ARGHHH!
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28136
Printed Date: 27 August 2025 at 1:48am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 11.10 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: ARGHHH!
Posted By: yogalindy
Subject: ARGHHH!
Date Posted: 16 August 2009 at 7:00pm
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Did test on Thursday and found out I am pregnant spent the evening sobbing with fear, panic, horrified - this is not so good time for me and everyone is saying congrats - why do I not feel this? I am terrified.
Got first docs appointment tomorrow. I am 37 years old and it took one risk bang on my second day of ovulation and now I don't feel anything for this. my partenr is really happy but worried or me as I am not doing happy or excited or anything. He is also in shock at how quick it was - 1 go andthat was it concieve! thought your fertility was meant to decrease by 50% every year after 35 years old. 
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Replies:
Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 16 August 2009 at 8:20pm
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Oh honey it can be a big emotional bump getting your head around this.
First of all congratulations for being so fertile but sorry that you are freaked out about it. Just chill and take some deep breaths. You'll get there. Your hormones go completely nuts when you are pregnant and so it's normal to feel abnormal!! Talk to your dr about how you're feeling though, it's best to be honest and not feel like you have to pretend. One of my best friends felt very detached from her baby the whole time of her pregnancy. I remember her phoning me in tears and saying "what's wrong with me, what if i don't love him when he comes out". She was freaking and then when he came out she said he turned his head and looked up at her and bam that was it - she was his for life. She is madly in love with her little boy, now 4 and they are a tight unit. So just give yourself a break, you're not the onyl one. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Natalie_G
Date Posted: 16 August 2009 at 9:19pm
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Its ok hun, it can be a very emotional time for anyone, I must admit I didn't really feel much through out my pregnancy, Arianne didn't kick much so it didn't really feel like a person inside me. I was also worried about not loving her when she arrived. I never made it known how I felt as I thought people would judge me.
Right now she is 7 months old and I can't believe how fast it has gone and I love her to bits i couldn't imagine life without her. Like crafty said just take a break and take each day as it comes, things will come right. Congrats on being pregnant on the second day.  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Mama2two
Date Posted: 16 August 2009 at 9:25pm
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We tried for 5 years to concieve our daughter, and I still freaked out when we finally tested positive. Had that sudden thought of 'OMG, I have changed my mind - I don't want to actually do this etc etc'.
My advice would be to give yourself a couple of days to wrap your head around it. It is a huge moment in your life, so it's not unusual to be completely freaked out. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: YvetteandElla
Date Posted: 17 August 2009 at 8:09am
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Both our lil girls were planned, however I got pregnant this time alot quicker than I thought and my first reaction was to cry and I was not in the best frame of mind for a good few months wondering what I have got myself in for and if I am ready -- woops too late hehe.
I am no where near as attached to this bump as i was with DD1 I suppose it is because I am very nervous. Give yourself time and know that this is completly normal to feel this way - maybe get a girlfriend and go shopping and look at baby things even buy yourself some lil booties - it may make things more real and excititng We all here if you need to chat ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: lisa85
Date Posted: 17 August 2009 at 12:02pm
I can completely sympathize with this. My partner and I cried for a week when we found out i was pregnant. We were moving back to NZ from Oz so had sold EVERYTHING and left our jobs for new adventures. It was devastating and I was terrified. Then just as we got used to the idea (not quite happy yet though) we found out it was twins!  Talk about scary. I hated pregnancy and people did nothing but tell me how hard life would be with twins. But of course now they are 15 months and life is bliss. It all just seems to work out. I think even most of the women that plan to get pregnant can still feel detached or even scared when they get that BFP  Not everyone loves pregnancy or feels that happy glow. Heck! I didn't even feel that "I'm so in love with you" feeling until they were a month or two old.
It's all totally normal 
Congrats chic in no time you'll be running around baby proofing the house from a chaos causing toddler laughing to yourself and wondering where the last year or 2 went! -------------  
TTC #3 since Jan 2010 - PCOS MC April 2010 |
Posted By: yogalindy
Date Posted: 17 August 2009 at 3:05pm
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Many thanks for all your support but its now been 5 days since I found out and I go from panic to denile, have just been to the docs pretty boring really. Sorry I am about to rant and just feel like this really!
My partner says he can't tell anyone not even his parents as he doesn'y know how I am stanfing or feeling about this as I am considering abortion, although having said that either way having it or aborting it sounds horrible! I just feel like I am stuck now and I don't know which way to go, I don't feel anything for it and I don't believe its hormones etc, I have never desired children - having that is. I just feel numb and cannot tell my fiance what I want. On top of all this I now annot enjoy my favourite tipple of a glass of red wine! I go from panic ( normally happens before I go to bed and then I wake up at 3am in the morning) and denial through the day, trying to keep busy to take my mind of it. I can't even read the stuf the doctorr has given me about having a baby in New Zealand. On top of all this 3 weeks prior, I got engaged and was making wedding plans over in the UK and heading home to the UK. I am determined to not let this get in the way. 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 17 August 2009 at 3:39pm
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a baby is not the end of your plans or your life. it may mean a few adjustments, but life doesnt end for you when you make a new other life! and 5 days isnt really enough time for pregnancy to sink in... ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: lisa85
Date Posted: 17 August 2009 at 5:18pm
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I'm all for pro-choice. Believe me, with the situation we were in (as described above) one baby, let alone two was too much. We considered abortion at great length. On top of that I really wasn't a baby person. I couldn't stand kids in fact. But I look back now and as cheesy as it sounds I couldn't imagine my life any other way. I wouldn't have Hazel & Esme who at one day old were holding hands and about the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. Like I said above it took a month or so after the birth before I can honestly say I fell in love with them but now I couldn't be happier and my lifestyle hasn't changed just been altered slightly to allow 2 extra people in on my life's journey. I think you'll find most people on this site will give you lots of happy positive baby stories because obviously most on this site went through with their pregnancies but really you can only do what feels right to you. I hope which ever way you go it will be the right decision for you.
The only reason I didn't go through with abortion was because my Mum told me if I had the abortion there would always be what ifs and small regrets in the back of my mind but she promised me if I went through with the pregnancy there would never be any regrets and she was totally right
Best of luck what ever you decide -------------
TTC #3 since Jan 2010 - PCOS MC April 2010 |
Posted By: lisa85
Date Posted: 17 August 2009 at 5:19pm
Oh and welcome to OB by the way  -------------
TTC #3 since Jan 2010 - PCOS MC April 2010 |
Posted By: busyissy
Date Posted: 17 August 2009 at 6:51pm
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I felt much the same way when I found out I was pregnant again. I had a two year old and my youngest was 5mths. I took 3 tests in a row praying for each one to have only one line and when they all came up positive I sat down and cried. It's incredibly overwhelming and I have to admit it has taken me til now to really be used to the idea (Im 20 wks a long).
Everything will work out, a baby is the greatest joy. No one on here will lie to you, it is bloody hard work but completely worth it. You'll never experience greater love than as a mother. |
Posted By: Roses are Red
Date Posted: 17 August 2009 at 7:50pm
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Our pregnancy was planned and I still have moments where I think what the hell am I doing? We have an 11 year old and an 8 year old and going back to the baby stage at times feels like we are mad, then I remember the good times and it is all worth it again.
I realise this is tough for you and and your partner, just take some time to get your head around the pregnancy, as someone else on here said 5 days is not long enough. Good luck with what you decide *hugs* ------------- 
 Angel March 2011
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Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 18 August 2009 at 9:22am
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I agree with Bizzy - a baby isn't the end of plans, its a change of plans.
Maybe it would help if you looked at the plans you've made and thought about how you'd go about it whilst pregnant/with a baby? Not about what you can't do anymore, but about what you CAN do. I don't think having a baby is going to mean you can't move home to the UK or get married. Maybe instead you'll have the cutest little ring bearer/flower girl ever at your wedding? Best of luck with whatever you decide, its not an easy decision. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: yogalindy
Date Posted: 18 August 2009 at 4:59pm
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Hey I have just read the latest replies from above, thank you it was lovely to read them and very relative to how I am feeling, I am taking every day at a time. I did go and see a friend of mine today who had her first baby nearly 3 months ago and she is the same age and I can sort of see where I will possibly be this time next year so its eye opening for me.
I have had the hugest sleep today and again I am feeling quite scared about the food aversions, tirednss etc fortunately no sickness or nausea yet. I do feel wierd and every day feels really strange and I find myself going over what I won't be able to do - I know hanging on to negatives but its difficult to make that jump into the positive. I did feel better however having come from my friends an now reading the your repsonses. Thank you every so much for all your support, I must admit is great to have this network here online. 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 18 August 2009 at 9:50pm
what is it you think you wont be able to do? sure you may not be able to play a game of soccer when 9 months pregnant, but it wont stop you doing things forever... ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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yogalindy wrote:Posted By: yogalindy
Date Posted: 19 August 2009 at 10:16am
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I am just a very independant person I guess, I love my road biking and did taupo last year (160K) and was told I could not do it this because of what has happened and I had just started to get into training to better my time along with this bike club was possibly out of the equation too every sunday normally cycling aroud 35 - 40 k . I can't drink - I love red wine!, and really I am terrified of my stomach growing and it being there.
my friend who I met yesterday said they were normal fears to have - looking fat and labour! they are my fears along with responsibility for life. I just find I am having to take deep breaths every day to stop the panicking and take every day as it comes. Its really hard on my fiance as he is so happy but really worried for me and how I am coping with this. |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 19 August 2009 at 10:56am
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one of the ladies on here is still doing marathon training while pregnant... i dont know how hard it is to ride a bike when pregnant but i can just see someone afterwards with a bab ystrapped to their back doing a bike ride!
if we lived in france you would probably still drink during pregnancy too! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: kezza2112
Date Posted: 19 August 2009 at 11:04am
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Hey there
Ironman chick here - done 7 of them!! Still swimming like nothing before, running a little bit and biking a wee bit too. Thing is, when you have bubs, us women tend to bounce back stronger, quicker and faster than before!! Finding out I was pregnant was a huge shock for me too as I had just broken up with my partner two weeks before I found out and he is looooooong gone. Still getting my head around that! Got good friends and family so I'm lucky in that dept!! Keep talking...... 
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Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 19 August 2009 at 11:56am
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Who told you that you can't bike anymore? If your health is otherwise ok and you feel like you are up to it, there is no reason why you can't keep going as long as you feel good. You do have to be careful not to get too hot, but that is later in pregnancy.
I'm 23 weeks, and I've just given up going to the farm every week, which hurts (emotionally) a bit, because I love cattlework. But it got to the point where I felt at risk being in the yards with them (I didn't want to get my bump crushed against a fence) and I was getting really tired from a full days physical work. But up until now I've really enjoyed it, and I'm going to continue going part time to do the less intensive jobs. I think if you want to bike, then bike. You'll know if its too much for you. I had a few people tell me I shouldn't be doing things, but unless it was my doctor/MW (in which case I asked for a full explanation of the risks) I made my own decisions about what I felt comfortable with. As for the red wine, its only 8 more months. I missed wine a bit too, but I also have a soft spot for feijoa juice, which I don't usually buy because its so expensive. So I've traded feijoa juice as my relax in the evening drink for when I feel I need it. I do wonder though, whether it might be a good idea to talk to a counsellor about things? Even just to help you get your head around how you are feeling. Your doctor should be able to refer you. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you get a couple of free sessions if you are considering a termination? An independent counsellor can be good, because everyone who knows you will have their own agenda, whether they realise it or not, and you sound like you could use some impartial discussion. (A baby forum is great, but not the most unbiased place in the world )
Hugs to you and your DF too. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: yogalindy
Date Posted: 19 August 2009 at 8:58pm
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Hi T-Rex, hey thankyou for your post, yes my doctor is looking to refer me to a councellor. My Doctor told me I could not bike those distances really but she also said to I could cycle but I guess not at the speed I am used to where I build up body heat and sweat etc.
I have had a better day today, not sure why although I did think a nice thought about it all and that helped. As I am a yoga teacher practicing myself this morning also really helped - breathing it a great thing! It's just a scary time for me but I feel going forward with feels better and feels more positive rather than not having it. I think thie site is great I am able to talk to other like yourself, so how are you finding it all and was it a shock for you?
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Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 19 August 2009 at 9:20pm
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Well, for me it was planned, but I didn't really expect to get preg within 6 weeks of coming off the pill (I'd been on it for 9 years), so it was a bit of a shock. I'd kept it very tightly under my hat, so it was a shock to lots of people around me and some of their reactions weren't exactly great! Then I had a threatened miscarriage at 6 weeks which sucked too. I have to admit I wondered a few times in the first few months what on earth I'd done. Its hard to be thrilled about things when you feel sick all the time. But now I'm feeling better, and getting little kicks and have this cute little tummy going, and I'm starting to collect baby things, and somehow its suddenly become really exciting and much less daunting.
I still have days where I wonder what its going to do to my career (I spent nine years at uni to get qualified, and I love my job), and how I'm going to find time for me. But most days, I'm really happy about it. Sometimes I do have to remind myself that its only a few months to go until I'm physically competent again, and thats not so long, you know? My DH is really in to it, which is awesome too. He's going to make the best dad ever, so even if I turn out to be a hopeless mum, I know bubs will be ok with DH for its dad! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Treen
Date Posted: 19 August 2009 at 9:28pm
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Hi Lindy,
For myself, it was more of a pleasant shock. I'm 32 and have been off the pill for 2 years so it was more like I'd started down an exciting new path rather than left anything behind. I plan to continue exercising for as long as I can, then start up again after birth. I will definitely miss my wine. I'm normally quite a heavy drinker come the weekends. But now I'm focusing on new challenges and interests. I'm right into natural medicine and being green etc so now researching what's best during pregnancy and doing it is my new hobby. I think I will still see myself as independent when bubs finally does come along so I wouldn't worry about that if I were you. I plan on being one of those mums who wears baby in a sling and gets out and does stuff. My goal is not to become one of those mums who needs a written itinerary 2 weeks in advance of any outings (and then cancels at the last minute – grrr!). Maybe you should start thinking of ways you can cart bub along, too. Be it in a sling or on the back of your bike etc. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: lisa85
Date Posted: 20 August 2009 at 9:13am
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Treen wrote -
My goal is not to become one of those mums who needs a written itinerary 2 weeks in advance of any outings (and then cancels at the last minute – grrr!). Hehehe just you wait -------------
TTC #3 since Jan 2010 - PCOS MC April 2010 |
Posted By: Treen
Date Posted: 20 August 2009 at 9:30pm
Yeah, I know, Lisa. I'm not really in the position to say that but I'm extremely stubborn and if my mum could do it (i.e. cart us around everywhere), so can I!  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Mamma2N
Date Posted: 20 August 2009 at 11:09pm
You can so do it Treen (sorry slight TJ) - I planned to be this type of mamma and I am! As soon as we got home from the birthing unit, we walked down to the mall for coffee and we haven't stopped
My view is that if you have a positive outlook on what your life will be like with bubs then things will run smoothly (and on days when things turn to custard you feel empowered to just get on with it) The one thing that really annoyed both DH and I was everyone telling us that 'the first 6weeks are horrid'. In fact it was awesome, yes sleep deprived but so special and not at all what I would describe as horrible! And babywearing is fab - they feel secure and its so nice to be handsfree! Oh and the snuggles are the best
And yogalindy - things definetly don't have to change.. I didn't slow down much during pregnancy (not that I'm a cycle wonderwoman like you ).. And I know of one awesome woman who at 1 week past-partum had her 2yr old in a toddler seat on her bike and her little one wrapped up on her! Good luck with everything!
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Posted By: lisa85
Date Posted: 21 August 2009 at 10:12am
No I have to admit we still have a life. So don't freak out too much lol. Yes even with twins a life is possible. I take the girls everywhere and it's not a hassle. I do like to plan though as H & E thrive off routine. So I do work around the girls a lot, but I still do I all the things I used to. Haha except for going out on the town which now happens once every few months but when you know you have to get up to 2 toddlers in the morning drinking loses it's appeal  I do think theres a point where kids have to come first though and if I have to miss out on something in the afternoon because H & E have their nap at that time then that's just a small sacrifice that I have no problem making.
We are actually taking the girls to Rippon NZ music festival in Wanaka in feb. It only happens every 2 years and we went last time when I was 6 months pregnant. So you can still do the things you love you just have to adjust the pace slightly and it's so worth it. I love teaching H & E all the the things that Jess and I love and imagining the people they will become. -------------
TTC #3 since Jan 2010 - PCOS MC April 2010 |
Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 21 August 2009 at 4:15pm
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Hi Love :)
Biggest shock of my life! Hollie was planned - just 5yrs early. I was only 21, and had been married just two years, we were renting a disgusting little flat in town and had no savings. I had enough people on my case about getting married when I was so young, I was dreading what people were going to say about this! I was overseas when I found out, in the Islands, eating shellfish and having cocktails the day before. I didn't feel anything for Hollie until she was 3 weeks old. That is the honest truth. Now I am a 23yr old domestic godess with an awesome marriage, our own home & most importantly, an amazing daughter whom I love and adore. We are ttcing again already.....things just work out
My youngest brother is only 6, my mother had him at an increbily low point in her own life, because she couldn't handle abortion. She's now qualified with an awesome job, and living with her ex in a huge new home (they have their own space and rooms that way lol), so she has company and they can co-parent under one rooftop. This child saved her life...but in no way was she ready for him. Things just work out
It's exhaustingly hard work, and an incredible test of character and strength, but hell if everyone else can do it you can too! Of course on the flipside, if you know in your heart of all hearts that a parent is not what you are meant to be, we'll all still be here for you -------------  http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 21 August 2009 at 4:51pm
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I'm another unplanned pregnancy here. We aren't in a good place either. My partner is still duking it out in the courts with his ex wife over dividing up property and child custody issues which is hugely expensive for him and stressful for us. I'm used to being the independent travelling woman, I've travelled all through asia by myself, I'vd done half marathons and those activities have had to be put on hold or modified with the pregnancy. I'm in Australia now rather than Burma and I'll be doing the Auckland quarter rather than the half.
But I knew if I had an abortion, I'd regret it and those regrets would eventually lead to the break up of my relationship with my man and his daughter over the resentment I'd feel. And think you'll have an extra person for your cheer squad when you do that event. I love seeing dads out with the kids cheering on their mum in sporting events! |
Posted By: yogalindy
Date Posted: 24 August 2009 at 9:22am
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Well it's been over a week now since I found out and in medical terms I think i am heading into 7 weeks although I have a very good idea when conception happened so 5 weeks.
Got docs today, they just want to ceck my blood pressure. I am doing ok, still having panic attacks well they are mor e like sweat attack through the night, I think the issue I would like to raise which has become highly significant for me going through this process and I believe it is not talked about by mums or mums to be, but some like myself are going through this grieving process at the same time on hearing I am pregnant. The grieving is all about you loosing the person you once were, past life etc..how you were without a bundle of responsibility, how you were able to go out for an evening and not think about have to plan baby sitters etc, go away for a long weekend with friends or partner, just generall doing stuff on your own daily! etc.. now I have spoken to a couple of mums who do agree with this, just a mourning of the person you once were and how now you have a responsibility to take care of this person you have. My partner understood and was great about it when I talked about it. Anyway just wanted bring this up really, a great book out there is ' misconceptions' Naomi Wolf'. She talks about the realities for woman when the become pregnant and what happens and what some women go through dealing with it, also misconceptions of how women are treated in the medical profession and by society generally. For me it is something I am going to have to take day by day, over the weekend I have not felt pregnant - which I suppose is a good thing? maybe its my body saying this is the best way you are going to cope with it and so is protecting me from plumeting? I don't have any symptoms at all, still drinking coffee, and desperately wanting to enjoy a glass of red wine! We haven't told anyone as I will still need to process this and I feel I will need quite a few months to process it! |
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 24 August 2009 at 9:53am
I was a recovering alcoholic at 22 in an abusive relationship and I'd just decided to get out when I found out I was pregnant  Helluva shock! Had an awful pregnancy with violence, hyper-emesis and seizures due to stress, craved alcohol in the meanest way for the whole 9 months (seriously - CRAVED!!!), almost lost the baby during labour when my ex attacked me then had my face rearranged and my baby punched in the head (accidently coz he was going for me) 6 weeks later which sent Jake deaf for almost a year. I left after that and in a fit of independence seduced my best friend lol we've been together 2 years, own our own home, have come through the very deep, dark valley of severe PND and PTSD, I have full custody of my boy who btw I adore and wouldn't be without, and we're having number 2!
Number 2 had its own issues - I'd had about 7 mcs since me and DP got together (I'm not sposed to be able to have kids) and we specifically decided to try for another pregnancy before we started seriously considering our other options. I got preggers like the week we started trying and fell apart. Was miserable for the first 3 months, was positive this relationship was going to fall in on me and I was going to be left divorced (I was actually married to my sons sperm donor) with 2 kids to 2 different men by the time I was 25 I have only just hit that nice place where I'm actually pleased!! Me and DP (mainly thanks to him) have come through stronger than ever and I can't wait for this next stage of my life. We take our son tramping, 4WDriving, travelling, etc and its never put a crimp in things. Just takes abit more planning.
Life can throw curveballs and sometimes it takes time to adjust but it works out - truly!! Different to what you expected but in so many ways it can be more fulfilling and incredible than anything you could have planned for yourself. -------------   
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