Whats wrong with me?? :(
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Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19366
Printed Date: 22 August 2025 at 8:18am
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Topic: Whats wrong with me?? :(
Posted By: Roksana
Subject: Whats wrong with me?? :(
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 11:35am
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Hi guys,
Some of you most probably dont know this but I had my anatomy scan on Friday....baby was great, moving heaps and sonographer said it all looks great!! So YAY for that!! The whole time baby had both legs stretched and on top of each other so they couldnt see what I was having, at the end they did a Butt shot and the knees were still together and they couldnt see any "Boy Bits" so they said to me that its hard to say but from that shot it looks like a girl!! I had a look at home again and yes there are no Boy bits on the shot but there are no 3 lines for girl either (Like there was with DD). My heart sank!! I was kinda dissapointed that it was not a boy! I am carrying like a boy, all symptoms are diff from DD and I always thought I will have a girl first and boy later.... I know DH is dissapointed too but wont show it...he makes jokes like...thank god all three girls can go ourt shooping and leave me alone on a weekend...YAY!! I love this baby...more that life it self...any one who knows me knows that I would dies for my kids and that I am soo paranoid about my pregnancies as I dont want to loose my babies! I was watching the DVD's and thinking Awwwwww My baby...but at the same time feeling sad that its not what I was expecting! and secretly hoping that the next scan will show a boy!! I am ssooooo worried that what I am feeling will be passed thru to baby and it will feel unloved because thats not the case at all....and at the same time I cant shake this feeling either!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!! I feel like sh*t mum......but I love this baby and tell baby every day that I do....as I write this I feel like bursting in to tears...but cant as I am ar work!! WHATS WRONG WITH ME GUYS??  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: first
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 11:41am
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*hugs* I think it can take a little while to adjust once you know what you are getting. Don't feel bad that you had preference for a boy, its very natural to want one of each.
I think that given time you'll more than likely get very excited about your babys gender - whatever it is. Will you be getting another scan a little later on as it was unclear what she was?? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/"> 
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 11:56am
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Yah...I will talk to my MW on Thur and ask to have another scan...may be after 25 weeks! I got told I was having a girl with DD at 28 weeks.
I was gona go back and do a 4D scan any ways at 30weeks...so not sure!! Thanks for the hugs!! I need it!  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 11:59am
awww hun its called disapointment not on the bubs just the sex of the bubs big hugs hun that baby knows you love it 
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Posted By: EmDee
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 12:10pm
In short ... NOTHING!  I'm sure its perfectly normal to have some expectations of the sex of your bubs. As you say you won't love bubs any less if it turns out to be a girl. I felt disappointment when I first found out we were having a girl (I was so certain that it was a boy and had that picture in my head). Now she is here I wouldn't change her for the world.
You're a great mum Roksana (even though I don't know you IRL I can tell by the way you write about your DD).  ------------- DS 8 DD 6 DS 4 DD 2 |
Roksana wrote:Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 12:29pm
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...thanks guys...you make me wanna cry...*holding back tears* ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: noodle
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 12:37pm
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hun bubs knows you love it no matter what it is ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 12:38pm
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aww sweetie... i dont think the baby will know. sometimes it just takes a while for stuff to sink in... but i dont think you should count it out just yet... i took ages to accept that i was having a girl... you're completely normal! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: RBsMama
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 12:56pm
I think your bubs is lucky to have a mummy like you Roksana and I'm sure once you have your next scan, you'll feel alot better ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 1:03pm
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I was so certain that i was having a girl with Caitlyn (and obviously in this case i was right) and if they had told me at the scan it was a boy, i would have been disappointed .
It doesnt mean your horrible or theres something wrong with you love, it just means your human . And as Deb said, baby wont know , its hard with these kind of "maybe " scans cos you dont really know what to feel ! big hugs hun , and stop being so hard on your self
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Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 1:36pm
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Posted By: Natalie_G
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 1:48pm
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Even though I have never been in this situation before there is nothing wrong with you, and bub knows you love it. I think it could also be the not 100% sure on the sex which can be hard. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 2:10pm
| Aww hun its OK! I feel the same way about being told I'm having another boy, I would be disappointed but doesn't mean I won't love bubs any less. |
Posted By: Mazzy
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 2:52pm
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Yup, you're totally normal. When we found out with DD1 that she was a girl (at the scan) I felt sad that we weren't having a boy - in the same way that I would have felt sad if we'd found out she was a boy and we weren't having a girl. I think it's just as much a sadness about losing that possibility and even grieving for the 'loss' of your little boy that was in your mind. Doesn't mean you won't love and celebrate your little girl, but give yourself time to let go of the idea of a boy.
------------- Mum to two gorgeous girls! |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 2:56pm
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I was so angry when I found out Charlotte was a girl, I really didn't want a girl at all, I cried and was a real nasty betch about it.
I also knew that once I had her, it would be fine, and you know what? It was. Totally normal, chook. Chin up! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 3:07pm
i felt exactly the same way when we found out jack was a boy! my pregancy with charli was exactly the same as it was with jack, so i was 100% sure i was having another boy and was really excited about it......then she popped out a girl and i was a little disappointed...until i looked at her
your feelings are totally normal hun...and don't stress, you'll love that bubba no matter what and once you meet him/her, you'll forget all about these feelings!  ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: mrshouse
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 3:46pm
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hey roksana- i really understand where youre coming from- my scan was different and i came away still not knowing what i have......and like i said b4 stupid scan lady for telling you when you didnt know- and i came away so angry and disappointed- imagine if i was told-oooh maybe its a girl!.............i would feel just as you do im sure......easier said than done but if you "know its a boy" i would just dismiss what the scan lady said....that maybe...........cus really you dont know........im so certain mine is a boy that im trying to prepare myself if its a girl.........so youre not alone..and theres nothing wrong with you............ ------------- http://www.baby-gaga.com/"> 
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Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 3:47pm
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Nothing is wrong with you. Absolutely nothing. And I dont think that you are a bad mom or that you dont love your baby.
I think you are feeling a bit sad for the loss of a dream you had. We all have those moments. Not just when we are moms. For me it was when I realised I am not going to be a dr. Doesnt mean I dont like my life the way it is it just means that you have every right to "mourn" the loss of a dream. It doesnt take anything away from the baby that you were given. Whether it is a girl or not. It does become a problem if you start obsessing about it but from the little I know you I know that you are a great mom and will be as well. And if it is a girl I bet that in a years time you will look back and realise you were given what you were meant to have and that this paticular soul was meant to be in our family. Regardless of sex. Hugs ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 4:54pm
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Thanks Guys...you wont believe it but it makes me feel lighter to be able to share my feelings with you all...and have such wonderful post back!
In heart of heart I know that regardless of bubs sex I will love it too death so its all good! I am not worried that after baby is born I will some how love it less...I am just worried that what I am feeling now is going to feed thru to baby and it will think that "mummy didnt really want me as a girl!!" I know it sounds crazy but I really want this dissapointment feeling to goooooo away!! NOW!!  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 6:13pm
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Awww don't worry. The fantastic thing is that you have a while to get used to the idea (not just on the birthday!!). When I carried DD2 she carried quite different from DD1 as well, it's a pregnancy to pregnancy thing not necessarily a gender thing. -------------  |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 7:24pm
Well chick , if thats true then im amazed Caitlyn loves her dad so much , he spent most of fhe first months telling me to get rid of her , and shes never said to me , "mum when i was in your tummy , you sometimes thought you were making a big mistake a?" Baby wont know hun, allow yourself to feel all that you need to feel now, dont try and force yourself to get over it . |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 8:22pm
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Roksana. I felt the same way with Ayja. I was so sure she was a boy, i carried different, i had worse symtpoms, i was sure i wanted "one of each" as everyone else always thinks you'll be wanting opposite the second time too.
We had a name picked out and everything, off we went for our scan to see our wee boy "Leo"... only - it wasn't a boy. I made them check again. I had been so sure, I felt slightly dissapointed really, not only was it another girl but now we had no name either, mike worried that the new girl would "replace" his little princess paris. I had another scan at 33 weeks, and AGAIN i made them double check,... nope, still a girl - (like she would have changed in 13 weeks...) I packed my hospital bag, and put in a blue outfit too for "just in case they were wrong". You know what.. out she came, a girl, like i'd been told a million times. And she was great. Now, I do sometimes wonder about being mum to a boy. I was hoping that #3 would have been a boy, but then again, if 2 girls is fun, just think how fun 3 would have been. I love being a mum to girls so much. it's neat fun. Give yourself time to work through it. Baby won't know.. like others have said. Sometimes i think what other people expect get us to thinking what we might like - or gives us a picture of having "one of each" or whatever. Just chill on it, check again if you have another scan and take it easy. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 8:26pm
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oh and if it IS another girl - then yeah - am sooo hanging out for shopping in their teens. We can get our girls together and they can spend all our money for us Roksana - you know - when we're old and grey and in the "terrible teens" thread that Emma would have had started for us oldies. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 8:49pm
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LOL Janine...I was hoping you would come in here!! Because you too are gmum to two girls (and man are your daughters just the perfect little ones).
You know you are right!! I am going to check again and if it is a girl then YAY for Zaara and I. DH will love her too as he is totally in love with his princess. Thanks every one!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 23 July 2008 at 9:57am
That is such a good idea...imagine that....8 girls plus 3 mums all shopping!! Eeekks ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Mazzy
Date Posted: 23 July 2008 at 10:51am
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I'll second that - two girls are pretty great! ------------- Mum to two gorgeous girls! |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 23 July 2008 at 9:16pm
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I girls! Not that I'm biased or anything.... ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 23 July 2008 at 9:20pm
| I love girls too ! and secretly id like next one to be a girl (and so would Caitlyn !) ..tho if its a boy i'll be happy with that too ... |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 23 July 2008 at 10:18pm
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LOL Emma....You are not Biased at all...if I had your girls I would too... they are way tooo beautiful!!
Honestly guys...I am feeling sooo much better now...starting to get use to idea of having another girl. DH and I love every moment with Zaara and I am sure we will be same with this one!!
Oh but I am worried about my bank balance with all the cute things I have to buy for two girls! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: xox6Girls1Boyxox
Date Posted: 24 July 2008 at 11:36am
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Hi hun, Your perfectly normal for how you are feeling.
My 1st pregnancy I did'nt care what I had as long as he/she was healthty & she was but I've felt dissapointed like that for my next 5 pregnancies although 2 out of the 5 I didnt know what I was having & my reaction at those 2 births was rather shocking.
After pushing them out I sat up eagerly to see if there were any dangly bits but no, as soon as the MW said " It's a girl" I just said Oh F**k & slumped back down onto the bed, I was very disgusted with myself actually so I dont really know why I done it twice but with each of those births as soon as baby was given to me I snapped out of that buzz & just loved them to bits...
For the other 3 pregnancies I was told at scan what they were & each time they said girl my heart dropped and I secretly hoped and prayed they were wrong, but no they were right,.
Anyway long story short If Im told tomorrow it's another girl I will be a tad disappointed because this is going to be my last bby, but it's gonna be loved unconditionally.... Plus it will save me so much money coz I can just hand the clothes down, hehe
You'll be ok sweet, its tottaly natural....xox ------------- http://www.bump-and-beyond.com/"> 
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 24 July 2008 at 2:37pm
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I guess you know the feeling huh? I am sooo hoping bor a boy for you...more so than me!!
Here is hoping....*baby you still have one day to grow bits if you havent already*  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: xox6Girls1Boyxox
Date Posted: 24 July 2008 at 3:24pm
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I hope you get your boy to Roksana, if not this time then in the near future but I can just imagine you & DH walking proudly with your 2 beautiful children regardless of there gender...
I have the strongest feeling that Im gonna have another girl but thats ok coz I seen the most gorgeous outfit the other day at PP & i wanted to buy it there and then along with about 10 other items, hehe, I think if DP wasnt with me I would have brought them. I just hope they are still there tomorow after I find out.... ------------- http://www.bump-and-beyond.com/">
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Posted By: cat007
Date Posted: 24 July 2008 at 5:15pm
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We know how you feel and it is so normal.
I desperately wanted one of these twins to be a girl as I think these will be our last. I am delighted to be having boys now but part of me still grieves over the fact that Im not going to have a girl to dress-up, do make-up with or to pass on down my childhood toys to. On the other hand - the 3 boys will all be great mates and will be able to play together well and do boys-stuff like camping together. Every time I have another scan (there's been a few now) I get them to check again just incase they were wrong. Nothing changes - oh well. Whatever sex they are was meant to be. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  [/url http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 24 July 2008 at 6:04pm
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Oh how exciting Cat...twins...wow!!
I know what you mean hun as If I had a Boy and was having another I would be exactly the same...as I aways wanted one of each... I am starting to really warm up to the idea of two girls....it will be funny if its a boy...He he ha ha ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 24 July 2008 at 6:09pm
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reading your post cat reminded me how - before i had eden this is - i was always glad that i didnt have a girl because of all the girly stuff i would miss out on - like periods, fashion, dating all that eek stuff - but just a little bit sad that i would always be the "other nana" when it came to grandkids... stupid huh! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 24 July 2008 at 11:07pm
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haha Roksana - shopping for 2 girls - it gets worse cos you can now justify spending more on something "because it will get used twice!" lolol. Paris gets neat stuff, cos i know ayja will get to use it.... ayja is still at the stage where she thinks it's awesome kool to get Paris's hand-me-downs, but i still have to buy things for ayja too cos i feel guilty that Paris gets all the new stuff. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 24 July 2008 at 11:09pm
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haha, we should make a date for 10 years down the track to meet up somewhere and take our girls shopping - see how much fun we think it is then with kids that are now around 12 - 15/16yrs old. oh the joy PMSL ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 25 July 2008 at 11:10am
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LOL....Yah I know it would be crazy fun!!
As for Hand-me-downs....well I guess In the begining since all Zaara's baby stuff are in perfect condition Baby will wear it! als all those beautiful dresses (I was gonna sell on Trademe if it was a boy) will now get used...Thank God as Zaara only wore some of those once!! I will still buy new stuff for both...I know ME!! DH will tie me to the table every time I mention shopping!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 26 July 2008 at 12:10am
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*excited gasp * AND YOU CAN DRESS THEM BOTH THE SAME !!!!
my friends cousin had a boy when she was 18, when he was seven , she had another boy, a year later she was pregnant again , and they said it was a girl , they were wrong, then she had another boy (so four boys) Four boys, stunning boys,they were absolutely gorgeous, and she and their dad loved them to bits, but she always wanted a little girl , then , she found she was pregnant again , this time ...twins ! ....a boy and a girl , i think thats so funny , after al that she got the girl she wanted...she just had to have another boy at the same time
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 27 July 2008 at 12:14am
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Holly Molly Kelly thats a busy household huh??
Yah I am really starting to warm up to the idea of another girl...kinda excited even!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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