1 year age gap - too little?
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
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Printed Date: 29 June 2025 at 10:45pm
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Topic: 1 year age gap - too little?
Posted By: Mikaela
Subject: 1 year age gap - too little?
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 5:34pm
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DH and I were talking this morning about when we might want another baby, and when it might fit in with our lifestyle. DH's work means that for about three years from the end of next year it would be very difficult for us to have another child as he'd be away a lot (he's in the military). So a) it'd be tricky to conceive! and b) I'd be doing the childcare all on my own as we have no immediate family in Auckland.
So this leaves us with the idea of TTC in a couple of months time and having the second baby arrive pretty well exactly 12 months after Alex did. Even assuming I can get pregnant then (I'm assuming I'll still be BF so it might not work), is one year too small an age gap? Can anyone comment on what it's like to have two little ones that close together in age? Is it hell on the parents? ------------- http://www.bump-and-beyond.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 5:41pm
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well its hell on the mum, dont know about the dad...
i personally think that 12 mths is possibly too close in the respect of having 2 small kids to care for. I think that fathers may find it hard to bond with another baby so soon after the first arrives too. and dont forget too how debilitating being pregnant can be and how that will impact on your son. i know for me i felt bad that i couldnt roll around on the floor with my son like i used to when i was pregnant with the second, or crawl after him as much as before and even picking up and carrying can be hard. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 6:35pm
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I haven't had an age gap that close, but know it would be pretty tough. A lot of women have done it, & coped fine. I guess if it suits your family to have another so soon then go for it! Would you have family support whilst your DH is away? You would need it I'd say. It would only be tough for a short amount of time too, remember that. ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 6:37pm
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... sorry, just re-read what you said & you mentioned you don't have family living close, so looking after the 2 littlies on your own would be really, really hard I'd say. I've had 2 quite easy care children (good sleepers etc) & it's still hard work.
unless you could afford a nanny for a day or 2 a week? A lot to think about I'm guessing!!  ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 7:13pm
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The first gap I had was 19mos, which is quite different from a 12mo gap but I'll put my 2c in anyway. My first baby was pretty easy-going and it was really nice to have DH as support/backup etc but he was studying full-time (plus some) so I got into the habit of parenting her almost by myself with top-ups from him, instead of it being a joint kind of thing IYGWIM.
When #2 arrived there was a lot to do and I was exhausted a lot of the time, even with #1 still sleeping twice every day. It didn't help that #2 was refluxy for the first 3mos and would hardly ever go to sleep at nights without rocking and/or screaming.  I was also working 4-6 hours per week so I really ran low in energy all the time. I also didn't have much support from family, they lived close-ish but all had preschoolers of their own/fostered to look after. I remember feeling really alone and saying to my DH that I just couldn't do it all anymore (which meant a small amount of work and the kids and the housework) and that's when he started really helping out regularly with bathing etc.
A 12m gap would be pretty tough in the first little while. I've heard people say it's much like having twins. A 12mo still needs carrying around etc every time you go out... so yea anyway, if you choose to do so just be aware that it'll be tough for the first 6 months. -------------  |
Posted By: fadeless
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 7:16pm
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I have a 13mths age gap and i personally have loved it. I didnt find it that bad until DD2 got to about 5mths and then she wanted to be held contantly which put a strain on me. Thankfully my MIL and FIL live very close and helped out a bit then, they didnt really much before that because i didnt need it. Also i didnt find being pregnant again very hard as DD1 was walking at 10 1/2mths which was really good at the end.
I have seen what it has done to a friend of mine though, her 2 boys are 12mths apart and her partner works a lot as a truck driver and shes not coping all that well as her DS2 is very high needs and has reflux and she has no family around to help her. Its a personal choice and if you can be prepared for a lot of work then go for it or you might just have a perfect second baby who is no trouble at all, you just dont know. ------------- DD 9 ~ DD 8 ~ DS 7 ~ DS 5 ~ DS 2 ~ DS 14mths ~ DD 3mths |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 7:47pm
Maybe 12m gap is fine but the ones of us with bigger gaps just freak out a little  - I'm really speaking for myself here.------------- |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 7:55pm
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I spose really.. well, a heap of us have 2nd bubs around about 20 mths after the first, so are big and past-it when our toddlies are getting heavier and run away more. I guess having em closer reallys does just mean, well, 1st bub will be less heavy to carry than a toddly 19mth old (which lets face it, we all still end up picking up and carrying) and a 12 mth old is probably less demandingly clingy than a 19+ mth old bubs is too. If that's what works for you, go for it. At least they will keep each other occupied as well which with bigger gaps it takes longer before they can play together. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 9:11pm
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Mine are 3 minutes apart which is no help to you at all, but for what it's worth, altho the first few weeks were really hard, having the two of them to play together and entertain each other now is priceless, and it's not so much like work anymore, they are huge timewasters, I could watch them play all day.
One thing to consider tho is that things might not all be perfect/easy next time round. Not trying to scare you or anything, but consider how you would cope if baby had health issues, or was a difficult baby? There is 13 mths between me and my brother and he was born 6 weeks prem and very sick so spent the first two years in and out of hospital and I know Mum found the juggling act really tough. And I had a similar experience with the gremlins having so many health issues, I was glad that maya was older and able to be more independent/self sufficient. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 9:29pm
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I think no matter what age gap you have the first month or so (at least) will be hard. You have to adjust your time so you can spend time with both but people survive with twins (or more). The good thing about having them close is that number one will pretty much forget he was ever the only one.
I say go for it 
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 9:35pm
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i can give you perspective as a nany previously of two kids and their mum - one born less than 12 months after the other. Mum was feeling such enormous guilt of not being able to "baby" her oldest that she neglected emotionally her baby! She over compensated to the oldest on so any levels and he needed some serious pampering from her - and the poor baby got left out a lot. I know this as i picked up the pieces and was the person that youngest bubba looked for as mum was emotionally worn out and not there for the bubba...
a negative view possibly but one that is valid nonetheless! it happens... |
Posted By: Mikaela
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 10:06pm
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Thanks for the responses, all really good points! Definitely food for thought.
So maybe holding off and waiting for the four year age gap (the next time it'll suit us) is better? It seems like such a big gap between kids though ------------- http://www.bump-and-beyond.com">
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 10:10pm
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It does, but certainly not unheard of. ------------- |
Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 10:45pm
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hi teresa (busymum) thought I could and let you know the other side - the big age gap...
My #1 and #2 are 5 years apart (well 4 years 9 months) and it was really nice that Josh knew what was happening (in a innocent child way) he was off to school 3 months after I had Brooke. In my opinion was ideal as i got to spend qualtity time with both. Now #3 came along and there is 9 years between #2 and #3. This was a bit harder as going from sleeping in when I wanted to and independant children to being at a babies beckon call was a little to get use to but only took a few weeks. The older two are great help and they are so much invovled with Rhyley and know most things to do with him (you know the sleeping, nappies etc..) Josh when Brooke was born was very helpful as well but I had to make sure he didn't become my 'go get that' child
I can't say for a closer age gap as i have never done it. We are thinking of #4 and it will be closer in age (about 2 years apart) as I am not getting any younger Truth be known the part that puts me off is the fact that they will be closer in age
I wouldn't change a thing with the age gaps of my kids and loved how I can spend individual quality time with each child on their own. ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: MILF
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 11:02pm
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i agree with ann, my two are just over 3 years apart, and jordis turned out to be a high need baby. i wouldnt have coped if xanthe hadn't have been so wonderful, understanding and independant. and with the gap we have there is no sign of sibling rivalry at all - they adore each other, i could watch them interact all day.
but the downside is waiting so long between babies can be hard - the feeling of being in limbo, do you go back to work or stay home etc, and going from an independant child to a baby again... its all things to think about. i have a friend who is preg with her second, there will be exactly 12 months between her boys, and she is finding it hard already, at 25 weeks pregnant. her 8.5 month old is so active and he is nearly walking - she gets quite tired. ------------- Lyla - mum to Xanthe - my big 4 year old 
and Jordis - 1 year old 
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Posted By: Anna
Date Posted: 29 August 2007 at 9:01am
This is exactly what I would've added! My first was the easiest of easy babies but my second has been nothing but hard going since birth! I assumed that as Quinn was so easy that it was bound to be the same! Someone is having a big ol laugh at my expense there!! But then again, if I could do it again I would have either a smaller or a bigger age gap, prob smaller! But it would be hard without a whole lot of support there! ------------- Anna http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Maya wrote:Posted By: SuziE
Date Posted: 29 August 2007 at 9:14am
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My SIL has 15 months between her two and it has been really really hard for her. Minimal support, constant sleep deprivation as neither child sleeps when the other one does day and night, she feels that she really hasnt had enough one on one time with either of them, hasnt really had time to enjoy the 'baby' stage ... her second pregnancy was hard as she didnt have much time to rest ...
I had a gap of 3 years between my first two. It was fantastic. My first one had a little bit of jealousy issues when #2 came along but it didnt last long. DH took time off work to do stuff with her during the first 2 weeks so it eased it alot. Having that gap gave me the time to spend quality time with each baby .. and toddler etc etc. They are now 14 and 17 and are so so close ... great friends ... With my #3 I have a gap of 14 years ... HUGE gap hehe ... my two older ones absolutely love Thomas ... and it really has brought out the nurturing side of them both ... lovely to see in my teenage boy ... Sorry not to post more positive stuff about having a small gap but I really havent seen any upsides to it ... If you have the support then Im sure it wouldnt be as bad as my SIL .... ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 29 August 2007 at 9:32am
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Here is my 2c.
And not from personal experience. I have seen friends with kids very close and those further apart. My friend with girls close in age, she had a hard time with her 2nd pregnancy, and a 9 month old wanting to be picked up when she was 6 months pregnant - and having difficulty doing so - her second was a very demanding baby - w reflux and as a result - she sufferred PND. A lot of it was hormones from the first. I have nieces 5 years apart, and another friend with girls 7 years apart. Both mothers seem a lot more relaxed. As you are technically taking care of 2 babies at the same time. From my personal observation of other mums, I would choose to have a larger gap than close together. And you never know, you might get lucky when DP is home on leave. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 29 August 2007 at 10:27am
haha i my daughters five and she could be 8 by the time i have another one. Goodluck with whatever you decide
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 29 August 2007 at 2:50pm
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There's three and a half years between Maya and the gremlins and it's been great, she's that much more independent we've been lucky not to have any jealous issues etc.
I would have liked a smaller gap, but it just didn't work out that way, and having twins I'm kinda glad of that. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 29 August 2007 at 3:03pm
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In the end it comes down to you, I am TTC #4 and like the under 2yr gap. ------------- |
Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 29 August 2007 at 4:32pm
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I don't really have any experience yet but thought I'd add my 1c worth.
We want to have 3 kiddies in total and want to be done by the time I'm 35 (I'm 30 now) so small gap is really the only way. We are also in a position to be able to afford it financially and I have support from family to help me. We also feel a smaller gap will be better - I had a chat to my GP who also confirmed that with a gap like that the first-born does not really remember life without a sibling so they get along really well and there are no jealousy issues. And we do want a playmate for Gina. In your case there could be a few physical limitations too ie if you plan to b/f you may not get af that soon and when it first comes back it may be too irregular to conceive. Also getting pg so soon will place a lot of stress on your body - I would check with your GP first to make sure it's OK to try. I think at the end the decision is up to you. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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