Leaving him to cry ...
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
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Printed Date: 14 September 2025 at 1:39am
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Topic: Leaving him to cry ...
Posted By: nicci
Subject: Leaving him to cry ...
Date Posted: 01 April 2008 at 8:49pm
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Hi again,
I'm sorry to post again, but I had another question. Our son is settling well after about 20 minutes of crying, is this too long to leave a two week old baby? We do check on him to make sure he doesn't have wind / need feeding / is too hot / is too cold. Thanks for your help. |
Replies:
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 01 April 2008 at 8:52pm
| I personally wouldn't leave a baby that young to cry that long. He''s still getting use to being in the outside world. We tried other things instead like rocking the basinette and patting our lil guy to help him sleep rather than just leaving him to cry it out. |
Posted By: monster
Date Posted: 01 April 2008 at 8:54pm
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Personally, I wouldn't leave a newborn to cry at all - they're so fresh out of the womb everything is new and unsettling. I guess it depends on what you consider crying though - whether it's just a bit of noise or full-on screaming. Not really much help though, sorry. Just do what feels right. -------------   
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 01 April 2008 at 8:57pm
| Yeah I would not leave a baby that young for that long either. I dont leave Isla for more than that now (17 months) and we do do the CIO method. |
Posted By: nicci
Date Posted: 01 April 2008 at 8:57pm
| Thanks for the suggestions! I am going into the nursery and patting him and singing quietly to him. He settles while I'm there and will begin crying again when I leave the room. Today he was awake from 9.30am til around midday. |
Posted By: monster
Date Posted: 01 April 2008 at 9:01pm
It's okay to have him sleep on you or in a sling if you don't mind it yourself (I know it's good to get a break from them ) - there's plenty of time to foster independence over the coming weeks and months (and years!). -------------
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Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 01 April 2008 at 9:07pm
I agree. Personally I don't leave Jack to cry at all, he is rocked to sleep which I quite enjoy - I am not a fan of CC or CIO. If you are worried about "forming bad habits" then apparently babies don't form definate sleep associations til about 4 months. ------------- Lindsey 
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monster wrote:Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 01 April 2008 at 9:10pm
CIO for 20mins at a time is quite a lot for a 2 week old baby, especially if you're talking about every day. Is he still hungry? Little babies need heaps of little feeds all the time. Work with your midwife/plunket nurse as much as you can in these few weeks so that you feel properly established with feeding and sleeping routines before your midwife discharges you. It's always easier to do this kind of thing in person than on forums... but in saying that, don't ever feel like you need to apologise for posting a question on here! We've all been there and there's a tonne of stuff to learn in baby's first year.  -------------  |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 01 April 2008 at 9:15pm
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Crying is his only way of communicating,..at this age he is just learning what the world is about. He needs to know u will be there to cater for his every need! Slings are a great idea, he gets to feel close to you and be coforted by your heart beat and warmth, and u can still move about and use your hands for other stuff!
Im sure plunket etc dont recommend leaving bubs to cry til at least 4 months. |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 01 April 2008 at 9:30pm
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my mw told me too..:( but i dont..well i do leave him to grizzle now..and have done for about a week..but when he starts to cry we replace the dummy calm him then leave the room again.. i couldnt stand to hear him cry esp in the beginning..!! we tried letting him cry once and it broke my heart..but as he gets older he will be trying controlled crying.. my mistake was using a dummy..I'm up and down and up and down sometimes! whenever Ethan cried(esp for first 6 weeks) he needed something.. even if it was just reassurance.. we never really rocked him though..sometimes but hes mostly been in his own bed or bouncer since day 1. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 01 April 2008 at 10:15pm
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back in my mothers day they were told to never leave a baby, especially boys, cry for more than ten minutes because of the risk of giving them a hernia...
------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 01 April 2008 at 10:17pm
might be over tired or going thru a growth spurt! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 01 April 2008 at 10:18pm
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I wouldn't leave a 2 week old baby to cry - in fact I hardly leave Gina to cry ever and she's almost 14 months. I think babies/toddlers need to know you're there for them and being there when they need you is really important to me ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MyMinis
Date Posted: 02 April 2008 at 6:59am
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have you tried swaddling baby before you put him to bed?
i didnt start CIO til much later and we hardly have to do that, 2-5mins is the max id leave any baby, my daughter gets 20mins but shes 2.5yrs. have you tried a dummy? as bad as they are sometimes they can also be godsends, i couldnt have got by without one with james. good luck i hope bubs settles, he will be very overtired atm ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
http://tweetytweety85.bebo.com - bebo |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 02 April 2008 at 7:54am
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I couldnt even let Issy cry for 2 minutes Ive found she is soo much easier to settle now as she knows Mummy is always there ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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I figure It was my choice that she is in this big strange world so its my responsibility to make her feel safe and loved 
Posted By: MyBelly
Date Posted: 02 April 2008 at 10:37am
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I heard that leaving a new born baby crying for longer than 5minutes can hurt their diaphram, i was so against dummies for Eden as well, but now she has one and i couldnt be without it!
9.30am to midday is a long time for a newborn to be awake, maybe is he getting overtired and unsettled?? I know there is a video/dvd you can get (from Plunket) that can show u signs of baby being tired, maybe that would help? if you could see his tired signs and put him in his bassinette, he might settle easier, faster and sleep longer good luck hun, we are always more than happy to help here! |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 02 April 2008 at 10:41am
| Yeah I second that dvd, helped us heaps to learn the signs. We were told Isla shoulnt be awake more than 1 hr max. |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 02 April 2008 at 10:43am
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9:30-midday is very long for a new bubba. We onyl had Daniel up max an hour in the beginning.
If she is going to cry when you leave the room what we did was pat and help him get to sleep and then sit by the basinette so he could see and then very slowly move out of sight (completely soundless) and just leave the room once he couldn't see us anymore. |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 02 April 2008 at 12:10pm
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Hi Nicci. I agree with the others. I wouldn't leave a 2 week old to cry at all. Babies that age can't actually form bad habits. I know it's hard at the moment, I had a newborn that never wanted to sleep either and hardly ever slept more than 1.5 hours day or night but if you can try and find other ways to settle him you'll both get a bit more peace.
Some of the above suggestions are great - how did the patting work for you? I'd also second using a sling or front pack. Have you tried lying with your baby (in a moses basket or on the bed beside you). A bouncinette (ours was electronic and vibrated). A baby hammock. Rocking in your arms until asleep and then placed into basinette (I found it was easier to get her to stay asleep if I held her for 10 mins after she fell asleep then put her down). I hope some of these help. -------------  
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Posted By: nicci
Date Posted: 02 April 2008 at 1:33pm
| Thanks again everyone. This morning we have been much more relaxed about his sleep. He feed at around 10am this morning and then fell asleep on me at about 10.45am. I put him in his bassinet and he is just begining to wake up now at 1.30! I'm going to stick with the 1 hour up maximum and give him more time cuddling with me. You guys have been excellent, I was feeling completely useless last night. :-( |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 02 April 2008 at 2:08pm
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way to go nicci - your post sounds much more positive too.
go easy on yourself...its a learning experience for you and bub!  ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 02 April 2008 at 2:19pm
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Good work Nicci.
I'm pleased to hear that today's been better and it's great that your not stressing about it so much, it's hard to relax when you're worried and just trying to do the best for your baby but once you do relax things seem to fall into place and you enjoy motherhood more. -------------
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 02 April 2008 at 2:20pm
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Oh yay! I'm happy it's working well today!
Don't worry, we all feel useless at times! |
Posted By: nicci
Date Posted: 02 April 2008 at 8:03pm
| O.K. tonight when I put him to bed (he was so sleepy after his bath and feed that he was just about asleep on my shoulder) he started to cry out, I was making our dinner so I put things down to go and attend to him but by the time I got to his room he had settled himself. Now I know that it's not going to go to plan every day but man I feel bucket loads better today. Fingers crossed the night goes just as well as the day! |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 02 April 2008 at 8:18pm
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I agree with the other girls, well done! You have done really well. Just keep going the way you are going, and soon, the two of you will be all sorted.
Keep in mind though, babies like to change things around sometimes, and you need to be prepared to just roll with those changes. Well done! ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: monster
Date Posted: 02 April 2008 at 8:47pm
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Well done Nicci, glad to hear how well things are going now - you're doing a great job. -------------
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Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 02 April 2008 at 10:33pm
Glad to hear that things are going better for you. It is definately a learning curve, this parenting thing. Jack was never a very good sleeper, day or night, and I found a sling very useful during the day as I could still doing everything (even go to the toilet !) ------------- Lindsey
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Posted By: MyMinis
Date Posted: 02 April 2008 at 11:19pm
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great to hear your day went better, well done.
the sleep video from plunket is def a must see, my mw arranged for me to see it before haleigh was due to switch over, the karitane nurse came over and she helped me for a few hours with teaching me what to do, it was great (perks of living in a small town at the time). it will take a while to figure their tired signs/ feeding cry/ nappy cry/ cuddle cry believe me i struggled for a while there with Haleigh, with james i knew instantly what to do i could tell the difference between each cry and knew when to go or to leave him. your doing a great job nicci, fingers crossed you get some sleep tonight and the good days continue ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
http://tweetytweety85.bebo.com - bebo |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 03 April 2008 at 2:43pm
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Glad to hear it went well Nicci! When Jack was two weeks old I ended up ringing up my mum in tears cos I had absolutely no idea what I was doing (DH had gone back to work that day). OhBaby is great for when we're completely stumped on something. We have done CIO with Jack since he was 2 months old, but will only leave him for a max of 15 minutes (which is usually only at night as he wants to be up with us and is fighting sleep). Before that we just did rocking, singing, swaddling, dummy basically anything that helped.
One piece of advise someone gave me was take it one sleep at a time. Something might work one time and not work the other, but just keep trying. That advise got me through as I was a wreck! |