Home help after having a baby
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19716
Printed Date: 12 September 2025 at 5:03pm
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Topic: Home help after having a baby
Posted By: my4beauties
Subject: Home help after having a baby
Date Posted: 01 August 2008 at 6:58pm
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I'm curious as to what help you've have had, after giving birth, whether first time, 2nd or more.
I visited a friend today who had her 2nd child on the weekend. Her DH has taken a week off to be at home to help, and her sister has come from out of town to stay til the weekend to help. Once her sister goes home, her mum will be coming for a week or so to help. Then her Dh will take another week off to be at home & help. When my friend had her first child 2.5 yrs ago, her Dh stayed home for a week, then her mum came to stay for 2 weeks afterwards.
It got me thinking, as I think my friend is very spoilt to have this help after giving birth. I'm only envious because I didn't have this after giving birth. Dh operates his own business and couldn't take time off (he's a tradesman), although was home in the evenings & the weekends. My mum would come in for a few hours a day to do some housework, and would also cook us dinner for the first 2 weeks after baby was born. This was a huge help. Otherwise everything was up to me. Ideally I would've loved Dh to be home for the first 2 weeks after having baby, and then someone else (probably my mum), to stay for a week. Having someone there 24/7 would take such a huge load off, and especially when you have your 2nd & 3rd child, it would mean I could just concentrate on myself & the baby, and the other children be taken care of by Dh or my mum.
So was I one of the majority who didn't get this help afterwards, or were you all very lucky to have someone home with you to help for the first few weeks? ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 01 August 2008 at 7:04pm
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After I had Andrew my little sister (she is 6 years younger than me) came round after school each day to help me. My mum and my MIl also came around every second day to help out as well, brought food for us to eat and did the dishes and washing for me. Josh, Dh had 2 weeks off work (he took 2 weeks of my PPL) to be at home with me and Josh and do things round the house. My mum and MIL again helped out, this time my mum did a lot more as she knew how bad Josh's winding was and she often winded him at night for me. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 01 August 2008 at 7:05pm
| Yup, DH took 4 weeks off. But it wasn't so much to help as such though that part was a great bonus, it was more so we could both get use to having a child and both form a great bond with Daniel. With #2 we want to do the same |
Posted By: happymumma
Date Posted: 01 August 2008 at 7:07pm
| My husband took a week off as annual leave and then ended up having to take another three precious days as we needed him to help with the nightmare that was feeding! I was lucky 'cause my mum could pop in each night and she made sure we were fed for the first week otherwise I don't think we would have eaten. It would have been fantastic to have someone there during the day for a little while after DH went back to work as I was very stressed about feeding but we got there in the end! |
Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 01 August 2008 at 7:12pm
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I'm really lucky - DH was home for the first week, which was the week from hell. One sister also flew up on the day we came home from hospital (unplanned, but so was the bad birth experience); the day she left, another sister came up for a week. She leaves tomorrow; then MIL arrives on Sunday for 10 days. Then we'll be on our own. So all up, we've got family with us for the first 3 1/2 weeks post arrival home from hospital; they've done all the cooking and cleaning, lots of comforting when DH and I haven't known what to do or have been in tears, and have generally been a fab support.
Prior to Daniel's arrival, we planned to have 2 weeks home alone together to sort out our routine etc; I can't imagine what would have happened if we hadn't had people here straight away - we just didn't know what hit us - Daniel had not read the books about sleeping and feeding! ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: WRXnKids
Date Posted: 01 August 2008 at 7:30pm
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Im extra extra lucky dp works for himself and our lease ran out at our flat 6 weeks before i was due so we moved into my parents place in invers and are still here. We will move out when im due back at work (took a year) so will have to head back to chch unless dp decides to work down here then we will look for a place down here.
DP is away a lot tiding up work or drag racing but i can go with him where we stay at his mums or i stay here with my parents. Was going to be on my own for half a week a wee while ago but then my sis decided to come down and stay so it will be one hell of a wake up call when we do get our own place. -------------   
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Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 01 August 2008 at 7:33pm
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Never had any sort of help. After I had Alize on the sunday I was down at school on the Monday afternoon picking up my girls. Life was just back to normal with the four of us. I cooked, cleaned and and went for walks. Its was such a serene (sp?) time compare to now working and having a life on full speed. Italiah your friend sounds very lucky for all that home help and support. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 01 August 2008 at 7:47pm
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Well I have never really had anyone DH for a week with Alan and 3 day's with Mikey. So this time he is having 2 full week's off so can't wait. And I found out today that I will be getting ome home help through the hospital. So will be very differnt this time round. ------------- Deborah Mum to:   
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Posted By: Mum2ET
Date Posted: 01 August 2008 at 7:56pm
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I was quite lucky and DH took 6 weeks off work when Ella was born. It was great having him at home and he was in charge of doing most of the cooking and doing some of the cleaning, giving me a chance to rest and concentrate on Ella. It also gave him a chance to spend some time bonding with Ella. ------------- Mum to Ella (5) and Tom (2) |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 01 August 2008 at 8:08pm
After I had Hannah by c/s, my MIL came around for about the first week - every couple of days - to do a load of washing and some dinner prep. My DH had a couple of days off (stats) because of her being born right after Christmas. With Briona, I had no outside help but DH managed to get something like 5 days off work/study - but then we all got sick  After Kryssi, DH had a week off work (unpaid tho cause he was casual) and at about 8 weeks, we started employing a housekeeper for 1 1/2 hrs a week.-------------  |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 01 August 2008 at 8:10pm
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When I had Maya Mum came to stay for a week, she left when Maya was 8 days old and then I was on my own. Willie didn't take any time off coz we were barely even speaking at the time.
When I had the gremlins I had nothing. Willie used up all his leave while I was on bedrest during pregnancy and my parents were in Portugal. I got a nanny in when they were 10 days old for 20 hours a week which was partially govt funded due to having twins, but overall I had very little support. I drove myself home from Birthcare even. I think the lack of support is one of the major factors in me ending up with pretty serious PND. With Chiara I have had so much support it is completely overwhelming. Kels was here the week she was born, then Mum and Dad came the day we were due home from Birthcare and stayed a week, and the plan was for my sister to come in a few weeks time, but Mum ended up coming back this weekend for a funeral. On top of that I have the nanny 20 hours a week (which I guess doesn't count coz I have to pay her lol!), and Maternal Mental Health have been sending in a respite nurse at night 3 nights a week to help out with the gremlins who don't sleep. Plus I have had heaps of friends drop off meals, take the kids out to give me a break etc. Completely overwhelming, and I hope one day to be in a position to repay some of it! It does make me sad that I didn't have that support after the gremlins tho, how different things might have been... ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 01 August 2008 at 8:55pm
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None. DH took two days off work after Cooper was born, (a Wednesday) and he was back at work on the Monday.
No one offered to do meals, washing, pick the older two up from school, I was taking Cooper to pick the kids up at 5 days old. In fact it was the same with Nyah too. I was just left to fend for myself. 
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Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 01 August 2008 at 9:32pm
I've been lucky. DH took a week off both times. Mum then took a week off after & stayed to help. My gran stays with us 4 days a week + to help since Gina was 2 months old. Gosh, makes me feel like I have it easy  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 01 August 2008 at 9:49pm
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Oh Emma, this makes me so sad! ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Maya wrote:Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 01 August 2008 at 9:54pm
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LOL don't worry Italiah, I still guilt my mum about it, my m/w came to do a home visit when mum was here last week and she said to mum "do you know that Emma STILL goes on about you going to Portugal" and mum was like "uh huh." Mind you, my m/w wasn't impressed when it happened! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 01 August 2008 at 9:55pm
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DH took about a week off and then went back to work, which in some ways was good as I would feel guilty that he was doing things and I wasn't so I would get up and help out. I think I rested a bit more once he went back to work.
My parents live not far away and generally someone would call in after work for a cuppa and a chat. I don't remember too much help with the housework etc but the company was nice. I did all the cooking, cleaning etc except for the usual help DH gave me. the in laws came when Jack was about 6wks or so as they live in SI. Although it was good of them to come it was more work than help! I think I had a bit of post natal distress (not as bad as PND but worse than baby blues) and in part I think it was due to not much help. That and having trouble getting used to no one around and such a change in my life. I think my Mum's lack of help in the housework dept was because she didn't think about it, she never had help with us as her parents were in the SI and my other Grandma wouldn't have helped much. As Mum didn't have help it never occured to her to help me. Plus I didn't ask for help, thinking it showed I couldn't do my 'job'! So silly of me really!! Next time I will ask DH to take t least 2wks, longer if possible ------------- Lindsey 
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Posted By: aussiegirl
Date Posted: 01 August 2008 at 10:14pm
My DH took 3 days off work and I had help from MIL and my SIL and good friend, all popping in once a week for a few hours with shopping etc. 4 weeks on and I have my mum here from Aussie. Its been awesome as she helps with winding Hayley and settling her after Ive fed her. And has cooked evry night too. I'm lucky to have her here for another week too  ------------- Mum to Hayley **30.6.08
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 01 August 2008 at 10:23pm
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DH had two weeks of once I came out of hospital which was awesome and I really needed him there as we have no family in this country to come and help me and with having the c/s there was a lot I couldn't do. He kept the house clean, cooked dinner, did all the washing etc and I just concentrated on Spencer.
This time I hope he can take two weeks off again although some of that time might be wasted when I'm in hospital as he will need to look after Spencer whilst i'm there. I would love to have family closer to help, although I wouldn't want them to be staying with me as people tend to irritate me quite easily. ------------- 
 
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Posted By: MissAngel
Date Posted: 02 August 2008 at 8:50am
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I'm super super lucky - my other half works from home, and my mum moved in with us when Thomas was born and hasnt left! I honestly dont know what I would have done without her - Matt can be a bit.. whats the right word.. cant think of one right now, but he's not the most helpful person in the whole word eg: baby needs changing and I'm cooking dinner, so he'll say he'll be there in a minute, but I end up doing it because he's got sidetracked lol. Although I have an extra full house now, I wouldnt have it any other way! ------------- Alex, Thomas and Lily http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 02 August 2008 at 9:09am
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When I had Ella DH took a week off work, but he still had to go in a few times for urgent jobs. My Mum was working just down the road and would pop up when she could, or if I rang her in tears, lol!
No one offered help with food or cleaning or anything and we were pretty overwhelmed, although we were too proud to admit it! With Benjy DH took a couple of days off and then it was just me again. BIL & SIL cooked us a meal on the second night which was lovely though. I was lucky then though, Ella wasn't in kindy or regular activities yet. If she had been, it would have been much harder. ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: peachy
Date Posted: 02 August 2008 at 9:27am
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My DH took no time off at all, not even one day. He came home early, like around 3pm for the first week but that was it. I much preferred him to be at work earning us good money so I could stay at home longer. That was the compromise.
But my Mum cooked us dinner and did our washing for about a month after Lauren as born. So although DH wasn't around all that much, my Mum was a godsend. She also used to pop around in the afternoon and she would look after Lauren while I either got a sleep or she would drag me out for walk around the block to "clear my head" and Lauren would sleep in the buggy. If it wasn't for my Mum I don't think I would have coped at all. I had the worst baby blues anyone could ever have had  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 02 August 2008 at 12:33pm
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DH took 2 weeks off, but as I spent 5 days in birthcare, the first week was pretty much spend there. In the 2nd week he went into work a few times for a few hours at a time. Although my mum / brother live about 25mins away, there werent much help....mum did pop over quite a lot in the first couple of weeks and when she was here she would put a load of washing on, but no-one ever brought us a meal. In fact when people did come and visit - I would end up making sandwiches etc for them. Grrrrr!!! I am still pretty "bitter" that I gotr zero support from friends.....no one ever came over just to make me a cuppa even!!! Dhs family live down country, so didnt expect the ILs to be able to support in any way, but my own family would pretty crap too!! ETA - its an interesting thought about whether more support = less likely to get PND. I think if I had got more support then I would have been more likely to try and bf for longer, which would def have helped with preventing the PND. I think I put an awful lot of pressure on myself to "just get on with it"....mainly as I had no choice.....but think that the pressure I put on myself was unreasonable in hindsight.
------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Lulu
Date Posted: 02 August 2008 at 3:39pm
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I had a c-section so DH took a week off to help. I was fine at the end of the first week so he went back to work. We have our own business, so it's hard to take extended periods of leave. ------------- Lou http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 02 August 2008 at 3:45pm
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Awwww Sam, I would have come over to make you a cuppa ... but then you probably wouldn't have appreciated the germy gremlins invading your space
I definitely think lack of support factored hugely in my getting PND, from the fact that I had undiagnosed antenatal depression and anxiety that should have been picked up by my m/w, GP, OB or any number of other health professionals I was involved with at the time (altho I was very good at hiding it) right thru to the physical demands of caring for two babies who fed badly, screamed loudly and didn't sleep. Even one night a week of unbroken sleep might have been enough to break the cycle. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 08 August 2008 at 12:04pm
| We were stuck in hospital for 8 weeks and while the medical care was fantastic the mothering advice was not! I am now at home on my own, very hectic very stressful and I love it! I have no family here and my Mum passed away last year so its not always easy but at least its my way! Hubby is awesome but he brings home the bacon so just me and the little dot muddle our way through the day. My heart goes out to anyone with more than one though I cant even begin to imagine how hard that would be! |
Posted By: kathyandbub
Date Posted: 08 August 2008 at 12:56pm
| i had a c section and was in hospital for 5 days, my mum lives an hour and a half away but she came over and had to go back on the day i went home and my partner couldnt take time off and he doesnt live with me, i live with my dad who couldnt take time off either9not that i excpted him to) so when my mum went home i cryed i was so scared i had this little baby to look after all by myself! but i was lucky to have an easy baby and it all turned out good in the end my mum would come over once a week for first few weeks and people helped out wear they could |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 08 August 2008 at 2:06pm
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With Josh I lived with my parents so lots of help. Brooke I only stayed overnight in the home and then went home. My partner at the time was no help at all so did it all myself.
With rhyley Dh took 2 weeks off work and it was good to get the other 2 etc... He made use of his time off working outside most of the time. i got home help thru the hospital cause he was a ceasar baby so got that for round 3-4weeks which was great cause it meant I didn;t have to vacume or clean the bathroom. I didn;t get any food cooked for me though - sad But I was luckier than most and didn't feel like i didn't have any support.------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 08 August 2008 at 3:54pm
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Dh took two weeks off work. Thats all the help I got. He cant cook so it was up to me to cook as soon as I got out of hospital. It was also school holidays so it was pretty hard having her at home as I couldnt get any sleep. I cant help but feel envious of your friend too!
BTW - My best friend had a baby 4 weeks ago. When I went to visit her i asked how long hes sleeping during the night and she said "Im not sure, my sister gets up to the baby" 
I dont even think we got a cooked meal or even a cake from anybody! ------------- Mummy to two beauties... Formerly Kaiz. |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 08 August 2008 at 4:12pm
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oh I know someone whose mother was doing all the night stuff - she lived with her mum and her mum even had the baby in her room. Although it sounds bliss i know i wouldn't of wanted that - My mum never had Josh in her room at night (even when i begged her to once) . Now I know she did the right thing - he was MY baby and MY responcibility. ------------- Ann
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: DJ
Date Posted: 08 August 2008 at 4:29pm
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We came home from the hosp 4 hrs after A was born and had a lovely 2 weeks with DP at home getting to know our wee bubba.
Everything went down hill when my Mum arrived for week 3 and DP went back to work. Mum had absolutely no advice, and while she cooked she made such a mess of the kitchen DP and I were constantly wiping down the fridge door and the drawer handles, taps etc, and Mum was always stressing about what to have for the next meal - I just told her to got and look in the freezer and see what was there, but she wanted to go to the supermarket EVERY day (and I had to take her!) Arrrrgh - and she moaned about her own problems - seriously!!! Mum stayed a week, afterwhich I was left to my own devices. Some neighbours brought over dinners which was lovely, and friends bought baking, which was also much appreciated. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: kriss
Date Posted: 08 August 2008 at 4:56pm
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my dh will be taking a week off and i expect my mum will pop around most days to do a load of laundry and have a cuppa tea, she lives 5min away so i am quite lucky. and i think the crockpot will be my friend ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
Little Angel, April 10
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