Dear Non-Pregnant Person
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=27678
Printed Date: 26 August 2025 at 1:18pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 11.10 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Dear Non-Pregnant Person
Posted By: tiptoes
Subject: Dear Non-Pregnant Person
Date Posted: 24 July 2009 at 5:17pm
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A friend sent this to me and I thought it was funny, so thought I'd post it for you to all have a giggle.
Dear Non-Pregnant Person, I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm. If you are thinking, surely she doesn't mean me- then you should probably read this twice. 1) The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is 'Congratulations!' with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you an ass. 2) Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father- not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase 'my baby'. 3) On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in 2, the pregnancy, birth and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it. The same goes for the name of the baby. 4) The body of a pregnant woman should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone's stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman. 5) Likewise, no woman wants to hear comments on her weight- ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance, and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is 'You look fabulous!'. 6) By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don't need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes. 7) There is a reason that tickets to L&D are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents. Like everything else in life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital and the parents home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to 'help out'. If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it. 9) If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping. 10) The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less. I hope this helps- it sure makes us feel better. ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">  
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Replies:
Posted By: Katep
Date Posted: 24 July 2009 at 5:38pm
 My mum always refers to the baby as her baby. Pisses me off. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Mum to the Gorgeous Leah! 7 months |
Posted By: Lexidore
Date Posted: 24 July 2009 at 5:46pm
Thanks for this Chelle, I love it!!  Kate, I have a feeling MIL will be doing the same thing once the baby comes, If she says it once to me though... trust me she wont be saying it again LOL------------- 
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Posted By: paulainauckland
Date Posted: 24 July 2009 at 6:27pm
yes, it describes my MIL! She is already preparing a room, which I normally would appreciate, but I actually want bubs to sleep in my house. Sure would make feeding easier! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: arohanui
Date Posted: 24 July 2009 at 6:37pm
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haha i love it!! ------------- Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... http://alterna-tickers.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Chickoin
Date Posted: 24 July 2009 at 6:39pm
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OMG, number 9 is SO true, I hated visitors that had come to "help" by holding my baby so I can do housework grrrrrrr -------------   
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Posted By: LadyLizard
Date Posted: 24 July 2009 at 6:51pm
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I am sooooooooooooooo tempted to not only send it to my MIL, but to also post it on the noticeboard at work!
Hold me back! (I still have 8 weeks of work to go, so perhaps not a good idea) ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 24 July 2009 at 6:52pm
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My mum saying "my baby" wouldnt bother me, but if my MIL said it Id be like AH NAHH!!
I had a friend want to be at cadens birth so she could, and I quote "Watch his head come out"  I was like AH NAHH and told her that DH and my mum were the only ones that will be there, she got quite sh*tty with me, which I find very rude, as birth is such a private personal thing!------------- |
Posted By: LadyLizard
Date Posted: 24 July 2009 at 7:23pm
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I can't believe your friend would even ask!
I wouldn't dream of asking to be at a friends birth. Not sure that I would even want to be..... ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 24 July 2009 at 8:02pm
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ha ha ha ha ha ha
That is the perfect description of my mil too !!! Thats so wrong ASKING to be at a birth Sheza Some people have no limits |
Posted By: Katep
Date Posted: 24 July 2009 at 8:41pm
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urgh....I don't really want to be at my own birth, let alone anyone else. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
Mum to the Gorgeous Leah! 7 months |
Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 24 July 2009 at 9:06pm
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My MIL refers to Jake as her baby. I thought it was just me who thought it was wrong.
I'd tell her to stop, but she will just do it in afrikaans. -------------   
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 24 July 2009 at 9:24pm
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That is just like my MIL and still does 5 years on to Andrew. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Katep wrote:Posted By: littleLittle
Date Posted: 24 July 2009 at 9:35pm
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My in laws refer to my baby as 'it' as in 'it's a wee cutie' or 'it's grown since last time'. He's a boy! It's not a secret so you can refer to him as a he now!!
But that's so true especially the comment about size. I had one girl at work ask me one day if I was carrying twins. I seriously could have punched her but should have just asked her if she was expecting as well as I'm sure that would have shut her up!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: MrsH23
Date Posted: 24 July 2009 at 9:39pm
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My MIL and one SIL refer to Ryan as "my baby" or "my boy", it really gets up my nose!!! Especially since MIL NEVER bothers to come to see us and she lives 10 mins away.
Had to have a good laugh at this though!! ------------- Lisa mummy to Ryan http://www.alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 25 July 2009 at 12:16am
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I soooooooooooooo need to save this for MIL when we have #2 ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 25 July 2009 at 7:33am
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I could add a few more to that list.
Well my MIL was not like that, maybe because she already had a few grand kids by the time I fell pg with our first. Looking back now I wish she had been. Well a little bit anyway. She gave us the family cot, that I did not want, you know first baby want nice cot, but no had to have that one, so she gave us some paint so we could do it up & told me when the baby was born she would take me out & we would pick the cot set. So when we went out to do this she kept saying she was only getting this because we were using the family cot, so I picked the most exspencive one at the baby factory that I liked & told her only the best will do in the family cot. When we had DS2 we got a new cot & the family cot sits in storage waiting for the next poor owner & the cot set won't be included, lol. |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 25 July 2009 at 10:09am
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I wish wish wish I could send that to some people. As for labour and birth...DH will be there if it's a VB, and my mum if it's a CS (cos DH is a woose)....I'm not keen having any other members of my family, IL or not, being able to see my bits.
As for comments about size....most people ask me when I'm due...I tell them...they say "oh wow you're big" to which I respond and say that it's twins....and then I get the response "oh you're really small for twins" - you just can't win!!! |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 25 July 2009 at 11:04am
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lol!! i actually love that my mil refers to karma as "my baby girl" or "my girl" i think its cute! but thats due to other issues!!.
my sis also refers to astin as "my fat boy" which i think is neat, extra love for them all  and the "fat" is said with love bcos hes a tank!
i can certainly relate to alot on that list tho!! 
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Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 25 July 2009 at 11:10am
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This is my mum all over! She will take Nia off me when I need to feed her because I'm taking a min to get myself set up. So bloody annoying! When pregnant she would say look at how big my babys growing. Umm its NOT your baby! I'm going to email this to her now! lol ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: _Deb_
Date Posted: 25 July 2009 at 12:57pm
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Haha love it.
My MIL thinks that because she is the grandmother it gives her the right to do whatever she wants with the grandchildren. Including handing my son to everyone when they all came to visit when he was a week old. She gives me all kinds of "advice" which i ignore. LOL.------------- 
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Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 25 July 2009 at 1:58pm
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My MIL never called C 'her' baby but she made really helpful comments when we talked to her on the webcam about my tummy not looking any bigger yet (it was) but I had put weight on in my face Gee thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: MyPeas
Date Posted: 25 July 2009 at 3:29pm
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Excellent, it's soo right and I want to send it to everyone! (If only they wouldn't get really offended!) ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Krissie
Date Posted: 25 July 2009 at 3:57pm
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My MIL was the worst, she still is! She always rings and asks how "her girls" are, and complains when she hasn't seen them in a week or two. She was always doing whatever she wanted with them when they were younger even if i had said we wern't doing things that way! Drove me Nuts! Thankfuly this time round she is the Ex MIL..... so no input from her will be toloerated! As for the birth thing, i dont really care who's there... for DD1 i had my mom, my partner, my BFF and my 12 yr old sister (it was her birthday,lol) + the midwife. For DD2, I had my mom again, My then hubby, and My step sister. (plus the midwife and 2 paeds) Not sure who'll come this time round... maybe i'll leave that up to DF, as i dont care too much.... too busy thinking about other things at the time to worry about who see's what.... ------------- 
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Posted By: LadyLizard
Date Posted: 25 July 2009 at 6:12pm
Hahahhaha.... hilarious. How cool would it be to make the annoying friends do THAT for us as well as the vacuuming. ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 25 July 2009 at 7:22pm
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I've got the best horror story related to #7, thank god it wasn't me but my sil.
She was in labour with her first child (first g'child for the in laws) so they phoned and told the g'ma who said ooo we'll come in Jess (10yo) would love to see a baby being born. Ummm NO they said! Yadadaya...Things were not going that great labourwise and she was totally out of it after too much pethidene and it all went downhill from there. Epidural, the salad servers the whole shebang. Anyway right in the middle of all this there's a knock at the delivery room door and guess who?! The in laws! We're here, can we come in? Her husband is usually a total walkover for his mama, but he took one look at his wife's face and said no. Thank god! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: LadyLizard
Date Posted: 25 July 2009 at 8:21pm
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My friend had a home birth and had a birthing pool in her living room. She lived on a main street and had people just "popping in" for cups of tea and progress reports while she was in labour.
No thank you! ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 26 July 2009 at 8:53am
Omg how rude!!! I would have a sign on my front door saying, "Not a good time, GO AWAY!!!" lol ------------- |
Posted By: Tastic
Date Posted: 26 July 2009 at 9:54am
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I think my inlaws take the cake for number 10
as most of you know I had aidan at 26 weeks 5 days - so very early. part of the hospitals policy is we have to write a list of names of who can see him without us being there. well we told everyone that NOONE is to see him without us till he is atleast over the worst of it - hospital thought this was a great Idea too well I had him on sunday, we made that rule the monday and come Wednesday the inlaws started making us feel quilty cause 'we didn't trust them with our son' and why can everyone else go and see him without us and not them blah blah blah blah - we said NO ONE is allowed to see him without us. NO ONE not even the hospital staff that arent actually working with him! they generally made our life hell 
I think in the end they only actually seen him like 3 times at the most while he was in there - 115days! |
Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 26 July 2009 at 12:17pm
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LOL. This is like my family!
Did anyone else notice there is no number 8??? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: rachelsea
Date Posted: 26 July 2009 at 8:28pm
lol! That's exactly what I say to my mum! And I could relate to all of those, grrrrr! ------------- DD 4yrs DS 2yrs http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: paulainauckland
Date Posted: 26 July 2009 at 8:30pm
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I thoroughly expect my MIL to ignore the "resting - please come back later" sign that I put on the front door. And get upset bc the phone is off the hook etc etc. She has no concept that I like to rest while Bubs is.
If she brings over any of her mates sparks will fly! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: AuntieSarah
Date Posted: 27 July 2009 at 8:14am
Lol I'm tempted with MIL..."how's my boy?" "Don't know, why don't you call him at work and ask him" Glad it's not just me that gets annoyed at that! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MamaT
Date Posted: 27 July 2009 at 10:45am
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This is classic - my MIL is just like most of these things. Especially the my baby part - used to really P!ss me off when she would say it about my nephew when SIL wasn't around - I'll be ropable if she says anything like that about my baby. -------------  
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Posted By: CuriousG
Date Posted: 27 July 2009 at 11:34am
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I absolutely love my MIL and she calls Charlotte her baby all the time but its never bothered me!
Me thinks I am a lucky one with a great MIL. FIL is a different story (they aren't together thank goodness) ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: RunningT
Date Posted: 27 July 2009 at 2:56pm
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Ahhh this brings back all those memories... My labour was a little 'extended' and DH called his mother to let her know what was going on. Her response was "we are almost there"
Yeap MIL turned up at the hospital and was in the delivery room sitting at the end of the bed until it was time to push and finally DH told her it was time to leave. Then when bubs was 6 days old she came and stayed for a week. NEXT time I would like to think that we will be doing things my way however I would probably welcome MIL to look after DS1.... oh dear how time have changed. ------------- 
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Posted By: Mum_mum
Date Posted: 27 July 2009 at 3:12pm
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lol if only i could send that to my mother without offending her! Sure would help me!
I said to her in the weekend that i put her down as my backup person for the birth - before i could finish she pipes up, great im so pleased you want me at the birth, so just call me when you are in labour and i'll be straight round", i didnt have the heart to tell her that wasnt what i meant at all, and that i would call her if DH wasnt available or needed a break Can i just not call her till after baby arrives...??? Im sure she will be calling me every 5 minutes anyway to see if "her" baby has arrived!------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
 Angel baby - May 2008
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Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 27 July 2009 at 3:23pm
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Yeah my mum thight she'd be at the birth because I said that we might need her for support for DP. I had to then tell her that she wouldn't be there for delivery as /i wanted it to be just us. I don't have much shame round DP so cared less if he was there mum on the other hand I could do without her seeing me in all my glory. I get they were excited but did they have to show up 20mind after dd was born and because of the strict rules in the hosp only allowing 2 people in the room dp felt like he needed to leave to let my parents in. Glad i told them visiting hourswere from2 at birthcare although grandparents are allowed from 8am like the fathers. Mum annoys me now constantly taking Dd from me looking at her face while i'm feeding etc. Umm if you hadn't noticed thats my boob attached to her face. Emailed this to mum over the weekend and she replyed with point taken lol ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: LadyLizard
Date Posted: 27 July 2009 at 8:21pm
Yeah- me too, but my friend is a bit weird that way, she was pretty into having people around and "getting involved" in the experience. I think she liked it. I was away at the time, and I am glad I wasn't there. (esp now) ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: Holstarr
Date Posted: 27 July 2009 at 10:57pm
You know those baby checklists you get in the bounty packs or in different baby shops? Well my MIL has one of those and she is literally buying everything without my consent, and leaving nothing for my own family to contribute. Urgggh I hate that! Like who wants a bear that malts small dangerous fibres, and a changing mat that has the most goudy colours? There is a red white and blue sailors suit, and I'm having a girl. FFS!! She is also knitting up a storm (4 outfits so far), well my late great grandmother had some things she knitted which I am looking forward to getting, but at this rate, my baby girl will never wear them for the sheer amount of stuff the MIL is doing. Now I find out that they are going to paint our spare room, which it doesn't need. I suppose I should be grateful, but I feel like they are trying to buy this babys affection before she's even born. What to do?? 
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Posted By: LadyLizard
Date Posted: 28 July 2009 at 7:08am
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Sell it all on TM!
Then use the money to buy nappies and other practical items that you will use- you can just say that because you had soooo many clothes you thought that would be a better way to use them. I have a few knitwear items like that- HELLO! our baby is being born in October and we live in the Bay of Plenty.... be lucky if she wears each item once. ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: Febgirl
Date Posted: 28 July 2009 at 10:05am
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Ooh, I could add one to this list.
Just because a couple are having the same gender baby second time around, please don't assume that this is a bad thing and remark better luck next time, or you'll have to go for a third one now won't you? Not everyone wants one of each! ------------- Two little girls under 2! 
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Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 28 July 2009 at 12:35pm
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My ex MIL was horrendous for things like this.
Always commenting about something 'His clothes are too tight, that bath water is too hot, why isn't he wearing a hat, don't wake him up if he's done poos, just leave him'. Nothing I ever did was right in her eyes. I remember going to stay with them for a few days when Sam was about 6-7 weeks old and being the nice person that I am I stood back and allowed her to do a few things like change him, feed him his bottle (she asked) and go and get him if he woke. Just as we were about to leave she made a nasty comment that I didn't interact with my child enough and he needs more stimulation than what I was giving him and that I shouldn't let other people feed him because I need to start trying to create a bond with him myself. We NEVER stayed with them again. I was beside myself for days after she said those things to me. Oh and when Sam was three days old, she came over and bought her mother with her. My midwife had just popped around to see me. And MIL and her mother started berating the poor woman asking her to arrange the La Leche League to come around and sort out my breastfeeding and that I should go into some sort of home for young mothers who don't know what they are doing. Now that I am no longer with her son, she is a completely different person. She comes over once a month to take him out for the day, she never comments about anything or says rude things, I think she is just thoroughly grateful that I allow them to spend that time with Sam. I'm so happy that my new DPs mother and father are really nice people who don't interfere or say anything like that to me! |
Posted By: BessieBear
Date Posted: 28 July 2009 at 2:48pm
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THis is fantastic. I'm going to show DH when he gets home and if anybody does something on this list I'll forward it to them. LOL ------------- Sarah Mum to, Boy 07/2008, Girl 03/2010, Boy 05/2012, Angel 07/08/2014
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Posted By: Skrip
Date Posted: 28 July 2009 at 3:36pm
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neeandsam - My ex-MIL was exactly the same. I had PND with my first two, thought it was only mild with the first. She knew this but instead of trying to help me through this time she literally took the babies away. She 'invited' herself to live with us and basically made my PND 10 times worse. Then she had the gall to tell me that I never look after my children and I should never have anymore because it was my fault my oldest have behavioural problems. And all that time my delightful ex stood there and didn't stick up for me.
This time around my soon-to-be MIL is being delighful. She is excited as bubs will be her first grandchaild but she has made it clear she will only help if asked and won't crowd us. |
Posted By: SpecialK
Date Posted: 29 July 2009 at 8:26am
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How do I send this to my mum without offending her?! She assumed she was going to be at the birth, and when I said no, only DH and the OB were going to be there she got all offended; she thought coming round to 'help' meant help with the baby so I could do housework and made pointed remarks along the lines of ' the house could really do with a vacuum'; demanded daily updates on how H was doing; and when I would mention how sore I was or whatever I got the get-over-it-attitude; and kept offering advice and got upset when I ignored it. *sigh* . Things are only just getting better. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: sweets
Date Posted: 31 July 2009 at 9:58am
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I love it!
I'm thinking of ways to email it around at the moment....maybe from DP's account!!! I'm thinking about even printing it out and putting it on the fridge so MIL will read it when she's around next??? I'm having kind of a similar prob atm with MIL being at the birth...she hasn't said anything but she's the type of person who would just "assume" she could be. I'm waiting for the opportunity to let her know she's not coming in, if we just didn't tell them till after the birth we would never be forgiven! Someone suggested to write my birth plan out in front of her! I'm trying to just sweep it under the carpet and hope she doesn't turn up, if she does then DP can do the honors  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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