I’m terrified
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Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=24659
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Topic: I’m terrified
Posted By: minik8e
Subject: I’m terrified
Date Posted: 19 February 2009 at 7:45am
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Ok, I need to get this off my chest.
So, as many of you know, I am 9w pregnant with twins. This was a planned pregnancy (although the order was for one!!) after 3 m/c and don't get me wrong, I am really happy. BUT. I am terrified. I keep thinking "OMG what the hell am I doing", how am I going to do this, not just with one, but with two. How are we going to afford it. It sounds so bad, but I am so scared that it takes the gloss off any happiness I feel. Is this normal? I'm worried that I'm going to end up breaking under the fear and not be able to enjoy this pg or the babies when they arrive. |
Replies:
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 19 February 2009 at 8:02am
| Yeah it's totally normal. With Daniel I had regular freak outs. DH was worse though, probably with the finances. I didn't know what to do with a newborn so freaked out about that. As time went on they went away and we came up with a plan to help DH deal with the financial freak outs |
Posted By: choco69
Date Posted: 19 February 2009 at 8:04am
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i know this is normal for alot of women when they are pregnant with one - so guess it will be even more so for twins
you have your DH, your family and friends, and you can always jump on here for advice, venting and virtual hugs remember you are never alone, I am sure you will be an amazing mother |
Posted By: littlestar
Date Posted: 19 February 2009 at 8:05am
Hugs
I have no advise on twins or anything even useful - but I would think its completely normal to panic after the initial shock has passed. Yes there are going to be more things to buy but its not like double everything - just the one pram! I'm sure there are multi mums on here who can give you loads of pratical advise, all I can say is you will manage and you will have two amazing children with twice the love. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 19 February 2009 at 8:09am
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AAwww Kate- your news is HUGE, so be gentle with yourself as most of us freak out at some stage with just one,let alone two! Can you talk to your Mum or a close friend who has kids and see what they 'freaked out' about? They would probably be able to reasurre you even more that what you're experiencing is totally normal. And if you are the 'help yourself' kind of gal (like me lol), then I would be on that internet and phone, finding out what help I am entitled to at all levels....financial, practical, emotional etc. You have time up your sleeve to investigate so go for it. Maybe the Multiple Birth Association would be a good place to start? -------------   http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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I haven't had any financial freak outs...more if DP and I have argued, I get hormonal and worried that I'll end up raising my daughter as a single mother...which I so absolutely do not want, it reall, really scares me. 
In reality, I have nothingto fear, especially on that ground but still if I'm tired or whatever, I do! I also recall being so damn sick and miserable for the first 5 mnths or so AND so scaed of miscarrying again that I didn't bond or even feel excited at all with my baby until t least the 20 weeks scan! Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 19 February 2009 at 8:16am
excuse my awful spelling, it's been a real pg thing for me lol  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: SpecialK
Date Posted: 19 February 2009 at 8:25am
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Minik8e, I don't have any useful advice to offer except to say I have def and still have freakouts! Not financial, but about having a BABY. I had one yesterday, when I just thought, OMG I am going to have a child in less than 3 months!!! AAAHHH!
I've been told it's normal; that doesn't mean I like it or can handle it. When it all gets a bit much, I tend to take some time out... Talking about it also helps. I also found it hard to bond with the bump or be excited about it, until about the 20 week scan and when I could feel it move - then it became a lot more real. Tace care x ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: RunningT
Date Posted: 19 February 2009 at 8:35am
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Minik8e: Congrats on your news. I have no practical advice but send hugs and best wishes. I know this is probably a silly thing to focus on but I imagine that the look on the sonographers/doctors face when they announce it's twins must be priceless.
You will need to keep your feet up so if you want to spend hours watching how a US family copes with twins then sextuplets (6 babies) check out Jon and Kate plus 8 on you tube. There may be some practical advise in all these videos but the kids are so cute so even without practical advice they are a great way to pass the time....... especially when you are 12 days over due
Congrats and best wishes. ------------- 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 19 February 2009 at 9:18am
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Kate, Im on to my second and I have freakouts , especially when C is playing up and I think "im a terrible mother , why am I doing this again ?"
I was scared before I had C, I think its only natural, and I think its a good thing, the fear of the unknown ...and you've been given news you weren't expecting,yeah , your bound to be scared ! have you thought about getting in touch with other women who are expecting twins ? or the multiples support groups ? im sure there are plenty out there feeling just as scared and overwhelmed as you by their "extra additions" But *hugs* hun, i have no doubt you'll be a great mum  ------------- 
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 19 February 2009 at 9:25am
| I think...I'm practically "organised" - the finances are actually well sorted out, we only actually have to buy the two cots and then the little things (nappies, bottles, breast pump which I'll probably hire) - everything has been gifted to us or made for us. I guess I just don't feel like these babies are part of "us" - I don't know, I'm really just so scared!!! |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 19 February 2009 at 9:30am
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Yep, totally normal. Even though I'm on my second, and both pregnancies have been planned, I have days when I feel extremely anxious about having a baby. It doesn't mean you love your babies any less, nor is it any reflection on what you'll be like as a mother (I'm sure you'll be a great mum) but it's only human to fear the unknown. Make sure you do talk things through with people (like us or IRL friends and family) as much as you can because it's when you start bottling things up that they get worse. -------------  
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Posted By: linda
Date Posted: 19 February 2009 at 9:35am
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Hey Kate, have just been there. When you tell people everything thinks it the best news out and don't get me wrong, it is, but it takes some time to get your head around it. I was shell shocked for a few days when we first found out. I went through how my body was going to cope with being pregnant with twins, could I do it, was DH ok with it, how would we generally cope. Even now as we get closer to the due date I have doubts and concerns but I find it helps talking to other twin mums and friends and esp DH. I have also joined the Multiple Birth Assoc and have found that to also be helpful. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Alex 6 and Harry 8 |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 19 February 2009 at 9:51am
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Listen here lovely lady, what you are experiencing is completely normal, you are going through what all of us go through regardless of whether it's one or two babies. You will be fantastic mummy and your children are going to love you regardless of any stresses you may have.
Just keep talking, take time out for you and enjoy. When your little people arrive you are going to experience an immense love and joy and there will be people out there willing to help you anyway possible. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 19 February 2009 at 10:54am
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You don't need to fall in love with your babies straight away. One of the mums in my AN group was really blase about having a baby. People would ask her if she was excited about the impending arrival and she'd be like "What's to get excited about, it's just a baby. Cows have babies, sheep have babies, it's not a big deal". During the first few weeks she did what had to be done for her child (and did it well) it wasn't until he was about 6 wks old that she really fell in love with him. Don't worry if you don't have the connection yet. It will come with time. -------------
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 19 February 2009 at 11:16am
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Linda - so true. Everyone goes - ohhhh how exciting!! And I just want to turn around and say - uhhhhmmmmm only for those who it's not happening to, cos personally I'm not excited at all, I'm more bluddy scared. I am lucky in that we have a HUGE support network, especially with DF's family, but I don't like to come across as....negative I suppose. Having your first baby is such a difficult decision because things are going to change so much - but to have two!!!
I think I'm going to enjoy our honeymoon in a couple of weeks - a week off from anything, just to relax and recuperate. I'm the type of person to internalise feelings a LOT, so it's very hard for me to talk about them IRL - hence why I come on here. I'm semi-anonymous and it's just easier. |
Posted By: ClareB
Date Posted: 19 February 2009 at 11:55am
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Minik8e, it's totaly normal to be worried I had/have my moments as well. hugs. We were so worried about things that we didn't tell anyone untill well in to the second trimester Take care of your self hugs ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 19 February 2009 at 5:15pm
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AWw Kate. Yea It would be totally normal to be freaking- esp growing 2! Def going to be.... hard work to start, but with twice rewards- definately worth it in the end.
Good to hear you have a good support network & dont be shy to use it. Look after yourself chic OT- I saw Caroline, Isobel & Tash today with their Aunt in Oto & thought about you- random  ------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 19 February 2009 at 7:51pm
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I would be terrified too, Kate! But actually I was terrified at various points in each of my pregnancies. Once I can get a plan together in my mind, it helps me relax. You will get a lot of help and support for having twins too, don't forget. You're not alone in this. -------------  |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 19 February 2009 at 9:20pm
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Yep, like everyone else has said, soooo totally normal! I wrote pretty much exactly that in my http://www.ohbaby.co.nz/article.aspx?ContentID=1246 - Pregnancy Diary . All mums to be experience some feelings of anxiety and uncertainty, it's part of the process, and finding out you are having more than one baby is an even bigger adjustment. Unless you are anticipating twins for some particular reason (IVF, family history etc.) then it's a bloody big shock!
MrsMojo is right that you don't need to fall in love with your baby/ies straight away. I didn't bond with the gremlins at all, I was so anxious about whether they'd be OK and whether I'd cope that I never had time to enjoy just being pregnant and having them. But now two years on we have a great relationship, it's taken time and hard work but we're getting there and I've stopped being so hard on myself about their early days. You sound like you have a lot of support around you, and a supportive DH which is a huge step in the right direction, and you also have all of us here, especially fellow twin mummies, to rant at and bounce ideas off. You'll be a great mum! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: tishy
Date Posted: 19 February 2009 at 9:22pm
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minik8e, it's perfectly normal, especially with twins.
Plus your body is under an immense workload growing 2 bubbas that hormones, energy levels get turned upside down. I had many a restless night thinking 'oh feck! oh feck!' during pregnancy. Now they are such a delight and seeing them grow and learn together as completely independent people is an experience I am blessed with. |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 20 February 2009 at 6:59am
| Thanks heaps ladies, I'm slightly better now....I had a huge talk with one of my sisters last night, and she reassured me a little bit. Now to get through the rest of the pregnancy.... |
Posted By: lisa85
Date Posted: 20 February 2009 at 10:09am
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Hey chic big hugs to you
I felt the exactly the same only our situation was we didn't plan it and we had just come back from living in Oz (had sold all our belongings to start again) We had no jobs yet and we're living with my folks for 3 months until we found a place so needless to say we were completely freaked out! But we found our feet in no time got a great house fantastic jobs and now we have 2 beautiful baby girls who are just the centre of our universe and we wouldn't have it any other way. I won't lie the first 6 weeks after the birth was a nightmare for us but we soon got our stride and life ever since has been bliss Your at the start of the most fantastic journey just relax and make the most of it because it goes so fast -------------  
TTC #3 since Jan 2010 - PCOS MC April 2010 |
Posted By: LadyLizard
Date Posted: 20 February 2009 at 6:48pm
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Kate,
I have regular freak out moments and keep telling myself that I am not ready to be a mother, but at 31, I bluddy well should be by now! People (the few we have told) have said to me "you don't sound that excited" and sometimes I;m not I am petrified! Its a big scary thing and a huge change, and if you weren't worried at all THAT would be abnormal. ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com"> 
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