Green eyed monster is taking over..
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Category: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Name: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Description: Trying to get pregnant? Going through fertility treatment? Just planning your first or second child? There are many people out there in the same boat to help and listen and share with
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18697
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Topic: Green eyed monster is taking over..
Posted By: kebakat
Subject: Green eyed monster is taking over..
Date Posted: 29 June 2008 at 6:43pm
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Does anyone else find this happens to them when others around them are trying and you can't? We only have 2 and a bit months to go but what got the green eyed monster come out with full force..
Someone I went to school with, who I use to be close friends with but not so much anymore has annouced that she's just going to start trying without telling her man.. yes shes going to be very bad and just not take her pill and not tell him.. So that annoys me but the part that seemed to annoy me more was that she gets to try (even if its totally immoral) before me which is soooo irrational. I should care more about the deception part  @ me lol
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Replies:
Posted By: tiptoes
Date Posted: 29 June 2008 at 6:54pm
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I totally remember that before we were TTC even though it was my choice to wait! In the end I gave in and start trying a few months early. Can you just start now?
What a naughty friend too! ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">  
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Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 29 June 2008 at 7:01pm
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I am hearing you. We were waiting to start when SIL announced she was and I was gutted.Same has happened again this time.
It suxs!!! Also soooo not cool of your friend  -------------  
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 29 June 2008 at 7:14pm
| No Chelle I can't - doctors orders - we aren't allowed to try before September and if I happened to get pregnant before then I've been highly advised to abort it. I had some nasty drugs cause I had an ectopic. So we really have no choice. |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 29 June 2008 at 7:31pm
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I don't remember being jealous of other people trying, but I will confess to secretly hoping they wouldn't be successful before we were. It was gutting when people who started TTC at the same time as us had their babies and we STILL weren't pregnant.
Hang in there Stacey! -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 29 June 2008 at 7:44pm
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We've been casually TTC for almost 3mos now, after a stint on the Pill (for unrelated medical issues) and a short time of TTC before that. And I'm with ya on this one, Stacey. It feels like ages since I had a baby (probably because if I had had the same gap again, I'd be due again now) and I have about 7 pregnant friends right now - well actually three of them have had babies in the few weeks and four to go. Thing is for me, I'm not waiting to TTC, I'm just not falling pg yet! ------------- |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 29 June 2008 at 7:55pm
I remember when we were TTC Astin - we had been trying for 1 year when my SIL announced that she was accidently pregnant!!! i was wild that she was so stupid but most of all SSSSSOOOOOO JELOUS!!!! that she was getting a baby that she opening said she didnt want when we had been TRYING for so long!!
And i would get jelous and upset when i saw preggy ladies on the street
Not long now Stacey  we will be TTC around the same time
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Posted By: tiptoes
Date Posted: 29 June 2008 at 9:20pm
That sucks Stacey I find it hard enough TTC and nothing happening, but not being able to try would be even harder. Hopefully you'll get a BFP first month trying to make up for the big wait.------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: Vanillabean
Date Posted: 30 June 2008 at 7:59am
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After my miscarriage last week we have decided not to try until after I get my next AF. (This might not sound like a big deal but we have been trying almost every cycle for the last 14 months, including immediately after my last miscarriage because I ovulated before I got AF.)
I feel like I am in no-man's land, part of me really wants to keep trying straight away but I remember last time that it was incredibly difficult when I didn't conceive the first cycle and I can't imagine it would have been very easy if I had either. But yes I am incredibly jealous and bitter and sad when I hear about people getting pregnant who weren't really trying or who get pregnant straight away and have not problems. And it is very painful to see babies and pg women. ------------- 5x mc, Jan 08, June 08, Nov 08, May 09, April 11 http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: NeoshasMummy
Date Posted: 30 June 2008 at 8:01am
 I know what you mean, I wanted to try a while before we officially started TTC but we had to wait and it was terrible, I was so jelous and im not normally a jelous person so it was weird but even now that we ARE trying it makes it hard when it doesn't work if you get what I mean lol------------- https://secure.fertilityfriend.com/home/30c4ec/" rel="nofollow">  Mrs Te Kani ❤️ Neosha 26/5/2007 |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 30 June 2008 at 8:09am
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I know exactly what you mean. We've put off TTC for so long and I hate hearing when friends or family get BFP. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them but I wish it was me.
When I was TTC Michaela I used to get jealous when I saw women with more than one child - selfish cows
The worst for me was last year we decided to TTC in December 07 but then in September a friend accidentally got pregnant, her relationship was in tatters (she claimed he was violent) and she needed help so we put off our TTC plans and moved to a more expensive new house so she could live with us and we could help her out (that decision cost us about $8k but at the time we weren't thinking about the cost, we just wanted to help a friend). 5 months later we asked her to leave because she lied to us, broke promises and treated us and our daughter like sh!t, she also spent a lot of her pregnancy making negative comments about the baby and several times said she wants to give it away to it's paternal grandma (so she could carry on her career climbing and party lifestyle). After we asked her to leave I heard several more lies she told others about us and I no longer even keep in touch with our mutual friends because of her. It annoys me so much that she now has a baby and we can't even start trying for another couple of months even though we really really really want one and would probably be pregnant now if we hadn't decided to help her.
BTW. That sux about your friend. I wonder how she'd feel if her man went and got a vasectomy without telling her.
-------------  
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Posted By: CuriousG
Date Posted: 30 June 2008 at 9:59am
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This isn't the first person I have heard of lately who is going off the pill on the sly. Its the 3RD! WTF?! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Emily281
Date Posted: 30 June 2008 at 10:09am
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Hi Stacey
I know just how you feel. My cousin's girlfriend did the same thing (we think!). She was desperate for kids but my cousin was adamant that he didn't want any and she somehow miraculously got pg while on the pill. Now I know it happens but its a bit of a coincidence. And to make it worse she still hasn't filed for divorce from her ex even though her son is now almost 4 which means she has been in a relationship with my cousin for about 6 years. Now since we have been TTC they have had their second child, my 17yo cousin has given birth, my cousin who just got married in Jan this year gave birth 2 weeks ago, my SIL has had a miscarriage and is now 4 months pg again. Also - no one in my family has ever had trouble conceiving - I know of at least 3 of my cousins who have gotten pg by accident and my mother who also has endo never had any probs conceiving me or my brother. AND my MIL delights in telling me how my FIL only had to take his pants off for her to get pg and how my DH was an accident because she was on the pill and she got the flu and in those days they didn't know taht getting sick meant the pill might not work etc etc. Plus everyone I met at the start of this journey has already given birth or is pg and now we can't try for the next 2-3 months because of my lap. And my surgeon said we should try for another 6 months after the surgery but because I'm so young (27) I can try for another 12 months if I want (yeah right!!!!!) before moving on to IVF. I'm thinking not so much with the jealously - although it does rear its ugly head occaisionally - but I'm starting to think there might be some repressed anger in there somewhere!!
Can ya tell?  ------------- TTC#1: Jan 07 Aug 08: Lap found and excised Stage 3 Endo Nov 08: 2nd lap clear - given OK to TTC after next AF |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 30 June 2008 at 11:11am
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Aww Emily, I think I would be a terrible jealous monster if I was in your situation.
I'm weird. Today the monster is gone but I'm being a stupid worrier. What if I get preg, and it's another ectopic then I have to wait again just to have an even more increased risk of ectopic.. that's whats running around in my brain at the moment. |
Posted By: Emily281
Date Posted: 30 June 2008 at 1:03pm
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I used to be alot worse ... when my MIL told me my SIL was pg the first time and when I heard about my cousins - I just cried and thought it was so unfair because my SIL and one of my cousins already had kids and they hadn't been trying very long and we'd already been trying for 6 months or so. I think its worse when you've only been trying a few months . After about 12 months I just became resigned to the fact that it wasn't going to happen without help.
I think what was worse for me in terms of jealousy was the fact that I had been told we had to try for 2 years before we could see a fertility specialist but then reading about other people who were getting help after 6-12 months. And you're not weird. My LP is normally 10-14 days and I'm currently 12 dpo with no real sign of AF - normally I start having some brown/pink tinged CM a few days before AF but I'm not having it at the moment so all I can think is great - I'm probably pg and will have to cancel my surgery and then I'll probably miscarry or something and have to reschedule the surgery and wait another 2-3 months ------------- TTC#1: Jan 07 Aug 08: Lap found and excised Stage 3 Endo Nov 08: 2nd lap clear - given OK to TTC after next AF |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 30 June 2008 at 2:45pm
| hehe don't ya hate the irrational silly thoughts we have? |
Posted By: ellen
Date Posted: 30 June 2008 at 10:27pm
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I had the opposite problem. My sister couldn't get pregnant and I already had one (after 3 months of TTC). When I got pregnant with our second I felt so guilty and didn't want to tell her the news as it felt like I was rubbing it in her face. Fortunately she was able to adopt before our third.
As for number three I went off the pill without telling DH. We planned the first two to the nth degree and were both adamant our family wasn't complete with two (took over 12 months TTC for number two). So I thought it would be nice to have one surprise. But boy did I have a moment of terror when I found out I was pregnant (happened quickly again) - suddenly had visions of him not really wanting another - thankfully it was as I'd thought and he loved the surprise. Certainly wouldn't recommend doing it though and in hindsight would have been better to discuss going off the pill and then maybe be more relaxed about telling him when I did get pregnant (as in not let on straight away). Sounds terrible when I see it written down and had forgotten about it until I read this post (thirteen years ago now). Big hugs to those of you TTC or unable to start - I only had a small dose of having to wait for a baby - so can only imagine the emotions you experience on a longer journey. |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 01 July 2008 at 9:31am
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I am not jealous ...yet.....but then DP and i have only recently decided to start ttc, but not til the end of the year, beginning of next year , which is less than six months away but seems like forever !
I was one of the "lucky ones" who got pregnant with Caitlyn without trying , but im worried that things will be different this time , its a different partner after all, but its the partner i love and want to marry and spend my life with and im worried i wont be able to have his baby , which is REALLY stupid since we havent even started trying yet !
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Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 9:12pm
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hi guys,
Iv been reading this blog as me and my new husband are thinking about having a baby sometime within a year but as we are quite young we are worried how things will turn out/ if we can even get preggers. Iv had an op for endo this year straight after we were married and am on the pill running 3 packets at a time for pain issues that werent fixed etc etc....im just worried I wont be able to cope if we cant....any tips or advice?
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Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 9:20pm
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Im feeling jealous of everyone else around me having babies when I feel that I cant or shouldnt...we are both only coming up 21years.
does anyone think this is way too young? Im going crazy thinking about having one all the time iv even bought a few clothes and things with the excuse of "ill give them away as gifts" (to all my preggy friends and family) but im secretly going to keep them....im also worried of how our familys will react especially being young as they have already said "we are too young to be grandparents" (aged 50's). My husbands parents has his twin older sisters at 20-21!!! HELP! baby mad |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 04 July 2008 at 9:38pm
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My sis had her 2nd child nearly 2 weeks after her 21st birthday so no, I don't think it's too young at all. I was 27 when I had Michaela and I sometimes wish I'd started earlier... we weren't ready though. At 21 there's no way DH and I were responsible enough for kids at that age . There are advantages to having children young just as there are advantages to waiting. You just need to do whatever feels right for you. -------------
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Posted By: Emily281
Date Posted: 05 July 2008 at 8:20am
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I don't know why our parents generation are always telling us that we are too young when 30+ years ago it was normal to get married and have children early. My mother was 18 when she got married and 21 when she had me (I'm the eldest). If you and your DH both feel that you are ready for children then go for it. And my mother still reckons she's too young to be a grandmother even though I'm 27 Women just hate becoming grandmothers because it makes them feel old!
As for the fear of not being able to have children - I know just how you feel. My doctor suspected I had endo when I went on the pill because she had to keep giving me stronger and stronger doses because the pain kept coming back but I never did anything about it because I knew it would involve surgery. Now after 18 months of trying I'm starting to regret that decision - and am now scheduled for a lap next month. My biggest fear is that the endo will be so bad that it will have done some major damage. But (and please don't be offended by this - I know I hate it when people say it to me!) you are still young and you have had the surgery so your chances of conceiving should be improved. My surgeon told me that after surgery conception rates double. Did they tell you how bad your endo was? I know you are still having pain issues, but that may not necessarily lead to problems conceiving. I have been reading alot about endo and most of the time the only ones who still have problems after surgery and require IVF are those who have Stage3 or 4 endo. ------------- TTC#1: Jan 07 Aug 08: Lap found and excised Stage 3 Endo Nov 08: 2nd lap clear - given OK to TTC after next AF |
Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 05 July 2008 at 11:14am
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Hi again,
thanks guys it makes me feel better knowing im not the only one thinking its not to young if you are sure and both of you know what you want. I dont know how bad my endo was but they did say mine was more uterine endo intsead of ovario so it is more likely to have problems carrying the child but concieving/implantation is also a possible problem. They also said they couldnt get all of it and that it may spread and come back. What damage it has already possibly done is my issue...my gyno has told me that when i see him next for my checkup 9months post surgery (in nov) if it hasnt got any better we may have to seek further treatments or further surgery...i dont know if this helps you figure out what stage it was.... it just worries me whether we should start trying earlier incase i cant in 5 years or so....do you know what i mean????
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 05 July 2008 at 12:22pm
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I was pregnant at 21, I had Daniel at 22 My parents have never told me I was too young.
And yes I know what you mean about wanting to try now in case you have issues later. I know a friend who has extreme endo and she has thoughts along the same lines I hope your gyno has good news for you next check up though.
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Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 05 July 2008 at 12:25pm
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thanks, yea we are fingers crossed!!
ill definately have to keep you all posted when we start trying etc...you have all been wonderful and have made me feel a lot better about my situation. THANKS TO ALL!!! BIG HUGS!!! Ill prayer for all of you that are trying! nicola |
Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 05 July 2008 at 5:55pm
matandnic My first little boy wasn't planned (I was 16 when I fell pregnant) but we tried for 5 months for this little one, and I'm 19 now. I don't believe age matters so much, if you are in a stable relationship, and are willing to make the lifestyle sacrifices both socially and financially to have kids, and you both want it, then there's no time like the present! For some it would be the end of the world, but others of us are just weird  I know I was too young with my first son, and though I always wanted to be a young mum, I would've planned things in my early-mid 20's, but of course things are different now we already have one, and I'd love him to have a sibling at least sort of close in age. -------------  
 
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Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 06 July 2008 at 8:04pm
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Hi Aliadawn
Yea id like to be a youngish mum...id planned for mid 20's but that was a)before i met and married my husband and b) before i new i had endo. Now im thinking about 22-23 id like to start trying... who knows i may end up being 25 before i concieve my first anyway .... |
Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 07 July 2008 at 10:38am
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Wow, Alia, I had no idea that you were only 19! This age thing is an interesting topic because I'm 31 and I haven't felt at all interested in having a baby untill now.
I always felt that my 20s was for going to uni, working, partying, travelling, and finding the right person to marry. I am so glad I have had that time to myself to work out who I am, what I want to do with my life, and get settled financially. I guess I can also see the benefit from having children young in that they leave home while you are still relatively young. But I would be interested to hear from young mums why they planned to have children so early on in their lives? |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 07 July 2008 at 11:24am
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We always were going to have children while I was young (DH is 30, me 23).
I didn't want to settle into a career and then be forced to go back or my career would suffer or anything like that. I've starting studying again and I'm doing this with my child at home and then once hes school age I will have hopefully finished and then I can focus on my career. But it's important to me that any child we have spend time at home with at least one parent for those first few years. I have nothing against daycare but I don't feel right having a baby so it can just be put in daycare. I have never been a party girl, I've never really seen the point in going out and getting drunk. I found the right person to marry. I want to travel later in life when we are older. Family trips and once the kids have left home and you have the better paying job to afford the better longer holidays. |
Posted By: Mum_mum
Date Posted: 07 July 2008 at 11:41am
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Im the same. im 22 and DH is 25. We want our family young and that is the way we have always thought since we met eachother in our teens.
My mum keeps telling me to wait to ttc again after miscarriage and to work on my career, to finish my diploma etc but i can do the career thing after. I will be finished diploma by middle of next year and can do more study with babies! And Mum was 21 when she had her first and went back to study etc so why can't I! Haha. Glad to see there are other younger people in the same boat as me really :) ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
Angel baby - May 2008
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 07 July 2008 at 12:32pm
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I had Caitlyn at 20 , but she was never planned , so i cant really answer your question sallybelly , I was happy to have her , but was aware i was sacrificing a lot, however, shes the best thing that ever happened to me and so although i sometimes regret i was young, i cant regret HER.
Im 26 now, and my partner and i are planning to ttc in december, main reasons being that now we are financially stable, and we dont want a huge age gap between C and her siblings, even tho theres already a 6 year one |
Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 07 July 2008 at 5:02pm
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i want them younger to have a younger family too so that i cant travel later when weve got our own lives in check kids are out etc. Iv also done alot of my study and dont want to start a career only to leave it in a few years and have kids....I doubt id ever get back into the same thing. I plan to do in home childcare with PORSE and do early childhood education onvce im settled and sorted out my first baby lol.....does anyone agree with me/ think this is a good plan
I want all my children before 30 as mum had me at 32 coz she married at 30 and my brother at 33ish i think haha but now shes kinda getting older already you know and i want her to be able to enjoy her grandkids....you never know what might happen to them or you! |
Posted By: Mum_mum
Date Posted: 08 July 2008 at 8:21am
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I ue to work as a nanny for porse and did work with the in house educators that looked after other kids in their own home. Its a good way to make extra money if you can handle having the extra kids, you go to play group so you make friends and your kids can make some great friends too.
If thats what you would like to do go for it, and also if you do early childhood, when your kids go to school you can always go work in a centre etc if you wanted. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
Angel baby - May 2008
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