Which one do you deal with first?
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Forum Name: Toddler Times
Forum Description: Is bubs growing up and getting into everything? How do you train them to use the potty? When do you start feeding solids? Share your tips and advice here!
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Topic: Which one do you deal with first?
Posted By: my4beauties
Subject: Which one do you deal with first?
Date Posted: 26 September 2007 at 3:22pm
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My older two are at the stage of fighting physically with each other. Gia is a biter & a pincher & Rico likes to trip Gia over or hit her, & take her toys off her.
So when they've been at it & one of them has been hurt by the other & is crying, which one do you deal with first? The one whose been hurt, or the bully? I tend to pick up/cuddle the hurt one, & tell off the one that's done the bullying, but then tend to leave the hurt one quickly in order to discipline the bully by taking them to their room, or getting down to them & telling them off, then going back to the crying one which by then has almost forgotten about the incident. But i feel bad that I haven't been there to properly comfort the one that been's hurt, especially if they were hurt badly. But I don't want to spend 5 mins or so comforting the hurt one while the bully is thinking they've gotten away with it, & then it's too late to discipline them. Sound silly? ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 26 September 2007 at 4:07pm
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I used to remove the bully - sternly remove them from the sitation and often shut them in the bedroom until I was ready! Then comfort the victim, go back to the bully with the victim, and get an apology.
ETA: doesn't sound silly to me!  -------------  |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 26 September 2007 at 4:53pm
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At Andrew's preschool they ignore the bully and all the attention goes on the victim so that the bully doesn't get any attention at all. Then after the victim is settled they go to the bully and get the to say sorry. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 26 September 2007 at 5:06pm
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yeah I can see where ignoring the bully would make them hopefully feel bad & realise their wrong-doing with giving your attention to the hurt one.
It would work moreso with older children - i.e. Rico's age, but with Gia she's not 2 yet & actually smirks when she's hurt Rico, so giving him the cuddles & ignoring her when she's hurt him probably wouldn't make any difference to her. I guess I'll just adjust it to who the bully is - if Gia's hurt Rico, then deal with her first, & comfort Rico afterwards (he's more likely to cry about it for longer anyhow), & if Rico's hurt Gia - to give her all the attention & she gets over it pretty quick. Thanks for your responses  . ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 26 September 2007 at 5:59pm
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Depending on age I will quickly tell the one that did the hurting to go to his bedroom and you will deal with him later then cuddle the one that was hurt. After you make sure he is okay and cuddling I will deal with the one that did the hurting. This way you should have calmed down by then to deal with it a bit more rationally. Plus it gives that child a chance to reflect on what he did and he isnt getting any attention from it at all.
------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 26 September 2007 at 7:51pm
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i would deal with the hurt one frist even at gia,s age they grave attention so giving her that attention will tell her that when she hurts her brother she gets attention even if its bad attention do you get what i mean not trying to sound horrable but its just reinfronceing the bad attention seeking as i found with james if i agore him and cuddle and calm the victem he hurt and give him price when hes playing nicley it relly helps him seek out good attention does that make since and the same for your son when he hurts gia ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 26 September 2007 at 9:02pm
Yeah I get what you mean james . I guess I'd feel better myself comforting the hurt one first, instead of feeling guilty for dealing with the bully, then the victim. ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 27 September 2007 at 7:01am
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YEAH I FELT RLLY GUILTY when james would hurt someone as i didnt know which to do frist deal with james or the poor bubs he hurt but i found in the long run that going to the poor bubs he hurt decreased the times he would hurt kids while playing in the long run ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |