Birth Support Person/People
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=13814
Printed Date: 18 August 2025 at 8:54am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 11.10 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Birth Support Person/People
Posted By: Maya
Subject: Birth Support Person/People
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 9:53am
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OK so Willie has decided that he isn't going to be at the birth this time round (he wasn't at Maya's either) which sounds awful, but to be honest saves me worrying about who is going to look after the girls while I am giving birth.
But now my problem is who do I have as a support person? I'd be perfectly happy to give birth by myself but I figure I need someone else there to help out with the practical stuff like driving me to Birthcare afterwards etc. I had a friend at Maya's birth and it was a disaster, she has no kids of her own, I was scared coz it was my first time giving birth, and she pretty much danced around in her own little world saying "you're having a baby" which wasn't much help! Any tips for deciding who to take? -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Replies:
Posted By: hooper
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 9:58am
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With my first my mum come up from the coast to be me.
Other wise have someone you can trust and relay on there.  ------------- Desiree 
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Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 10:02am
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my mum was going to be with me and DH for jack's birth, until jack decided to stay upside down the whole time!
so i had mum with me when i had charli and also DH. is there someone you are really close to and feel completely at ease with? someone who you think will stay calm and focus on how to keep you calm too?? ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Mazzy
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 10:05am
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I had mum with me too, would your mum come over from Oz if you were comfortable with that? Mum was pretty good, although she's not going to be there this time around because she'll be looking after DD so DH can be there for me.
I don't think it sounds awful that Willie won't be there - it would be worse if he was there against his will! Some guys just aren't good/comfortable with birth. If you're happy to birth with just your midwife, would Willie be able to come and drive you to birthcare afterwards? You could call him in then? ------------- Mum to two gorgeous girls! |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 10:07am
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Hmmm well if DF didnt want to be there or couldnt, I would have either my mum or my nana(my nana is like a second mum to me). I wouldnt have any of my friends as I think giving birth is a private thing and I really wouldnt want a friend seeing that, even my best friend...she wants to be there, but I dont want her there cos its a very personal thing.
But if you feel comfy with having really close friend there then maybe thats an option? ------------- |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 11:45am
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Is there a friend you'd feel comfortable having there? If not, what about a Doula? ------------- Andie |
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 11:53am
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Like the others have said maybe go with someone you feel really comfortable with who stays nice and calm. They don't need to "watch" the whole process but can just be there to be there to get anything you need...cringe at your pain, cry at the site of the beaufitul bubba and just generally play Mum.
Do you think your Mum would come over from Aus? ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 12:31pm
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I'm very shy and if DH wouldn't/couldn't make it, I'd probably have my mum. Also they don't have to be with you the whole way - when I gave birth to Gina, DH was with me in the room. Both mum & MIL waited outside and got to see Gina within minutes of being born - maybe that's something you can do if you don't want anyone actually in there with you? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: ginger
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 12:34pm
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I'd pick someone who you know you can rely on, and who can be available at whatever time (eg. someone who can take time of work, can make arrangements for their own child(ren) for when they are with you), who is practical and who will be an actual support!
From my perspective, obviously not having given birth, I think it's a very special time bringing this new life into the world and to have someone there who will always be around in one way or the other (eg. is a friend who will always be a friend - do you know what I mean?) is important. The other thing is that, if you were happy about it, you *could* do it yourself, and have someone on call for taking you to Birth Care ...? ------------- Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00 Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41 |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 12:38pm
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I had my mum and my best friend there, my best friend had no kids but was 3 months pregnant herself( ha actually kind of mean to me really ) and i dont regret having her for a second, next time i'll have my other bestfriend there as well.
As for who you should take, well, in my opinion someone you trust, and who isnt squeamish at the sight of a little blood and can keep a calm head in any kind of situation,sometimes it is better to have someone who has been through it themselves so they are more sympathetic to what your'e going through |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 1:01pm
i had my mum and my best friend and mums best friend deff get someone you turst big hugs ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: MelanieAndBree
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 2:05pm
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I wouldnt know. I wanted my mum but she wasnt in the country so i had my nana and my sister who wasnt much help as she was nearly fainting. ------------- Melanie. Mum to Briahna Robyn, 3yrs |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 2:12pm
| If I couldn't have had DH at Daniels birth I would not have chosen my mother nor a friend. My reasons behind that is that giving birth isn't exactly an easy process and I'd rather have someone there who i know would be strong no matter what so I would go for someone like a doula, who does the whole support person thing. Knows what to expect, who I wouldn't care what that person saw as they aren't close to me etc |
Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 2:16pm
| I hope you will have your good ole Mum again as well Cailtynsmygirl and Nikola who luvs you |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 6:53pm
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Mum will definitely come over (she owes me that much after going to Portugal the week before I had the gremlins!) but she's not comfortable with being at the birth, so I have to respect that.
I'm totally OK with having a friend there, I just want to make sure it's someone who knows what to expect this time, and also someone that won't hold it against me if I tell them to get out of my space lol coz I hate being touched in labour. Hmmmm, things to think about. Altho found out today that I will likely be induced around 38 weeks so at least with an induction the planning side of things is a bit easier. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 7:02pm
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If my DH didnt want to be there I would have no idea who I would want... I dont htink I would be comfortable with my mum. Maybe one of my friends that also has kids.
How come you will prob be induced early? ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 7:12pm
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oh Emma i would come in with ya - but alas a bit too far to come and lol you would have the baby before I got there - having said that , you don't exactly know me IRL so that would probably be weird for you
I had my mum (and dad) with Josh, My mum, friend and Partner with Brooke - and since Rhyley was a ceasar and I was only allowed one person dh came in. But if RHyley was a natural birth once again i would have my mum and friend (up until the pushing part as i am sure it would be nice just me and dh for that) I guess it has to be someone you are comfortable with due to them seeing your all and probably at your worst. You want to share also this special moment with a close friend too as its such an amazing thing. As you said someone who knows what its like in labour and not offended if you tell them to p#ss off/fart/sh*t or any other embarrasing things. ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 7:15pm
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when my friend asked me to be at her babies birht I felt very previledged (although i am sure once it got to the pushing part she woud of done what i did with Brooke and just her and her DH) as it was she had to have a ceasar so got to wait around.
Anyway why I said that as it would be nice if the friend you picked would be someone who felt privledged to be there too.  ------------- Ann
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 7:27pm
LOL I've seen Alize's birth
Aimee - Baby is already measuring a week ahead of the dating scan dates, and given that I've had three big for dates babies my midwife thinks earlier might be better than later. I have to have a growth scan at 37 weeks. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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AnnC wrote:Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 7:50pm
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And what a great birth it was lol. Im the same and hate being touched in labour. Was it Karen who went with you to the birth with Maya?
------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 7:52pm
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I would never ask my mum, I would possibly ask my best friend since i was 5 if i ever had the experience again and Mike wasn't able to be there. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 7:54pm
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Yep, and lovely as she is, she was in her own world and had no idea what would be useful/not useful. Then as soon as Maya was out she was complaining about how tired she was an pressuring me to get organised to transfer to Birthcare quickly so she could go home and sleep. I was like WTF, *I'm* the one that just gave birth after 3 days of labour, and *you're* tired?
Alize's birth was pretty awesome (on video at least!), made me want to give birth all over again lol! Then again Kels you were talking about coming up when bubs is born, wanna come a few days early and you and Deb can be my support crew ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 7:57pm
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PS. I've been at two births (other than my own kids lol!) and it was definitely better at the second one which was after I'd had my girls coz I was able to offer support based on experience even tho that birth was a much more difficult one than the first one I was at. At the first one I was pretty hands off, I just watched coz her partner was there etc. but at the second one I was her only support person and I was right in there getting my fingers broken, helping the midwife and sticking my head round to see if bubs head was descending yet. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Mazzy
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 8:09pm
Hey Emma, you could always make this the new OhBaby message board competition - OB Idol, auditions for a birth support person and the winner gets to be your support on the big day!  
Seriously though, I hope you find someone - a taxi is not a good option to transfer to birthcare! Sounds like you have some good friends, but it is a hard decision to make. You have a little bit of time yet, so maybe keeping it in the back of your mind and waiting for someone to 'click' might work? Sorry, I'm not much help. ------------- Mum to two gorgeous girls! |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 8:12pm
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Loving it Mazzy! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 8:22pm
Ummm me just wondering what my comment had to do with Alize birth... am i missing something there?? I am pretty tired so not clicking like usual ------------- Ann
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 8:23pm
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AnnC said "you don't exactly know me IRL so that would probably be weird for you"
Kels showed me Alize's birth video when we'd only just met IRL lol. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 9:25pm
We'll given the fact that lots of us spend so much time on an internet site it's probably safe to assume that many of us are "personal space" people! LOL. ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 9:53pm
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Good reasoning! I heart my computer,I can hide behind it Shame I can't give birth online ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 9:57pm
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Emma that can be arranged ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 22 January 2008 at 10:45pm
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we could shout Emma a webcam for the hospital...i wonder if it is one of telecom's "hot-spot" free broadband...WE COULD STREAM IT!!!
okay, getting serious now. What about mum coming, but not actually being in the room, but outside. then when baby Elizabeth (oh yeah, i';ve named Iggle Piggle) is born, she can do the support person thing. |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 11:53am
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did you sort something out emma -spose there is plenty of time still. ------------- Ann
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 12:08pm
ahh click now ------------- Ann
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: MelandBri
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 2:13pm
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I had DH and my closest friend in with me. I didn't have anyone else at the time as we were overseas.
My friend had 2 kids of her own so it was really helpful to have her in there when DH was a little nervous about the whole thing. She didn't see any yucky bits or blood, she just stay up near my head and helped me through the contractions. This time I will just have DH, I'm really hoping MIL will stay away until well after the birth. I'm really close with my mum and we talk about everything, but tbh I don't think I would want her in there and I don't think she would even want to see me in that situation. |
Posted By: Mikaela
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 2:34pm
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If I wasn't in Aus then I'd volunteer! I think it would be amazing to see someone's birth (I didn't 'see' Alex's if that makes sense).
I think having your mum in the next room might be a good compromise for her, if she's comfortable with that. ------------- http://www.bump-and-beyond.com"> 
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Posted By: HippyMama
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 4:34pm
| I had my DH, a close friend and my midwife there and that was it - my own mum wouldn't have been able to handle it but was happy to come visit afterwards. I know it is a difficult decision so good luck! |
Posted By: JadeC
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 6:06pm
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On another board I kind of post on, there is a whole forum dedicated to "Unassisted Childbirth" and while for most of them that means no midwife or anything, they might have some good tips if you do decide to go it alone. I don't know the rules on posting other sites, so PM me if you want the address. ------------- http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 6:57pm
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Do you mean TNN JadeC? I've seen a bit of stuff on there about unassisted childbirth.
LMAO Liz, what if baby is a boy? At the moment I've had plenty of offers of support which is awesome (man I am lucky, I have some great friends ) and Kels is coming up from Wellington (I am soooo holding you to that Kels!) plus will prob have a couple of other friends too if they're still keen. Have joked that we could even take champagne and nibblies and make it a girls night lol! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 7:41pm
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so thats the location for the next mums meet up is it emma ?
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Posted By: JadeC
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 8:19pm
No, I don't know TNN. I meant MDC (mothering dot commune) ------------- http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 8:21pm
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Oh I don't know that one? ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: JadeC
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 8:34pm
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It's a big international one, but very, um, interesting! At first I was quite scared off by talk of cloth toilet paper, and the like! But it's so big, theres lots of normal topics too.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions/forumdisplay.php?f=306 - Here's the link to their unassisted birth forum ------------- http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 27 January 2008 at 9:28pm
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LOL Emma it will be a real knees up for ya
Can I put my order in for the nibbles and come to think of it I might have to buy me a new outfit too I mean you have to look nice on a "girls night out" ------------- http://lilypie.com">
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |