Need a little advice ladies
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Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=11164
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Topic: Need a little advice ladies
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Subject: Need a little advice ladies
Date Posted: 01 October 2007 at 7:27pm
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EDIT-Can some please change the spelling in my title I spelt Advice with a s lol ahhh I just started a new job today, and I didnt know that I pregnant when I went for the interview, found out I was preg last Thursday 
I dont know when to tell my manager that I am expecting....I was talking to her today about my m/c and she told me she is about to undergo IVF, and I felt so bad standing there 4 weeks pregnant after only a few months of trying and she has been trying for 2 years! 
Ive told her I have to go for blood tests next Tuesday becasue Ive been feeling "Icky" latley. She also said that Im too young for kids and that I should go out and have fun before I start a family!!  I mean MAN im 25 in December!! Im not exactly a baby myself! She also seemed shocked that I was getting married after only being with DF for a year, by that stage I thought "Geez I wont be telling her he is a fair bit younger than me then!!"
The other thing is that some of the stuff in the store is rather heavy and Im scared Ill lose the baby from heavy lifting. Im SO co0nfused  Do you think its best for everyone if I tell her i am pregnant?------------- |
Replies:
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 01 October 2007 at 7:50pm
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Sheza, I wouldn't feel bad for announcing your pgcy for the reason that she is trying. Sadly it's a fact of life that some people try for longer than others, and no one really knows why.
Is part of your job description lifting? Or is it just one of those things that everyone does a bit of, so wouldn't cause too much trouble if you said you couldn't lift? My advice is to tell her that you are pg. If it's easier for you, tell her after the bloods results come back that they have confirmed a pgcy. Go ahead and let her know that you didn't know you were pg at the interview if you like, but it shouldn't make too much difference. Do you know what your plans are for (e.g.) working up to due date etc? Taking maternity leave and coming back? If you don't and she asks, just let her know that you and your DF haven't yet decided. She can't discriminate against you for being pg but it is important for them (and for you being able to relax) that they know because of the lifting. And you'll feel much better once she knows anyway - has to be done sometime. As for comments about settling down etc, my FIL told us that when we got married too, but it wasn't what we wanted to do! We're just coming up to the end of his recommended 5 year wait and we have 3 kiddies hehe  Everyone has personal feelings on whether to wait etc. If she knew you were trying to get pg but it wasn't yet, and she was trying to get you to relax (bearing in mind that she is 2years down a long TTC road), she might have said that from that kind of perspective.
Oh and btw, I'll be 25 in November -------------  |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 01 October 2007 at 7:56pm
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I'd let her know and don't feel bad about it at all!
As for her comment about you and ya man. Tell her there are people out there who got engaged after 3 months of knowing a person and married just after a year of meeting them (that would be me!) lol |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 01 October 2007 at 7:58pm
LOL Stacey!!  ------------- |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 01 October 2007 at 8:02pm
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Wow stacey good on ya!!!! And look at ya now, with a cute wee bubba!!
Thanks Busymum, Im going to take your advice  So Ill wait till a week after I have my bloods done and then I wilol just say that the doctors called me to tell me that Im pregnant. Yep that works! I'll be nervous as hell but like you said its got to be done, and I really dont want to lift anything too heavy, Im terrified about losing this baby as it is! ------------- |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 01 October 2007 at 8:03pm
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lol.. none of our parents know how we really got together. Everyone knows we met online and were engaged within 3 months of meeting.. they have no idea we met up to basically have sex.. ohhh what would MIL think of her lil boy if she knew that!
I'm glad we never got told we were too young or whatever! But I'm sure there would have been comments had they known that!
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 01 October 2007 at 8:08pm
lol Stacy!! Thats pretty much like DF and me!, he was/is my younger brothers friend! and I thought he was cute and we ended up hooking up, was basically just sexual for a while then we fell in love and here we are! And Im not ashamed of how we met and of the age gap, theres no rule in the book that says the girl HAS to be younger than the guy, he treats me better than any guy my age ever has  I cant wait to marry him and have this baby!------------- |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 01 October 2007 at 8:23pm
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ok so how much younger is your DF?
As for work. Me myself would wait at least a couple of weeks before telling your work. You don't have to tell them straight away although if heavy lifting is part of your job like Teresa (busymum) said tell after you get your results back. I am sure your boss will be happy for you knowing how much she wants a child. ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 01 October 2007 at 8:26pm
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Hehe, he's a few years younger than me Nothing huge
Yeah, I think its best I do tell them soon, I mean its not my fault, I didnt know I was pregnant when i went for my interview, we honestly thought I wanst going to be preg this months, we hardly did the deed at all  We are thrilled though, just hope this bean sticks ------------- |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 01 October 2007 at 8:28pm
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Ah yes, but I take the cake: I met Willie at a drunken party at his house when he said to me "you're sleeping with me tonight", being the slapper that I am of course I did (not that we actually had sex that night, he decided that I was too drunk and he didn't want to take advantage of me but that's another story) and then the next day I moved in with him. Eight years (eek!) three kids and two separations later and we're still living in glorious unmarried sin. Oh and I was 22 yrs 2 mths when Maya was born, Willie was exactly twice my age. Scandalous!
Sheza, I'd go ahead and tell your boss. Regardless of the outcome of the pregnancy you'll need her encouragement and support. Even if (God forbid!) you do miscarry again (which is very unlikely) it's likely you'd need time off work etc. so it would help if she knows from the get go. And I don't think it should matter that they are about to undergo IVF, I think we all get a little bitter when we're TTC and it's not working but for the most part we're able to swallow our jealousy and be happy when other people announce their pregnancies. Speaking for myself of course, I was the total green eyed monster, especially when people I was TTC with gave birth and we were STILL TTC, but that doesn't mean I wasn't totally stoked for them! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Brenna
Date Posted: 01 October 2007 at 8:34pm
lol!!! you crack me up! ------------- My beautiful 2 girls...nearly 4 and 13 months
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Maya wrote:Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 01 October 2007 at 8:36pm
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Thanks Maya Hehe your age gap beats mine and DF's, but I was just talking to DF aboyt the age thing and he said age is only a number(providing ur both legal! lol) Which we are!!! I dont see him as being younger than me at all...hmm maybe sometimes though! But hey thats guys for you, they are immature at the best of times!!
Yeah thats true, I shouldnt feel bad cos Im pregnant, I guess I just feel for her and I will feel rather awful telling her Im pregnant. But I guess it has to be done. ------------- |
Posted By: meow
Date Posted: 01 October 2007 at 8:51pm
Yeah it will be better to tell her.. I hope she takes it okay. I found getting a job while pregnant really difficult, no one wants to hire someone only to see them leave a few months later  Should be easier for you as you already have the job ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: jaz
Date Posted: 01 October 2007 at 8:51pm
Yep - I had an awkward moment today when I bumped into two work colleagues, one has had three miscarriages and the other was fussing over Caleb. I always tried to downplay the whole pregnancy, baby thing around her because I thought it was a sensitive topic but today was so in your face. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 01 October 2007 at 9:11pm
well my DH is 5 years (well 4 years and7 months) younger than me... ------------- Ann
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 01 October 2007 at 9:24pm
Cradle snatchers! But Willie's response to anyone that tells him that is "better to be robbing the cradle than the geriatric ward ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 01 October 2007 at 9:25pm
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I agree with everyone...i would tell her once you get bloods back..otherwise it might be really awkward if she wonders why you waited to tell her..as for the age gap..who cares as long as he's good to you which he is:) and I met my DH jan 3 2006, moved in Feb 28 2006, married 25th nov 06.....preg(sadly miscarried) in Dec 06 and now in Oct 07 20 weeks pregnant again..so yeah no shame in knowing he's the right one! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 01 October 2007 at 9:44pm
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I really need to print this off to show people that we didn't move as fast as others have! Woohoo!
Mind you, I was 17 when I met DH, moved in 5 weeks later, sent him away to Afghanistan for 5 months while I lived in his room with cheap rent (I know a deal when I get one!), then got engaged straight after he got back. 25 is so not too young to have a family - I got married in Jan this year at 20, and got pg just after my 21st bday. Wouldn't want it anything other way, in fact we had to restrain ourselves to hold out this long! |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 01 October 2007 at 9:48pm
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It really is none of her bizzo how old he is and how long you have been together.
And, people who are TTC sometimes just have to suck it up, people don't get pregnant just to spite them and they have no right to make you feel like you can't be happy. No offence intended here, though, so please don't take that the wrong way. While I am "sensitive" to people and their feelings, I also am not really an eggshells/pussyfooter, either. In all honesty, and not meaning to sound harsh here, but you should tell her asap, as she does have a right to know, I would be a bit annoyed if I hired someone and trained them up, only to tell me a few weeks later they were pregnant. I know they cannot discriminate, but the sooner they know, the sooner they may be able to find a job for you inthe company that suits your condition better, rather than traiing you this week, and having to train someone else in a few weeks time cos you can't do it. Good luck!!! (And congrats, by the way, I bet you are rapt it happened for you so fast!) ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 02 October 2007 at 7:28am
LMAO! As long as we are all happy, the age gaps shouldnt matter ------------- |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 02 October 2007 at 7:34am
Yeah it is none of her bizzo thats why I was a bit annoyed when she was like "Ohh yourve only been together a YEAR??? Oh gosh go have fun with ur life before u get married and have kids" I was like thinking whoah I dont even know you so why are you telling me how to live my life arghh anyways, and yeah I guess I really shouldnt feel bad telling her Im pregnant just because she is going to go through IVF...I just feel sorry for her thats all.
I will be telling her after my blood tests though So then at least she knows and I will feel better about it all.------------- |
Posted By: meow
Date Posted: 02 October 2007 at 8:20am
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Sheza, I think older people just like to say that. We are 23 and 26 with a 3.3 year old and we've still done lots of things incl travelling overseas with her so we're def not missing out!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 02 October 2007 at 8:39am
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Yeah Sheza it's awkward but at least if she's going on IVF she'll be in the same 'place' baby-wise. Tell her when you get your bloods back.
I suspect the age comment may have been a bit of the green-eyed monster. I got married 2 days short of my 22 birthday (having met my DH at 17) and we are coming up to our 9th Wedding Anniversary. We got heaps of people telling us we were too young and it wouldn't last and even more saying it behind our backs! But when you know you know
Also WOOT!! 300 posts -------------  
 
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 02 October 2007 at 8:48am
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i was only wroking for two months before i found out i was preggy and to make it wrose i got knocked up its not easy but you will have to telll her at some point i agree with the ladys tell her after you bloods are done i hope she takes it well oh and congrats ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: buzimumto3boys
Date Posted: 02 October 2007 at 10:31am
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I agree with the others..tell her asap and dont do any lifting in the mean time! Im sure she will get over it.
Glad to know we arent the only "young" parents around!! I met my DH's dad AFTER DH told him I was expecting our first baby! LOL on the second time I met his mum we told her! Hahahahahaha My DH is 2 years younger than me and ppl comment on that sometimes!! Grrrr. |
Posted By: nicolaann
Date Posted: 02 October 2007 at 11:12am
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WOW its amazing how many peole got married so soon after meeting, and have 'big' age gaps... I thought I was the only one!!
I met DH in Nov 04, got preg Feb 05, got married June 07. There is 8 years between us (he is 33 and Im 25) and Im sure some poeple thought he was too old, or I was too young, and we were rushing things (Alex was planned), but when you know its right whats the point in waiting!! ------------- Nicky, Mum to Alex (5) & Sophie (3) http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 02 October 2007 at 11:53am
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Exactly:) I forgot to say in mine there is almost an 8 yr age gap between us too:) see Sheza...we are more 'normal' than all the rest:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: emachan
Date Posted: 02 October 2007 at 12:00pm
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Sheza - I would personally hold off telling her until you get to 12 weeks (or, a wee bit earlier) because really is it that important that your boss knows?
------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD#1 Sept 08 DD#2 Oct 09 |
Posted By: DJ
Date Posted: 02 October 2007 at 12:57pm
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Hi I second the holding off until telling your boss you are pg - at least until you are 12 weeks. You are under no legal obligation to tell her until much later than that. The rules are that they can't discriminate, but I found myself in a bad space after I told my news. You could miss out on training or advancement opportunities, pay review etc. Regardless of when you tell her, you can explain that you didn't know at your interview - and if you leave it a few months it will seem less like you just got the job and then got pg. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 02 October 2007 at 2:00pm
| If you don't want to tell her because you feel bad that you've just started there (and they may be a bit annoyed even though it's not in any way your fault - like you said you didn't know you were pg when you had your interview), then just say that you aren't supposed to lift anything heavy. I've had bad back problems for years and every job I've been in that's been a condition and the bosses asked no further questions. Kind of skirts around the pg issue at least for a while. |
Posted By: Snickerdoodle
Date Posted: 02 October 2007 at 4:41pm
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I pretty much agree with everything said here too.
Legally, you don't have to say anything until 3 months before your due date (when maternity leave applications have to be in). But who's not going to notice the bump before then
The best advice I was given after a few snide comments about my age in relation to marriage (married at 24) and pregnancy (I'm 26), was that peoples comments are their own demons rearing their ugly heads. She's obviously got a case of jealousy and she can't control her own feelings and wants to make it your problem. I guess at the end of the day you've got to do what's best for you. If you're stessed and worried about it, tell her. I'm sure she'll be great about it. But I kept my pregnancy to myself until I had the 12 week scan. My boss was a little upset I hadn't told her sooner (mostly because outside of work we get on really well as friends), but she understood
As for the age gap - fuggedaboutit!! If you're compatible and you're happy, I say good for you! It's lovely to see happy, strong relationships
DH and I only have 3.5 years between us (he's older). But we moved in together after a month together, moved from Wellington to Tauranga a month after that and have never looked back. Less than 3 weeks away from our 7 year anniversary and still act like teenagers
Good luck Sheza, in whatever choice you make. But please please remember, you've got to be selfish and do what's best for you, not anyone else *hugs* ------------- 
http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: LuluBelle85
Date Posted: 02 October 2007 at 5:30pm
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The age thing is really funny. We get comments all the time and we just laugh them off.
I was 16, DH was 27 when we first got together - 6 years later, still together and happily married for 2 years (I'm now 22, he's 33). When people joke to DH and say he's a cradle snatcher he simply shrugs and says 'you're only as old as the girl you feel' LOL Hope all goes well when you finally tell your manager Sheza 
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 02 October 2007 at 6:19pm
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Wow thanks guys! Its so nice to know that Im not the only one with a younger DF :) People are just mean to me sometimes becasue DF is younger than me, and it shouldnt be like that whether the guy is younger or the girl is younger.
My job is SOOOOO BORING! I literly walk around and around and around the EMPTY store doing nothing, whiste my back and feet kill me Arghhhhh SO I have spoken to my old boss at Rainbows End where I used to work, she knows Im preg, and Im probably going to work the summer there up until I have bubs, so that helps sole some of my dilemma! Goly gosh, what stressful times! ------------- |
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 02 October 2007 at 9:07pm
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If it helps, I agree with everyone else - age gaps SO don't matter! I'm 25 and DH is 32, and sometimes I reckon you wouldn't know there *was* a difference LOL Anyway, at my last job I found out I was pregnant only one week into training My then manager didn't take it so well, her first comment was "Well you didn't mention anything about this at the interview!" ... stupid woman, I didn't KNOW at the interview and even if I had I wouldn't have necessarily told her. Fortunately she was replaced not long after and her replacement was wonderful and understanding.
Totally up to you and what you feel comfortable with in regards to when you tell your boss, I just got it over with and told them straight away just so that it was out in the open (I'm terrible at keeping good news to myself!). |
Posted By: Danash
Date Posted: 03 October 2007 at 5:08pm
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Hi Sheza I agree with everyone, you don't have to tell but does make life a little easier for you. My DH is younger than me... I came over to NZ from Aus without knowing anyone and was looking for 'friends' online. We met for coffee and he basically moved in the next day. 3 months later engaged 9 months later married now bub is due... And I promised my mum I wouldn't meet the one and I would be home in 1 year its now 2.5years later..... On the IVF boss... I have a G.Friend in Aus who's boss has been trying for 3 years, G.friend fell pregnant after first month of trying her boss was really peeved until 6 months later when she found out she was preg.. Her boss loves her to bits now as she thinks it was the hormones from her that helped her become preg,.... Unlikely but then again who knows! Good luck!! |
Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 03 October 2007 at 10:30pm
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My DH is 2 years younger than me, I was 22 and he was 20 at the start of the year when we got married. People always commented on how young we were getting married... but we were engaged for a year and a half first, so that gave time for people to get used to it. It didn't feel like we were too young, we have known each other for about 8 years as we went to high school together (didn't start dating til just after high school though).
Now people think that we are starting a family when we are too young, but who cares what they think?! Our family and friends are stoked for us and we wanted to start trying straight away because of infertility fears. Besides, reproductively speaking, we are in our prime and it's the best time for us to try Also, DH has a father who is almost 80 - and he hated growing up with an old dad, because they couldn't relate at all. I think being a young mum has a million advantages... it's not like I am still in high school, and I am happily married with a wonderful supportive family.
Maybe your boss was just making a big deal about you having heaps of time in the future to get preggers, because she was trying to make you feel better (since she doesn't know you are pregnant yet)? If it were me, I would tell her sooner rather than later... she can't be angry at you for not telling her at the interview since you didn't know then. And it would probably be useful for her to know in case you get morning sickness or complications early on... or just nauseous and tired. ------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 03 October 2007 at 10:40pm
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Yeah thats right Janey, and its just the lifting stuff that Im worried about, and also if something happens etc. I will be telling her after my bloods, so she will think I only just found out....thats the easiest way. ------------- |