Yes, I'm still alive, and I'm sorry it's been so long since I've signed in, although I'm sure you will all agree that I have the mother of all excuses!

Where to start...

Well, when we left off I was in Otago studying at Uni, and DP and I were trying unsuccessfully to concieve our first. With the complication being on his side of things.

So, we were scheduled to shift houses back to Christchurch in January, and so we did. All the while DP had some odd health quandries(which were later explained away as being the side effects of using 15times the safe amount...) along with being an absolute lazy so-and-so. For the previous 8mos prior to our return I had noticed that my morphiene pain medication had been going missing in progressing amounts, alarming amounts. Now, had it been me looking into someone's relationship from the outside (being that I've had 2yrs of Psychology training) I would have said to the friend, get out of that relationship, IT'S OBVIOUS ITS HIM/HER! But hindsight is a lovely thing. I trusted him so much, and even accused our 8yr old nephew thinking he may have taken them thinking perhaps that they were candy. And he naturally profusely denied it. Of course, poor kid. I apologised especially to him after. And DP let me accuse his nephew, thats what gets me, he let me go right along and question all three of our scant Otago friends. (who have since forgiven me for accusing them, thank goodness).

So, now for the big finale. One morning, I awoke to him leaning over me (I had taken to keeping them in a bum bag around my waist at all times. Ridiculous) and was slowly unzipping the bag to get to the meds. And to this day I am so very gproud of my response, I sat up in bed and said in a VERY loud voice : "WHAT THE F*#K DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? GET THE F*#K OUT OF MY GODDAMN HOUSE!"

His feeble attempt at an excuse was " I figured that if I was going to be accused of them going missing, then I might as well take some for my headache. Sure, that sounds like a perfectly feasible excuse, come here for a hug, NOT. So I basically said in my own special words to the effect of  =What sort of farking idiot do you take me for? Even as he was packing his bags, he wouldn't actually say the words. Incredible. It wasn't until 10days later when he came to collect the rest of his crap that he looked at the ground and said the words. He couldn't even look me in the eye, even though he had looked me in the eye countless times to assure me he hadn't touched them. And that he couldn't do that to me. He loved me too much.

So now after all is said and done, he took himself to Psych Emergency, and was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder with complications of Social Phobia. Ah ha, sure. I have seen the man act his way out of alot over the past 2yrs, so the jury is still out over that one. Of course he didn't tell them about his drug and alcohol (yep, found the empty bottles in the top kitchen cupboard weeks later) And they went and prescribed him Codeine for his stomach pain that was only there due to his exorbitant sp use of MY medication! Beyond Belief.

now for the clincher to make it all a fab story. I found out 3days after we broke up that I was 7wks pg (I'd had my suspicions but hadn't said anything to anyone, I wanted to be sure) Ironically I was going to test on the day I caught him. Our 2yr anniversary was exactly a week after I found out, so it would have been perfect timing etc. Sadly with the extreme stress of the break up and everything it all entailed, the pg was not to be for long, and I miscarried a day before our 'anniversary'. I think it hit home to him what he had lost from his stupid actions, and that had he sought help instead, then we could be happily pg etc etc.

On top of it all, to verify to me that he really is useless and that I'm better off without him, is that he hasn't pain a single cent towards our joint expenses (HP's, bank loan, etc.) Stupidly all in my name... He even still has his electric guitar that I'm trying to get back off him since its being paid off, and I don't see why he should have something he won't pay for.

I'm nearly done, I promise! So, many months on, and I'm a different person today. It still hurts, and like anyone I have my days. Especially with the m/c and thinking of what milestone I'd be at week to week. But slowly i'm getting there. And I have to say being away from his depressive nature, and living by myself has made me a stronger person today. I never realised how low he had been making me feel until I was away from his influence. I'm tentatively testing the waters with dating again, slowly does it, but its looking promising.

i'm now helping at Womans Refuge where I can, and have started a programme called Freecare which I will explain better another time.

So, sorry I've taken so long, and I look forward to catching up with all of the threads and posts I've missed. Baby dust to all those that want it, and congrats to those that have become pg since I last signed on.

Bye for now! (Now to change my profile picture...)

Thank you ladies, it means so much to have posts so fast after posting my thread. Hopefully I'l find my Mr Right soon, and will eventually be back to TTC. Bring it on.

For now I'm ok playing and babysitting for other peoples babies.

 So sorry to hear what you have been thru over the last year. You go girl you have done the right thing and sounds like you have awesome times ahead to look forward too