help!! what do i say to daddy
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=20555
Printed Date: 22 August 2025 at 6:26am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 11.10 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: help!! what do i say to daddy
Posted By: taylor
Subject: help!! what do i say to daddy
Date Posted: 31 August 2008 at 9:45pm
|
hey guys ok i have a proble
i found out i am pregnant.i have told the father of the baby, we are both in our early 20's now this is the thing, me and ill call him my bf, we were togehter for 3 years, i have been pregnant twice before he was so great loving and suportive, told me what ever i decieded to do he would be there for me. unfortunatly i had 2 misscarages. ok so me and my bf we broke up kinda for around 4 weeks now. when we first broke up he went out everynight to get crunk, some nights would stay at a mates. he didnt talk to me hated me bascially.now 4 or 5 weeks later we still live together, sleep in the same bed, hug and i am very affectionate but he is kinda and then isnt pushing me off but lets it happen u know? sometimes we kiss, and he sometimes says i love ypou back.we are acting as tho we havent broken up, he still cares alot for me.i love him still and want to be back together.yes i have told him so many times ok so now that im pregnant he has said that he will be there for me if i keep it.i said well i want my baby to have a dad whos there all the time not every other day, i want my baby to grow up in a home where it has two parents like i did. today he said, plenty of kids grow up in broken homes???? i said well not my baby!!!!! ok guys he is a great guy, he would be such a great dad, the type of dad who goes camping, and plays lego and onces the kid goes to bed would keep playing untill 3am, he would be amazing you know? but why is he saying that broken homes are ok? i talked to his brother they are very close and he has said nah itll change he will be there bla bla well i wanta know how do men think when told they are going to be a dad and what do i do to make him see we nee to be a family? help please |
Replies:
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 31 August 2008 at 10:11pm
|
OH, ...MY .....GOD
Have you read my diary or something? seriously, that is the same thing that happened between me and mike, it was kinda the beginning of the end when he met a chick online, fell in love with her basically, he broke up with me cos he had no idea how he felt, she rejected him, and we couldn't afford to move out of our flat, so spent actually pretty much every waking moment together, went out to bars with our mates together, still did everything, and a fair few times ended up in the same bed - same as you. And yes...... a few weeks later it was "uh-oh". you know though, we just took it slow. I said to him that i wouldn't judge him or make him do anything he didn't want to do. I was absolutely sure as sure that no matter what - I would have this baby with or without him. I told him it was his decision as to what he wanted to do, If he was to come back, it was to be with me, not because of the baby. Because I would rather my child grew up in an atmosphere where it had 2 loving happy parents, even if they weren't together, than ones that were together just for the kid - because that isn't healthy for the child, and just kinda breeds resentment and unhappiness i think. He totally got that, and after a hairy few weeks, (including some silly person planting the idea in his head that i had been seeing some other guy... ROFL! whatever - and he came to work to talk to me and got me all upset.) anyway, I just gave him room because i already knew my head. Anyway, long long story short. After about another 3 or 4 weeks he decided that yes he might be ok with the idea and we'd give it another try FOR US, the baby was an add-in, but it was OUR relationship that needed working on obviously, and pretty darn quickly. and that was it, here we are 6 yrs later getting married in just over 2 months. We have been through some realllly tough tough times including postnatal depression after i actually had paris, and his depression after ihad ayja, we've been through moving house, through health problems, through a miscarriage last year even more since, and we've grown together - I totally do not think that would have happened had i given him an ultimatum to begin with. Sometimes these things just throw them in too deep and him pushing you away might be his way of trying to get space and figure it alllll out. It really is a personal thing. Know what you want to do, get your head around what you want etc and go from there. Give him room to think, don't badger him and just see what happens. Good luck ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
|
Posted By: Nefertiti
Date Posted: 01 September 2008 at 9:15am
Sorry to hear what your going through. There's not much I can add except don't knock 'broken homes'. That really is a thrashy way to talk of a situation where mum and dad can't live together anymore. From what your saying, my children come from a 'broken home', which is something I've never termed it. And I would say they have come through it pretty well. They still have 2 parent2 who love them to bits (and also my partner) which I think is the main thing here. I'm not saying its right or ok as your bf said. But this is what struke me most in your post. There is no forcing your bf into making a decision. Remember too that early stages of pregnancy can make you very emotional. You both need to know where you stand. And talking is the only way to get through this. Give him time to get used to the idea of a new baby, and you too also. Then talk about everything. Set a time between you both that you can get together and you both know that this is the topic you'll be discussing. Good luck and hope it all turns out well... :) Sheesh I did have something to say after all lol ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
|
taylor wrote:Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 01 September 2008 at 11:22am
I dont have much to say either....
I have no idea what you are going thru...however I agree with Janine that give him space, may be dont share a bed together getting your hopes up...go with the flow. Concider that you have broken up and if it ends up that you guys get back togethre GREAT! if not then you knew that it was coming!! I also agree that this relationship shouldnt work because of Baby....I tell you DH and I went Councelling and they told us that our realationship is like the bridge that hold our baby happy ...the stronger the bridge the happier the child. And broken home doesnt mean that the baby wont have two loving parents...its how you guys behave with each other infront of baby is the most important thing. You guys could be together and hate each other, you are nasty to each other etc...baby with pick up on that. What would you prefer for the baby?? I guess you and BF have much to talk about, dont beat around the bush...have a serious talk as to what exactly you guys are doing!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 01 September 2008 at 2:10pm
|
maybe he doesn't want to get his hopes up? The last 2 times with a pregnancy it ended apprubtly so maybe he is a bit disbelieving that this pregnancy will actualyl happen. Not that tehres anything wrong with him feeling like that! my DH was like that after we got pregnant the 2nd time (1st ending in MC). he didn't really accept that we were having a baby at first, he'd still plan things for later that year adn talk about going overseas, til we were 12 weeks pregnant and had the 1st scan. Then he was like "oh sh*t, we having a baby! (in a good way!)"
Take it slow and don't worry about things til you're over 12 weeks. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: Danaj
Date Posted: 01 September 2008 at 2:13pm
|
What's that saying? "It's better to be FROM a broken home than living IN a broken home".
I know plenty of confident competent mothers (and fathers) raising children on their own. All the better for the children as the relationships were volitile and unstable. The fathers (and in some cases, mothers) were unreliable, dishonest and useless. The children miss their fathers but stability and love has returned to the home and the kids don't have to deal with insecurities and constant disappointments with broken promises. Not to mention they don't have to listen to arguements. My personal opinion is that it is better to have a secure and loving part time dad than having two full time parents who argue. I think the worst thing that can happen is two people staying in a relationship purely because a baby is on the way. If being apart means you can both be supportive and loving, then perhaps sometimes it's just better that way. Just my opinion of course. ------------- http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wyI1oWn/"> 
|
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 01 September 2008 at 2:39pm
I dont really know what to say either but I really feel for you having to go through this
The only thing I will say is that, it would be better for the baby to have two parents not living together who get along, rather than two parents living together with problems and that are fighting. ------------- |
Posted By: mrsturtle
Date Posted: 01 September 2008 at 4:36pm
|
Hmm # 1 thing dont stress too much! Easy to say i know but you need to keep healthy for you and the wee one.
My younger brother and his partner have gone through this exact situation the got engaged really young and then after the 2nd MC it started to turn to custurd they were broken up and living in different towns but he still visited as a "friend" and poof pregnant she was 19 and he was 20 when baby arrived (as she decided to keep the baby no matter what my wee snot of a brother did) they spent the first 9 months living apart and i give her full credit she has done an amazing job! both the families gave her heaps of support and Now their georgeous daughter is 18 months and my brother and his partner are now living together and giving it all a real go. I guess if you have made your position clear you just need to give him the space to make his mind up - again i know its easy said... I agree with the others dont let him push you into making a choice to soon emotions are pretty high for the first wee while All the best and just remember YOU are an AMAZING woman who can so ANYTHING!!!!! Sorry for the novel |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 01 September 2008 at 9:49pm
|
Well first of all, having a child who was born into a "broken home" i agree with what the others have said ...Better to have two happy parents living apart , than two miserable ones living together for the sake of the child.
My daughter has never known her father and i to be together, and she is one of the most self confident , happy six year olds i know. As for the rest....i would just suggest that you take each day as it comes, dont try and sort everything out straight away , there is obviously a lot of issues that need to be talked over and resolved. I know its a cliche, but if its meant to be...it will be , if its not, then the most you can hope for is a good friendship...in the end your child will appreciate that more than parents that were together and miserable ------------- 
|