RANT Trying for over a year...
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Category: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Name: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Description: Trying to get pregnant? Going through fertility treatment? Just planning your first or second child? There are many people out there in the same boat to help and listen and share with
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Topic: RANT Trying for over a year...
Posted By: Nutella
Subject: RANT Trying for over a year...
Date Posted: 10 March 2009 at 10:58am
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and sick of people feeling sorry for themselves when they don't conceive in one second especially when they have had a baby already. Try waiting for ages and not even knowing if you can conceive at all.
Just felt like feeling sorry for myself! So there!!! 
Rant over now..... ------------- 
 Oct 11
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Replies:
Posted By: LouD
Date Posted: 10 March 2009 at 11:41am
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Hi Nat
I know how you feel.......I find it hard listening to really young people especially who have been trying for one month and get really upset cos they dont concieve...........I do however have two kids and should be just "grateful" !!!! But i can tell you that the hurt and disappointment and failure in ones self when trying for over a year even though i do have two kids is extremely hard also. I desperately dont want my second boy to grow up an only child and wanted a sibling a little bit closer in age than my first where theres a 9year age gap. And Im in my 30s now!! I dont have time on my side like a 20year old who has only just got married and has barely started living life and wants a baby yesterday. I dont try to judge other people even though it can be frustrating when listening to people who wouldnt have even begun to understand what its like to be ttc for over a year!! Because the want and yearn to be a parent (or a parent again) is no different for anyone no matter what stage you are at in life or ttc journey!!! so speaking from one TTC for over a year to another........I hear ya and 
Of course you realise that after all the heart ache and heart break your children will never grow up to appreciate what hell you put yourself through emotionally to bring them into the world!!!!! Sorry edited to add that my first boy doesnt live with me, he lives with his Dad (otherwise could be confusing about saying only child) |
Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 10 March 2009 at 12:42pm
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I dunno...I think I might disagree with your about the want and yearning to be a parent being the same. My desire to have a baby has increased tenfold in the last few months!
I guess the same thing can apply to me saying people who have hardly tried are frustrating for those trying through IVF. I can't understand how hard it must be to have to go through IVF because there is little chance of concieving naturally. My heart goes out to everyone who is in that situation. -------------
Oct 11
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Posted By: astral_monkey
Date Posted: 10 March 2009 at 2:20pm
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Hi Nat & Chickielou. I feel like one of the people you're talking about. I'm young, have just gotten married, and have decided to start trying for kids.
I've been trying for about, oh I don't know, a week! And am already pissing myself off whenever I think 'why hasn't it happened yet'. LOL. (I say a week, we stopped trying to not get pg about 6 months ago, and have just decided to start charting etc.) I'm really glad for your post Nat, because I already need medical intervention just to get things started, so I may have a long road ahead and to already be getting impatient is completely unrealistic. I need to be prepared for this to take a while otherwise I'll just drive myself (and everyone around me) nuts. Good luck TTC, it will happen! |
Posted By: LouD
Date Posted: 10 March 2009 at 2:55pm
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I agree nat my desire has increased ten fold also in last few months. Before that i kept telling myself that it will happen soon (like everyone kept saying also) but my patience with that has started to wear extremely thin and my feelings of failure also get worse each month
Ive had tests and everything so far has come back good. Havent had my DH tested yet, that will be on the list this month. I have however had a look through my saliva tester and put some of his "stuff" sorry if TMI and i can see plenty of swimmers and theirs a lot that look strong, but thats from an uneducated eye and of course only a very small microscope. I feel my experience has given me a small understanding as to the other side of the coin(my DS2 was concieved 2 cycle around of "not trying") having trouble concieving this time around gives me a small window into the heart break that happens to some. Of course i mean small and couldnt begin the fathom what others have to go through. My DH has said that if we havent concieved by xmas we arent going to keep trying and we wont be spending any money on intervention either, I will have to just accept the situation for what it is.......I suppose you have to draw the line somewhere.....not that i think it will get to that. Astral_monkey - Im kinda glad you already know you are going to have a few dramas. At least your not waiting the 12months and then finding out making it even longer again. I worry about people that put off having kids until they are older (or focusing on careers etc). Even if they got tested to make sure everything is ok with both of them, there can always be that unexplained infertility that a lot of people experience. Imagine those who put off and put off and then finally decide they will start, and they then experience infertility issues. It really should be a case of if your in your 30s you should only have to try for 6months before looking into it further not the 12months that docs want. I would recommend to anyone to tell a white lie to the docs to get those balls rolling sooner. We will all get there.....some of us have just had to learn patience along the way........ |
Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 10 March 2009 at 2:59pm
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I can't, unfortunately, say anything that will make you feel better Nat because I've been there, and I know there isn't anything. Waiting cycle after cycle and going through those dreadful weeks of hope and then disappointment can be really difficult - and it does compound after a while when you start to worry a little. Plus, as you say, you see plenty of other people having babies easily but whinging when it takes more than a cycle! I guess the thing is that we all start down the TTC road hoping that WE'LL be that person that only needs a few cycles to get pregnant, and it's hard when we're not.
The only thing I can say to you as someone who has been down that road (Cuinn took almost 5 years, and IVF, to come into our lives) is this - enjoy the time you have with DH/DP/DF (whichever applies!  ) and make the most of it. You'll be glad you did when baby arrives! The other thing is that when baby DOES arrive, however long that takes, you'll be so very, very glad that the little person you are falling in love with is that particular little person, the time they took to come to you won't matter at all. I promise!
Be strong  ------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: tiptoes
Date Posted: 10 March 2009 at 5:47pm
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I hear ya Nat, rant away. This waiting game is soooooo frustrating and the doubts that it will ever really happen make it so much worse. I wish I just knew when it would definitely happen and I'd feel a bit better.
Brilliant idea about checking out DH's sperm on your microscope!! I might give that a go too :) ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">  
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Posted By: Lizze
Date Posted: 10 March 2009 at 6:25pm
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i also feel like one of the youngins. We started trying in January, however being a former depo addict I'm not expecting miracles.
However it is hard not to get excited when you first start trying, and I couldn't stop thinking about it for that first month, and tested when I didn't need to 'just in case' and read everything I possibly could - I would consider myself almost an expert! I've even rung the local montessori and got prices and found out how long the waiting list is - thats obsessive!!! (it's 2 years btw so i'm glad i did). After all of the research in the first month you realise what everyone else goes through, and that it's just a waiting game. Good luck to you all. |
Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 10 March 2009 at 6:52pm
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astral_monkey, it is good that you are getting things on the road already because I waited for a year and a bit before going to the Dr - like we are all told to do. Being older I just assumed things would take longer than if I was a young un.
Found out there was something wrong with me that was easily fixed (not that I have been checked again after op, going on Friday....waiting room will be FULL of pregnant women) and had I have known that, I would have bloody gotten it fixed months ago! grrr. So for anyone seriously trying, I would recommend paying the money to get checked out by a gyneocologist, make sure you have had all the shots you need and work out when your ovulation is! Because I have got to say the waiting game only gets harder and harder! My cousin put it really well, in that every month I start to imagine what it will be like if pregnant, then oh it would be nice for a november baby imagining it all, then wham not happening and then do the same the next month, oh wouldn't it be lovely to have a december baby blah blah. Before she said that, I hadn't really appreciated that each month I am imagining a baby that does not even exist and every month I am losing that baby. Pretty sad really - mainly pretty sad that I have gotten myself into such a ridiculous state! -------------
Oct 11
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Posted By: VioletStar
Date Posted: 10 March 2009 at 6:59pm
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Nat
It's been 2 years since we started trying with no success. Totally understand what your cousin said about losing the "baby" every month ------------- Formerly Wishin41 |
Posted By: LouD
Date Posted: 10 March 2009 at 7:39pm
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Nat you said it well about losing a baby every month...........My brain makes me think about losing that sibling i badly want for my son........isnt it crazy that we do that.
Ive been saying the last few days i would love a November baby better than a Jan(we are not trying for a dec too many bdays and anniversarys and xmas etc) Im getting into a little bit of a state (just quietly in my head) as i am only a day or two out from my AF being due. Ive beeng getting a heap of pains and my chart looks good........so ive been managing to build myself on the hope that its stretching pains and my temps have spiked again cos im preg, even though tests say otherwise...............but i have to stop!!! I know deep down these pains actually are just AF pains, and not an invisible baby cells mutiplying and forming an embryo...........Not quite sure how im going to be tomorrow but i have a full on day at work with my new job role of HR so i really hope that im so busy i wont think about it!!! |
Posted By: Flipsta
Date Posted: 16 March 2009 at 1:15pm
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Hi Nat,
My hubby and I have also been trying to conceive since Oct 07. What a roller coaster it has been. I have just had my 35th birthday and it does play on my mind that my time is limited. We are starting IUI treatment in June/July and I have had moments of dispair particulary last month. It is a very hard journey to make.. in fact it is total sh*t at times but I truly believe our time will come. I totally agree with Ginger too. I am making the most of my time with DH cause our lives will soon be turned upside down..in a good way :) Take care 
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 16 March 2009 at 4:01pm
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Yeah, I am 33 so kind of a bit scary when start to think that time might run out if have to wait for IVF for five years...do you have anything wrong or unexplained (like me).
Yes, do have to make the most of the time we have together and we already decided that if not pregnant by this time next year we will make the most of it and go on an extended holiday and then move back to NZ! So that way we have something to look forward to either way  -------------
Oct 11
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Posted By: Flipsta
Date Posted: 17 March 2009 at 10:05am
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Hi Nat,
Yes we do have a bit of an unexplained situation. We did some tests after 9 months and there were some questions marks with DH's motility and morphology but a 2nd test showed improvement so the doc was happy with his results. I seem to be ok but I am getting a laparoscopy in a couple of weeks to make sure all my tubes, etc. are fine. We have done 4 rounds of clomid with no luck so now it is IUI treatment for us. We have decided to take a trip to Europe in May. Sick of putting things on hold all the time waiting to get pregnant. We are both really looking forward to it and the planning of it takes our mind off things. Life does carry on and I have definitely come to the conclusion that we are doing all we can and the rest is out of our hands. Which I guess is the hard part for all of us really. I know it is hard hun. I have decided that every time AF turns up I am going to treat myself to something. A manicure, massage, bottle of bubbles or something like that .
I do believe also that it is all about timing and for some it happens sooner and others it just takes a bit longer |
Posted By: Helen1
Date Posted: 17 March 2009 at 12:07pm
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I can so understand what you guys are going through although I have to say we have now had a bit of success.
DD was conceived after just over a year of trying when I was nearly 35. I felt like time was running out. People say to relax and it will happen (which I firmly believe is the case in most instances of unexplained infertility) BUT THATS NOT EASY TO DO! For various reason we didn't TTC again until DD was 3 - mainly because I didn't want to. Then for the next 18 months nothing happened. As each month passed I wanted it more. A classic case of what you can't have etc etc ........... We got pregnant only to lose the baby at 16 weeks. The hard bit was that we never found out why it died. So TTC again and it took another 18 months. We are pg again now but I can't relax. Am 26 weeks and most days don't worry too much but still don't feel "safe". It's really hard TTC. Hang in there and never give up hope but my one piece of advise is not to live your life TTC. There are other wonderful things out there to enjoy and while it's the hardest thing in the world try to focus more on those things. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Treen
Date Posted: 17 March 2009 at 12:20pm
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TTC carries an unbelievable amount of stress that seems to only grow every passing month for us. That, coupled with other stresses is not a great environment for TTC but for me, it's not a button I can just switch off. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Flipsta
Date Posted: 17 March 2009 at 1:27pm
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You are right Helen, it is all too easy to forget the other wonderful things in life when you want to have a baby.
The problem with TTC is that there is such a small window of opportunity each month and the horrible wait so you are on tender hooks for such a long time. |
Posted By: Helen1
Date Posted: 17 March 2009 at 1:43pm
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I know what you are saying Treena nd Flipsta. That's why I said that it's not easy to do.
In the end I must admit that I got a little like "oh well not this month again" when AF showed but it took a lot to get there. Also with my age (I am now 42) we were going to have to stop at some point and we were fast approaching that point. I have 10 years + on a lot of you guys so you can imagine how loud the clock was.  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 17 March 2009 at 4:19pm
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Flipsta, funny that you havent had your tubes all checked and everything before going on drugs? I think the last test we can have is the post coital one (tee hee, not sure about that one...)
Yeah it is def important to keep appreciating other things in life. I think that the trouble is you start to imagine what it would be like to share these other things with your kiddies ya know, like this probably sounds stupid but we went to the theme parks last year and it was sooooo much fun but we kept talking about how it would be cool with our kiddies and their cousins. But next year I think a break will def be in order if we haven't concieved yet...but we won't be telling the Drs that we are having a break haha! -------------
Oct 11
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Posted By: Flipsta
Date Posted: 18 March 2009 at 9:48am
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Yeah I know. I had all the blood tests done and I am ovulating fine and hormones, etc. all fine.
The only reason they want to do a lap is I get painful periods so they want to discount endo and if I do have it get rid of it. Bit of a roundabout way really and if I do have endo I will be a bit like well those last few months have been a bit of a waste of time! but also woman do get pregnant with endo...who knows so many variables! Thank goodness for medical insurance because it is cositing nearly $6,000. Unbelievable! I got my period this morning and I have to say I am not nearly as upset as last month, I think I have just resigned myself to the fact we are going to need assistance to get pregnant. Bring it on I say!!! But in the meantime I am looking forward to this trip overseas to have some fun, eat and drink and be merry then get back into the fertility game when we get back. Yes I know what you mean, I often think about things like that too with kiddies. Most of my friends have kids so am around them alot and a very good friend of mine is pregnant so that has been hard at times to deal with |
Posted By: Emily281
Date Posted: 18 March 2009 at 12:51pm
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Hey Flipsta - you are lucky ... my lap cost almost $10000 - so yeah Thank goodness for insurance!!
Sometimes I wonder if I'm a bit backwards in the head. We just passed our 2 year mark at the beginning of the year and I find that I'm actually less stressed and less upset about not getting pg each month. I guess because I just don't expect to anymore - am totally expecting that we will need to do IVF. But I've also come to accept that it might not happen for us and that we may never have kids and I think that makes it easier. And it also helps that I'm now moving on with my life and not putting stuff on hold anymore. Am back at uni and really enjoying it and its doing wonders for taking my mind off things ------------- TTC#1: Jan 07 Aug 08: Lap found and excised Stage 3 Endo Nov 08: 2nd lap clear - given OK to TTC after next AF |
Posted By: Flipsta
Date Posted: 18 March 2009 at 1:07pm
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Hi Emily,
$10,000!!! Holy cow that is a decent amount of cash. yes very happy for medical insurance. Did you suspect you had Endo? or was it just a routine lap? I think it is really great that you are feeling that way, otherwise things can just eat you up inside and that is no way to live. We are in the 19 month mark now and I have thoughts of whether it will happen for us. Part of me thinks I am ok with it but another part is certainly not but I feel like you, I don't want to keep putting my life on hold either so I am doing some studies at the moment, we are planning a trip overseas, etc. Life goes on aye
I remember saying to a friend of mine last month when I was having a down moment..."I WILL NOT LET THIS BEAT ME!!! haha oh dear...the crazy things ttc does to us! |
Posted By: Emily281
Date Posted: 18 March 2009 at 1:21pm
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They suspected endo - and it turned out I had stage 3 and that it had rearranged my insides so they excised the endo and relocated my ovaries. Then I had to have another lap 3 months later to make sure that my ovaries had stayed where he put them - and that was another $5000 or something.
I kind of alternate with how I feel. Most of the time I just feel tired of it all and sometimes I think about maybe putting it on hold until I finish my grad dip but then I think I'd had to get to 40 an regret not having kids. I don't think I'd ever regret having them but I probably would regret not having them. I had more tests done yesterday and the specialist thinks that I might not being Oing properly and I broke down with DH last night and was just like what if it's not meant to happen. It seems that every time they fix one thing, something else breaks. It just seems so hard but everyone else can get pg so easily (my mum told me last week that my cousin is pg again - this is her 4th). But I'm feeling a bit better today. I figure we will do everything we can (although I'm having doubts about doing IVF) and then if it still doesn't happen then I'm pretty sure I can live with it. ------------- TTC#1: Jan 07 Aug 08: Lap found and excised Stage 3 Endo Nov 08: 2nd lap clear - given OK to TTC after next AF |
Posted By: LouD
Date Posted: 18 March 2009 at 6:22pm
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Oh Em you sound like you need them at the moment
You stay strong and focus on your studies.....Its a great idea to keep moving forward and doing stuff thats not baby related I keep telling myself to try and think of something else. like my fitness and weight loss etc, cos each day that goes by is sooooo painfully slow!!! Im glad im busy at work, and glad i went back today after MC cos it kept my mind completely off babies.............and cos not everyone at work knows just a couple of ladies, I didnt talk about it once!!! thats my only real sanity at the moment |
Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 18 March 2009 at 6:40pm
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Gee Emily, it sounds like you have had a rotten time of it. How come you had to pay and it was not through public system?
It sucks to keep having these things happen but hopefully they can fix the ovulation fx. The hard thing is to think about living life with no kids. It is not just the babies but when they are grown up and having the same sort of relationship I have with my Mum...that makes me sad. -------------
Oct 11
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Posted By: Emily281
Date Posted: 18 March 2009 at 8:19pm
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Hi Lou - I was sorry to read of your miscarriage. I hope you feel better soon
Nat- I have private health insurace so they paid for it. That's how I know how much it was - although I think if I'd gone public I'd probably still be waiting! Fortunately for me I was referred to the gynaecologist for pain not for fertility issues so I didn't have any issues with getting insurance to cover it like some people do. ------------- TTC#1: Jan 07 Aug 08: Lap found and excised Stage 3 Endo Nov 08: 2nd lap clear - given OK to TTC after next AF |
Posted By: Flipsta
Date Posted: 19 March 2009 at 9:22am
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Chickielou and Emily.....big
I am sorry about the MC Chickielou and Emily I totally know what you mean about everyone else getting pg! I am pretty sure my SIL is preggers although they haven't announced it yet..this will be their 2nd and my best mate is preggers with her 3rd and I get frustruated and envious. Can't do a darn thing about it though. You are doing all you can and let's keep positive to hope that this year is the year for all of us
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Posted By: Emily281
Date Posted: 19 March 2009 at 9:42am
Flipsta - its incredibly frustrating when everyone else gets pg. In addition to my cousin their are 3 guys I work with whose wives are pg - 2 for the 2nd time since we started TTC and 2 with their 3rd. Plus there is a girl I work with who got pg by accident and she keeps complaining about her deadbeat BF! Talk about frustrating  ------------- TTC#1: Jan 07 Aug 08: Lap found and excised Stage 3 Endo Nov 08: 2nd lap clear - given OK to TTC after next AF |
Posted By: Flipsta
Date Posted: 19 March 2009 at 11:13am
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Emily - Feels great to be able to vent on here. I think I would go cuckoo if I couldn't!!
I am organising a baby shower for my friend who is preggers with her 3rd and at times I have wanted to just not want any part of it....made me feel pretty crappy. She actually asked me to do it I wouldn't have done it otherwise I don't think. I actually thought I would be fine sorting it all out but it has been a bit of a roller coaster especially as I know it is just going to be ALL talk about babies and all the woman talking about how they got pregnant , blah blah, blah.......whatever!! However, she is a very good friend and I have to put aside all my feelings and be there for her on the day. As for your work colleague you must feel like shaking her! |