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favouratism between siblings

Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25393
Printed Date: 10 September 2025 at 9:31am
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Topic: favouratism between siblings
Posted By: BaAsKa
Subject: favouratism between siblings
Date Posted: 22 March 2009 at 5:08pm
Im a bit concerned about the "favouratism" between my boys from my family.

Bailey is autistic so is extremely hard to handle and ALL of mine and DHs family cant handle him (except my mother - shes so good with him) and they have all gotten to a point where they wont take him or deal with him, this i do understand because there are times where only DH can manage him! .

Then there is Astin who is a huge hit with all the family and lately they have been asking to take him but they feel bad because they cant take Bay.....

Im not sure whether we are doing the right thing by letting them take astin and not Bay???

My mum has taken Bay quite a few times and left Astin because Astin is too young for the shows and stuff that they go to so Bay isnt missing out all together.

Opinions and advice on the subject is much apreciated....



Replies:
Posted By: weegee
Date Posted: 22 March 2009 at 7:33pm
Hi Amber, obviously we've only got the one so far so haven't been in this position exactly, but we have provided respite care for a couple of friends with autistic boys with other siblings, and my brother is on the autistic spectrum too.

I would say as long as Bailey still gets time with his grandparents etc then it is perfectly ok for Astin to have time of his own. When they're both out somewhere, of necessity Bailey will sometimes (most of the time probably!) require more attention and so it's really important for Astin to get that one on one time without having to feel like everybody's constantly paying attention to Bailey IYGWIM.

(Just make sure you have some way of having that one on one time with Astin too, whether that's having the family babysit Bailey or whether you get funding for respite care...)

-------------

Mum to JJ, 4 July 2008 & Addie, 28 July 2010


Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 22 March 2009 at 8:27pm
Bailey is certainly ALOT more work than Astin but it seems like Astin gets more attention than Bay bcos of it.



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