Less excitement 2nd time
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Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=11239
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Topic: Less excitement 2nd time
Posted By: nicolaann
Subject: Less excitement 2nd time
Date Posted: 04 October 2007 at 11:39am
Just wondering if others have felt family and friends were much less excited about their second (or third etc) pregnancy compared to their first? I feel as though no one cares this time around. Well I'm sure that they do, but compared to my first pregnancy it feels a bit disapointing. I feel like this baby is less loved  Ok so I am probably being silly, but its making me feel sad. Even DH seems to have much less interest, I asked him the other night if he was even excited as he doesn't seem it. He said it just feels different this time, which is strange when this baby was even more planned and tried for than Alex!
------------- Nicky, Mum to Alex (5) & Sophie (3) http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: buzimumto3boys
Date Posted: 04 October 2007 at 11:59am
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I felt the same way... DH was still excited but it wasnt as novel I guess. Also family and friends only really cared about major appointments or scans.
Its hard too when you have older kids as so much time is spent on them you dont get as much time for you and your pregnancy. I would "forget" I was pregnant for long parts of the day! Also I tended not to talk about the pregnancy as much as I had been through it before and knew the stages etc - the first pregnancy it felt like everyone was offering advice and asking how I was all the time! Once baby was born though it was all stations as everyone was still interested and visited etc. (though I didnt get as much help with the last one when I probly needed it the most - 3rd c section!!) So you arent alone and I think it gets a little worse near the end of pregnancy as hormones do some crazy things. Im sure everyone cares but they are thinking you are coping fine and have been through it so dont need as much help/conversation about pregnancy as last time. (If that makes sense!) 
Edited for bad spelling... |
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 04 October 2007 at 12:17pm
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I don't know about second pregnancies but I certainly have times when I feel like my pregnancy isn't celebrated by my friends who already have babies. It seems that they use it more like a yardstick to measure against their own experiences and give advice rather than celebrate what is a unique experience for me. It takes a bit of the gleam off and frankly it's disappointing given how much support and excitement I had for them when they were pregnant.
So no I don't think you're being silly at all - I often feel frustrated and sad about this. Why should we have less excitement just because it's not the first pregnancy? (either amongst our friends or within our family) -------------  
 
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Posted By: LockieandLiam
Date Posted: 04 October 2007 at 12:21pm
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I would have to agree it just feels different. DH & I have had this discussion and I also had it with a friend the other day. I think because you have been there done that you know what to expect and also in most cases there is no need to do much baby shopping which was always great fun. It's still exciting but in a different way. DH hasn't heard the heartbeat this time around as he has been away for work when I have had my appointments but he said to me last night that he can't wait to hear it. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: buzimumto3boys
Date Posted: 04 October 2007 at 12:26pm
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I agree with you too Bobbie, though I think I am guilty of giving advice as I try and support the pregnant person that way by telling them what helped me etc with the issues they are having - people often mean well so it could be their way of helping you.
But I would still make the effort to make the mum to be feel excited and special as well - like baby showers and special shopping trips etc. |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 04 October 2007 at 1:40pm
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Yeah I found the second time around people aren't as excited. I also found I wasn't as excited but as soon as she was born I was so pleased she was here. DP didn't really get that into her pregnancy either but has been so much better with her than he was with Jack.
The thing I don't really like this time around is that people come and take the older child out so you can have a break, which is great, but its not the older one that doesn't give you a break. I would give anything for an hour to myself but i know its a quite a big ask to ask someone to watch both kids for a bit. But on the plus side of it being number 2 is that you already know what to expect so you know what your doing and is way less stressful. |
Posted By: nicolaann
Date Posted: 04 October 2007 at 6:56pm
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Thanks ladies... feel heaps better knowing that others have felt the same way!! I can understand that people just assume you are coping and know what you are doing second time around, and so appear less interested. I just hope that when baby is born everyone (esp DH) is as excited as they were when Alex was born. In many ways Im looking forward to this birth and having a newborn more than with Alex. I feel like I know what to prepare myself for, and hopefully I will feel more in control over those first few day. ------------- Nicky, Mum to Alex (5) & Sophie (3) http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 04 October 2007 at 7:45pm
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Yep totally. I even had the MIL say to a friend of mine that Josh is just a baby and he'll be a grandson one day. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 04 October 2007 at 7:57pm
| I found the same thing but then even i wasnt as excited, it was great and everything but its not like you have to race out and buy a cot and a pushchair and prepare etc... like you do with the first and because of the older child you dont have as much time to just sit and think about the baby your carrying, i also would go for hours not even thinking until i would feel her move and think oh yeah Im pregnant. But the minute she was born that was all out the window! |
Posted By: meow
Date Posted: 04 October 2007 at 8:22pm
Same here.. once you have a kid (and/or if you are pregnant again) it's really hard to think back to when you had your first pregnancy and how you felt.. basically because that little one uses up all your available brain cells  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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buzimumto3boys wrote:Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 04 October 2007 at 9:52pm
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Yeah the advice is ok and I know it's meant well but it's when you get to a particular landmark and then get told 'oh but wait until.... happens' or 'oh yeah I had that xxx weeks before you did and xxx times worse' that it gets a bit much. -------------
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Posted By: buzimumto3boys
Date Posted: 05 October 2007 at 7:28am
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Ahhh ok would have to agree with you on that one then!! Not good at all!
Maybe you should try and say something to them? like a can you be more supportive of what Im going through and not what you went through... or something else in a nice subtle way! |