BD not so easy - this is overshare
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Category: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Name: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Description: Trying to get pregnant? Going through fertility treatment? Just planning your first or second child? There are many people out there in the same boat to help and listen and share with
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Topic: BD not so easy - this is overshare
Posted By: Andi_C
Subject: BD not so easy - this is overshare
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 8:20am
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Hi girls, I know this is going to be overshare but I really need to put it out to someone.
I'm worried that my husband and I will have trouble getting pregnant because of our sex life. He is uncut, but never did the skin stretching thing over the head (mum's with little boys uncut will get what I mean). So he basically hasn't got a great deal of sensitivity and penetration isn't his favorite type of bed sport (as a result I think). It has gratted a little on me for years, and I hate to say it but I sometimes feel like he is less manly because of this. He has popped only a few times and always with me on top - which is not a good position for baby making and damn tiering for me to do all the work (especially as often as need for BDing). The other times we've BDed he has basically gone "manual" and then popped it inside. I'm worried that without that gunshot effect the sperm will never make it far enough inside me to actually get to the egg. Last month when he did this I did get an explosion of my own which I believe helps draw all the fluid up further - but is that enough without his? I'm feeling so judgemental of him around this issue and I worry that if we have to resort to the turky baster that I'll really get cross with him and his manhood. I hate that I think like this but that's how it is. Anyway, thanks for listening. |
Replies:
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 8:48am
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Ummm I could be completely wrong here and Im not sure if Im 'medically correct' when i say this but I dont think that just because he is 'uncut' would decrease the sensitivity enough to cause this sort of problem, especially if he can still do it manually. I personally would be thinking there is more of an issue here. Sorry if thats a bad thing to say but Ive never heard of this being a problem and Ive never heard they need to do any skin stretching thing. I know Ive been told with my son that nature will do its own thing and they only need to stretch or cut it if its really tight and can then be painful.
On the baby making side of it, again im not 100% sure but while it might take longer and be a bit of a long shot im pretty sure you could still get pregnant. Maybe try elevating with pillows under your bum after or something. |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 8:56am
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i was going to say exactly the same thing.. I've also never heard of the skin stretching thing ..sounds painful:( and havent had any problems in my relationships with uncut men..
as far as the sex thing goes I would also agree with my2angels.. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: CuriousG
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 8:56am
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Sensitive topic I know, but has he ever considering becoming 'cut' so that he does have more sensitivity? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 9:01am
I thought it was the other way around. "cut" lost the sensitivity? At least thats what the males complain about
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 9:07am
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yes actually good point nzpiper..though my DH hant complained about that...lol. it does sound to me like he has something else going on:( (thats not meant to offend you it's just the situation sounds very unusual) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 9:20am
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Hey Andi_C I agree with My2Angels about the allevation. If it works better for you on top then go for it that way (extra exercise is great for you pre-pregnancy) then flip over, put some cushions under your hips, relax and read a book.
I hate to be uncomfortably personal but have you thought about trying other positions (not talking about the usual 4-5 that we all pull out but maybe take a leaf out of Stings book and look into Tantric or similar) maybe you haven't yet found the position that works the best for both of you to enjoy. Remember Bding should be fun first and foremost. p.s. I also heard (during my antenatal classes) that cut men have less or no sensitivity at the tip. ------------- http://lilypie.com">   http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: CuriousG
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 9:26am
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I think its true about the sensitivity thing and not being cut will give you more sensitivity but if he has not been 'stretched' etc, maybe it would because it removes that extra skin??? Gawd, a bit out of my depth here! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 9:29am
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im sorry i still dont get it:( how does it remove the extra skin? the extra skin covers the part that gets de sensitized ? I've been in childcare for 6 years and all of my friends have at least one boy and we are having a boy and nothing about its ever been mentioned to me:(? ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: CuriousG
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 9:32am
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It removes a tiny bit of skin at the top of the head. Its not very common these days and only really done for either religious (jewish) reasons or if there are problems. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 9:34am
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so stretching removes some of the skin? ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 9:35am
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I was always told that if they were circumsised there is less sensitivity but if they are uncircumsised then the actual head/tip is super sensitive, to the point where it can be painful which is why you are very careful about pulling the skin back. But Ive never heard of or come across the stretching idea and in fact remember being told not to do that with Kobe as i think i mentioned
Kawww I think the stretching is referring to when sometimes the skin is really tight and doesnt actually pull back from the head rather than removing skin which is a totally different thing |
Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 9:37am
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I don't really know much about it either but should prob find out because DH has told me like father like son which means, unless I can come up with some pretty strong reasons not to, our boy (if we have one) will be cut. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 9:37am
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im just curious as i wouldnt do it anyway( i dont wanna mess with nature) but i just wondered why it is recommended ? i just wouldnt think it would actually do anything thats all? but then i dont have a penis so i dont really know:)!!! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 9:39am
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as far as like father like son..we had the same dicsussion...my DH is cut...but our boy will not be(I'm not going to get into it..its totally a personal thing) but it costs a lot of money...and there are no medical reaosns for it(I showed him the research) and the only reason he wanted it was to make our son look like him..so in the end we decided not too.. :) but as i said its totally a personal thing.. ! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 9:39am
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I believe it's only recommended if there is an infection under the foreskin. I know that there was only 1 doctor in Wellington when we were pregnant (2006) that actually performs circumcision. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 9:40am
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Some guys can have major problems if the skin is to tight and they can have reoccuring infections etc... (my friends hubby had this and was circumcised in his teens)
Its pretty uncommon these days, in fact unless its for religous or medical reasons they wont do it in chch. I think there may be one place that you have to pay heaps for but even then it has to be for a good reason. |
Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 9:41am
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Thanks Kawwww, I see no reason for the cut either and since my DH felt like 'decking' the nurse the first time he was present at Michaela's jabs I don't know how he could sit through having that done (oh, no wait, I know - he'll make me sit through it instead). I can probably get through to him if I point out the expense.
This is all hypothetical - we're not even trying for another baby yet. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 9:46am
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yeah its a hard situation..i mean i dont have a penis so he was like..well how would you know..but we talked calmly at it (even though i have very strong views on it) and he came to the decision too.. he didnt realise that as my2angels said) its very hard to have it done here and expensive and medically not necessary unless as you say there is a problem.. i think hes a little gutted that he wont look like his boy but he's getting over it:)
anyway i better ge off here and go do the stuf fI'm supposed to be doing:) ! have a nice day everyone! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 9:59am
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It's generally only done for religious (Jewish) reasons now and I don't think it is widely recommended as such. And yes, from what I have heard circumcision reduces sensitivity in the long run. ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 10:49am
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i'm having probs reading your post andi c......is the end of each line cut off by the banner on the side of the page for everyone or just me?
i think i have the jist of it anyway....i've pm'd you about this ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 10:51am
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who are you specifically talking to?:) if there are big pics it normally cuts off the end of a line for me but not in this thread. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 11:02am
i was talking to everyone about the banners but andi c about the pm
it's not over-hanging now on that i've come back to this thread....weird! i'll go re-read the first post now  ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 11:03am
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cut off a little bit for me...
As for being 'uncut' and the problems you are facing - I don't think the 'uncut' is the causing his problem - he may need a snip to stretch the foreskin as it seems like it has grown over too much.. little boys can get this happening and normally get taught to pull it back to stretch it - obviuosly this did not happen when your DH was younger so now it is permanently like it. I am sure someone has pointed this out before. It maybe a little bit of pain at first for your hubby to get his foreskin cut BUT in the long run your sex life will benefit and there for your family will be easier to gain 
Now for you its finding a way to discuss this with your DH without saying 'I was talking to the girls about your problem' LOL ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 11:04am
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Yeah I have always heard that sensitivity is less when circumcised. I'm not sure about the stretching thing, do you mean pulling it back to clean? Cos if so that actually isn't necessary and in some cases the foreskin cannot be pulled back and thats perfectly normal. Does it hurt for him to have sex? I'm assuming not as he can masturbate but if so there may be a medical problem.
DH isn't cut and I justed asked him about stretching and he had no idea what I was going on about. We have never had the problems you are describing. As for getting pg you could lay with your legs up the wall for 10mins after that should help the little sperms on their way ------------- 
 
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Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 11:12am
that's what i've suggested ann....my DH had this done last year as it was causing him pain and he's alot better now. still hurts sometimes but no where near as often. andi, i hope you and DH are able to talk about this openly and get something sorted so you both feel better about the situation ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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AnnC wrote:Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 11:12am
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It's cut off for me too Vanessa.
My Dr told me the same as the others r.e. circumcision. Men who are cut often lose sensitivity, rather than men who are intact. Is your hubby sore because he didn't draw his foreskin back as a child? Like does it hurt for him to move it back now? Maybe the movement of having sex is making it uncomfortable for him? If that's the case maybe he needs to see a Dr about it. Sorry if I'm on completely the wrong track here! Just throwing out ideas that sprang to mind
I think the pillow idea is a good one, apparently doing pelvic floor exercises with the cum in you is a good way to draw the sperm up as well. (just make sure you're pulling up not pushing out) Good luck with your TTC Andi! ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 11:20am
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Having an O produces more liquid which makes it easier for the sperm to travel but it's not essential. If you're worried about this maybe you could.... ah.... um.... go manual yourself after the event (while you're lying with you hips on a cushion and your feet in the air).
The other thing, which you are probably already doing is, if you can't/don't BD very often just try and concentrate your efforts to the few days a month when you're most likely to concieve and rest up the rest of the time. Finally I asked my DH (hope you don't mind) and he suggested you talk to your DH about whether he's having fears about becoming a dad that could be putting him off. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Andi_C
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 12:11pm
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Thank you so much everyone for you responses. I think we may be onto something with his forskin being too tight, his head has never every popped out (which I hear is usual). His head (what we can get access to lol) is very very sensitive. And he is really really freaked about the idea of stretching the skin back because it does hurt. It does get a little tender during sex too so I think I will talk to him about going and seeing the Doc. He wont mind at all if I say I was "chatting to the girls", especially if I follow it up with "and they spoke to the DH's" and so forth. I feel so much better about this now and now that someone elses has suggested I put my legs up in the air after being on top I wont feel so silly for doing a headstand the first time *grin*
Your all wonderful and your help and support is greatly appreciated. 
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 12:15pm
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Sorry to thread jack but whats this about stretching it? When do you need to teach the boys to do it? I thought we weren't suppose to pull the skin back to clean it. I'm so confused, Ben has been cut so is not much help.
Andi C I think maybe should mention it to your dr because like everyone has said I'm sure something can be done. You on top will still work to make a baby just jump off straight away and lie on your back with a pillow under your pelvis (I think someone has already said this) |
Posted By: mum2emj
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 12:16pm
lol, i had my legs up the wall when i concieved one of my daughters after trying for ages! lol.... all the best |
Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 12:20pm
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That's prob how Michaela was concieved too. The minute DH said let's try I got impatient for a baby and did everything possible to hurry the process along. Plus lying in bed for 1/2 hour afterwards is not a bad way to spend post BD time (even if you do have your legs in the air). ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Andi_C
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 12:29pm
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I have this wonderful image of spy camera's looking into the bedrooms of women ttc and just seeing us all laying on the bed with our legs up the wall and some rather confused looking partners rofl
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 12:37pm
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Rach, Plunket don't recommend (my Plunket nurse anyway) that we teach or show our boys to pull it back because they usually discover it on their own anyway
If it is too tight or growing over the top so they can't move it back then the Dr might recommend stretching or the snip for health reasons. ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:
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Posted By: TraceyA
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 12:43pm
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When you talk about having it "snipped" are we talking a full circumsition here or just a little snip? I think my DH would strangle any Dr who suggested he got cut, he's very proud of his hood lol. Good luck though Andi, I've done the headstand after being on top the first time we decided to actively try and it just resulted in us both falling all over the place laughing our asses off. I'd stick with the personal massage device and a little electric shock of your own to suck it all up, that's my preferred method anyway. ------------- TTC #2 |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 1:15pm
i'm talking just a little snip....about 1cm ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 2:54pm
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May I just say....ooooooooouch! ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 4:45pm
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pillow under bum worked for us..and yes generally men more sensitive with foreskin but mine cut and he still has heaps of sensitivity..maybe he;s weird:) i just asked my Mum and she said in the old days they were told to stretch the skin at every bath time..
so if you cant get to the head of the penis then yeah maybe a wee snip is necessary?very sore but worth it in the long run? ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Andi_C
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 4:55pm
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I spoke to DH about all of this and his response was to bury his face in my ample bosom and refise to come out until I stopped talking putting is penis and sharp pointy things in the same centance I'm afraid I had to tease hin a little more at that point and pulled out the kitchen scissors, I'm so cruel, lol. So I think we shall be sticking with the hips up and standing on my head thing for now.
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 6:40pm
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LOL Andi!! Alright in answer to the first question, I'm not really sure but the thought that came to mind was rolling over together when you're done, for a little while to cuddle etc, so that you are on your back and perhaps easier to conceive?
About the second question, I heard that circumcision was also done for so-called hygienic reasons (easier to clean) up until about the 80's. -------------  |
Posted By: kezplanet
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 7:12pm
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Andi c, so long as there is sperm coming out you have as much chance as anyone to get preg - barring medical probs. I say this because .... I have had 2 wee sweet girls & the frequency of bding was almost non existant! Also DH (god I hope he never gets on here to read this lol) which also be a factor for your dh is that he is extremely sensitive & we have the problem of premature ej. & I think he is a little self consious (sp) about it & "men dont talk about things like that" .... as for positions OMG The_Stuarts!!! there are 4 or 5!!! Someone needs to talk to my hubby .... no only kidding - I think its just a bit of low confidance but in saying that wwe still managed to have babies and are continuing to try!!! You are lucky that you are able to talk to your DH, it should make things a little eaiser and good luck on all the practicing and trying new positions!!! Oh yeah, the lying on back after you bing on top does work!! ------------- Kerryn, Mum to Ashlyn(29/3/04), Anastasia(1/11/05) & Abigail (24/02/09) |
Posted By: TraceyA
Date Posted: 16 January 2008 at 10:41pm
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My DH gave me a copy of the KISS Kamasutra book, how's that for keen ;) ------------- TTC #2 |
Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 7:52am
Oh, TraceyA, do share any good ones you find - LOL!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 8:20am
Yeah thats what I thought, and my DF is uncut and he has a lot of feeling down there... We watched a programe on that last year and men who have been cut have less feeling than men who havent. If you are worried what I would suggest is, just have sex like normal, and then have him finish with you on top, and when you hop off lie down and put your feet up on the wall for half an hour, this is what I did after sex everytime even though DF had no probs finishing. I can never "get mine" during sex, so I woulld get mine after Id finished putting my legs on the wall
The feet on the wall trick helps the sperm travel to where it needs to go. Hope that helps. ------------- |
Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 8:34am
OK so maybe I'm going off on a tangent here but... best positions for me to get mine are on top (with DH sitting up) and missionary. It's all to do with the mans pelvis rubbing against our area and if you're lucky with him inside he'll hit that one too. Other positions we me facing outwards are usually used when I've had mine - thank you very much - and want to get him over and done with too.------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 8:50am
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she;s talking stretching though which is different to circumsion.. as far as 'getting yours' only 30% of women do during sex:) *I love this website you can just talk about whatever you like:) * ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 8:51am
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My DH would be mortified if he knew half the things we discuss!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: TraceyA
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 8:57am
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I find that I can't "get mine" without the help of a vibrating buddy ;) (just thought I'd add to kawww's love of talking about it all). I find that on top is the best and I can "get mine" at least twice before he "gets his" - in this house we have a very strict rule that I get off before he does *grin* The best of the best though for me has to be doggy (I hate that name though). Can't say I've ever tried on my side, perhaps DH isn't quite the right length for that one (don't tell him I said that, men are so sensitive). ------------- TTC #2 |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 8:57am
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i used to tell mine..btu he just made this face..and now he prefers i ask things on here cause he's sick of me asking 'silly' questions.....boo him! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 9:04am
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Ha ha TraceyA. We have that unspoken rule in my house too. It's a contest to see how many times I can get mine before he gets his. It's great for his ego and it's a game we both win!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 1:05pm
Ive never been able to orgasm during sex. Dunno why, nothin works *shrugs* Doesnt bother me though, we have other ways  ------------- |
Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 1:08pm
At 19 weeks pregnant (congrats) you are living proof that you don't need to orgasm during sex to become pregnant. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 2:05pm
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i never have been able to either..but that doesnt stop it being achieved other ways...although the day we got pregnant i didnt....its just a theory about helping the sperm..though i did lie with bum up under a pillow for about 10 mins that day.. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 2:13pm
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I got told when Josh was younger (4) to get him to pull his foreskin back due to it being a bit 'tight' (by the doctor) I felt rather uncomfortable showing him so got my dad to (was a single mum) all fine now (well at least I think so since he's 14 no way i am going there LOL) ------------- Ann
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: TraceyA
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 2:24pm
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Ann, I can just see you having "that" conversation with a 14 year old, "take out the rubbish please, oh and have you pulled back your forskin lately?" rofl ------------- TTC #2 |
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 2:31pm
i can't imagine trying to get jack to pull his skin back
i had never 'got mine' until i was DH....he couldn't believe i'd never O'd......the only way i can is on top, or with a vibrating buddy ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 2:36pm
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yeah mine didnt believe that i couldnt either.. i think he's had women lying to him before..he didnt believe me when i said only 30% of women can through sex..lol..men ..so silly:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: The_Stuarts
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 3:24pm
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Yeah, it's pretty funny how they think it's all down to them - so self centered. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 3:43pm
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yeah and he was like..umm no i dont think they would have been lying..:) hehe.. umm no honey of course not..:) you always got women in the 30%:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Phat_Cat
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 5:12pm
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well i just have to put my 10cents worth in. I must be weird cause i get one everytime and it still took me two years to get pregnant (ok and ive got PCOS too). But we also have the rule of Ladies first in our house LOL but nine times outta 10 we do the same time...... Anyways back onto the topic (LOL) DH was naturally cut but we had the big debate as to whether Mr T should be done. Well he hasnt cause a) only starship will do it for medical reasons only b) after the first 3 months there is a high cost (round about 3,000 from memory) also you dont have to get the child to pull it back to wash as being a typical male they will do this naturally My thoughts would be that maybe there is another underlying issue here but if you are both communicating well on the subject then maybe it is something that a Dr could sort out and if your DH is real keen for a baby then im hoping that he will go for both of your sakes. I did the pillow thing as well no idea as to whether it helped or not....Best of Luck with it all ------------- Tristen - 24/06/07 Rylan - 11/12/08 Angel Babies -14/08/05 & 21/01/2010 Curtis - 26/02/12 |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 9:48pm
| My DH has sent you a PM about this from my account. I think he meant to send it from his but i was logged in at the time. |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 10:00pm
Thanks And yep, legs up on the wall right after he did his thing seemed to work for us ------------- |
Posted By: danielsdaddy
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 10:20pm
He did indeed, If you respond, can you respond to my address please? Ta ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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