Would you be offended....
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Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=26499
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Topic: Would you be offended....
Posted By: Daizy
Subject: Would you be offended....
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 11:10am
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I was out at lunch yesterday with a few friends, one who is due in a few months and another who has just found out. We were looking at the menu and the newly pregnant was worried she couldnt eat anything. I just casually said I ate chicken when I was pregnant as I trusted the place that was cooking it and made sure it was well cooked. Anyway the 7 month pregnant friend got really angry at me for suggesting she could eat chicken, and bit my head off going on about how horrible I was for eating other things like cheeses and dips when I was pregnant (she had been watching me) and that it would have been all my fault if I had ever lost the baby. I just slowley backed away from the argument but it has really upset me. She is no longer speaking to me (over saying what I ate, not telling anyone else what they should eat) Am I really that bad of a person?? Did I just say the wrong thing? Would you be offended? ------------- 
 
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Replies:
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 11:17am
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Why cant she eat chicken?? Im confused ... I live on chicken and im pregnant lol.
Maybe she is just hormonal .. you know how us "hormonal" women get 
Ahhh and you will find loads of first timers will be like that ... I would just brush it off and think to myself "hmmm wait till you get pg again .. and see how your attitude changes"  ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 11:18am
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How awful for you. I think her hormones must have been in overdrive yesterday. I definitely wouldn't get angry at someone telling me what they did during their pregnancy as long as it didn't come across as them trying to force their opinions on me (and TBH even then I'd probably shrug it off and ignore the advice I didn't want to take). ETA: what's the problem with cooked chicken anyway? Or dips and cheese for that matter - as long as their pasteurised and fresh then they're ok according to NZFSA. -------------  
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 11:24am
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i might expect a reaction like that if you had told her you were smoking ciggarettes or drinking alcohol... but then i suppose some people think the food thing is the same... i didnt think there was anything wrong with freshly cooked chicken either, you can tell when its not cooked properly anyway. and as for cheeses etc, i always stuck to nz pasteurised cheese ... ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Disco
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 11:31am
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Sounds like a bit over an over the top reaction to me, what's wrong with chicken? surely everyone who eats chicken including pregger women want to make sure its cooked so they don't get ill. It's pretty easy to tell if its not properly cooked!
I've been living on dips and cheese for the first few months as I had such bad morning sickness. i just avoid stuff that they recommend you too. maybe she was having a bad day? disco 
p.s. i also think that it's fine for her to think that for her pregnancy but to have a go at someone else, not on. its everyone's individual choice! |
Posted By: Febgirl
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 11:40am
Completely agree - she's the one with the attitude, not you! She needs to pull her head in, it's not as if you told her off for her choices or anything, what gives her the right to have a go at you? Silly moo  ------------- Two little girls under 2! 
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lilfatty wrote:Posted By: BugTeeny
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 11:40am
Crikey  Overreaction much?
You poor thing! I certainly don't see anything wrong with what you said, or that you ate what you ate during pregnancy. There's nothing wrong with chicken, cheese and dips. Gosh. ------------- 
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Posted By: littlestar
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 12:13pm
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Jeeze - overeaction!!
I mean its not like you were telling the 7mth one what to do! Some pregnant ladies are super careful about what they eat and she is probably a bit sensitive on the subject. Just ignore her, it will just be the hormones! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Febgirl
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 12:27pm
I know I've already replied but I was thinking about this for the last 15 minutes, and I am so angry on your behalf! So even when she wasn't pregnant and you were, she was watching what you were eating and mentally thinking what a horrible person you were??? As someone else had said, maybe if you were out on benders every weekend and injecting drugs, but a bit of chicken and dips - that is way out of line. To be honest, I doubt I could still be friends with someone like that. If she's this judgemental now, imagine what she's going to be like once her baby is born (breastfeeding v bottle, disposables v cloth, daycare v at home etc and all those other 'controversal' issues) ------------- Two little girls under 2!
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 12:36pm
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I think hormones or not she needs to pull her head in , thats just plain rude , and very judgemental .
Besides , you have HAD your babies, and they are lovely happy healthy girls, so there is your retaliation right there if she ever mentions it again . Personally I agree with Febgirl, if shes this bad now, imagine what she'll be like when she actually has her baby . ------------- 
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Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 12:44pm
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Thats so rude! Its not like you were forcing her to eat anything that she didn't want to eat, and like you said you just mentioned you ate chicken during your pregnancy. I don't really eat red meat so eating chicken and fish is my only option! Dp kept trying to tell me that i couldn't eat fish either, kept telling him that fish was fine. I have been eating cheese and dips as well forgot about the no brie and camembert thing but who cares they were good and didn't know about the dips? Whats wrong with dips especially if they are opened that day? ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 12:53pm
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Thanks for your replies guys, makes me feel slightly better that I didnt say something stupid. I think she was worried about eating chicken out as it may not have been cooked properly. She had a miscarriage a few years back when I was pregnant with Keira so it may be why shes a wee bit sensitive. It was nothing to do with what she had been eating. I think I will just keep my distance for a while, I think she has always been one to be easily offended and to tell you so. Apperently I am not the first she has had 'words' to about what to eat during pregnancy. -------------
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Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 12:54pm
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Oh dear. Sounds like her hormones took over to me.
Perhaps you could just give her a call or a text and ask if she is over it yet. Chicken, as for any sane human being, should be properly cooked. NZ dips and cheeses are fine as it is law over here to Pasturise all milk and diary products, so there isn't the same worries with it as other imported stuff. All this talk of chips and dips is making me want to go buy some. Om nom nom..... ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: M2K
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 1:51pm
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I was going to suggest maybe she is overly sensitive due to a previous mc, and no matter what you say or don't say she will probably over react when given "you'll be right" advice by anyone, just give her space til she hits that 'safe' period as I remember the first 3 months went by so slowly as you are counting each week, even each day!
hang in there!!  ------------- 
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Posted By: M2K
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 1:53pm
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Was it the newly pregnant friend who isn't talking to you or the 7month pregnant friend? Quite a nasty thing to say either way though! -------------
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Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 2:06pm
Its the heavier pregnant one -------------
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Posted By: AuntieSarah
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 2:54pm
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Cripes, like the others all said what a reaction! Love to blame the hormones...but I know when I went a bit spaz with hormones during pregnancy I made sure I apologized for it!
Just read your post again - what a horrible thing to say that it would've been your fault if you'd lost the baby. Not to mention absolutely ridiculous. I hope she gets over it and apologizes to you! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Mamma2N
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 3:03pm
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Have to agree with everyone here - what an awful thing to say to you! I myself suffered a miscarriage right before we conceived Novella, and I went on to have a completely healthy pregnancy where I didn't cut anything out of my diet. Some people thought I was mad but like others have said, it's up to the individual. And giving your friend advice on what to eat based on your experiences is totally fine! Personally I think some woman go completely over the top when it comes to the 'I can't eat this, this has to be cooked like this' etc.
I think your friend owes you a big apology and I really can't see how you can blame it on 'hormones'. She was completely outa line. Sorry you had to have that happen 
If she carries on like this, my advice would be to tell her to pull her head in! |
Posted By: M2K
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 3:28pm
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Awww I reakon! such an an awful thing to say!!
I would telling her forget the food and have a cup of shut the f@#k up instead!!  -------------
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Posted By: Natalie_G
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 5:18pm
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Poor you, that must have been horrible to be told off like that, there is nothing wrong with eating chicken in the first place.
It must be hormones and I think she will get over it, but if not I would confront her about it, you have had 2 children (by your sig) I think you know what you are talking about. I ate dips and chicken and even pate. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: KitKat
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 5:39pm
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She doesnt sound like someone Id want to invest my friendship in Im afraid.... how dare she.
Friends just dont treat each other like that... IMO. She has issues by the sound of it. Stay strong, youve done nothing wrong from what I can see. ------------- 
http://www.littlegreenfruit.blogspot.com - Little Green Fruit |
Posted By: littleLittle
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 5:43pm
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Wow Daizy I really feel for you. That's a terrible thing for a friend to say to you. At the end of the day it's all our own personal choice about what we eat while we're pregnant. I didn't eat chicken earlier on in my pregnancy when I was out but have definitely relaxed that now and that's just because I felt ultra-paranoid being my first pregnancy.
There are still some things I don't eat now and again it's my choice and I know other pregnant women who will eat what I don't but I don't judge them. As others have said you just said what you personally did and weren't telling your friend what to do. At the end of the day it's up to her to make an informed decision about what not to eat and no one has the right to criticise. Hope you eventually get an apology from your friend! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 5:59pm
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Jeepers! What an overreaction! Poor you Daizy, that's no way for a friend to speak to you
Of my closest circle of friends here 3 of us have had babies in the past 6 months. And all of us cut different things from our diets and we all talked about it and NONE of us judged each other for what we chose to eat. In fact, sometimes it was really nice when I was out at a restaurant to hear someone (who'd been in the same situation) say, "it's OK, I ate XXX" with the implication being relax a little and don't feel guilty for enjoying your food! What a horrible horrible thing to say though, that it would've been your fault if something had happened. And not nice for your only-just-pregnant friend to hear all that either .. what's the bet she's second guessing what she's been eating now too ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 8:40pm
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Major overreaction! Can't believe she had been taking notes on what you ate while pregnant! It's none of her business! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 14 May 2009 at 10:52pm
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Geez
Thats a very nasty thing to say to someone!! Even with my preggy hormones i would never speak to a friend that way. Its none of her business what you eat or dont eat during pregnancy, if she is anal about every bit of food she puts in her mouth then thats her problem! She would really hate me then!! Ive eaten lots of stuff "your not supposed to eat". if its freshly cooked, or freshly prepared then I dont see the problem! She needs to pull her head in and keep her opinions to her self, thats not the right way for a friend to act! ------------- |