doubting myself...
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Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=15082
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Topic: doubting myself...
Posted By: Bizzy
Subject: doubting myself...
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 10:52am
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possibly long and rambly story coming up...
I have been induced with both my boys, because they were post dates. Gabriel was induced at 42 weeks and toby at 41 wks and 6 days and 42 and 3 days, when he was eventually born. This one is late also and i spent 2 hours at the hospital yesterday getting fluid levels and placenta checked etc and a sweep...and a date for induction. Now my fluid levels are fine and the placenta is fine and the baby is very happy. lots of movement and practise breathing movements. They gave me the 11 march as my induction which is one day over 42 wks. Now i am not very happy with that as experience has shown to me that my body just incubates longer and if my babies arent ready they wont come. Gabriel i had to be on a drip the whole labour and it was not that pleasant and he still had to be dragged out of me. BUT.... SInce i got pregnant i have had a feeling that something is going to go wrong and the baby is going to die. I know - morbid and not very nice at all and everyone kept telling me i was being silly. But it is how i have felt. Part of me thinks it is cause i never expected to get pregnant again let again with a girl. But now there is the part of me that is thinking that maybe i am just being silly about this induction thing and i am seriously putting my baby at risk. Emma is partly to blame cause of when she said she knows of mothers who had wished they could go back just one day to before their full term babies had died. (this was said in unrelated conversations and i dont want to make you feel bad emma if you read this1) So now i am thinking can that one day make the difference...what if i kill my baby? I really want to give my body a chance to start labour naturally, but i dont want to risk my baby. I am a mess, in tears most days and even tho i know my baby is safe theres the what if... I dont expect responses to this but i felt like i had to get it down somewhere. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 11:04am
Oh Deb!!! What a process to go through when you are heavily pregnant!! Not fun at all 
Maybe re-evaluate once you get to the 42 weeks? You might be very over the whole pregnancy thing and so go for the induction for other reasons. Otherwise, if you want to rationalise it, induction and birth in general always carries risks! I don't know how the risks compare to going over 42 weeks but as long as you are being closely monitored then I shouldn't think you are putting your babe at undue risk. xoxoxox |
Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 11:04am
GandT, I felt like this with my pregnancy with Jett. He was TOTALLY unexpected and I wondered how on earth I could've got pg with him when I did. I also had a crazy theory that 3rd babies are born unhealthy, and had a bad feeling all through the pregnancy. At 15 weeks I had a VERY small bleed, but it still freaked me out and I never relaxed the whole pregnancy. He was born completely healthy, but then I had a post-partum haemorrhage which was nasty and very scary and painful. I know you're freaking out right now, but your baby is doing well in there, and if the Dr's think you're ok til the 11th then trust that. They will still monitor you til your induction date right? I know nothing will ease your mind til you have your healthy baby in your arms. Perhaps try taking some rescue remedy? ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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GandT wrote:Posted By: Kazzle
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 11:04am
dont know what to say, but am thinking of you, have you spoken to the doctor/midwife about it ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: hooper
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 11:05am
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to you. not really sure what to say, but i hope everything goes well for you and bubs. ------------- Desiree 
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Posted By: mum2emj
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 11:05am
and this is the perfect place for it deb  we all need to get things off our chest at times
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Posted By: mamawendz
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 11:06am
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oh honey, i just want to reach out and hug you!
try not to think negatively, you need to keep your spirits up. you don't want to go into labour upset and overly emotional. you sound so stressed, which is what I put all these unnecessary thoughts racing through your head down to. try to think positively hun. ------------- mama_wendz  My Girls: Maddisyn Tylr & Layla-Mei Virginia
My Baby Boy: Noah Aotearoa
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Posted By: J0DIE
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 11:06am
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hey
i've had to be induced with all my babies 42weeks then 2 at 41 weeks, they just dont seem to want to come, so not expecting this one anytime soon either, with each child im more nervous, more about cotdeath tho, i think its because "the last one was ok, so what are the chances with this one" But good luck with this one, i'm sure she'll be fine... we just worry to much, but hey we're mothers we do that. Fingers crossed she comes soon, naturally ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 11:08am
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big hugs to you....i thought he was going to die during my whole pregnancy too...and he's ok.....and i still think something will happen..it's horrible:( esp during my induction and c section but as the others said as long as you are being closely monitored..? ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 11:09am
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Deb
While I cannot relate to going over (Kiya was 2 weeks early, and both the boys were born on their due dates) I can sympathise with knowing your body best and feeling not listened to. I have similar problems getting medical professionals to back off in regards to my blood disorder - where they feel they know best, despite me actually living it! I, too, have an unsettling feeling that something is going to go wrong with this pregnancy. All I can suggest (other than chocolate  ) is to see if you can figure out a compromise that gives you the feeling you've tried the best you can while still ensuring your daughter's safety... eg: getting the fluid levels and placenta and Baby checked regularly while putting off the date of induction to give your body a chance.------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 11:46am
What she said. Hugs to you, I really do know how you feel. I was really really against induction at any cost, but in the end, we did it just before 42 weeks, as i was starting to freak out, and I coudln't trust that something woudln't go wrong. My BF had a still born baby girl at 41 weeks, not induced, so it always weiged heavily on my mind. When I did get induced, though, I had been in labour on and off for 3 days, so she was ready anyhow, jsut mucking around. In the end, it was the support and knowledge of my wonderful and very experienced midwife that made me feel safe, and I trusted her with our lives. She had been Anna's midwife as well, so well understood my concerns that my baby girl would somehow not make it, and as you know, it all turned out fine. Hugs to you, and trust your instinct (the GOOD ones!!!!) and the judgement of your medical team, who I am sure take your concerns into consideration when deciding what is best for you. Well, I hope they do. xxx ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 12:13pm
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------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 12:14pm
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I really should stay away, I know too much and all it does is make people worry even more
I really think there is some truth to what we were talking about the other day tho, that your body just has longer gestations. It makes sense, especially considering you have longer cycles etc. I agree with Daikini and Fattarts, trust yourself and your body and it's ability to deliver your baby safe and healthy. I of all people know how hard that is, I was an absolute wreck all the way thru with the gremlins and it was always YOU that kept telling me they would be born in perfect heath at full term. And you were right, they were. So now it's my turn to say the same thing - baby girl will be fine! (She has to be, I have bought her far too many cute bits and pieces over the last 9 months!) Obstetrically speaking, I think if you were induced now, baby would come no problems at all, she is your third baby and your body knows what it's doing far better than it did first time round, but then there is a chance you'll end up with the drip still which is not what you want. And given that her fluid is fine and her BPP was fine, and that you are having another BPP on Friday I would say she'll be happy in there till the 11th, and if she's not, she'll let you know and come sooner. I would maybe suggest getting a CTG done on Sunday tho, just to check in on her again. Your m/w will probably give you a hard time about it being a weekend, but given how overdue you are, monitoring every second day is a good idea and she should just pull her finger out of her... Will call you later, I have Sterryn and Sam coming for lunch, but can come visit after I get Maya if you need some company. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 12:23pm
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awww hun big hugs ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: EmDee
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 1:26pm
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Deb ------------- DS 8 DD 6 DS 4 DD 2 |
Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 1:29pm
Ditto what Emma said. ------------- http://lilypie.com">   http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Redbedrock
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 1:31pm
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What are your thoughts? Are getting good monitoring? Do yu trust your team? If so go with your instincts. You know your body really well when at this stage of pregnancy. Yes awful things happen but none of us would want to do this if we knew all about them and they haven't happened to you before and quite often there is no clue that they may happen, all pregnancies, deliveries, labours are different as we see on here. I assume that if you get nervous or anxious before the 11th you can call your mw and say i think this baby needs to be born today?
You have to go with the option which will drive you least nuts. Just my thoughts I have no experience as my pregnancy ended very unexpectedly at 35 weeks so this was never an option for me to worry about (plenty of other things tho) I am a great beleiver that you know your body best and should trust your instincts in line with information you are given Don't drive yourself too nuts with this, this baby is gonna come out sometime, one way or another------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 2:00pm
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------------- Andie |
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 2:13pm
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Hugs Deb.
Sounds really upsetting. I bet those hormones are responsible for a lot of it. I can't give you any advice as I haven't been in your shoes. I guess it is a balancing act of trusting the test results and doctors i.e. baby girl is doing great and acknowledging your fears. Maybe try speaking truth into the situation (self-talk I guess). You mentioned that you think you may know the root cause for the emotions to maybe try to tell yourself how it is. Sounds kooky but sometimes it does help a little. If you keep feeling really upset maybe another talk with your midwife re: induction dates would be a good idea. Sometimes we do need to take heed of our thoughts and emotions but often we just need to focus on the facts and hang in until the fog clears. At times like these it is so hard to get in touch with our gut instinct but the answers really do lie there. If we can't, all we can do is make the best decisions based on the info we have. If you were the praying / meditating sort I'd recommend you try that...see if you can reach down inside yourself and determine whether earlier induction is what is needed (based on facts rather than ideals) to put an end to the worry or if waiting is the best thing for you to do. I feel for you as being so far over-due PLUS having 2 boys to care for is far too much for anyone to deal with! It's probably almost impossible to do but try to relax just a little bit...baby girl WILL be here within the week! Maybe some time to yourself without the boys would help? I'm sure a couple of us could help there! ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 4:36pm
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Awwww Deb! Baby girl will be fine as will you. I'm starting to feel better so if you want to go for ice cream or chocolate or Gloria Jeans one day let me know. I'm always around.
Trust your body, and do what Emma suggested, get both of you checked in the weekend. Hugs to you! ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 7:48pm
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Girls are just higher maintenance arent they? Come on little bubba, come out now, nice and naturally and with as little pain as possible.
Big hugs!!!! Cant wait to hear all about it and see pics! |
Posted By: jaz
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 9:29pm
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Well we're the same age Deb and I made the decision to have Caleb induced by my due date because I was older and didn't want to take the risk. If you are feeling worried perhaps speak to your midwife about it to put your mind at rest. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 10:39pm
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thanks guys...
unfortunately i have lost all faith in my mw. today on the phone she thought it helpful to mention recent still births at auck hosp. in the same breath she is telling me she trusts me and is confident everything is fine but the next saying that the assessment unit at auck hosp did just have another 41 week still born!!!! i dont feel she has my best interests at heart anymore and she caused me so much stress i ended up yelling at her...and that is not good for me or bub. apparently she is off this weekend and i would get her backup if i went into labour from 5pm fri till the same time sun... so i am going to be talking to this baby very firmly about coming out then!!!
thanks for the supportive words and hugs guys...today has been the most stressful day and i am glad it is over. I will be be keeping an eye on bubs movements over the next couple of days and like i said telling her sat is the day!!! so keep your eyes peeled! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 11:01pm
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oooh come out tomorrow and share Gabriellas burpday - very cool relaxed gorgeous and clever kids born on that day Deb....OR wait til after midnight tomorrow and be 08-03-08 VERY cool and VERY lucky (chinese) birthday!!!!
ok so that was NO help I know...but you WILL be ok, Bubba WILL be fine and WE cannot wait to see her....hey if I plan to meet you at manukau for a coffee tomorrow afternoon does that mean you will go into labour to avoid it????
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 11:03pm
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you guys should meet for a curry instead
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Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 11:07pm
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Awww Deb, hope you have a better day tomorrow. Hope she comes on the weekend for you! ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 07 March 2008 at 10:14am
All the best Debs I really hope things get moving naturally for you 
I just want to say though, and please don't take this as a criticism as it most definitely is not one - but if it were me, and I had been having these bad feelings, well I would not be waiting around hoping for things to start naturally. I can understand your desire for things to happen as they "should", but sometimes they don't. Sometimes nature needs a little bit of a helping hand - I found this out when I had Joshua and my natural no drug labour turned into and emergency c-section. I know you will do what is best for you, and I hope I haven't upset you.
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Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 07 March 2008 at 11:29am
my god!!!! who says that to a pregnant lady!!!!  
i hope you are having a better day to day deb.... ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 07 March 2008 at 12:07pm
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Deb,its so hard to get rid of those thoughts once they've popped into your head eh? They just manifest and go round and round. Its exhausting and so upsetting.
Just remember, its your baby and your body. You have every right to demand more monitoring or to get a second opinion to your midwife's if you're not feeling happy with her casual approach. ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 07 March 2008 at 2:22pm
I second both comments! seriously ! who the hell says that to a pregnant lady who is already worried?? grrr some people! really hope your having a better day today Deb |
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 07 March 2008 at 7:53pm
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Are you around Deb? How are you doing today? ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 07 March 2008 at 8:21pm
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yep i am here fiona. have been hanging out with emma...she was nice enough to feed me and the boys cause hubby is working late. and am hoping for a baby this weekend while the relief mw is on too!!! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 07 March 2008 at 8:28pm
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------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 07 March 2008 at 8:52pm
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Come on baby girl! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: My3Sons
Date Posted: 08 March 2008 at 10:52am
Wishing you all the best GandT!! I'll keep my fingers crossed for this weekend!!------------- Mum to Mr 10, Mr 6 and Mr 4
 
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 08 March 2008 at 11:21am
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Right, child. Get your tiny little heiney out so people can meet you. You've had it cushy in there for plenty long enough. I'll broker you a deal - you come on out, and I'll send you pink stuff. Deal?! ------------- Andie |
Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 08 March 2008 at 2:30pm
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Hope something happens soon or is happening right now ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 08 March 2008 at 6:08pm
 ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: daikini
Date Posted: 08 March 2008 at 6:12pm
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------------- Becca, mum of 2 girls & 3 boys |
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 08 March 2008 at 9:02pm
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Awww Deb, dont ave anything to say that will cheer you up but just wanted you to know I am thinking of you... ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 08 March 2008 at 9:37pm
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Gosh, we sooo need an roll of the eyes emoticon... ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 09 March 2008 at 12:09am
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Come on bubba!!!!!!!!!!! ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 09 March 2008 at 8:00pm
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Well Deb, I hope that not 'hearing' from you on here means you're otherwise well-occupied, but if you're not, then tomorrow's the day, eh. Wow. I am hoping and praying for all the best for your wee girl's arrival - you don't need the stress of worrying about your midwife (oh yeah Fats, I'm guessing the ------------- Andie |
is kinda what you're after for the MW?!?), but whoever you get, it'll be YOUR day and YOUR labour and you stick to your guns on what you want, girl! You've been there twice before, and your body will know what to do. Sorry if I'm going all Pollyanna-styles here - going overdue isn't one bit fun and yeah, I remember wanting to stab people for asking "is she here yet", but please know that we're all thinking of you. Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 09 March 2008 at 8:59pm
| i'm still here and no tomorrow isnt the day. its tuesday the 11th, lunchtime when the induction is due. tomorrow will be my last day as a pregnant lady, unless something happens tonight. apparently my mw will come to the induction - i'd rather she didnt tho...i dont think i can trust her anymore. |
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 09 March 2008 at 9:00pm
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Been thinking of you heaps. Hope the weekend has treated you kindly. ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 09 March 2008 at 9:06pm
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DEb and at your MW .
Come on little bubba. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 09 March 2008 at 9:54pm
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Sorry - I was a little confused about today's date and thought the 11th was just this one sleep away. Ah, Deb... here's to one last day of being 9mths + pregnant. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 10 March 2008 at 11:24am
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awww deb.....i've been thinking of you over the weekend to and got excited to see your name change......thought things may have happened for you.
the end is near hun ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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