Self settling
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=15137
Printed Date: 14 September 2025 at 5:36am
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Topic: Self settling
Posted By: JD
Subject: Self settling
Date Posted: 08 March 2008 at 8:59pm
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Just wondering what age everyone started doing this? I didn't with DD, but it was a nightmare when she was older so I would like to try it with DS.
He is only 4.5 weeks old so i wonder if he is too young. For the sanity of the household and those who have to go to school and work in the morning, I am only trying it during the day at the moment. When I see his tired signs (which Im not that good at yet), I pop him in his cot....he will grizzle/cry for 20 minutes (with me going in frequently to pat/shh) and then I hear silence and think YAY I did it, but he is lying there awake with eyes wide open. he'll lye there for 40 minutes awake before he starts fussing again. by this stage i think he is overtired. It just doesn't seem to be working!!! 
Also, any thoughts on rocking baby to sleep? It works really well so I normally will do that after the failed self settling performance. Have you found rocking a hard habit to break? Sorry about the ramble ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 08 March 2008 at 9:06pm
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Both my girls have self settled from day one really. Probably sounds mean to some people, but everyone in our house is happy and sane!!
I think because we have a routine I know when they are ready for bed before they show tired signs and get grumpy. Can you try just putting him down awake after an hour and see what happens? Greer will just lie there for a while and she might cry a couple of times for a minute or so, but settles much quicker if I just leave her. Dont know if thats any help, but if I were you I would try that. Good luck. ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: Kicker
Date Posted: 08 March 2008 at 9:37pm
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We are the same with Madison in that we started a routine from about 4 weeks. I just pop her into bed, with her comforter (used to be a dummy) and leave the room. She will then either grizzle for about a minute or go straight to sleep. If i stay in the room she is just too distracted.
We occasionally rock her if she wakes in the middle of the night and wont self settle, i leave her a couple of minutes before going into her. Good luck. -------------  
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 08 March 2008 at 10:36pm
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I guess it's something you need to think about. Do you want to do controlled crying (CC) or crying it out (CIO).
Personally I don't like either. Yes I do think he's still to young (JMHO). I think you should wait a few more weeks. All he wants right now is to be close to you. You have to remember he's been inside for 9mths and now all of a sudden he's out here in the real world and has nothing to "hold on" to.It's his biological make up to want you and it's yours to want to care for him. Imagine his dismay when he cries out and you're not there for him. This is also a touchy subject because each person and baby are different, and although we want whats best for our children nothing that anyone else says will necessarily be right for you and your child. However for people's sanity I sometimes think that resorting to rocking baby to sleep is a good thing. We did it with Cooper probably for around 2 or 3 nights, and slowly but surely we were able to put him to bed dozy. Have you tried a dummy? Does he feed well? How long after you've feed him do you put him to bed? Do you wrap him? ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 08 March 2008 at 11:24pm
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I don't necessarily think he's too young but like Mel said, thats JMHO too. We've self settled Jack with CIO from early on, but have also done CC, rocking etc. We just basically took it sleep by sleep instead of thinking that one thing that worked well last time *should* work this time. They do love to be close but I also found that Jack is so nosey that I need to be away from him in order for him to sleep (he can even sense my presence if I pop my head in his room ) so its better for both of us if he's away from me. Especially now as he began realising that if he cried he would get attention and would stop crying and just start laughing and smiling (little bugger!)
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 08 March 2008 at 11:25pm
| Oh, and I would just do the 1-hour turnaround thing for a while until he realises that bedtime means sleep. We had to start doing that again as Jack completely changed tired signs all of a sudden and now just wants to be awake constantly (not that I'm complaining, he sleeps all night!) |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 09 March 2008 at 8:06am
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I tried CC and CIO with Isabelle at about the same age as your DS is now and it totally broke me! .. I ended up a wreck and we both (me and DD) cried for the whole week I tried it. For the first few days after I decided I had had enough of this (after some lovely advice from the Oh Baby members) ... I ended up having to feed her to sleep as she was so anxious ... now I can just swaddle her and rock her to sleep - sometimes she likes a dummy too (Nuk rocks! Thanks .Mel) Ive decided that she is happy and I am happy ... and the neighbours are happy not to have to listen to her screaming ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: JD
Date Posted: 09 March 2008 at 11:20am
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I sort of wrap him...just from under the arms down as he hates having his arms wrapped and will fight and scream until they are free. I have a dummy that I try to give him, but after a while he cries or sucks too hard and it falls out.
I am trying to do the 1 hour turn around thing so after he wakes, I feed him then let him play for a bit then put him to bed. Ill let him grizzle for up to 20 minutes but if he starts screaming then Ill go in and try patting him/putting his dummy in etc. I think I might just go with the rocking at this point cos at least he isn't feeding to sleep (except in the middle of the night). Im sort of thinking that it isn't worth it at this stage to have weeks of trying to get him to self settle when we can just have 3 or 4 tough nights down the track breaking the habbit!! I am a bit confused as to whether he is to young and just wants to be comforted or if I am teaching him that if he fusses mum will come
Thanks for all your replies so far ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bel
Date Posted: 09 March 2008 at 11:31am
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It is a hard one JD. Luke has self settled from Day one (or Day five when home from hospital), so now we don't have any problems.
The one hour turnaround thing is great, I had a wee while there where I was letting Luke get overtired and so he wouldn't settle no matter what... now he still only goes an hour and a half before back to bed. ------------- Mum to two beautiful kids 
Luke (09.11.2007) Amy (01.04.2009) |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 09 March 2008 at 12:34pm
Ethan has on and off days but generally he is getting better..apart of it was my fault..i thought every cry meant he was hungry  but once i figured it out..i feed him and then put him back to bed (with a little playtime in the day although too long and he wont sleep) and wrap him and put him into bed.. if he grizzles i leave him but if he really cries i go back in....put dummy back in and he goes to sleep..sometimes takes a little while though.. if he has got out of his wrap he wont sleep.. (hopefully thats better when he has a sleeping bag..
anyway people say Ethan is too young but i dont think so anymore as the last week he certainly seems to be ready ...i will rock him in the middle of the night if I have too and i personally dont think its such a bad thing.. as far as tired signs once he yawns i put him straight in...even if he hasnt had playtime during the day cause it i miss that hour or so window(which i try hard but doesnt always work) he will be awake for a few hours..and he spends 2-3 hours awake late evening or lunchtime somedays for some reason:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: LJsmum
Date Posted: 09 March 2008 at 6:09pm
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After many stressful days of Luke not sleeping when he was younger we started rocking him to settle in his bassinet from when he was about 6 weeks old and it worked for us. I kept doing this till he was around 3 months and then stopped, instead giving him a muslin cloth for comfort. He grizzled but i went in every 5, 10, 15 mintues until he settled if not asleep within an hour of going to bed then i got him up and did the whole feed, play, sleep thing. Because he was BF every 2 or 2.5 hours.
Rocking is good and does work i only rocked to stop the crying / to settle him but not to sleep. (did rock to sleep for a while but this was a disaster.!!) Good luck with what ever you do! 
Do what ever works for you and baby for the first 12 weeks then you can get into a routine that's what we did and it worked wellfor us, but every one's different!  -------------  
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Posted By: miss
Date Posted: 09 March 2008 at 7:39pm
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I used a variety of ways to get Lily to sleep (rocking, going down awake and miraculously going to sleep, feeding) until around 7 months when I went through controlled crying of sorts over 2-3 nights (really only the first one was hard - more details in a sec) and now she goes to sleep herself easily.
With the decision to CC, it was after I had tried to rock her and comfort her to sleep for 45 minutes at 1 am in the morning, after that I put her down and went in every 5-10 mintues, by 30 minutes she was grizzling on and off, by 40 minutes she was aleep - that was the worst of the 3 nights. Prior to this I would put Lily down awake and was soon able to tell if she could get to sleep herself or not - grizzling meant yuse, crying meant no, and I wouldn't leave her to cry. The CC also coincided with her moving around her cot and getting into silly positions, so I would put her back into position then leave her and now she goes back to sleep happily when it happens. SO I am prsonally of the opinion that you will sort of know when you can be a little tougher, but doing it too soon can be heart breaking and not work because it is hard to be consistent when your heart isn't in it. -------------  
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