People ’giving advice’ ... etc
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Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29537
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Topic: People ’giving advice’ ... etc
Posted By: Pants
Subject: People ’giving advice’ ... etc
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 7:09pm
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I'd love to hear any stories you all have because since we've told people we're pregnant I seem to be getting all sorts of advice and suggestions ...
Yesterday one of the blokes at work (who's wife is pregnant) was giving me advice on the sorts of medicine I couldn't take while pregnant. Fine in itself but then he saw me taking my iron tablet a little later and came rushing over to my desk almost demanding to know what I'd just swallowed ... "because I really do need to be careful" ... WTF?? I know people mean well but I'm only 15 weeks ... what will I be like in a couple of months with all the advice?? Also, how do you respond? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Replies:
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 7:16pm
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I let them say it and say thanks and just take it with a grain of salt. People are well meaning it what they say (I know I am when asked about things) but you don't have to take it as gospel. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 7:22pm
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My grandma told me I can't do ANY lifting, can't even stretch my arms above my head because... the umbilical cord will get wrapped around the babys neck and die - I didn't bother responding.
People have told me I can't take any medication or have any pain relief as my baby will pretty much come out a junkie. - I respond by saying if that was the case they wouldn't offer it/tell you to take it. Food, get lots of advice on food, I just respond by saying if it looks dodgy I don't eat it, or if I'm concerned about eating it I don't bother. Oh yeah, A woman advised me against running, she said it's like shaking a baby and can cause brain damage, etc. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: shadowfeet
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 8:14pm
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My Mum's like the opposite. She was telling me last week that I should be mowing the lawns etc etc. I hurt for 2 days after she was demanding I do the gardening. Not going to even think about lawns. She was also telling me we didn't need a pram/buggy. They were really old fashioned and noone has one, apparently Oh, and the psychiatrist keeps asking if 'm taking my folic acid at each appointment. He got a little angry when I said no (at well past 20 weeks by that point). ------------- 
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. I don't listen to much of what my mum tells me.Posted By: Mamma2N
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 8:37pm
hehe.. yes you most probably have alot more 'well-meaning' advice to come 
You know your body and your bodies limit so will slow down on physical activity accordingly. I mowed the lawns for the last time at around 38weeks - have only done it once since having baby mind you! hehe... As for food, I ate whatever I liked regardless of what people told me I shouldn't be eating. If its dodgy I wouldn't eat it whether I am pregnant or not. My body, my baby, my choice
Unfortunetly though, 'advice' given when pregnant has nothing on 'advice' given once you have baby! 
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Posted By: monkey33
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 10:26pm
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I had one piece of advice yesterday - I was covering someone and standing behind reception of a hotel where I work. A supplier who I have met once, came up to the desk and said 'wow you're pregnant congratulations! Now, are you going to breastfeed?' I was caught a bit of guard TBH and I had a guest in earshot so was a bit uncomfortable. I replied with 'um yes' and she said 'Hmm well you know breast is best. Those who say they can't really haven't tried enough - it is nature and everyone can do it if they really try'.
I was speechless! Have had a few other 'pieces of advice' and you just have to shrug them off - I think most people mean well, they just don't know when to perhaps keep their 'advice' to themselves  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 24 October 2009 at 12:14am
my nana told me that too I just chuckled to myself be bit difficult not to especially when it comes to washing or getting things out of the pantry or a plate or cup out. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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nkap9 wrote:Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 24 October 2009 at 12:57am
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Megansmum I thought same thing when she said it haha ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 24 October 2009 at 9:29am
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I just tune them out and don't even respond. Once they've finished talking I'll just smile vaguely and walk away or say aomething completely unrelated to babies. If they push it I have a lovely little eyebrow lift and sneer that seems to work well coz they shut up pretty quick -------------   
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 24 October 2009 at 12:32pm
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Listen politely to what they say, smile and just respond with something like, "thanks, that's something to think about" or similar. Some advice may actually be kind of good but some....yeah well. I just found the best thing was to nod politely and let it slide. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Caro07
Date Posted: 24 October 2009 at 12:35pm
Pretty much what Paws said Generally people are just trying to help, although I have to admit coming over to your desk to check what you had taken seems a bit much IMO. I just try to remember that people are, for the most, just trying to be kind/helpful and think that their advice is the bees knees
It doesn't stop either. There is always someone on hand to offer 'advice' ! ------------- Caroline, SAHM to 2 boys, S (4 years old) and J (2 years old) 
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Posted By: isabel
Date Posted: 24 October 2009 at 1:27pm
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Yeah i do like paws.I try and shut off my ears and not listen when people in great DETAIL tell me all the problems they had when in labour and that im likely to have that too, even though im not related to them and my mum had really easy labours....its like, if i ask how your labour was fair enough but when i dont ask and people tell me anyway i get a bit frustarated but i just go "hmm, so the weather been bad lately hasnt it?" Im a first timer so labour scares me and hearing only horror storyies freak me out!Caus none of the people has had a "nice"labour, with no horriable complications.. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 24 October 2009 at 7:59pm
You'd be surprised how many people said the same thing to me. I've used it quite a bit actually - what else am I supposed to do if I want to go out? Ohh, that's right, you don't get out of the house with twins because by the time you've got them ready one has spewed and the other has had a poo-splosion so you just give up (another well meaning piece of advice....funnily enough I even went to town by myself with the girls the other day for a few hours and no poo-splosions, and no spews!!!)...
Everyone will give you advice. Listen to it, take it in and either write it down if you think it will come in handy later, or just ignore it if you think it's stupid. And everyone will have a comment about breastfeeding vs formula too. It never stops, even after the baby/ies are born!! |
Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 24 October 2009 at 8:04pm
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OMG you are so right Kate, it gets worse once they are out! -------------   
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 24 October 2009 at 8:13pm
| Yep, breast vs formula, work vs stay at home, what you dress them in, how you burp them, whether they have a mobile or it's a waste of money (I have this one at the moment), prams being useless vs not being useless, who they look like, best way to burp them, what they have now vs what they had in the olden days (and of course what they have now is a waste of money, rather than advanced technology that helps our children or us do things easier)....it never ever stops!!! |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 25 October 2009 at 12:31pm
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oh it is fun!!!
And the advice goes right from pregnancy through to baby hood , school , teenage years ...guess you just learn to ignore it . I would take everything with a grain of salt, and try and remember that most people were genuinely wanting to be helpful . If it was obvious they just wanted to start a disagreement , I would answer their question and if that wasn't enough for them , id say "im sorry , im not sure why its of so much concern to you ?" that usually shut them up (plus, you can blame it on "angry pregnant hormones " ) ------------- 
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Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 25 October 2009 at 12:59pm
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another one my mil was saying that I should wean Megan off the breast otherwise she may get jealous when I am feeding her brother..lol and yet there will many mothers who tandem feed their new born and toddler no problems.
I had no intention of weaning Megan (she did self wean) so if I was still BFing her when her brother came along then so be it. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: AzzaNZ
Date Posted: 25 October 2009 at 10:02pm
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just pass the bean dip ladies...
in your sweetest voice ever say "why thankyou for your concern! would you like some of this dip with your chips, it really is delicious..." or any other meaningless subject-changing waffle. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
http://intermittentblogger.wordpress.com |
Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 26 October 2009 at 11:57am
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Pants, I just put my filtering cap on. Everyone wants to give you every piece of advice out there. I think it's kind of because they wished they'd known that stuff themselves, or found it a great help to them, so they feel it's only fair to pass on that info to others.
Just wait till you get a belly and people feel the need to walk upto you and touch your belly without asking. Thats a serious WTF moment! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 26 October 2009 at 6:29pm
its even more fun , if you are not holding any dip , or they aren't eating any chips . THEN , they think you are crazy , and they don't give so much advice then ....they just back away slowly ... -------------
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Posted By: Jelly
Date Posted: 26 October 2009 at 7:41pm
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Man I hope I manage to avoid the space invading elderly for the next few months... I wouldn't DREAM of walking up to a pregnant woman and rubbing her belly. I mean what are they hoping for, a bloody genie?! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Pants
Date Posted: 26 October 2009 at 8:50pm
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.[/QUOTE] its even more fun , if you are not holding any dip , or they aren't eating any chips . THEN , they think you are crazy , and they don't give so much advice then ....they just back away slowly ...[/QUOTE] Haa that's brilliant. I love it!!!! Thanks ladies, that was a good read and I got a lot of laughs!! I know people mean well and would never think ill of anyone for giving advice. It's just a bit of a shock experiencing how many people feel they the right to comment on what you're doing. I may have to find some dip of my own to pass around in future ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: NikkiCham
Date Posted: 28 October 2009 at 5:35pm
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Hi All,
My best bit of "advice" so far is that you only have a long labour to spite others... from my MIL who had 3 kids all within 2 hours each and so can't understand what takes so long. My Mum and Aunt (on Dad's side) both had at least 36 hours a kid so will maybe just not let her know until baby is here... And yes tummy rubbing is a weird crazy side effect, I've gone to the extent of avoiding certain areas of our office at work to avoid the crazy tummy rubby people. IF YOU DIDN'T TOUCH ME BEFORE - DONT NOW!!!
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Posted By: Ant
Date Posted: 29 October 2009 at 10:37am
"Thank you for your concern" and then change the subject or move away. Or if you have to pull out the big guns "I've discussed this with my doctor and have chosen to follow their advice on it." Amazingly, I've had hardly any comments made (other than "Take the pain killers! Anything they offer! Really! Take them!!!!!!), which is almost annoying as I had my comebacks all ready! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Ant
Date Posted: 29 October 2009 at 10:43am
Azza - you're not an Ehellion by chance are you? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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