/2 weeks after they were born. Neonatal mothers are boarded in the Postnatal Ward. It is just as devastating being on a Postnatal Ward with 15-20 other women (for over 4 weeks!!!), all of whom have their new babies with them, you can hear them crying, you see them walking up and down the corridor and all you know is that you CAN'T do that with your own baby - you are restricted to the time you can hold them, cuddle them, when you can bath them. But you know what - even though you are crying inside, you can sometimes still find the compassion to be happy for them as well, because you are not the only person who matters. |
Posted By: scribe
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 10:15am
This sums up my POV ... With all sympathies to you, MaebeeBaby - it must be heartbreaking and I just can't imagine what you must be going through - you really don't have any idea what it's like to be a mother... if only we could just pick and choose where we took our children... |
Posted By: lovingmummyhood
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 10:15am
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Just found this thread and had a read...
I went through FA to have my beautiful boy and when he was born I sent an email to the clinic to let them know. They sent me a lovely letter back I contemplated taking him in but haven't because I know that some people might hurt to see a baby while waiting (as you obviously do MaebeeBaby). Personally I'm with those who didn't or don't mind. It gave me hope and I just couldn't wait for it to be my turn.
I have a close friend who's just had 2 failed IVF attempts and another who is currently in the tww from their first attempt so I know how hard it is for some people. However, when the time comes for number 2 I will most likely take DS with me. Hugs Minik8e - bet you're enjoying having your girls home with you now. I also wanted to add that one of the great things about OB is the way that people can share their opinions without it getting personal, and I see no attacks on anyone here (except LF which was really uncalled for - I'm with Mel, we you Julia).
Now we just need someone to break into song... who is it that does that? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 10:30am
That would the be the darling Arohanui who would burst into song for thee ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 10:35am
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or Bizzy or Kelly..... -------------
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 10:47am
I like my children but I'm not the hugest fan of other peoples... |
Posted By: RachFizz
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 11:19am
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Well i wasn't gonna jump on the bandwagon but it seems iv changed my mind...
If MB does come back just wanna say that by all means suggest a different waiting area but like someone else said it's ppls choice whether they want to go there or not, otherwise that is a bit like segregation. I can understand (in a very limited way) how it'd be harder seeing children in a fertility clinic. maybe because you think the point of it is that it's for ppl who can't have children at all, or just that it's the thing you desperately want being flouted in your face. I am trying to figure out whether you think these ppl with children already don't have problems that you deem worthy of them being in a fertility clinic -the way you stress FERTILITY. Or whether you just want them to leave their children behind? You've said the latter, but i feel like your tone kinda hints at the former? Ofcourse it seems like they're unintentionally rubbing it in your face.. but unless there is a specific fertility clinic for people who have no children, you may have to just try and cope with it.. on top of everything else.. which would SUCK, i cant imagine what that feels like! I don't know. On one side there is the fact that everyone has the right to whatever healthcare they can manage to get, and to bring their children along if they have to no matter what anyone else thinks... and then there is consideration of the difficulty other people are going thru and not bringing their children along for that reason..... This thread is not going to end with everyone making up and agreeing but at least the sensitive ppl have seen a new perspective and may reconsider takin their kids along, even though they still might if they think it is best for them. Then there are other people who can't be bothered caring (again probably bcoz of ur tone unfortunately) who would take their children anyway. but even if you think this is stupid you can't force them to leave their children behind. I hope this pain gets better soon and you can be happy for the others in the clinic, even if it does take time, you're only hurting yourself by resenting them... please feel free to tell me im completely wrong as i freely admit that i havent even started TTC yet, have no idea what it's llike to have fertility problems, but this is just how ive interpreted the whole situation... ------------- TTC#1 since Apr11 On hold for study! |
Posted By: arohanui
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 12:21pm
I've been quietly keeping an eye on this thread and quite enjoying the debate!! Been keeping my head out of it, but just have to say one thing - I think it's brilliant that everyone has different opinions, and that is what OB is about. But personal attacks are totally uncalled for. A lot of people shared the same views as lilfatty, yet she was the only one picked on! Ouch! Also it does seem kinda RUDE to put things in CAPITALS cos in INTERNET LAND that is SHOUTING
Hmm........ now to think of an appropriate song......... I've just gotta find *just* the right one..... ------------- Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... http://alterna-tickers.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: arohanui
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 12:28pm
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Ah ha! Found it! (i had no idea what the lyrics of the verses were! hilarious and very politically incorrect!!)
*uh hummm* Take a pinch of white man Wrap it up in black skin Add a touch of blue blood And a little bitty bit of Red Indian boy Curly black and kinky Mixed with yellow Chinkees If you lump it all together Well you've got a recipe For a get along scene Oh what a beautiful dream If it could only come true You know, you know.... What we need Is a great big melting pot Big enough to take the world And all it's got Keep it stirring for a hundred years or more Turning out coffee colored people by the score Rabbis and the friars Bishops and the Gurus We had the Beatles and the Sun Gods A long time ago, it's true But then it really didn't matter What religion you chose, no, no, no Mick and Lady Faithful Lord and Mrs Graceful You know the living could be tasteful Why don't we all get together in a loving machine I'd better call up the Queen It's only fair that she knows You know, you know What we need Is a great big melting pot Big enough to take the world And all it's got Keep it stirring for a hundred years or more Turning out coffee colored people by the score Yeah, yeah, yeah
http://sweety6splace2.homestead.com/MeltingPot.html - And for your listening pleasure ------------- Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... http://alterna-tickers.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: BugTeeny
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 12:48pm
Bravo Liz! 
And I've already used this emoticon today, but I have to use it again...  ------------- 
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Posted By: tishy
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 12:58pm
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Following on from what Kate said about Postnatal Ward and NICU.
I spent 5 nights on the postnatal ward and once I was discharged I spent 3 nights in a closed ward until a bed in NICU became free. As distressing as it was to be around the new mothers/babies, those 3 nights in the other ward were probably the worst time in my life. At least on the postnatal ward I could think 'someday soon that will be me' whereas on the other ward it was just me and 4 walls. |
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 1:03pm
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Oh Liz - that was magic!!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 1:29pm
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I haven't read all the replies to this (I only got through a couple of pages), but I heard about it and wanted to comment.
When my husband and I were going through fertility treatment (IVF with ICSI) we were doing so after years of infertility, multiple miscarriages, and were dealing with an IVF cycle that wasn't going to plan - I failed to down-regulate, our cycle had to be restarted, we had issues with over-stimulation and were told at the 11th hour that our ET would likely be suspended for a period of time and all embryos frozen. Our journey was heartbreaking and dreadful, and at 8 weeks pregnant we found ourselves back at the clinic awaiting a scan to confirm the loss of the pregnancy so desperately fought for. Throughout our many visits to the clinic there were often, in fact usually, babies or toddlers there in the waiting room. I remember a couple very clearly - one, the woman wrangling with her child while we were both sitting in the waiting room for delayed appointments, and as she got up for hers, she turned to me and said "It is worth it" (it was at a point where things were not going well). We hadn't spoken at all, but she knew the pain, the journey, and was aware and sensitive I felt. I felt so encouraged by that. The second that stands out is when we went back for our scan at 8 weeks - the scan to confirm the loss of our pregnancy. I had suffered a massive bleed the night before and had been counselled by both nurses and a specialist that what we were in fact looking for was confirmation of loss due to the nature of the bleed. That morning, in the waiting room, was a couple with their toddler. Again, appointments were delayed so I was there with them for a wee while. I just watched the child, and I remember the little one running up and hall, and dad chasing it (can't remember whether it was a he or she) down looking exasperated, then looking up at me watching his little one with tears rolling down my face, and he just picked his little one up, hugged it tight and held my eyes - he knew, and showed me that he knew which was supportive in itself. Whilst I appreciate your feelings - the way everyone faces, copes with and feels about infertility is very different, and I really felt I had to say for many parents out there who do take their children to fertility clinics, I felt encouraged and was glad of them. It helped keep me focussed and positive about what I was fighting for. I had no qualms at all in taking my little boy back to the clinic to meet the staff - day in day out they fight to create happy families. They go through the highs and the lows, and see couples at their very worst a lot of the time. They deserve thanks, and to be celebrated, and they absolutely loved meeting my baby. Introducing my wee man to the embryologist who created him was one of the most powerful moments of my life. The only thing I can tell you is that when you have your baby, the pain of this journey and the grief, is less. Not forgotten, but less. Also, the clinics provide counsellors, and perhaps it might be a good idea for you to meet with one of them to discuss your concerns - they are in an excellent position to deal with those, and pass them on. There are also survey forms in which you can provide feedback to the clinics, and making notes of your concerns in those is also another way to go. ------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |