Sex problem...
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14194
Printed Date: 20 August 2025 at 5:52pm
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Topic: Sex problem...
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Subject: Sex problem...
Date Posted: 04 February 2008 at 3:47pm
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Replies:
Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 04 February 2008 at 3:51pm
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No advice hun, just think how badly that must suck for you!!!! Have you been to the Dr's before about it?? ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 04 February 2008 at 3:55pm
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Nah i havent, but I have told my MW as I was worried it would effect labour but she said it will be totally fine.
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Posted By: tropics
Date Posted: 04 February 2008 at 4:05pm
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I kinda know how you feel sheza me and DH only did it for the first time since I was pregnant in the weekend! cause in the first trimester I didnt want to incase it caused bleeding like it can and I knew that after the mc that it would just freak me out! then after the scan DH was kinda weirded out about it all the thought of doing it with a little person just there! lol so I made us do it in the weekend as I couldnt go for the rest of the time without and told him it would get worse as time goes on (growing bump!) and I noticed too that it hurt a little wasnt majorly enjoyable and ive never normally had a problem so maybe it is just the body tensing up? as I think in the back of my head I was a little worried! DH of corse enjoyed it! im hoping the next time will be different. ------------- http://lilypie.com">    [/url]
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 04 February 2008 at 4:17pm
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Posted By: first
Date Posted: 04 February 2008 at 4:34pm
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All I can suggest is take it slow, real slow. If it hurts so down cuddle for a bit then carry on. Give your body time to sort itself out maybe.
It is weird having the baby right there and i think it just takes time to get used to the idea and relax. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/"> 
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Posted By: EmDee
Date Posted: 04 February 2008 at 4:34pm
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I think you've hit the nail on the head, sounds like you are subconsciously (sp?) worried about baby and its causing you to tense up. Sounds like you have a great DP, so maybe discuss any fears you have with him (if you haven't already)? Umm more foreplay to relax you, or you don't have to have actual intercourse.
I found sex during the earlier part of pregnancy quite uncomfortable and have only started enjoying it again fairly recently, of course now I have a huge belly in the way lol. Anyway I hope you are able to work through it with your DP  ------------- DS 8 DD 6 DS 4 DD 2 |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 04 February 2008 at 5:04pm
Its getting to the point where im too scared and cant be bothered trying
i think i'll give myself a little while and then try again, and try to relax more like everyone said. Thanks for the replys  ------------- |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 04 February 2008 at 5:27pm
I agree with the others....take your time and find ways to relax...maybe even find ways to be intimate without actual intercourse...just kissing...cuddling...touching...use your imagination. 
I do remember sex being uncomfortable for me during pregnancy which is common so that won't be helping you either. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 04 February 2008 at 5:34pm
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I agree with Paws, there's alot more to it than the actual deed. I've had three kids and each pregnancy it's been different. With Cooper, I couldn't stand DH being any where near down there! From memory I think we managed it twice and I hated it. I too was worried about the little man. I knew he wouldn't be harmed, but couldn't shake that feeling.
I suggest maybe you could have a nice shower and/or bath together and rediscover each other again, and just take it real slow... if you don't go all the way, that doesn't matter, at least you have had the time together, just touching. Good luck! ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: MissAngel
Date Posted: 04 February 2008 at 6:35pm
Shez mate, you're not the only one! :/ I too am having a MASSIVE problem with sex - and i feel stink talking to my midwife about it (mostly cuz the BF is always there)But seeing as you made a thread about it  I havent had sex in over 10 weeks, because it's so damned painful - no tensing or anything, it just hurts. Its like when er, he 'puts it in' shall we say, I get really bad pressure pain around the cervical area. And god help me if I actually manage to orgasm - I'd rather have my toenails ripped out with a pair of plyers. The horrid thing is, I feel like a blasted rabbit at the moment, and all I wanna do is him!!!! man, roll on when we get to make another one. Honestly, i'm going insane. But I really hope your problem goes away Sheza, I know there nothing worse than not being able to do it, and then feeling like less than a woman. The BF is great with me tho, 'you're cooking a baby, that's FAR more important!' hehe
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 04 February 2008 at 6:57pm
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Poor old Willie has been out of luck since I got pregnant, initially coz I was too sick and then coz I've had two prolonged episodes of bleeding we've been told no-go till after the 19 week scan. It actually doesn't worry either of us all that much tho, we didn't have sex the whole time I was pregnant with the gremlins coz I was too anxious, and the first time we BDed when I was preg with Maya I cried my eyes out coz I thought I'd killed my baby.
-------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 04 February 2008 at 7:03pm
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Thanks everyone Its nice to know im not the only one who gets like this. I really think a lot of it is to do with the fact i lost my last baby and even though i know my lil boy is fine im scared Im gonna hurt him or something(even though I know deep down im not going to).
It is nice to know that my DF is fine about it though, he said he wont do it if its sore for me, and that we dont have to have sex
I guess it just makes me you feel like a faliure as a women when you cant have sex with your man! ------------- |
Posted By: kiwikid
Date Posted: 04 February 2008 at 11:37pm
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*hugs* Sheza I can definately empathise with you there, I have to remind myself to initiate special cuddles with the DH about once a fortnight at the moment but I'm sure if it wasnt so uncomfortable for me then I'd be up for it much more.
I do feel for the lad but he is very understanding and would never want me to carry on if it was hurting, he might get another type of 'treat' in the off week lol. Its not so much that it out right hurts but its just not comfortable and so I cant relax and therefore it never feels quite right. I hope it changes soon as its only going to happen less often when the baby is actually here for a little while ------------- 
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Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 05 February 2008 at 10:05am
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Its such a hard situation, Its nice your DF is so understanding.
I have been really slack latley, mainly because I am so exhausted and sex is the last thing I want to think about. I feel so bad though cos I know it would make DH so much happier if I put a little more attention in that area. Things had only just started getting better after the arrival of DD and then I get pregnant with No 2, I just doesnt seem fair on the guys. ------------- 
 
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Posted By: BessieBear
Date Posted: 05 February 2008 at 11:34am
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I have to say before i got preganant sex was quite uncomfortable. but now it's just impossible. It's a wierd feeling where baby is that makes it too sore and it just makes me need to pee. ------------- Sarah Mum to, Boy 07/2008, Girl 03/2010, Boy 05/2012, Angel 07/08/2014
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Posted By: BessieBear
Date Posted: 05 February 2008 at 11:36am
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ok just re read that it doesn't make much sence.
------------- Sarah Mum to, Boy 07/2008, Girl 03/2010, Boy 05/2012, Angel 07/08/2014
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 05 February 2008 at 5:01pm
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i know what you mean about the needing to pee thing! When we do manage it I always feel like Im gonan pee!! Its horrible lol and I have to run away half way thru to pee! I think its just the pressure on the bladder, cos I get the same thing when caden kicks my bladder ------------- |
Posted By: BessieBear
Date Posted: 05 February 2008 at 5:54pm
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Yeah totally. I thought that was just me. ------------- Sarah Mum to, Boy 07/2008, Girl 03/2010, Boy 05/2012, Angel 07/08/2014
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Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 05 February 2008 at 8:15pm
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omg this is happening to me 2! But I'm olny 9 1/2 weeks! At first I thought it was thrush or something but really not. My midwife said it just happens, which is nice to know that nothings actually wrong, but what does one do until everythings back to normal again, which I assume is a while after the baby's born.
Hey, when can you have sex after birth? (first time mum here) |
Posted By: Vanillabean
Date Posted: 05 February 2008 at 8:32pm
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I'm not pregnant but I have issues with painful sex and I totally know how emotionally distressing it is to want to do it but not have your body cooperate. In my case it also makes ttc super stressful. If the pain is because your pelvic floor muscles are tensing up there are physical things you can do like pelvic floor exercises. I went to a few GPS about it who weren't very helpful but then went to a specialist sexual health centre and found a great doctor who was very knowledgeable.
Good luck and be kind to yourself. |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 05 February 2008 at 9:46pm
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Thanks Vanillabean, I have been too embaressed to go to the doc about it, im SOOO shy about my bits lol, god knows how Im gonna give birth lol.
But yeah it is so emotionally distressing, I end up crying and then I dont feel like doing it. Since i met my Df though, I have been so much better and we have done it and its been fine, but since getting pregnant Im back to square one ------------- |
Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 06 February 2008 at 1:35am
| I had probs before the pregnancy but figured it was "just me" and that I was unconciously tensing or something. After a few years I found a really nice doc and it turn out the problems actually an overactive gland in there!!! They gave me an anesthetic cream which I'm not sure if it works yet...it kinda did once. Maybe it's a problem with that? I'll ahve to find out what the gland was called...I can't remember. At the time I was just like "Yay it's not me, im not crazy!" |
Posted By: HippyMama
Date Posted: 06 February 2008 at 8:06am
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Sorry to barge on in here ladies, but I came across this Wikipedia link that I thought might be relevant (just for interest): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginisimus - Vaginisimus
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 06 February 2008 at 9:48am
| OMG Sheza you totally explained what happened to me, I never said anything cos I didn't even know what to say. I can say tho after having Jack it kinds stretched things down there and it has been so much better after he was born (but it took about 6 months to get back into things after he was born) It came back when preg with Caprece but nowhere near as bad. |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 06 February 2008 at 10:19am
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I was wondering whether after I have Caden things would be more stretched and better down there!
Its so good to know Im not the only one. ------------- |
Posted By: Smartmum
Date Posted: 06 February 2008 at 8:02pm
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Sheza afriend of mine recently had this problem and was referred to a specialist skin doctor, apparently it's quite common and a bit of cream will stop the 'burning' feeling....
Good luck!! I think you should talk to your doc. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 06 February 2008 at 8:27pm
I have used creams and stuff but it doesnt work unless Im relaxed But I think I just cant relax being pregnant, i guess its cos i feel uncomfy and not sexy as it is, it makes the tensing up worse.------------- |
Posted By: Smartmum
Date Posted: 07 February 2008 at 1:44pm
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I think you mis-understood the type of cream i was meaning....you have to get this prescription only cream from the doctor, my friend had a common skin condition that made sex very painful.
There is also a another thing called vaginusitus where you get tense and have trouble with penetration....i would discuss it with your doc if it is bothering you. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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