My Preg SIL is angry / jealous of me
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Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=22084
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Topic: My Preg SIL is angry / jealous of me
Posted By: newmum2b
Subject: My Preg SIL is angry / jealous of me
Date Posted: 31 October 2008 at 12:44am
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Hi
I'm 31, a kiwi living in South Africa at the moment - so all my family and good friends are back home. I have been having pg symptoms for the last 2 weeks and think I’m ++ but will find out hopefully 2morrow. My sister in law (25years old) is 5 months pg (1st child) and I was excited so told her I may be also (as I needed someone to confide in) and she freaked out, got really angry and told me I should have waited. I'm not even sure IF I am yet as it wasn’t planned, but my hubby and I would be ecstatic if we were. I'm pretty sure she feels like -if I am- pg I did it on purpose to take away her limelight. I was really upset and hurt by her reaction as I would have thought she would be excited and happy for us. I'm 31 and cant wait forever just so she can be the only one pg!!! Has anyone had this problem before? |
Replies:
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 31 October 2008 at 8:17am
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it could be a case of preggy hormones taking over...
if not then what a silly cow... its her problem and not much you can do about it. good luck. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: pomikiwi
Date Posted: 31 October 2008 at 8:50am
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Poor you thats so selfish.
I hope you are, good luck with testing let us know! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
DD-Carys Amelia 17.03.06 |
Posted By: xox6Girls1Boyxox
Date Posted: 31 October 2008 at 9:09am
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I havent been in your situation but dont worry about what she thinks & if you are you might want to keep it quiet until you reach about 12 wks, coz if your SIL can give you that sort of reaction when you confided in her she may be abit more nasty ( Probaly due to hormones) once everything is confirmed...You dont want to feel bad about being pregnant. It's her problem not yours... Take Care & do keep us informed... ------------- http://www.bump-and-beyond.com/"> 
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Posted By: RubyG
Date Posted: 31 October 2008 at 9:29am
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What a selfish cow! who cares what she thinks - fingers crossed for a + result and a more positive response from others! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 31 October 2008 at 9:39am
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Ruuuude!!!
And an aside so you can be forewarned... i found my psycho tendancies (preggy hormones) were WORSE around 5 to 7 monthsish both times.... ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Mum_mum
Date Posted: 31 October 2008 at 10:49am
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Wouldn't you think she would be happy to know that there will be cousins that will be simalar ages all of their lives rather than be pissed off for having some one pregnant at the same time for 9 mths!
------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
 Angel baby - May 2008
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Posted By: mrsturtle
Date Posted: 31 October 2008 at 11:18am
| I hope its just the hormones and she will be happy for you if you are GOOD LUCK for the test! I found out that we were preg 3 weeks after my brother and his partner announced they were having baby 4 and its going to be great having them around the same age and ive been able to ask lots of dumb questions as its our 1st All the best maybe you could see how shes feeling now mayhave just been a bit of an initial shock??? |
Posted By: jessm
Date Posted: 31 October 2008 at 11:36am
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I agree it was probably just initial shock... I was kind of in the opposite position. I was pregnant, after not expecting to be able to have a baby, then a few months later my sister, who had a year-old boy, announced she was also. My first thoughts - although I didn't vocalise them to anyone except dh - were ones of disappointment that ours wouldn't be the only special baby anymore, and jealousy that she could have another kid... But they didn't last long. Our daughter is now 2wks old, and she is as special as anything to us and to our families, and we are looking forward to meeting her cousin in a couple of months - there will be 3 terrors to create havoc!!
I hope your sister will see it the same way in a few weeks/months. In the meantime, while her reaction might seem unfair, don't be too hard on her. Emotions are funny things, and even when we KNOW we're being stupid & selfish it can sometimes take a few weeks to change them!! After a couple of weeks, I found it great to have someone to talk to who was also going through the same things! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Danaj
Date Posted: 31 October 2008 at 11:47am
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I can understand why someone would feel a bit miffed about it (I think there was a post on here a while ago about a member who had a similar thing happen), BUT, she had no right to have a go at you. If she was upset, she should have kept it to herself as she should know how you are feeling right now.
I wouldn't bother with her anymore. ------------- http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wyI1oWn/"> 
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 31 October 2008 at 11:58am
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I had the same thing Jess. I was 3 months preg when my sis got pregnant and although I was a bit dissapointed my child wouldn't be the only baby in the family for long I never vocalised it. I was so happy for my sister, especially since I knew what a struggle it had been for her (she already had a 4yo son but then had 3 mcs in a row and surgery to remove endo only a couple of months before getting pregnant). I love that Michaela has a cousin close in age, it's a pity they live so far away because the kids get on so well. kiwi-in-SA I'm really sorry that your SIL reacted that way. I hope you get a +ive result and have a great pregnancy and I hope that your SIL gets over herself soon. -------------  
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 31 October 2008 at 12:39pm
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I was jealous when my best friend announced she was pregnant...and i was about 7 months, turned out to be really sillly because, 1) Caitlyn was born first (she was 3 months pg when C was born )so for ages the focus was on my little baby and 2) it wasnt until C was 7 months that her daughter was born ...by which time I was dying for another little baby to play with .
And now its worked out perfectly , because our girls are best friends and have grown up together . However, no matter how jealous I may have been ,I would NEVER have told her ! how rude ! It could be pregnancy hormones making her extra b*tchy ,or she could have a good case of "needs to get over herself " But meanwhile , good luck with yours ! make sure you tell us your results !  ------------- 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 31 October 2008 at 12:42pm
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In fact, Caitlyn's dad and his wife are due with a surprise baby 2 weeks after this one is due...Im not going to get all annoyed that both of us will be giving C a sibling, on the contrary I think shes very lucky, she gets two , for the price of one ! score !
And it also means Angela (her stepmum) is more willing to talk about 2nd pregnancies etc (this is her 3rd) than she probably would be if she wasnt pregnant -------------
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Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 31 October 2008 at 12:46pm
| I was in a similar situation when I was about 6-7 months pregnant with Sam, and everyone was really excitied, especially my dad as it was his first grandchild. My parents are divorced and my dad is engaged to a woman who has a daughter a little older than me. Anyway, I call her my stepsister, she found out she was 16 weeks pregnant around this time meaning that our babies would be three months apart. I was struck by the green-eyed preggy monster and thought she did it on purpose to take my dad away from me, which is bollocks. They boys are 17 months and 14 months old and it's great to have her to bounce ideas off, moan about lack of sleep and stuff like that. So I'm pretty sure your SIL will come around eventually, although it was very rude of her to say something. If she's your SIL doesn't she have a whole family of her own that her baby will be the special one? Sorry if my post doesn't make sense, I'm soooo tired. |
Posted By: RBsMama
Date Posted: 31 October 2008 at 1:21pm
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Good luck with your results, I hope they come back postive!!
I'm 32 and 8 months pregnant with our 1st baby and my big sister (35) told us 2 weeks ago that she's pregnant with her 1st (7 weeks along today). My first thought was "that's awesome" and it never crossed my mind to be jealous etc. Our baby will be the first grandchild for our mum and my mum is so excited to be getting 2 grandchildren in one year. I hope your SIL realises she's been a selfish cow about it and starts to support you. Hugs  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: AzzaNZ
Date Posted: 31 October 2008 at 4:36pm
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Yes... except I'm a bit embarrased to say I was the one who was upset.
We tried for 2 years to get pregnant and when we finally did we were over the moon! And then my SIL announced 4 days later that she was preggie - an oops when she'd forgotten to use contraception. Our daughters are 14 days apart. I was really upset - I'd wanted the focus to be on our baby and had to share it with someone who had nothing nice to say about pregnancy or the baby. It was 9 months of snide remarks about our name choices and it has since been 20 months of unwanted parenting advice. Do I sound bitter? he he he. Anyway, you are completely right... you shouldnt have to plan your family around anyone else and your pregnancy and baby is a blessing! P.s Hi from an SA living in NZ. You tried babynet? those gals rock! |
Posted By: newmum2b
Date Posted: 01 November 2008 at 12:48am
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Hi
Guys thanks for your support. I'm she'll get over it if I am, shes still young and a bit immature still. I still havent found out yet. Fingers crossed though, I'll keep you posted. I'm hopping on a plane and coming home if I am, as you have to pay for everything here in SA, even to have a baby!! Thank God for the NZ health system! Good luck to you all! xx PS - thanks AzzaNZ i'll check it out. |
Posted By: Mamamama
Date Posted: 04 November 2008 at 3:01pm
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Hi, before i begin, congratulations!! I have been in the same situation twice with the same sister in law and was really hurt as, like you, it was'nt intentional and she never did get over it BUT, my mum said at the time, "just be yourself and enjoy this pregnancy as you'll never get it back to enjoy and if you let it affect you she'll have stolen that from you". She has also done herself an injustice by just feeling that way, as in her head her pregnancy is "tarnished" while you're busy enjoying yours. you will also find that people love nothing more than being around a happy, positive glowing pregnant new mum to be! i wish you all the best.
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